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CRITICWATCH - THE NOT-SO-PERFECT DATE MOVIE
by Erik Childress
""The next person to call a movie "the perfect date movie" must punch themselves in the face, stomach, crotch and both eyes until they fall down and agree to never did it again." I wrote that early in 2013 when the latest attempt to sell such a thing to prospective couples aroused my ire like most things involving junky junket press. Surely such a thing does exist. Say Anything back in the day certainly qualifies. Maybe a more sprawling epic like Love Actually covers all the bases necessary to get guys off of home plate. A perfect date movie to critics should be as recognizable as porno to Supreme Court justice Potter Stewart. You know it when you see it. So why is it so difficult to attach the phrase to the right movies? Oh right, because it is a phrase terminally used by the average quote whore and the latest example is as questionable as ever." (more)
DVD REVIEWS FOR 7/6: "THERE YOU GO--HIDING BEHIND A SMOKESCREEN OF BOURGEOIS CLICHES!"
by Peter Sobczynski
"Although drugs are in short supply in this round-up of new arrivals on DVD/Blu-Ray, let it be said that sex, violence and rock and/or roll more than take up the slack." (more)
FILMS I NEGLECTED TO REVIEW: WET HOT AMERICAN ROMANTIC COMEDY
by Peter Sobczynski
"Please enjoy short reviews of "Heli," "Ivory Tower," "Radio Free Albemuth," "They Came Together" and "Whitey: United States of America vs. James J. Bulger."" (more)
CAPSULE REVIEWS: OCULUS, TRANSCENDENCE & A MILLION WAYS TO DIE IN THE WEST
by Daniel Kelly
"Some midsummer, bite-size reviews!" (more)
DVD REVIEWS FOR 6/15: "YOU WERE READY FOR A LOVE AFFAIR BUT NOT FOR LOVE!"
by Peter Sobczynski
"Yeah, I love "Pretty Little Liars"--you wanna make something of it? Well, do you? I thought not. Besides, it is one of the few highlights in this roundup of new home video releases that also includes very old porn shorts, very dumb action spectaculars and much, much more." (more)
FILMS I NEGLECTED TO REVIEW: THE LEGEND CONTINUES
by Peter Sobczynski
"Please enjoy short reviews of "How to Train Your Dragon 2," "Lullaby," "The Signal" and "Supermensch: The Legend of Shep Gordon."" (more)
DVD/BLU-RAY REVIEWS FOR 6/2: "PEOPLE JUST DON'T LIKE TEACHERS BLOWING UP THEIR KIDS!"
by Peter Sobczynski
"This roundup of recently released home video titles includes a slew of remakes--one of them even watchable--and the Blu-Ray debut of one of the landmark American screen comedies of all time. Enjoy." (more)
CAPSULE REVIEWS: GODZILLA, X-MEN: DAYS OF FUTURE PAST & POMPEII
by Daniel Kelly
"Godzilla (Gareth Edwards, Warner Bros, 2014) After a vigorous marketing campaign and the promise of a fresh, talented director at the helm, “Godzilla” ends up disappointing. After a moody opening act, the film simply becomes a protracted globe-trotter, sending Aaron Taylor-Johnson’s supremely boring Ford Brody (not the only Spielberg reference, but perhaps the most egregious) after the title character and a pair of giant MUTOs. Director Gareth Edwards’ continues to show a knack for seamless digital wizardry, but his continuation of the “Godzilla” brand is sluggish and devoid of personality, especially when it comes to a roster of impossibly vacant human vessels. Great actors like Bryan Cranston, Juliette Binoche and Elizabeth Olsen are left stranded in parts that require practically nothing from them. When the monsters finally do clash and Godzilla emerges from the shadows, he’s an impressive CGI creation, incurring the opportunity for some spectacular shots. However by that point the film’s dead in the water, with only a handful of inspired sequences (the HALO jump from the trailer is still thrillingly edited and scored) to recommend it. This attempt to drag the world’s foremost celebrity Kaiju into a post 9/11 world deserves plaudits for maturity, but ultimately the vehicle grows more ponderous and disinteresting with each mechanised plot twist and zombified Taylor-Johnson expression. Underwhelming. Ken Watanabe also pulls a Jeong and sets the depiction of Asians in Hollywood back about 50-years. Grade - C" (more)
FILMS I NEGLECTED TO REVIEW: MINA DAMER OCH HERRAR! DEN FANTASTISKA FLäCKAR
by Peter Sobczynski
"Please enjoy short reviews of "Chinese Puzzle," "Maleficent" and "We Are The Best"" (more)
CRITICWATCH - WARNER BROS. & THE BLENDED EDGE OF TOMORROW
by Erik Childress
"As we head into what was once the beginning of the true summer movie season (before The Mummy came around and just about officially made it the first weekend in May) there are a number of things that we can count on. In the season that film critics and movie lovers take with a grain of salt and occasionally apologetic recommendations we can expect passionate splits (Godzilla) and passes given to outright junk (The Amazing Spider-Man 2). We also know that this is the feeding ground for the nation's junket attendees getting their 15 minutes (or 1.5 seconds) and no one provides a greater buffet for these bottom feeders than Warner Bros. It's a shame that the studio of Gravity and The Lego Movie still feels beholden to this gaggle of giggleheads to promote the films that occasionally sell themselves even without the tune of 96-97% approval ratings from critics happy to write justifiable hyperbole when warranted. Yet they are the ones often told to shut their mouths until the movie comes out. And who does that leave the studios with?" (more)

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