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Hey little girl, you want some candy?
by Dave Hopson

What to watch on Halloween? We threw a Halloween party just the other evening and The Exorcist actually bombed. Why?

Nothing is shocking anymore... To find something shocking, you have to look to the past... Dig up something creepy and somewhat obscure... We have all seen Linda Blair spit up green bile. It was actually more disturbing hearing Dennis Miller make a Linda Blair reference during Monday Night Football recently.

How can you be shocked by a movie that has so patently shocked many for so many years? On Halloween you need more. You need blood, guts, style and something you can enjoy while bantering drunkenly with your homies. Therefore, I present you my top 10 Halloween Flicks....

Now suck...

10) The Haunting - Yeah, it is old and the recent remake pissed all over the original. But, seek out the original and you will be rewarded with a well-paced ghost story with atmosphere to spare. The walls breathe and the house lives. Most of the time, you feel it rather than see it.

9) Ghost Story - The cast reads like a obituary in a late 80's newspaper. These old guys did some very bad things to a young girl a long time ago. Now they pay their dues? Watch with high volume. Ambiance is everything in this one.

8) Poltergeist - A third ghost story in a row? Hell yes. This is one of the best movies about ghosts ever made. It is a crowd-pleaser as well. Who doesn't remember the image of the young girl in front of the white noise saying "they're heeeeeere"? If anyone complains about this choice of flicks, break a beer bottle on their head. I am not trying to condone violence, but you should break the bottle across their head, nonetheless.

7) Dead Alive - A hellacious zombie flick with flair and substance. The substance being BLOOD... in immeasurable amounts. There has never been a movie with such a high plasma volume. I am recommending it for it's tongue in cheek humor and slightly off-kilter attitude, but the buckets of blood is a definite plus. The director is doing the Lord of The Rings trilogy, for whatever that is worth.

6) Pumpkinhead - Ed Harley knew what he was getting into when he dug up the corpse of Pumpkinhead to exact vengeance on the hoodlums that killed his son, by accident. Pumpkinhead drives the term "vengeance is mine" way home. Pumpkinhead is among the best monsters in movie history. His mannerisms and personality (yes, his almost feline personality) make this a creepy experience indeed.

5) Friday The 13th - Go ahead and laugh. But, I stand by this pick. Jason WAS the shit. This is a well made flick and I enjoy it to this day. It works for a Halloween party cuz you can just bullshit until Jason enters the picture. When he does enter, everyone will remain silent and watch. If they fail to remain silent crank up some appropriate music and play the next selection....

4) Tenebre - Ok, there is a reason I say play music while watching this... First of all the dialogue borders on ridiculous and the plot is as confusing as a nude Anna Kournikova with a bucket over her head. But, the visceral violence is exquisite. A feast for the eyes that is perfect for the occasion. Dario Argento directs with his trademark flair. Doorknobs and shit look creepy. The plot involves a serial killer acting out the crimes of a novelist's fictional serial killer. The scenes of carnage are, for most part, more shocking than anything out today... which brings me to...

3) Hannibal - Why the fuck not? This movie rocked. Most people haven't seen it, so it is perfect tape/DVD to pop in on Halloween. I don't understand the lukewarm reviews it got upon release. If you expect "Silence of The Lambs 2", you will be disappointed. But then again... fuck you for expecting that... This is a totally different flick and it has BALLS the size of Spielberg's ego.

2) Evil Dead 2 - Moe, Larry and Curly all converge to make the ultimate hero. His name is Ash. You may have already seen this, but if you haven't... Evil Dead 2 is a remake of the original (almost scene by scene, but with a bigger sense of humor). It is slapstick and horror at the same time. Bruce Campbell reprises his role as Ash and the results are appropriately schlocky, gross and fun.

1) Alien - Don't tell me that this is not a horror flick. It has everything a good horror flick needs and is great from start to finish. You will amaze your guests by illustrating how much this movie reminds one of the good old horror movies of the yesteryear. Aliens (the sequel) lands too squarely in the "Action/Adventure" category to be recommended for Halloween, but, I must admit, is the better movie. This one suits the occasion more. Rent it.

Honorable mentions (in case the video store is out of the others):

Parents (1989)
Nightbreed (1990)
Eraserhead (1977)
Fright Night (1985)
Cujo (1983)

Have a good time watching these flicks and don't be mean to those trick-or-treaters! (Those bastards can be pretty mean at the trailer park I live in...)

link directly to this feature at http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/feature.php?feature=450
originally posted: 10/30/01 04:17:53
last updated: 10/30/01 04:39:38
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