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CRITICWATCH 2003 (The First Half Recap)
by Erik Childress

In some respects, it’s nice for us here at the website to massage our egos and believe that someone is paying attention to our Criticwatch feature. Even Elvis Mitchell couldn’t offer a legitimate answer to Rolling Stone’s Peter Travers getting quoted 55 times (that were caught in the Midwest papers) in 2002. With a weak start that has Travers a mere 14 quotes during the first six months of 2003, maybe we’re doing some good by exposing these whores for what they are. But, alas, it’s rather disconcerting when you plow down the list to see that were Travers is failing, so many others are picking up the slack and making a name for themselves.

When will studios get the picture? I’ve said it many times in print, online and on the radio – why bother with such illegitimate lapdogs when, with a little homework and cooperation with the print & online media, you can find respectable critics with a true passion of cinema who want to get the word out about the movies. Not themselves.

Travers and Kevin Thomas have been the 1-2 punch we like to suckerkick with this feature, mainly because they secure the greatest number of mentions AND they’re connected with big-name media outlets (Rolling Stone and the Los Angeles Times, respectively.) Of course, Roger Ebert is going to get quoted. He’s the most recognized and respected film critic in the country. We’re not worried about quotes from him or anything associated with his show. Same goes for Elvis Mitchell and a handful of well-traveled critics who must feel the same way about this blatant abuse of power for shwag and other bonuses.

We are setting up a hotline for anyone who can provide any information about the critic known as Earl Dittman. This mysterious phantasm has woven in and out of film ads seemingly without ever writing a review or being seen in person. If you know anything of Dittman’s whereabouts, can provide a picture of the man, prove that Wireless magazine exists or reprint any review he’s done longer than 100 words – please forward it to DittmanSucks@aol.com. This is not a joke. He is a fugitive from cinematic justice and he is armed with fruit baskets and is dangerous to the very core (which I believe was the exact quote he used about The Core.) How can you find merit in a guy like this?

A hard-hitting and action-fueled film. (A Man Apart)
A knockout action/comedy packed with laughs. (The In-Laws)
Comedy with high-voltage action. Adrenaline-pumped action sequences and amazing special effects! Will absolutely knock you out. (Bulletproof Monk)
Adrenaline-pumped action sequences (Hollywood Homicide)

And then there’s Clay Smith from Access Hollywood, whom we know exists but we wish didn’t. Sample some of his work:

The first big surprise of the year (Bend It Like Beckham)
The funniest comedy of the year! (A Mighty Wind)
One of the year’s funniest movies (New Suit)
The best family film of the year. (Finding Nemo)
The best jolt of adrenaline of any movie so far this year. (2 Fast 2 Furious)

Or how about the Dittman equivalent of Mark S. Allen:

You will see this again and again! (Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle)
Leaves you gasping for more! See this one again and again! (Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines)

We didn’t pull these quotes out of thin air. Newspapers, TV ads and video boxes run these quotes. Maybe the public pays attention to them. Maybe they don’t. But even if only 15% of them are being duped into wasting their money on someone not in tune with their own tastes (or in most cases, have no taste at all) or by those whose words are bought and paid for while you get nothing back for your time and hard-earned cash, this feature is worth the time. Bullshit may look like molasses, but spread it around and it doesn’t taste the same. And you should know what they’re spreading.

Check out the NEW & IMPROVED Criticwatch page:
http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=1065

THE SCOREBOARD


KEVIN THOMAS (18) – 41 quotes in 2001. 33 in 2002. He’s got 18 at the midway point of 2003 and has even taken to whoring himself out on direct-to-video releases.

…entertaining and provocative. (Hook’d Up)
Diabolically clever (R.S.V.P.)

PETER TRAVERS (14) – Travers had a lull in the mid-months of the first two quarters of 2003, but has come on strong again and is ready to challenge Thomas again.

CLAY SMITH (14) – Smith has come on so strong in this game that I’m betting that he could be a true underdog to one day come out on top. Over Dittman and over Thomas & Travers. We can barely keep up with his quotes and with only 13 total last year, his 14 is looming large as a major whore in this industry. We knew there was a reason to award him thar #10 slot on our whore list in 2002.

DAVID SHEEHAN (13) – Sheehan came out charging this year with 8 quotes by the end of February. He’s slowed down a bit but is still omnipresent enough to likely rank in the Top 10 by year’s end. He was #9 on our list last year and his 21 quotes from last year are within reach.

SHAWN EDWARDS (13) – I hope the Kansas City Film Critics circle don’t have this guy as a member. He’s a disgrace to the uniform. 22 from last year and he’s already got at least one quote in July. We ranked him #7 on the whore list. Maybe he’s moving up in the world.

EARL DITTMAN (11) – ‘Nuff said about this guy. Except he’s slightly off-target his 23 quotes from 2002. Maybe there’s hope for our #5 guy.

THELMA ADAMS (11) – US Magazine’s very own has got 7 quotes on films released since May. We labeled her as one to watch in 2003. Are you watching?

JEFFREY LYONS (10) – If you need a quote for a middle-of-the-road heart-tugging, respectable drama, Lyons is your man. He was the #4 last year with 29 quotes. He’s off-target and may not make it this year.

LEONARD MALTIN (10) – Our #8 pick is only five away from his total of 15 from last year; a small number to make that list, but when you see his quotes (or his show, Hot Ticket), you get the picture.

MARK S. ALLEN (9) – Just missing the list at #11 last year, Allen is going to fall off-and-back-on the list this year guaranteed. But he’ll always be around. God help us all.

THE OVERACHIEVERS (Stop giving them more strength!)
(Name – Quotes THIS year – Quotes LAST year)
MOSE PERSICO - (8 - 4) – This guy has DOUBLED his quotes from last year in six months.
JEFFREY K. HOWARD - (5 – 7)
JIM SVEJDA - (7 – 12)
LEAH ROZEN - (8 – 15)
BILL BREGOLI – (7 – 13)
JIM FERGUSON - (6 – 10)
MIKE CIDONI - (4 – 7)
TONY TOSCANO - (6 – 12)
RICHARD REID - (3 – 6)

THE UNDERACHIEVERS (Someone took notice)
(Name – Quotes THIS year – Quotes LAST year)
JOEL SIEGEL (7 – 33)
BILL ZWECKER (4 – 19)
GENE SHALIT (7 – 18)
JEANNE WOLF (3 – 13)
MIKE SARGENT (3 – 8)
LARRY KING (4 – 10)
JEFF CRAIG (1 – 8)
PAUL CLINTON (1 – 12)
JOE LEYDON (0 – 10)

2003 FIRST-HALF RECAP
(Amaze yourself with what is being said and how many times it’s being said)

PERFECTION (not by Hasbro)
A wise man once said there’s no such thing as a perfect movie. These are not wise men.

Hudson and McConaughey are absolutely picture perfect together! (How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days) - Clay Smith (Access Hollywood)
Bruce Willis as Spike the ‘die-hard’ dog is a perfect fit! (Rugrats Go Wild) - Elaine Blythe (Film Advisory Board)

The perfect testosterone-fueled, music-driven joy ride. (Biker Boyz) - Ann Hornaday (The Washington Post)
The perfect encore. More action, more jokes, more skin – and more Moore. (Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle) - Newsweek (Yes, the whole magazine])
A perfect team that the entire family will enjoy.” (Rugrats Go Wild) - Shawn Edwards (FOX-TV – Kansas City)
The perfect family film. (Daddy Day Care) - Tony Toscano (KJZZ-TVTalking Pictures)
A perfect family film (Rugrats Go Wild) - Sara Edwards (NBC-TV)
A nearly perfect teen family movie (What a Girl Wants) - Toni Ruberto (The Buffalo News)
The perfect summer movie. (The Italian Job) - Bill Bregoli (Westwood One Radio Networks)
The PERFECT DATE MOVIE. (How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days) - Jeffrey K. Howard (The Movie GuysABC-TV)
Funny, sexy & smart, the perfect summer date movie. (Alex and Emma) - Mark S. Allen (KMAX-TVPN-TV (Sacramento)
The perfect mix of sexy-funny-rock-the-house action! (Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle) - Mark S. Allen (KMAX-TVPN-TV (Sacramento)

MUST-SEE
Critics see hundreds of movies every year. The average moviegoer probably sees a quarter of that. How about those poor individuals who only see 2-3 movies in the theater a year and find themselves listening to the advice of quotewhores? How can there be so many must-sees from those who are so blind to what a good movie actually is most of the time?

The first must-see movie of 2003! (The Recruit) - Clay Smith (Access Hollywood)
A must-see. (Boat Trip) - Jah-T (WUSL, Philadelphia)
A must see movie! (Dysfunktional Family) - Stephanie Green (The Daily Challenge)
A must-see movie. (The Core) - Jeffrey K. Howard (The Movie GuysABC-TV)
A family must-see! (Holes) - Jim Ferguson (FOX-TV KMSB-TV)
Definitely a must-see! (Hollywood Homicide) - Sofia M. Fernandez (Launch Radio Networks)

Don’t miss it! (Ghosts of the Abyss) - Steve Oldfield (FOX-TV)
Do not miss it! (Together) - Jeffrey Lyons (WNBC-TV)
Don’t miss this funny, hip, touching and wildly original summer event film! (Finding Nemo) - Jeanne Wolf (Jeanne Wolf’s Hollywood)
A movie you shouldn’t miss. (The Core) - Sandi Davis (The Daily Oklahoman)
A fantastic thrill ride you shouldn’t miss. (The Italian Job) - Victoria Snee (KDAF-TV (WB) Dallas)
A comedy not to be missed. (National Security) - Mose Persico (CFCF-TQS, Canada/Entertainment Spotlight)
A gentle, heart-warming celebration that no Pooh fan should miss. (Piglet’s Big Movie) - Jim Svejda, KNX/CBS Radio
As fast, funny and action-packed as you want it to be. (Rugrats Go Wild) - Scott Mervis (Post-Gazette)
All the action you could possible want in one movie and then some. (The Italian Job) - Leonard Maltin (Hot Ticket/Playboy)
It makes you laugh, it makes you cry. What more can you want from a movie? (It Runs in the Family) - Joel Siegel (Good Morning America)
You won’t have more fun at any other movie – period. (Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle) - Shawn Edwards (FOX-TV – Kansas City)

YOU KNOW, FOR KIDS!
Like a hula hoop, everything comes full circle.

Ideal for family audiences… (Rugrats Go Wild) - Kevin Thomas (Los Angeles Times)
Sweet, funny and very family-friendly (What a Girl Wants) - Jim Svejda, KNXCBS Radio
An exciting, colorful, doggone good, non-stop family adventure! (Rugrats Go Wild) - Elaine Blythe (Film Advisory Board)
Solid family entertainment. (Rugrats Go Wild) - Glenn Whipp (Los Angeles Daily News)
Great family entertainment! (The Lizzie McGuire Movie) - Mose Persico (CFCF-TQS, CanadaEntertainment Spotlight)
Great fun for the entire family. (Agent Cody Banks) - Bonnie Laufer (Tribute TV, Canada)
A perfect team that the entire family will enjoy. (Rugrats Go Wild) - Shawn Edwards (FOX-TV – Kansas City)
Eddie Murphy and his comedy cohorts deliver fun for the whole family. (Daddy Day Care) - George Pennacchio (KABC-TV, Los Angeles)
An action comedy for the entire family! (Kangaroo Jack) - Jim Ferguson (FOX-TV KMSB-TV)
Finally a great movie for the whole family. (What a Girl Wants) - Jim Ferguson (FOX-TV KMSB-TV)
A family must-see! (Holes) - Jim Ferguson (FOX-TV KMSB-TV)
The perfect family film. (Daddy Day Care) - Tony Toscano (KJZZ-TVTalking Pictures)
A perfect family film (Rugrats Go Wild) - Sara Edwards (NBC-TV)
A nearly perfect teen family movie (What a Girl Wants) - Toni Ruberto (The Buffalo News)
Laugh-out-loud fun for the whole family. (Rugrats Go Wild) - Clay Smith (Access Hollywood)
The best family film of the year. (Finding Nemo) - Clay Smith (Access Hollywood)
The best family movie in a decade. (The Jungle Book 2) - David Sheehan (KCBS-TV)

FUNNY HOW?
Did you have any idea how many different ways there are to call a movie funny?

Laugh out loud funny (Boat Trip) - Hula (KHTS-FM San Diego)
Douglas and Brooks are laugh-out-loud funny (The In-Laws) - Joanna Langfield (The Movie Minute)
Truly funny. (How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days) - Margaret A. McGurk (The Cincinnati Enquirer)
Delightfully funny (How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days) - David Sheehan (KCBS-TV)
Wonderfully Funny! (The Jungle Book 2) - Bonnie Churchill (National News Syndicate)
Unbelievably funny (How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days) - Keith Ryan Cartwright (The Tennessean)
In-your-face funny (Bringing Down the House) - Richard Reid (Northwest Cable News Seattle)
Rambunctiously funny (Bruce Almighty) - Stephen Holden (The New York Times)
Blisteringly funny! (Dysfunktional Family) - Scott Galupo (The Washington Times)
Outrageously funny. (Old School) - Jeff Cornell (MTV Radio Network)
Outrageously funny! (Bringing Down the House) - David Sheehan (KCBS-TV)
Outrageously funny (Malibu’s Most Wanted) - Baltimore Afro-American
Just as outrageous and funny as the Jackass or South Park movies. (The Real Cancun) - Moriarty aka Drew McWeeny (Ain’t It Cool News.com)
Uproariously funny. (Head of State) - Pat Collins (WWOR-TV)
Uproarious, outrageous and irresistible! (Bringing Down the House) - Jim Svejda, KNX/CBS Radio
“Uproarious” should be held back for comedies worthy of it. Wildly funny. (Bruce Almighty) - Gene Shalit (The Today Show)
Isn’t just wildly funny (Rugrats Go Wild) - Clay Smith (Access Hollywood)
The MOST FUNNY and romantic comedy of the year. (How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days) - Jeffrey K. Howard (The Movie GuysABC-TV)
Bruce Willis as Spike the wise-cracking dog, NOW THAT’S FUNNY! (Rugrats Go Wild) - C.W. Nevius (San Francisco Chronicle)
Funny, funny, funny. (Boat Trip) - Jah-T (WUSL, Philadelphia)

A laugh riot! (A Mighty Wind) - Tom Roston (Premiere Magazine)
A laugh riot! (Kangaroo Jack) - Jeffrey K. Howard (The Movie Guys/ABC-TV)
A great laugh-riot! (Shanghai Knights) - Bill Zwecker (FOX-TV)
A riotously funny comic pairing. (The In-Laws) - Jeanne Wolf (Jeanne Wolf’s Hollywood)
A hooty, riotous adventure, packed with humor. (Rugrats Go Wild) - Jane Horwitz (Washington Post)

Big laughs in a plain white rapper. (Malibu’s Most Wanted) - Thelma Adams (US Magazine)
A rare romantic comedy that’s actually romantic and comic. (Just Married) - Chris Hewitt (St. Paul Pioneer Press)
There’s a good 40 minutes in here that’ll have audiences howling. (How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days) - Matt Soergel (Florida Times-Union)
A crowd-pleasing comedy! Not since There’s Something About Mary has a film delivered laughs as loud, long and hard. (Bringing Down the House) - Mike Cidoni (ABC-TV)
Every word out of Eugene Levy’s mouth will crack you up! You’ll have to see it twice because you’ll be laughing so hard you won’t be able to hear all the jokes. (Bringing Down the House) - Mignon Turner (Hollywood Hotwire)
You won’t be able to stop laughing at Douglas and Brooks. (The In-Laws) - Jeanne Wolf (Jeanne Wolf’s Hollywood)
A laugh machine! (How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days) - Mick LaSalle (San Francisco Chronicle)
The laughs never quit. (How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days) - Earl Dittman (Wireless Magazines)
A knockout action/comedy packed with laughs. (The In-Laws) - Earl Dittman (Wireless Magazines)
Incredibly hilarious! Laugh packed! Side-splitting! (View from the Top) - Earl Dittman (Wireless Magazines)
Side-splitting, knee-slapping, belly-aching laughs! (Bringing Down the House) - Mose Persico (CFCF-TQS, Canada/Entertainment Spotlight)
Loaded with laughs. You’ll laugh your booty off! (Bringing Down the House) - Richard Reid (Northwest Cable News Seattle)
I was fallin’ outta my seat! (Dysfunktional Family) - Shelby Jones (UrbanFilmPremiere.com)
I haven’t heard such an uproar of seat-shaking laughter in years. (Bruce Almighty) - Gene Shalit (The Today Show)

Not since There’s Something About Mary has a film delivered laughs as loud, long and hard. (Bringing Down the House) - Mike Cidoni (ABC-TV)
It makes you laugh, it makes you cry. What more can you want from a movie? (It Runs in the Family) - Joel Siegel (Good Morning America)
I laughed ‘til I cried! (Bringing Down the House) - David Sheehan (KCBS-TV)

SEXY
How easy is it to get THESE people off?

Sexy! (Down with Love) - Gary Coglit (ABC-TV, Dallas)
Sexier than Spider-Man (Daredevil) - Sara Edwards (NBC-TV)
A winner all the way, sexy, great fun! (How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days) - Clay Smith (Access Hollywood)
Twice as fun and twice as sexy…(Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle) - Omar Linares (FOX-TV)
Hip, sexy and packed with laughs! (Deliver Us from Eva) - Shawn Edwards (FOX-TV – Kansas City)
A sexy, edge-of-your-seat thriller (The Recruit) - Clay Smith (Access Hollywood)
A smart and sexy heist film. (The Italian Job) - Amy Longsdorf (Allentown Morning CallCamden Courier Post)
Sexy, funny and suspenseful! (The Hard Word) - Leonard Maltin (Hot TicketPlayboy)
One sweet sexy sting of a movie! (Confidence) - Peter Travers (Rolling Stone)
A funny-sexy-scary powerhouse! (Better Luck Tomorrow) - Peter Travers (Rolling Stone)
Funny, sexy & smart (Alex and Emma) - Mark S. Allen (KMAX-TVPN-TV (Sacramento)
The perfect mix of sexy-funny-rock-the-house action! (Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle) - Mark S. Allen (KMAX-TVPN-TV (Sacramento)

WHORE (N)EVERLASTING
Did you realize you were seeing one of the best EVER? Did the actors know? The filmmakers?

Who says good movies don’t open early in the year? (Dark Blue) - Jeffrey Lyons (WNBC-TV)

The year’s first great film. (The Recruit) - Sam Hallenbeck, Daytime on NBC-TV Tampa
The best new movie of the year! (The Guys) - Pat Collins (WWOR-TV)
One of the first bright spots on the movie horizon this year (The Hunted) - Leonard Maltin (Hot TicketPlayboy)
The first big surprise of the year (Bend It Like Beckham) - Clay Smith (Access Hollywood)

The best comedy so far this year. (What a Girl Wants) - Jim Svejda, KNXCBS Radio
The best comedy so far this year! (A Mighty Wind) - Mick LaSalle (San Francisco Chronicle)
The funniest comedy of the year! (A Mighty Wind) - Clay Smith (Access Hollywood)
One of the year’s funniest movies (New Suit) - Clay Smith (Access Hollywood)
One of the funniest movies you’ll see this year. (Bringing Down the House) - Bruce Kirkland (Toronto Sun)
This is destined to be on the funniest movies of 2003 (Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie) - John Garabo (93.7 Kiss Country)
The best romantic comedy of the year. (Alex and Emma) - Jim Ferguson (FOX-TV KMSB-TV)
The MOST FUNNY and romantic comedy of the year. (How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days) - Jeffrey K. Howard (The Movie GuysABC-TV)

The best family film of the year. (Finding Nemo) - Clay Smith (Access Hollywood)
One of the most wonderful movies you are likely to see this year! (Together) - Jeffrey Lyons (WNBC-TV)
One of the most brilliant films of the year. (A Mighty Wind) - Joel Siegel (Good Morning America)
One of the year’s best films, hands down! (Holes) - Joe Baltake (The Sacramento Bee)
One of the year’s best films, animated, live action or underwater! (Finding Nemo) - Joel Siegel (Good Morning America)
Surely one of the best movies of 2003 (The Italian Job) - Reggie Williams (Washington Afro-American)

An instant classic. The most unique, intense, satisfying film this year! (Identity) - Mark S. Allen (KMAX-TVPN-TV (Sacramento)
The most satisfying and accomplished thriller in recent memory. (Identity) - Jeffrey M. Anderson (The San Francisco Examiner)
I haven’t had this much fun at the movies in years! (Only the Strong Survive) - Jeffrey Lyons (WNBC-TV)
I haven’t heard such an uproar of seat-shaking laughter in years. (Bruce Almighty) - Gene Shalit (The Today Show)
The best jolt of adrenaline of any movie so far this year. (2 Fast 2 Furious) - Clay Smith (Access Hollywood)
This is a popcorn movie in the best sense of the phrase. (The Core) - Sandi Davis (The Daily Oklahoman)

A summer blockbuster in the dead of winter. (Daredevil) - John Procaccino (Kiro-TV (CBS), Seattle)
A big summer film at just the right time. Cool! (March 28 during war.) (The Core) - Gigi Nicolas (Showtime Networks)
I hope the rest of the summer movies are this good. (The Italian Job) - Leonard Maltin (Hot Ticket/Playboy)

The surprise hit of the summer! (The Italian Job) - Dean Richards (WGN-TV/WGN Radio, Chicago)
The summer’s wildest ride! (The Italian Job) - Amy Longsdorf (Allentown Morning Call/Camden Courier Post)
Clearly one of the summer’s smarter, more sophisticated big-scale entertainments. (The Italian Job) - Kevin Thomas (Los Angeles Times)
The perfect summer movie. (The Italian Job) - Bill Bregoli, Westwood One Radio Networks
The perfect summer date movie. (Alex and Emma) - Mark S. Allen (KMAX-TV/UPN-TV (Sacramento)
One of the most hilarious date movies you’ll see this summer! (Alex and Emma) - Earl Dittman (Wireless Magazines)
This summer’s hottest romance! (Alex and Emma) - Mose Persico (CFCF-TQS, Canada/Entertainment Spotlight)
The most fun you’ll have this summer! (Hollywood Homicide) - Mike Sargent (WBAI Radio)
It’s the teen dream movie of the summer (The Lizzie McGuire Movie) - Greg Rassell (WB-TV, Detroit)

Nothing short of astonishing, mesmerizing and one of the most original, touching and fascinating films you are ever likely to see. (Whale Rider) - Jeffrey Lyons (WNBC-TV)
One of the most enriching movies of this or any other year. (It Runs in the Family) - David Sheehan (KCBS-TV)
One of the most outrageously funny movies in decades! (Malibu’s Most Wanted) - Baltimore Afro-American
One of the more remarkable movies of the decade. (Gods and Generals) - Steve Sailer (UPI)
The best family movie in a decade. (The Jungle Book 2) - David Sheehan (KCBS-TV)
One of the best whodunits ever. (Identity) - Anderson Jones (E! Online)
Maybe the best Rugrats adventure ever! (Rugrats Go Wild) - Jim Ferguson (FOX-TV/ KMSB-TV)
The best Rugrats Movie of the series. (Rugrats Go Wild) - Scott Mervis (Post-Gazette)
The best Pooh film yet! (Piglet’s Big Movie) - Jim Svejda, KNX/CBS Radio
Probably the best Stephen King movie ever. (Dreamcatcher) - Jim Svejda, KNX/CBS Radio
One of the smartest, creepiest movies ever. (Willard) - Liam Mayclem (KRON-TV, San Francisco)
The finest Civil War movie ever made – including Gone with the Wind. (Gods and Generals) - Jim Svejda, KNX/CBS Radio
Not only the finest movie ever made about the Civil War, it is also the best American historical film. Period. (Gods and Generals) - Bill Kauffman (American Enterprise Magazine)

Harrison Ford is at his best (Hollywood Homicide) - Mark S. Allen (KMAX-TV/UPN-TV (Sacramento)
Adam Sandler at the top of his game. (Anger Management) - Donna Moran (Launch Radio Networks)
McDormand’s best showcase since Fargo! (Laurel Canyon) - Mick LaSalle (San Francisco Chronicle)
Diesel delivers a raw, powerful performance. His best to date. (A Man Apart) - Richard Reid (Northwest Cable News Seattle)
Bruce Willis’ best performance in years. (Tears of the Sun) - Bill Bregoli, Westwood One Radio Networks
Travolta’s best performance in years. (Basic) - Bill McCuddy (Fox News Channel)
One of (Nolte’s) best performances ever. (The Good Thief) - Bruce Kirkland (Toronto Sun)
An all-time great performance by Nick Nolte! (The Good Thief) - Jeffrey M. Anderson (The San Francisco Examiner)
Kurt Russell gives the performance of his career. Who says good movies don’t open early in the year. (Dark Blue) - Jeffrey Lyons (WNBC-TV)
Stephen Lang gives one of the best performances of his career. (Gods and Generals) - Jeffrey Lyons (WNBC-TV)
The best cast assembled this year, or last. (The Core) - John Anderson (Newsday)
DMX and Jet Li take action movies to a whole new level! They are the dynamic duo of the year! (Cradle 2 the Grave) - Clay Smith (Access Hollywood)
Paul Walker and Tyrese are the newest and best screen team buddies…they rock! (2 Fast 2 Furious) - Clay Smith (Access Hollywood)

Chris Rock has never been funnier. (Head of State) - Pat Collins (WWOR-TV)
John Cusack and Ray Liotta have never been better. (Identity) - Clint O’Connor (The Plain Dealer)
Tommy Lee Jones – I’ve never seen him like this in a film. (The Hunted) - Joel Siegel (Good Morning America)

Never-before-seen effects! (Hulk) - Mark S. Allen (KMAX-TV/UPN-TV (Sacramento)
Incredible car chases like you’ve never seen before (The Italian Job) - Leonard Maltin (Hot Ticket/Playboy)
Takes you to places you’ve never been before. (Daredevil) - Sara Edwards (NBC-TV)
Unlike any movie you’ve ever seen! (Finding Nemo) - Leonard Maltin (Hot Ticket/Playboy)
You’ve never seen anything like it! (Ghosts of the Abyss) - Dean Richards (WGN-TV/WGN Radio, Chicago)

Rome will never be the same! (The Lizzie McGuire Movie) - Greg Rassell (WB-TV, Detroit)
Falling in love never looked so fun and exciting. (How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days) - Earl Dittman (Wireless Magazines)

SHOUT THE TWISTS
Don’t you love when you are told the twists are coming?

A compelling tale of intrigue, loaded with twists and turns. (The Recruit) - David Sheehan (KCBS-TV)
A thrill ride with a twist you won’t believe! (Basic) - Mairianna Bachynsky (ATV/CTV Entertainment)
A very smart, provocative film with a continual string of surprises and an ending that shocks! (The Shape of Things) - Joyce Kulhawik (Hot Ticket)
Keeps viewers guessing right up until the film’s whopper finale! (The Shape of Things) - Ann Hornaday (The Washington Post)
It will keep your pulse racing and your heart pounding…until its suspenseful, shocking, mind-blowing conclusion! (The Life of David Gale) - Clay Smith (Access Hollywood)

EXCITEMENT FACTOR
Have you ever been blown out of the back of a theater with the roof blown off as your heart stopped on the edge of your seat that you were strapped into for a wild ride? Genuinely?

Thrilling!...fast paced nonstop action flick (Cradle 2 the Grave) - Shawn Edwards (FOX-TV – Kansas City)
A fast-paced, no-nonsense crime thriller! (The Hard Word) - Jeffrey Lyons (WNBC-TV)
A brash, dynamic crime caper! (Confidence) - Shawn Edwards (FOX-TV – Kansas City)

In your face excitement with an unbeatable cast! (X2: X-Men United) - Leonard Maltin (Hot Ticket/Playboy)
It has the excitement and action of a 12-round heavyweight fight. (The Italian Job) - Reggie Williams (Washington Afro-American)
Feels like a smooth, exciting whoosh down a ski slope. (The Italian Job) - Stephen Holden (The New York Times)

A suspenseful, side-splitting sensation! (The Italian Job) - Mike Cidoni (ABC-TV)
Heart-stopping adventure! (Ghosts of the Abyss) - Bill Bregoli, Westwood One Radio Networks
It will scare the pants off you…Bring an extra pair! (Final Destination 2) - Joyce Kulhawik (Hot Ticket)
The Pangs deliver enough shivery scares to keep you up nights. (The Eye) - Peter Travers (Rolling Stone)
There are enough thrills to last moviegoers a lifetime! A vibrant and exciting movie! (The Core) - Jeffrey K. Howard (The Movie Guys/ABC-TV)

Friedkin…hasn’t made hearts pump this hard since his unforgettable street chase in The French Connection. (The Hunted) - Leonard Maltin (Hot Ticket/Playboy)
Smart, thrilling and hilarious with a chase scene to end all chase scenes. (The Italian Job) - Dean Richards (WGN-TV/WGN Radio, Chicago)

Action with attitude! (Bulletproof Monk) - Bill Bregoli, Westwood One Radio Networks
Non-stop explosive action! (A Man Apart) - Mark S. Allen (KMAX-TV/UPN-TV (Sacramento)
HULK-sized action! (Hulk) - Mark S. Allen (KMAX-TV/UPN-TV (Sacramento)

It pulsates with chaser and racer (The Hunted) - Gene Shalit (The Today Show)

Terrifying, suspenseful…pick the adjectives of your choice. They all point to (Dreamcatcher) - Jeffrey K. Howard (The Movie Guys/ABC-TV)

X-hilarating! (X2: X-Men United) - William Arnold (Seattle Post-Intelligencer)
Exhilarating (The Matrix Reloaded) - William Arnold (Seattle Post-Intelligencer)
Exciting…Imaginative…The pace skillfully builds to a definitive climax. (What? It’s not EXHILARATING!?) (The Core) - William Arnold (Seattle Post-Intelligencer)

Genuinely exciting! (The Recruit) - Leonard Maltin (Hot Ticket/Playboy)
Genuinely exciting! (The Core) - Leonard Maltin (Hot Ticket/Playboy)
An action thriller that’s genuinely exciting. (The Hunted) - Leonard Maltin (Hot Ticket/Playboy)

Strap yourself in (The Matrix Reloaded) - Richard Corliss (Time)
Strap yourself in for the ride of a lifetime. (The Core) - Earl Dittman (Wireless Magazines)
Hits on all cylinders. A dazzling action-adventure. The thrills can truly thrill. (Daredevil) - Marshall Fine (The Gannett Journal News)
Races along at an engaging, radar-busting pace… (2 Fast 2 Furious) - Sonia Murray
High-octane entertainment (Hollywood Homicide) - Wilson Morales (Blackfilm.com)
Pulse-pounding pedal to the metal thrills. (The Italian Job) - Bill Bregoli, Westwood One Radio Networks
Fasten your seat belts for the summer’s wildest ride! (The Italian Job) - Amy Longsdorf (Allentown Morning Call/Camden Courier Post)

Had me nailed to my seat. (The Hunted) - Gene Shalit (The Today Show)
A sexy, edge-of-your-seat thriller (The Recruit) - Clay Smith (Access Hollywood)
Strap yourself in for the ride of a lifetime. A breathtaking, white-knuckle voyage to the center of pure, unadulterated action and excitement. An electrifying, jaw-dropping action film that will definitely keep you on the edge of your seat. (The Core) - Earl Dittman (Wireless Magazines)
Brings you to the edge of your seat. (Dreamcatcher) - Eleanor Ringel Gillespie
A first-rate edge-of-your-seat thriller loaded with suspense, whiz-bang action and creepy excitement (Dreamcatcher) - Shawn Edwards (FOX-TV – Kansas City)
100% Exciting! Edge-of-your-seat thrill ride that’s a total blast. (The Core) - Shawn Edwards (FOX-TV – Kansas City)

A edge of your seat caper film grabs you and never lets go. (The Italian Job) - Tony Toscano (KJZZ-TV/Talking Pictures)
It grabs you from the first scene and doesn’t let go. (The Italian Job) - Amy Longsdorf (Allentown Morning Call/Camden Courier Post)
Grab your tickets now and get set for the wildest trip you may ever take. (The Core) - John Procaccino (Kiro-TV (CBS), Seattle)
A thriller that will grab you from start to finish. (Basic) - Larry King (Larry King Live)
Take someone you plan to grab (Identity) - Tony Toscano (KJZZ-TV/Talking Pictures)
An action thriller that pulls you in and won’t let you go. (The Hunted) - Leonard Maltin (Hot Ticket/Playboy)

An entertaining ride! (The Core) - Leonard Maltin (Hot Ticket/Playboy)
An incredible ride (The Matrix Reloaded) - Joel Siegel (Good Morning America)
Hold on – this is one incredible ride. (Identity) - Patty Spitler (CBS-TV)
A rollicking ride. (The In-Laws) - Thelma Adams (US Magazine)
It’s a fun ride. (The Core) - Sandi Davis (The Daily Oklahoman)
It’s a thrill ride! (The Core) - Gregory Weinkauf (Scene Magazine)
What a ride! (The Core) - Tony Toscano (KJZZ-TV/Talking Pictures)
The summer’s wildest ride! (The Italian Job) - Amy Longsdorf (Allentown Morning Call/Camden Courier Post)
An exhilarating ride that never stops. (The Core) - Adam Shapiro (TV-Guide Channel)
Edge-of-your-seat thrill ride that’s a total blast. (The Core) - Shawn Edwards (FOX-TV – Kansas City)
A captivating joy ride. (The Italian Job) - Gene Shalit (The Today Show)
A thrill ride with a twist you won’t believe! (Basic) - Mairianna Bachynsky (ATV/CTV Entertainment)
A fantastic thrill ride you shouldn’t miss. (The Italian Job) - Victoria Snee (KDAF-TV (WB) Dallas)
The ride of a lifetime. (The Core) - Earl Dittman (Wireless Magazines)
The perfect testosterone-fueled, music-driven joy ride. (Biker Boyz) - Ann Hornaday (The Washington Post)

Mind-blowing. (X2: X-Men United) - Bill Diehl (ABC Radio Network)
Utterly mind-blowing! (Identity) - Prairie Miller (WBAI-FM)
It’ll blow your mind! (The Italian Job) - Mairianna Bachynsky (ATV/CTV Entertainment)
It will keep your pulse racing and your heart pounding…until its suspenseful, shocking, mind-blowing conclusion! (The Life of David Gale) - Clay Smith (Access Hollywood)
Will blow your blues away (A Mighty Wind) - Gene Shalit (The Today Show)
Blows you away with hysterical performances (A Mighty Wind) - Robin Milling (WENN (Milling About)
I found myself blown away! (Winged Migration) - Marshall Fine (The Gannett Journal News)

TITULAR UNIMAGINATION

Sea it! (Finding Nemo) - Susan Granger (SSG Syndicate)
Adults and kids alike will “go wild” for this wacky adventure. (Rugrats Go Wild) - David Viggiano (FOX-TV)
We are just wild about Rugrats! (Rugrats Go Wild) - Thelma Adams (US Magazine)
Martin and Latifah rock the ‘House’! (Bringing Down the House) - Barbara Vancheri (Pittsburgh Post-Gazette)
House of laughs (Bringing Down the House) - Leah Rozen (People)
Jungle fun and plenty of humor! (The Jungle Book 2) - Leah Rozen (People)
Victor Victorius! A rare film about teens that gets them right. (Raising Victor Vargas) - Leah Rozen
A dynamite sci-fi adventure that will rattle you to the core. (The Core) - John Procaccino (Kiro-TV (CBS), Seattle)
This cradle rocks! (Cradle 2 the Grave) - Audrey J. Bernard (Radioscope)

A ‘Lethal Weapon’ combo of action and humor (2 Fast 2 Furious) - Thelma Adams (US Magazine)
Harrison Ford and Josh Hartnett are this summer’s Lethal Weapons (Hollywood Homicide) - Gayl Murphy (Sirius/Hollywood Correspondent)
Fast and furious action-adventure. (The Italian Job) – Kevin Thomas (Los Angeles Times)
Full-throttle entertainment…This ‘Job’ is sheer pleasure. (The Italian Job) - Thelma Adams (US Magazine)
It brings down the house. (Head of State) - Pat Collins (WWOR-TV)

A King-sized scare. (Dreamcatcher) - Eleanor Ringel Gillespie
Blows you away with hysterical performances (A Mighty Wind) - Robin Milling (WENN (Milling About)
Takes moviegoers to new depths. (Finding Nemo) - Bill Diehl (ABC Radio Network)
A first class comedy! (View from the Top) - Brett Martin (FOX-TV) (Get it – it’s about stewardesses!)
A honey pot of a film! (Piglet’s Big Movie) - Laura Kelly (South Florida Sun-Sentinel) (Get it – Pooh. Honey!)
Hail to the chief of comedy – Rock rules! (Head of State) - Bill McCuddy (Fox News Channel)
Gets my vote for the stupidest fun I’ve had in a long time. (Head of State) - Michael O’Sullivan (The Washington Post Weekend)
Kids will have a hopping good time! (Kangaroo Jack) - Neil Rosen (NY-1)

The best military thriller since Black Hawk Down. (Tears of the Sun) - Richard Horrmann (Parade Magazine Radio)
The best Bruce Willis action film since Die Hard. (Tears of the Sun) - Tony Toscano (KJZZ-TV/Talking Pictures)
The scariest movie since The Ring. (Identity) - Mark Wheaton (CHUD.com)
The most disturbing horror film since ‘The Exorcist’ (28 Days Later) - David E. Williams (Cinefantastique)
A down and dirtier ‘Ocean’s 11’. (The Italian Job) - Saryn Chorney (Alloy.com)
May be the best teen flick to hit the theaters since Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club and Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (What a Girl Wants) - George Thomas (Akron Beacon Journal)
Imagine mixing national Lampoon’s European Vacation with There’s Something About Mary. (Just Married) - Matt Lehky (The Cleveland Sun)

QUOTE WHORE OF THE YEAR NOMINATIONS

This is groundbreaking. (The Real Cancun) - Lori Majewski (US Magazine)

It’s a new and hilarious Big Fat Greek Wedding. (The In-Laws) - Jeanne Wolf (Jeanne Wolf’s Hollywood)


link directly to this feature at http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/feature.php?feature=765
originally posted: 07/12/03 16:24:03
last updated: 12/30/03 16:01:21
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