Jamie Kennedy's favorite movie review site
Home Reviews  Articles  Release Dates Coming Soon  DVD  Top 20s Criticwatch  Search
Public Forums  Festival Coverage  Contests About 
Advertisement

Latest Reviews

What a Wonderful Family! (2017) by Jay Seaver

Abacus: Small Enough to Jail by Jay Seaver

Sexually Liberated Female, The by Charles Tatum

Alien: Covenant by Jay Seaver

Alena by Rob Gonsalves

Resident Evil: The Final Chapter by Rob Gonsalves

Crest, The by Jay Seaver

Furusato by Jay Seaver

Stumped by Jay Seaver

Wall, The (2017) by Jay Seaver

Harold and Lillian: A Hollywood Love Story by Jay Seaver

King Arthur: Legend of the Sword by Peter Sobczynski

Battle of Memories by Jay Seaver

This Is Not What I Expected by Jay Seaver

Bitch (2017) by Jay Seaver

Dave Made a Maze by Jay Seaver

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 by Peter Sobczynski

Fate of the Furious, The by Rob Gonsalves

Split by Rob Gonsalves

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story by Rob Gonsalves

subscribe to this feed

Criticwatch Presents: Pete Hammond (The 2015 Retrospective)

by Erik Childress

The more things stay the same, the more things stay the same. Clearly that is not the original saying, but wrongheaded and often idiotic repetition are staples of former Maxim Magazine "film critic" and current Deadline contributor, Pete Hammond. You want a plug for your wannabe Oscar film that has no chance of being a player? Pete will give you a quote. You want a complete absence of perspective for film history in favor of easily digestible hyperbole? Hammond's your guy. That is why he was seen quoted on 30 film ads in 2015 while more knowledgeable and respected critics from Los Angeles, New York, Chicago and anywhere else were barely noticed or acknowledged.

You can see a complete history of Hammond's quotes HERE. For now we would like to highlight some of them from 2015 and give them the perspective that Hammond clearly lacks.

"The perfect gift for the entire family. Wildly entertaining." (Love the Coopers)
"The Kings of Summer is a welcome gift for moviegoers" (The Kings of Summer)
A gift for moviegoers, the year's most unexpected and profoundly moving love story. (Seven Pounds)

Seriously - you want to trust this guy?

(1) "One of Spielberg's finest films. An instant Oscar contender." (2) "A masterful achievement from Steven Spielberg, a film that may be his finest ever...Easily one of the year's best." (Bridge of Spies)
"One of the year's best films! Dazzling! This is moviemaking at its absolute finest." (The Prestige)
"The best war movie in 30 years. Brad Pitt delivers his finest screen performance." (Fury)
"Clint Eastwood at his finest." (American Sniper)
"His finest film since the Oscar winning Crash and his most personal." (Third Person
)
"This is intelligent adult filmmaking at its finest." (People Like Us)
"Tom Cruise gives one of his finest performances." (Lions for Lambs)
"Jodie Foster commands the screen and delivers one of her finest performances, one that should again put her front and center at the Academy Awards." (The Brave One)
"A first rate cast...this may be Annette Bening's finest screen work ever." (Running with Scissors)

Bridge of Spies is indeed a great film. But can Hammond actually hold a discussion that could competently suggest that it is the finest film of a career that is responsible for Jaws, E.T., Raiders of the Lost Ark, Schindler's List, Saving Private Ryan and, go ahead, name another? I will listen to any debate from critics I respect even if I wholeheartedly disagree. Hammond could not hold water with such a proclamation because it exists solely to draw attention to himself.

"Sensational. Meryl Streep at her absolute best. She sings the hits and then hits you in the heart." (Ricki and the Flash)
"This is the best performance of Sandra Bullock's career." (The Blind Side)
"Renee is at her best!" (My One and Only)
"Soderbergh at his best." (Side Effects)
"Washington & Wahlberg are at their very best." (2 Guns)
"Harrelson at his very best!" (Defendor)
"Jason Statham is at his absolute best." (Homefront)
"Totally delivers with lots of laughs, heart and a terrific ensemble of actors at their best." (What To Expect When You're Expecting)

"Flawless. Touching and important. Will Smith triumphs. The best performance of his career." (Concussion)
"Stunning, vitally important and excellent in every respect." (Food, Inc. )
Immensely important...a fascinating, controversial look at a true 20th Century genius under fire." (The U.S. vs. John Lennon)
"The year is still young but it's hard to imagine we will see another film that is more important, more urgent and more disturbing. A mind-blowing movie on the reasons we go to war. (Why We Fight)
"Sensational! North Country is crackling good entertainment that also stands out as one of the year's most important movies. (North Country)
"Brilliant! A powerful, important, humane and uncompromising film. An astonishing writing and directorial debut from Angelina Jolie." (In the Land of Blood and Honey)
"A bone-chilling, disturbing thriller. Vital and powerfully important. A movie that should - and must - be seen." (Trade)
"Screamers is an urgent and vitally important new film that serves as a stirring call to action for a new generation...an extraordinary movie that dares to say...NEVER AGAIN!" (Screamers)


"Enormously entertaining. Tarantino does it again!" (The Hateful Eight)
"Insanely funny! The Coen Brothers have done it again." (Burn After Reading)
"Loads of laughs and heart. Pixar does it again!" (Monsters University)
"An electrifying epic. Once again, Mel Gibson proves why he is one of the best filmmakers around." (Apocalypto)


"Riveting" (Truth)
"Riveting and suspenseful from start to finish. Robert Redford has crafted a revealing look into our history that you only thought you knew." (The Conspirator)
"Magnificent! A ravishing, stunning epic with superlative performances. A riveting, compelling love story from a brilliant filmmaker. A must see for fans of great world cinema." (A Royal Affair)
" ...terrific performances and a riveting story so compelling you won't be able to take your eyes off the screen!" (The Exorcism of Emily Rose)
"A riveting, hold-your-breath ticking time-bomb of a movie! The last 30 minutes are so intense you won't be able to move." (The Kingdom)
"A riveting and explosive crime thriller. It's Heat meets The Departed." (The Town)
"Lakeview Terrace burns up the screen...The incomparable Samuel L. Jackson is riveting to watch!" (Lakeview Terrace)
"This movie is on fire! Alpha Dog is a riveting look at a lost generation, an unpredictable real-life account of a group of teens in freefall. A great young cast delivers performances that can only be described as explosive." (Alpha Dog)
"Riveting. A must-see! Warrior packs the kind of punch-to-the-gut wallop the screen hasn't seen in years. An unforgettable experience!" (Warrior)
"People Like Us is for people who love great movies. A compelling, beautifully acted, humane and riveting motion picture experience. This is intelligent adult filmmaking at its finest. One of the year's very best!" (People Like Us)
"Riveting, exciting, emotional and unforgettable! End of Watch is one of the year's best with extraordinary award-caliber performances from Jake Gyllenhaal and Michael Pena. This is one to see!" (End of Watch)
"Susanne Bier has crafted a riveting movie that must be seen. A major cinematic achievement." (In a Better World)
"Remarkable. Riveting. Oscar-worthy. This is a must-see with the ability to change hearts and minds." (A Better Life)


"Riveting! Kevin Costner has never been better." (Black or White)
"Richard Gere has never been better." (The Hoax)
"Jennifer Lopez has never been better. El Cantante scores big time." (El Cantante)
"Jason Statham has never been better." (Revolver)
"Chasing a dream has never been this much fun." (Ratatouille)
"There's never been a film like this." (The Great Gatsby)
"A great story that takes us to places we've never been before." (Tron: Legacy)
"Kevin Costner is pitch-perfect in the one movie that is so inspiring you'll stand up and cheer." (Swing Vote)
"Kevin Costner is at the top of his game!" (Mr. Brooks)
"The Guardian will remind you why Kevin Costner became a star." (The Guardian)


"The first great movie of 2015. Inspiring." (McFarland, USA)
"The first great movie of 2010!" (How To Train Your Dragon)
"The first truly great movie in 2011." (In a Better World)
"The year's first genuinely frightening edge-of-your-seat chiller. Even Hitchcock could not have done better." (Dark Water)
"A genuine crowd-pleaser and a true story that truly inspires." (Million Dollar Arm)
"Truly inspiring. Grabs you by the heart in unexpected and wonderful ways." (Akeelah and the Bee)
"A wonderful, entertaining and unforgettable movie. Truly inspiring." (Dolphin Tale)
"Inspiring and heartwarming. A whale of a great tale." (Big Miracle)
"A landslide comedy winner. Kevin Costner is pitch-perfect in the one movie that is so inspiring you'll stand up and cheer." (Swing Vote)
"Timeless and inspiring!" (The Greatest Game Ever Played)
"Funny, touching, inspiring." (The Help)
"Thrilling, funny, charming and inspiring." (Kung Fu Panda)
"An inspiring and extraordinary true story." (The Blind Side)
"A remarkable and inspiring true story about a man with unbelievable grit, determination and heart." (Flash of Genius)
"An exciting thriller and inspiring true human story." (Walking with the Enemy)
"An inspiring, stirring, unforgettable human drama." (The Flowers of War)
"A movie that inspires." (Peaceful Warrior)
"An incredible and inspiring story of redemption and determination." (Machine Gun Preacher)
"An inspiring tale of courage." (Rescue Dawn)
"Unforgettable, tense and inspiring. A singular true story of incredible courage when it counts the most. Brilliantly acted and directed." (Lone Survivor)


"The best movie of the summer" (Mission Impossible Rogue Nation)
"A truly epic film that becomes the family event of the summer." (Epic)
"The perfect summer comedy." (Larry Crowne)
"The perfect summer movie. The best Pirates ever." (Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides)
"The perfect summer film. 'The Magic Of Belle Isle' is one of Rob Reiner's best." (The Magic of Belle Isle)
"This summer's great escape!" (Hit & Run)


"The feel-good movie of the year!" (Batkid Begins)
"The new year's nicest and most welcome surprise. A funny, heartwarming, superbly acted film that makes you feel good about life. Don't miss it." (Starbuck)
"A terrific film full of life, heart, music and fantastic dancing. A movie that just makes you feel good. See it!" (Musical Chairs)
"A cinematic gem that actually makes you feel good about being alive!" (On a Clear Day)


"The funniest animated movie of the year." (Shaun the Sheep)
"A visual stunner that takes animated films to thrilling new heights! Henry Selick has created a modern classic and tops even his brilliant Nightmare Before Christmas." (Coraline)
"The most purely entertaining and inventive animated comedy of the year. It's raining big food and big laughs." (Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs)
"A treasure chest full of laughs! One of the funniest animated films in years." (The Pirates!: Band of Misfits)
"The animated surprise of the year!" (Hoodwinked)
"The best animated movie of the year." (Turbo)
"The Avengers' of Animated movies." (Rise of the Guardians)
"The greatest animated triumph since Toy Story 3." (Rio)
"A timeless classic that ranks with the very best of animated films." (The Tale of Despereaux)


"Wildly original and inventive." (Inside Out)
"Magnificent. A unique and totally original vision of a not-too-distant future. " (Children of Men)
"Utterly hypnotic...mesmerizing and thrillingly original." (A Scanner Darkly)
"Extraordinary! Original! A magical and wondrous movie experience for everyone. A truly epic film that becomes the family event of the summer." (Epic)
"Pure delight. A smart, original comedy treat. This is one to see!" (Salmon Fishing in the Yemen)
"Edgy and startling. This movie is on fire! A fiercely original shocker." (Alpha Dog)
"A startling original film! One surprise after another! You have never seen a movie quite like Brick. A terrific story. Joseph Gordon-Levitt is headed for movie stardom." (Brick)
"Clever & original. So many twists & turns you may need to see it more than once." (Lucky Number Slevin)
"The most original film this year." (Kiss Kiss Bang Bang)
"As provocative and deeply original a film as we are likely to see this year, is from title to end credits one of those choice cinematic gems. Superb performances across the board." (Little Children)
"A refreshingly honest and original love story with superb performances." (Waiting For Forever)
"A rare original. A truly inventive and totally wacky tale of love. A real find." (Eagle vs. Shark)
"Magical. Madly inventive. Magnificent." (Alice In Wonderland)
"The most purely entertaining and inventive animated comedy of the year. It's raining big food and big laughs." (Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs)
"The most visually inventive, trailblazing film of its kind in light years. The heart-stopping, extreme summer action movie of your dreams." (Wanted)


"Dazzling, smart, fresh and original" (Dope)
"One of the year's best films! Dazzling! This is moviemaking at its absolute finest." (The Prestige)
"Sensational...dazzling...pure movie magic. A dazzling, thrilling and wonderfully entertaining brand new classic" (Oz: The Great & Powerful)
"Delightful! Fresh, funny and vintage Woody." (You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger)
"Pure delight. A smart, original comedy treat. This is one to see!" (Salmon Fishing in the Yemen)
"A must-see movie event. One of the funniest, freshest, most entertaining movies of the year! A dream once-in-a-lifetime cast." (Last Vegas)
"This summer's freshest, raunchiest, smartest comedy surprise. A movie fully charged with huge booming laughs and a big heart. Wanna have a good time, DO NOT MISS THIS MOVIE!" (The Change-Up)
"Edgy and startling. This movie is on fire! A fiercely original shocker." (Alpha Dog)
"Little Children as provocative and deeply original a film as we are likely to see this year, is from title to end credits one of those choice cinematic gems." (Little Children)
"A rare original. A truly inventive and totally wacky tale of love. A real find." (Eagle vs. Shark)
"A refreshingly honest and original love story with superb performances." (Waiting For Forever)
"The most original film this year." (Kiss Kiss Bang Bang)
"A startling original film! One surprise after another! You have never seen a movie quite like Brick. A terrific story. Joseph Gordon-Levitt is headed for movie stardom." (Brick)
"Clever & original. So many twists & turns you may need to see it more than once". (Lucky Number Slevin)
"Utterly hypnotic...mesmerizing and thrillingly original." (A Scanner Darkly)
"Magnificent. A unique and totally original vision of a not-too-distant future. Director Alfonso Cuaron is a master craftsman." (Children of Men)
"Extraordinary! Original! A magical and wondrous movie experience for everyone. A truly epic film that becomes the family event of the summer." (Epic)


"Funny, sophisticated, warm, wise and completely winning. (2) Funny, smart and completely winning." (The Intern)
"Movies don't get any funnier than this! Smart, sophisticated and hilarious. The date movie of the holiday season" (It's Complicated)
"A perfectly cast comic confection that's bright, sinfully clever and packed with laughs! Scarlett Johansson and Hugh Jackman deliver a first-class sophisticated farce. Woody Allen is back in style with his funniest movie in many years." (Scoop)
"A true gem! A rich entertainment, the kind of smart, sophisticated adult comedy that rarely comes along these days. A must see for people who love movies." (Darling Companion)
"A smart, wise and fun musical." (Burlesque)


"A treat for everyone." (Inside Out)
"Samba soars! A timely, poignant and highly entertaining movie. A summertime treat." (Samba)
"The most delicious comedy you'll see all year! Highly entertaining!" (Chef)
"A smart, highly entertaining non-stop shocker!" (1408)
"Provocative, highly entertaining. " (Love Ranch)
"Highly entertaining!" (Alien Trespass)
"A vibrant, funny, moving, highly entertaining and richly rewarding movie experience! Don Cheadle soars into the highest rank of film actors with this role." (Talk to Me)
"Megamind soars! A hilarious comedy event. A mega-funny movie loaded with laughs, action and heart." (Megamind)
"Amelia simply soars." (Amelia)
"Fly Me to the Moon soars, taking the 3D experience to brand new heights. (Fly Me To The Moon)
"Wow! Stealth takes your breath away. For sheer non-stop action and aerial thrills this movie just soars above the rest!" (Stealth) -
"Hilarious and lots of fun for everyone." (Enchanted)
"Fantastic movie fun for everyone." (Dr. Seuss' The Lorax)
"A magical and wondrous movie experience for everyone. A truly epic film that becomes the family event of the summer." (Epic)
"A great time at the movies for everyone!" (Evan Almighty)
"The surprise movie comedy treat of the year!...Whimsical, funny and moving...Ryan Gosling is no less than astounding...This is the real deal!" (Lars and the Real Girl)
"True movie magic!...THE treat of the season. Go into these woods and come out happily ever after." (Into the Woods)
"Grand indeed! An absolute treat. Hilarious, heartfelt and not to be missed under any circumstances." (The Grand Seduction)
"Pure delight. A smart, original comedy treat. This is one to see!" (Salmon Fishing in the Yemen)
"A delicious movie treat." (The Hoax)
"One of the year's most spectacularly visual film treats." (Curse of the Golden Flower)
"Wonderful! A movie treat full of heart and laughs." (Gnomeo & Juliet)
"A wonderfully clever delight. The laughs don't stop coming in this richly funny and entertaining movie treat for all ages." (Hop)
"A doggone hilarious treat!" (The Shaggy Dog)


"A screen triumph! Desert Dancer is an inspiring true story beautifully told." (Desert Dancer)
"An absolute triumph on every level that even tops his Oscar-winning Spirited Away." (Howl's Moving Castle)
"An animation triumph! Thrilling, funny, charming and inspiring." (Kung Fu Panda)
"The greatest animated triumph since Toy Story 3." (Rio)
"A masterful triumph! Ed Harris and Viggo Mortensen are a dynamite screen pairing. A classic in the spirit of Unforgiven." (Appaloosa)
"A triumphant success! Spectacular epic moviemaking at its best in the tradition of Gladiator and Braveheart." (Robin Hood)
"A triumphant return to Narnia! It's magical and fun. Perfect for all ages." (The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian)
"Triumphant! A true gem of a film." (Is Anybody There?)
"World-class filmmaking, an unqualified triumph from Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu." (Babel)
"Magnificent! An absolute triumph for Denzel Washington. Will make you believe again in the power of movies." (The Great Debaters)
"A total triumph...This is one to see!" (Cemetery Junction)
"Stirring and triumphant!" (Goal! The Dream Begins)
"Beautifully written, directed and acted - This is a film you won't forget." (The Perks of Being a Wallflower)
"Not to be missed! A great script and two beautifully matched actors." (The Guard)
"A heartfelt, beautifully made film with wonderful actors at the top of their game." (The Yellow Handkerchief)
"Magnificent! A truly exciting, beautifully made movie." (Secretariat)
"A beautifully crafted, superbly well-acted suspense-filled tale that will creep you out." (Joshua)
"Piercing, intelligent and literate high style adult entertainment from the filmmakers who brought us Howard's End and A Room With A View among many others. A beautifully directed and acted film experience." (The City of Your Final Destination)
"People Like Us is for people who love great movies. A compelling, beautifully acted, humane and riveting motion picture experience. This is intelligent adult filmmaking at its finest." (People Like Us)
"A true story that lifts our spirits and gives us hope." (Invictus)
"An amazing true story. It shows what real heroism is all about." (The Great Raid)
"Unforgettable, tense and inspiring. A singular true story of incredible courage when it counts the most. Brilliantly acted and directed." (Lone Survivor)
"A remarkable and inspiring true story about a man with unbelievable grit, determination and heart. You'll be rooting for him all the way" (Flash of Genius)
"An inspiring and extraordinary true story." (The Blind Side)
"A genuine crowd-pleaser and a true story that truly inspires." (Million Dollar Arm)


"An emotional triumph." (Room)
"A triumph in every way." (The Water Diviner)
"An absolute triumph on every level that even tops his Oscar-winning Spirited Away." (Howl's Moving Castle)
"An animation triumph!" (Kung Fu Panda) -
"The greatest animated triumph since Toy Story 3." (Rio)
"A masterful triumph! A classic in the spirit of Unforgiven." (Appaloosa)
"A triumphant success! Spectacular epic moviemaking at its best in the tradition of Gladiator and Braveheart." (Robin Hood)
"A triumphant return to Narnia! It's magical and fun. Perfect for all ages." (The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian)
"Triumphant! A true gem of a film." (Is Anybody There?)
"Stirring and triumphant!" (Goal! The Dream Begins)
"A total triumph...This is one to see!" (Cemetery Junction)
"World-class filmmaking, an unqualified triumph from Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu." (Babel)
"Magnificent! An absolute triumph for Denzel Washington. Will make you believe again in the power of movies." (The Great Debaters)
"Undeniably fascinating in every way! It's a who-might-have-done-it in the grand tradition of the great mystery movies." (Hollywoodland)
"Remarkable in every way, even better than March of the Penguins, Earth is a breathtaking motion picture achievement." (Earth)
"Perfect summer entertainment, Tom Hanks and director Ron Howard have topped The DaVinci Code in every way imaginable! Movies don't get more exciting than this." (Angels and Demons)
"An absolute shocker in every way" (Hannibal Rising)
"Truly chilling and frightening in every way." (The Last Exorcism)
"Outstanding. Sensationally entertaining in every way." (The Devil Wears Prada)
"Tops Sex and the City in every way." (The Women)
"Super great in every way." (Superbad)
"Now this is fun stuff! Check your brain at the door for this hilarious and unapologetically raunchy yukfest.
"Beerfest is blissfully over the top in every way. You'll laugh your Heineken off!" (Beerfest)
"The perfect family film in every way." (Mars Needs Moms)

Pete wasn't done with the Diviner though...

"Sensational screen entertainment." (The Water Diviner)
"Sensational! North Country is crackling good entertainment that also stands out as one of the year's most important movies." (North Country)
"The biggest and best of the series. Sensational! Pure entertainment from start to finish." (High School Musical 3)
"Heart-pounding action! Total entertainment from start to finish!" (National Treasure: Book of Secrets)
"Savages is great entertainment. Brutally thrilling movie not to be missed. Savages is one of Oliver Stone's best movies." (Savages)
"Terrific entertainment. A truly outstanding crime drama. Highly suspenseful." (The Lookout)
"A brilliant and surprising story. Soul-stirring, uplifting entertainment." (Get On Up)
"Amelia is grand entertainment in the best tradition of the movies." (Amelia)
"Finally a movie musical entertainment worth singing about. Go into these woods and come out happily ever after." (Into the Woods)
"It's the fairest family entertainment of all." (Mirror Mirror)
"Perfect entertainment for the whole family." (The Odd Life of Timothy Green)
"Night at the Museum is roaringly funny. Best night yet. The perfect family holiday entertainment." (Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb)
"Truly Awesome. Hilarious, heartwarming entertainment for all ages." (Toy Story 3)
"Pure entertainment!" (City Island)
"Pure entertainment with great music, wit and a dream cast!" (A Prairie Home Companion)
"The perfect summer comedy. Pure solid-gold entertainment! Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts prove to be a dream screen team." (Larry Crowne)
"Perfect summer entertainment, Tom Hanks and director Ron Howard have topped The DaVinci Code in every way imaginable! Movies don't get more exciting than this." (Angels and Demons) -
"Here's the perfect grown-up summer entertainment, packed with action served up in sleek, ultra-cool style. Director Michael Mann dynamically reinvents Vice for the big screen." (Miami Vice)
"Piercing, intelligent and literate high style adult entertainment from the filmmakers who brought us Howard's End and A Room With A View among many others." (The City of Your Final Destination)
"A true gem! A rich entertainment, the kind of smart, sophisticated adult comedy that rarely comes along these days. A must see for people who love movies. " (Darling Companion)


"Secret in Their Eyes is smart, exciting entertainment that keeps you guessing all the way." (Secret in Their Eyes)
"A gripping psychological thriller that will have you guessing from start to finish." (Premonition)
"Total excitement...Takes you to the edge and keeps you there all the way." (28 Weeks Later)
"Hilariously spoofs the movies we love and gets big laughs all the way." (Be Kind Rewind)
"A remarkable and inspiring true story about a man with unbelievable grit, determination and heart. You'll be rooting for him all the way." (Flash of Genius)


"Simply Astounding. It will leave you breathless." (No Escape)
"Breathtaking! The Walk is truly the most thrilling movie experience of the year." (The Walk)

"Ryan Gosling is no less than astounding...This is the real deal!" (Lars and the Real Girl)
"Astounding! Visually stunning with brilliantly executed fight sequences, Fearless grabs you with its epic scope and richly human story." (Jet Li's Fearless)
"One of the year's most spectacularly visual film treats. The widescreen images are beyond astounding." (Curse of the Golden Flower)
"Breathtaking and exhilarating! Easily one of the year's best. A once-in-a-lifetime movie. Everyone should see it. (In the Shadow of the Moon)
"Spectacular. Remarkable in every way, even better than March of the Penguins, Earth is a breathtaking motion picture achievement." (Earth)
"Ravishing and breathtakingly beautiful! (Before the Rains)
"A fierce and visceral stunner that will leave you breathless!" (Apocalypto)
"A riveting, hold-your-breath ticking time-bomb of a movie! The last 30 minutes are so intense you won't be able to move." (The Kingdom)
"King Kong rules over all the others. As big, breathtakingly exciting and relentlessly thrilling as any epic adventure the screen has seen in many years!" (King Kong)
"Wow! Stealth takes your breath away. For sheer non-stop action and aerial thrills this movie just soars above the rest!" (Stealth)
"Amelia simply soars." (Amelia)
"Simply sensational. Magnificent!" (Saving Mr. Banks)
"Funny, touching, different, revealing and simply terrific!" (Thanks for Sharing)
"Leading a brilliant cast Jake Gyllenhaal, Peter Sarsgaard and Jamie Foxx are simply superb." (Jarhead)
"Felicity Huffman is simply remarkable in a performance so convincing, fiercely funny and deeply powerful it should make her a major Oscar contender." (Transamerica)
"Peter O'Toole is simply remarkable." (Venus)
"John Cusack is simply terrific in a fine and moving film." (Grace Is Gone)
"Adam Sandler is simply remarkable." (Reign Over Me)
"First class...simply superb!" (The Maid)
"This time around the fast and furious action is simply off the charts!" (The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift)
"A genuine treasure trove of fun and high adventure, loaded with state-of-the-art visual effects that will simply blow you away! As good as gold." (Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest)


"As powerful as when it actually happened." (The 33)
"Powerful!" (The Attack)
"Powerful and brilliantly acted."
"Powerfully compelling! Makes a return to the lost art of true storytelling, every bit as epic as The Godfather." (American Gangster)
"A powerful, compelling and shocking drama that will keep you hooked from beginning to end. A certain must-see this fall!" (The Burning Plain)
"Gripping and powerful." (Contagion)
"Exciting and powerful." (Miracle at St. Anna)
"Powerful and moving beyond words." (The Boy in the Striped Pajamas)
"A powerful human drama that packs a strong punch." (Reservation Road)
"Incredibly exciting and powerfully human!" (Superman Returns)
"Brilliant! A powerful, important, humane and uncompromising film." (In the Land of Blood and Honey)
"Vital and powerfully important. A movie that should - and must - be seen. "(Trade)
"One of the most powerful films in years. Exhilarating. A movie you must see." (Reign Over Me)
"A major motion picture achievement. A Mighty Heart stands apart as a powerful, provocative and spellbinding film." (A Mighty Heart)
"The most entertaining, exciting, provocative and powerful of all the Apes films." (Dawn of the Planet of the Apes)


"In a time when it is most needed, the aptly titled Joy makes you feel good about life and its possibilities." (Joy)
"A cinematic gem that actually makes you feel good about being alive!" (On a Clear Day)
"A terrific film full of life, heart, music and fantastic dancing. A movie that just makes you feel good. See it!" (Musical Chairs)
"The new year's nicest and most welcome surprise. A funny, heartwarming, superbly acted film that makes you feel good about life. Don't miss it." (Starbuck)
Finally, a really smart and really funny movie about the ups and downs of life, love and family. The can't miss it, gotta see it feel great comedy of the year. (Dan In Real Life)

From the "aptly titled Joy" to...

"Bradley Cooper and Sienna Miller heat up the screen." (Burnt)
"Heath Ledger turns on the charm and burns up the screen with sheer romantic heat." (Casanova)

No, no, no. Forget the heat. Let's look at the puns. Check out the title and then how he phrases his blurb.

"The most delicious comedy you'll see all year! Highly entertaining! It's got it all: Laughs. Warmth. Terrific actors and lots of mouthwatering food. A real winner not to be missed!" (Chef)
"Grand indeed! An absolute treat. Hilarious, heartfelt and not to be missed under any circumstances." (The Grand Seduction)
"A smart, original comedy treat. This is one to see!" (Salmon Fishing in the Yemen)
"One of the year's most spectacularly visual film treats." (Curse of the Golden Flower)
"Wonderful! A movie treat full of heart and laughs." (Gnomeo & Juliet)
"A wonderfully clever delight. The laughs don't stop coming in this richly funny and entertaining movie treat for all ages." (Hop)
"A delicious movie treat." (The Hoax)
"A doggone hilarious treat!" (The Shaggy Dog)
"The surprise movie comedy treat of the year!...This is the real deal!" (Lars and the Real Girl)
"Real Steel is the real deal." (Real Steel)
"Red 2 is red hot!" (Red 2)
"Something Borrowed is something terrific." (Something Borrowed)
"People Like Us is for people who love great movies." (People Like Us)
"This time the Hulk really IS incredible." (The Incredible Hulk)
"A truly epic film that becomes the family event of the summer." (Epic)
"Will keep you on the edge of your seat." (Edge of Darkness)
"A first-rate thriller!" (First Snow)
"A fearless piece of American cinema." (American Hustle)
"Do yourself a favor and crash this 'Wedding'!" (Wedding Crashers)
"Will have you talking long after leaving the theatre." (Talk to Me)
"Destined to become the most hilarious rock epic ever." (Tenacious D in the Pick of Destiny)
"A mega-funny movie loaded with laughs, action and heart." (Megamind)
"Jumps waaaaaay over the top on the laugh meter!" (Over the Hedge)
"This time around the fast and furious action is simply off the charts!" (The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift)
"Super great in every way." (Superbad)
"A doggone hilarious treat!" (The Shaggy Dog)
"Monstrous laughs!" (Monsters vs. Aliens)
"These boots are made for rocking." (Puss In Boots)
"Nobel takes the prize." (Nobel Son)

(Almost) finally, we have these quotes that we can breakdown further...

"Sean Penn can do no wrong. Idris Elba and Javier Bardem are terrific." (The Gunman)

This quote comes from a 2-star review. In the video review Hammond says:

"Even in mediocre genre material, Penn is impossible not to watch, just a great screen presence. Penn has been appearing in smaller roles in interesting projects such as The Tree Of Life and The Secret Life Of Walter Mitty or lesser turns like his Mickey Cohen in Gangster Squad."

Glad he puts both Malick and Stiller on similar "interesting" ground.

"A smart and wonderfully uplifting movie experience! Ben Kingsley and Patricia Clarkson are perfection together. Learning to Drive is a sweet ride indeed. A must-see!" (Learning to Drive)

See what Hammond did there? Quite the wordsmith, right? Drive...sweet ride. Notice how he did a similar thing on two of the three other times we saw him use the word "perfection"

"Great is the word! The entire cast is perfection." (Bad Words)
"Fills the theatre with laughs! Catherine Keener is perfection" (Hamlet 2)

You are the clever one, Pete. Also good to know what you consider "uplifting."

"Soul-stirring, uplifting entertainment." (Get On Up)

Yes, the whitewashed story of a wife beater. Sure, a great singer, but a wife beater. Uplifting. But finally, the coup de grace on Pete's year...

"The best movie on this or any other dry planet." (The Martian)

I know California is having a water shortage, but I think the planet is still pretty high on its water supply. Especially as the glaciers melt. Later quotes have summarily dropped the "dry planet" portion as someone finally recognized how idiotic that was. But Pete Hammond is not the one to turn to in regards to movie reviews, let alone science. As evidenced by not just his quote for The Martian but perhaps the dumbest quote ever attributed to him.

"The most visually inventive, trailblazing film of its kind in light years." (Wanted)

For all the science-challenged folks out there in politics, here is another reminder that light years measure distance and not time. Hammond's may not be up as a film critic for Deadline Hollywood. But surely you will remember where the grain of salt goes when you are seeing quotes from him on TV and on ads.





link directly to this feature at http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/feature.php?feature=3889
originally posted: 12/28/15 13:54:38
last updated: 12/28/15 14:10:12
[printer] printer-friendly format

Home Reviews  Articles  Release Dates Coming Soon  DVD  Top 20s Criticwatch  Search
Public Forums  Festival Coverage  Contests About 
Privacy Policy | | HBS Inc. |   
All data and site design copyright 1997-2016, HBS Entertainment, Inc.
Search for
reviews features movie title writer/director/cast