|The Sunday News Recap! 1.13.13
by Ryan Arthur
I love Food and Stuff. It's where I buy all of my food. And most of my stuff.
All right monkeys, listen up: the Sunday News Recap is ready for your eyeballs, and is featuring the last seven days’ worth of reviews and features from the crew here at eFC/HBS. We’ll also run down the box office numbers for the weekend and prepare you for the week ahead. I’m Ryan, and I would like to address the goofy-looking, dirty komodo wearing, corn-rowed clown in the room. If you see Ron Swanson, can you give him this message: You used to be a man! You need to get your house in order! Look, I love you like a brother, but right now I hate you! Like my actual brother, Levandrious, who I hate!
” Everyone is miserable. Tom can only work if there's someone to impress, so stranding him in Freak Island isn't helping anyone. You made April everyone's assistant. You know who April hates? Everyone. And Jerry can only perform when no one is looking. Shine a spotlight on him and he shrinks faster than an Eskimo's scrotum.”
Reviews from our staff over the last week:
Zero Dark Thirty
Zero Dark Thirty
Zero Dark Thirty
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”You know Leslie, the Super Bowl is in a couple months, I usually watch it with my brothers. Maybe you can come by at halftime and shoot me in the head.”
We've got new features from our staff as well:
The Sunday News Recap! 1.6.13
The Worst Films Of 2012: Better Late Than—Well, Maybe Not In This Case
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”I am an official member of a task force dedicated to slashing the city budget. Just saying that gave me a semi.”
Here is the preliminary top ten for the weekend. Estimates are taken from Box Office Mojo.com and are rounded up, where applicable.
1. Zero Dark Thirty $24.0 million ($29.5 million total)
2. A Haunted House $18.8 million
3. Gangster Squad $16.7 million
4. Django Unchained $11.1 million ($125.4 million total)
5. Les Miserables (2012) $10.1 million ($119.2 million total)
6. The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey $9.1 million ($278.1 million total)
7. Lincoln $6.3 million ($152.6 million total)
8. Parental Guidance $6.1 million ($60.7 million total)
9. Texas Chainsaw 3D $5.2 million ($30.8 million total)
10. Silver Linings Playbook $5.0 million ($41.3 million total)
”Can you Photoshop your life with better decisions, Jerry?”
Opening This Week:
Last Stand, The
” David Myers, the Jewish guy who works at City Hall, once told me something: a schlemiel is the guy who spills soup at a fancy party. A schlimazel is the guy he spills it on. Jerry is both the schlemiel and the schlimazel of our office!”
Previewing the week ahead...
We've got more DVD and Blu-Ray recommendations in our Upcoming DVD Release Schedule.
Look for regular updates and additions in Criticwatch from Erik Childress on Friday, as well.
And hey, don't forget to visit the Contest page for your chance to win DVDs and other assorted movie-related swag from eFC/HBS.
We'll also have some additional features and editorials throughout the week, and I'll have your Recap ready to go on Sunday.
“ Codenames: Mine is "Eagle 1." Ann is "Been there, done that". April is "Currently doing that." Donna is "It happened once in a dream." Chris is "If I had to pick a dude." Ben is "Eagle 2.””
That will complete another edition of the Sunday News Recap for this week. We have a couple of house rules, though. You can't use the front door; you have to climb in through the back window. No personal phone conversations. If you ever speak to me in Spanish, please use the formal "usted." And no electricity after 6:00 PM. A couple more rules: if you ever watch a sad movie, you have to wear mascara so we can see whether or not you've been crying. There's no noise allowed on Mondays. And no TV after breakfast. Don’t forget, we’ll be back next Sunday with another edition of the Recap. You can always take a look at our previous Recaps and join and visit our forums, too. Thanks for reading, and as always, your feedback is appreciated.
link directly to this feature at http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/feature.php?feature=3496
originally posted: 01/13/13 17:50:33
last updated: 01/13/13 17:54:01