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Awesome: 13.79%
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Just Average: 14.37%
Pretty Crappy: 21.26%

9 reviews, 120 user ratings

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Deep Impact
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by Slyder

"A Deep Impact Down Into Hell"
1 stars

Honestly, Iíve seen well-made depressing flicks that at least give a final touch that is uplifting and help raise your feelings towards the very end. Thatís a type of example that you can find on excellent films like The Elephant Man or Kramer Vs. Kramer. But this film, just goes down into depression at its worst, and gives more of a feeling that itís best for you to commit suicide right there whether it was the theater or the TV screen. Thatís how I felt after watching this fucking awful piece of inbreeded shit. Honestly, if you even liked this movie, youíre probably a fucking retard, I was desperately looking for a suicide solution after watching this turkey, I couldnít sleep for the rest of the night, it was JUST that bad.

So, thereís e big-ass comet the size of Mount Everest, orbiting near Earth, a kid called Leo (Elijah Wood) discovers it, and becomes famous, well, many years later because the guy who confirms the discovery and finds out that the comet is in a direct path to Earth, is killed in a freak car accident, due to desperation and freakish bad luck (Bah, unoriginal). Then a MSNBC reporter called Jenny Lerner (Tea Leoni) tries to uncover a supposed sex scandal in the White House, and a girl called ďEllie.Ē She later finds out that itís actually E.L.E (Extinction Level Event), and that itís a meteor, not a girl, which is the problem. Then she meets President Tom Beck (Morgan Freeman), who tells her about the governmentís plans to sent a spaceship called ďThe Messiah,Ē headed by Capt. Spurgeon ďFishĒ Tanner (Robert Duvall), to head out and try to destroy the comet, which of course they donít, in fact, they divide the comet in two (Thatís no spoiler, you know theyíre not going to destroy in the first shot) and the fucker is still headed towards Earth. Guess the outcome.

Ok, first of all, how could such great actors like Morgan Freeman, Robert Duvall, Maximillian Schell, and Vanessa Redgrave sign up to this fucking drek? Furthermore, why the fuck was Steven Spielberg involved in this film? What a bunch of wasted talent. With such a lame-ass script written by Michael Tolkien, the film tumbles right from the beginning. Ok, the only upside was the probability of the situation, a meteor wiped the dinosaurs 65 million years ago, and it could happen today, we just donít know when. Thatís the only high point; it goes all downhill from there.

The supposed twist at the beginning is so unoriginal and idiotic; it makes me want to cry. The rest of the plot leads to an artificial exercise in emotional manipulation that tries to make you feel sorry for the characters in the film. Sure, like Iíd give a shit about Tea Leoniís antics and problems. Mimi Leder can sign herself as candidate for worst director of the new millennium, because the manipulation exercise she gives out, doesnít deliver a damn thing, and furthermore, it will either give out a few chuckles or even more so, a couple of pissed off rants. Also because Leder has directed such trash favorites like The Peacemaker and Pay It Forward. Leoni gives out one of the most wooden performances ever in the film, and like other people here, I was glad that she ended up dead in that huge-ass wave that hits the coast when the piece of meteor hits the earth, because Leoni is so bad here that sometimes I think if she had shown her tits and ass, maybe I wouldíve liked this film, but I seriously doubt it, since with or without them, she canít act, or maybe she doesnít. Now, are we supposed to feel a damn thing about Leo marrying his sweetheart (Leelee Sobieski) at age 13? Guess not, because I didnít feel a thing. As said before, the film is so repulsive and depressive that in the end, it doesnít give out anything uplifting and leaves you in a dark void, just waiting for the knife to strike. Not even the speech of our President can help us from our utter depression.

LOOK, lets cut the bullshit. The fucking film was predictable, if youíre smart enough like I think you are, the human side will always win, no matter what. Thatís how many summer shit movies are always going to end. The good side always wins. Shit, how formulaic. Ok, maybe Iím going a bit off the edge, if a good movie uses this formula well, then yes, itís worth a praise, but not this one. The ending of the film or climax has to be one of the lames plotholes ever, all wasting itself with the hill-climbing scene, which was a crock of shit. The FX was okay, but when it got to the comet, I just wanted to laugh. IT LOOKS LIKE A FUCKING PIECE OF CHEESE!!! What a lame effect, ugh.

The worst of it all, was EVEN yet to come after the film ended. How in the FUCK did this film manage to gross so much millions, and how did it get so much positive praise when in reality itís another wasted pile of celluloid? The answer lies in the billing. The fucker studio execs said probably ďHey, well, we have a bad script, but lets just bill Steven Spielberg on it, and weíll fork out 150 million.Ē Yeah, that hype technique never fails, and unfortunately we donít realize how shitty can a film turn out until weíre inside the theater praying for our lives and with our seven bucks wasted.

The performances were horrible all over, Lotís of talent wasted. To all those great actors and actresses that participated in this film: Please, next time read the script before agreeing to appear in it, because if you donít, youíll end up in the annals of Hollywood all without work and treated as has-beens, and thatís what kills an actor. Tea Leoni, please, go back to acting school because tits and ass arenít going to get you far, I guarantee you, talent does, and unless you do something about it, youíll end up being a talent-less bitch. Director Mimi Leder, you have a great future in girlsploitation, keep on going on your task in being Spielbergís other bitch, since thatís what your only good for. Forget about filmmaking FOREVER!!!

In the end, avoid this film, at all costs. I only recommend it for people who have certain suicidal tendencies, believe me; this is better than the knife or the pills. For us intelligent people, stay away from it man, itís not worth your money or your life. (0.5-5)

link directly to this review at http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=1&reviewer=235
originally posted: 08/20/01 00:35:17
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User Comments

2/13/18 Sean I like movies where the main characters never meet. 4 stars
12/28/17 morris campbell good effects that is it 3 stars
8/18/15 Rob Why do so many people fail to notice that this film makes no sense? 2 stars
1/04/15 josh messier This review sucks. It was actually a good movie 4 stars
4/27/13 David So Rob thinks we shouldn't like this movie just cuz it goes above the bar he lowered? FU 5 stars
8/24/11 Robert Wonderful! One of the most emotional movies ever made. 5 stars
8/16/11 Machine Gun Tom Wished a comet smashed in the production set while it was being made! 1 stars
7/22/11 Cletus Black president? Never! Oh, wait... Anyway, good drama. I liked it 4 stars
9/30/08 Shaun Wallner Intense Action!! 5 stars
8/19/08 DJ Cant believe the negativity! This is a modern classic and near perfect movie! 5 stars
7/19/08 Boengaran Brilliant movie for smart people. For not-so-smart ones, watch Armageddon! 5 stars
5/10/08 mark madsen not very realalistic 2 stars
5/10/08 Bob Better than Armageddon but still pretty weak. Leoni = totally uninspired performance 2 stars
3/04/08 ladavies The last scens with Tea and her father just kills me. Pretty good movie. 4 stars
10/09/07 Ariadne Christina Renee Gladstone An example Morgan Freeman's good work, from before he started playing God. 5 stars
7/03/07 mb Good Movie 4 stars
4/24/07 captain dustin love the movie 5 stars
4/18/07 Stevo UK Oh look. America saves the world. Again. America is best. Again. America Rules. AGAIN. 1 stars
2/16/07 Vip Ebriega What a disaster movie must be. 3 stars
1/17/07 David Pollastrini great action 5 stars
11/06/06 Booksworm Armageddon and Deep Impact are BOTH TOTAL SHIT!!! 1 stars
3/09/06 Dk Armegeddon for those with IQs above 70 4 stars
8/18/05 Captain Craig All the ethnic mis-matches you expect from a Speilberg production 3 stars
8/17/05 ES It was a decent watch with a good cast and alright story 4 stars
8/12/05 Frenzy this sucks, very deep 1 stars
8/09/05 Fleetwood terribly, a load of complete bullshit 1 stars
4/25/05 E-FUNK Frodo subs a glowing sword for a motorcyle and ugly chick. On par with a venereal disease. 1 stars
10/12/04 Laura This movie was sooo touching!! 5 stars
9/06/04 Alex What are all these people sayin? It's a total tearjerker! 5 stars
8/13/04 Brandon Horrible, horrible movie; can't believe Ebert gave it 2.5 stars outta 5 1 stars
8/01/04 john bale No impact at all ! How did Duval, Freeman, and Regrave get into this drival. 1 stars
7/02/04 cinkcool bleh 1 stars
6/30/04 Hilal what is that ? i can't bleive that 5 stars
6/07/04 Heidi This movie was a bit hard to understand it kept bouncing from charector to charector. 2 stars
3/08/04 Blaine Holloway i thought is ok, although armageddon is better 3 stars
1/26/04 Kathleen It sucked! It was a complete ripoff of Armageddon. The director should have been sued 1 stars
1/24/04 Elena I don't care about anything else in the film except Elijah.i want to make sweet love to him 2 stars
12/08/03 john to beat Armageddon isn't all that hard but thi is a solid desaster picture 4 stars
9/20/03 Darryl I like it. 4 stars
3/30/03 sfghghfghg Great way better than Armeggedon, but not as good as the CORE 5 stars
3/25/03 Jack Sommersby "Armageddon" kicks this lousy piece of crap out of the universe. 1 stars
3/20/03 May Q. Horney Good. (unwittingly?) makes Leelee S's char. look dumb for not knowing what Megrez is? 4 stars
3/10/03 Joe Cool Better than Armageddon 3 stars
2/19/03 Dave Has some poignant moments, some nausiatingly corny, but it's leagues ahead of Armageddon. 3 stars
1/12/03 Jack Sommersby Sappy and predictable disaster flick. Leoni is overbearing; Duvall seriously slumming. 1 stars
12/21/02 Pigwidgeon Finally, a disaster movie that's NOT about macho derring-do! 5 stars
11/18/02 cinkcool Shitty 1 stars
11/10/02 Trinity I loved it 5 stars
11/10/02 Daniel I'm in the minority here, but I really like this movie! Far superior to Armageddon. 5 stars
11/09/02 Stevo Not that bad as disaster flicks go; shitloads better than Armageddon anyway. 4 stars
10/17/02 Charles Tatum The best of the two meteor flicks 5 stars
10/08/02 3man At least it was better than Armegeddon. 3 stars
9/29/02 Fuze44 Tea Leoni, why won't ya blow me? 4 stars
8/22/02 ito very good 2 stars
5/13/02 ghazt atallah please,get someone to fuch me,plsssssssssssss 5 stars
4/23/02 Danielle Ophelia So sugar-saturated you'll need to a whole pack of Carefree gum to survive. 1 stars
4/01/02 ghazi atallah nude pictures if possible 5 stars
3/05/02 Veronica Foxx -The Raven-Haired Temptress Glad I'm not the only one who thought it was a porno; has as much talent as a porno does 2. 1 stars
2/20/02 Xaver I can't believe I actually sat through this entire boring film. 1 stars
1/25/02 specialK skip to the last five minutes, but still lame 2 stars
1/05/02 Magnum Craphole One of the worst movies outta the worst year in cinema. Unwatchable disaster/melodrama. 1 stars
1/03/02 KMG Deep Impact was about a meteor? I thought it was Elijah's first porno! 2 stars
11/29/01 The $1.98 Pyramid Felt cheated to find only ONE tiny disaster. The rest is careless soap opera. 3 stars
8/28/01 Gary The dialogue, acting, characters and story are all terrible, corny bollocks. 1 stars
6/06/01 Dean - Deep Impact is PURE JUNK I CAN NOT accept a movie where politicians are responsible to choose who is going to live. 1 stars
5/01/01 GarboGirl Open your eyes and give it a chance! its gripping and moving 5 stars
4/28/01 Fuckface bum-and more bum. Elijah wood is a bum 2 stars
4/18/01 Tam Really, really boring. Tea Leoni is a deadpan lead. Solid SFX though. 2 stars
4/01/01 Jesse L Not bad. Not great. just ok. 3 stars
3/25/01 Monster W. Kung Armageddon was worse, but this is still unredeemingly, unabashedly, horrendously horrid. 1 stars
3/02/01 Egg36 Unfairly trashed. 4 stars
2/25/01 erland elijah wood is the best young actor ever. ARMAGEDDON pure fun,but D.I. also make you think 5 stars
2/18/01 *~Danielle*Ophelia~* (formerly KyLe*BrOfLoVsKi) Disaster movies went out of vogue in the late 70's. I guess these people missed it 3 stars
12/03/00 Cristopher Revilla what a fucking depressing shit, man. don't watch this fucktrash!!!! 1 stars
11/13/00 The EVIL Penguin nice tidal wave sequence; the rest sucks 2 stars
8/09/00 Terrie Smith Another "comet in your face" movie; better than "Armageddon" but what a waste. 3 stars
11/26/99 CATM Armageddon kicked ass, this was shit. Don't agree? Blow me. 1 stars
10/13/99 Lame-Oh Knock it off Hollywood, you're annoying the hell outta me. 1 stars
9/05/99 david it was okay 3 stars
7/23/99 Hagbard Celine Millions of people sit in their cars in gridlock and wait to be pulverized. Stupid. 1 stars
7/17/99 Ed Wood Could ANY movie as bad as Armageddon? Yes. This one. 1 stars
6/14/99 Dylan Better than Armageddon. 3 stars
6/02/99 kmk much better acting and writing than in that other asteroid movie. 4 stars
5/28/99 Ah Dooey abysmal movie 1 stars
2/01/99 CYaniDERuSH anyone who liked this movie should fuckin die a horrible death. fuck all of you 1 stars
1/31/99 Vick Di Brecci A good Twilight Zone episode unlike Armageddon 4 stars
1/02/99 Dasha I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints. Boring characters. 3 stars
12/24/98 CYaniDERuSH pure fuckin crap. walked out after bout 30 min of this garbage 1 stars
11/24/98 Mr.Pink The end is the best part, because 50% of the cast dies, so even that was a dissapointment 1 stars
11/23/98 Lord Of The Dunce Okay, what's amazing to me is SOMEBODY actually thinks this piece of crap was awesome. Guh. 1 stars
11/01/98 Darkhero1 Great movie. Emotionally gripping and the action is powerful. 5 stars
9/26/98 katherine god, enough wih the astroid movies! but neways, it was ok 3 stars
9/20/98 MR HOLLYWOOD Emotion,Heart-Felt and Pure Genius,shame about the pace/acting & director!! 4 stars
9/15/98 Gamma Morgan Freeman for President! Only good thing about the flick. 2 stars
9/13/98 Chip Taylor Compared to ARMAGEDDON, ARMAGEDDON's BRAVEHEART. 1 stars
9/13/98 Como Erectus Some really underdone effects, and Tea Leoni is just plain awful. How did she get famous? 2 stars
9/12/98 loriann very good 5 stars
9/09/98 Bruce Willis' mama. Pushing suspension of disbelief a bit there. I mean, a black president? 1 stars
9/07/98 Robert C. While the acting stinks, the science was accurate (compared to Armagedddon, which stank) 3 stars
9/07/98 ARMA-FUCK'N-GEDDON Come on, no contest here....... 1 stars
9/05/98 BBReBozo Nude Tea Leoni would've equaled at least 2 stars. 1 stars
9/05/98 J Lyons Good movie. It faced a lot of competition this summer. 4 stars
9/03/98 Badass Basic and pointless. Still, it has more zest than ARMAGEDDON 3 stars
8/30/98 Drasord Poor character buildup, undeveloped story, jumps around unnecesarily. Tea is hot. 2 stars
8/28/98 hairy monster It wasn't so bad. Better than Armageddon 4 stars
8/27/98 Dov american crap 1 stars
8/24/98 The Capital City Goofball Please stop these disaster films. Please? 1 stars
8/23/98 PyThomas A real downer of a film... and I only saw part of it 2 stars
8/22/98 Mister Whoopee Big boom blow up stuff. Tea stupid. 1 stars
8/15/98 J-Guy It was sad when they wouldn't let the little baby in the caves. 3 stars
8/15/98 Johny Elijah Wood and Mimi Leder suck 2 stars
8/12/98 {{OZ}} Crap crap crap 1 stars
8/12/98 clark the astronauts sacraficed themselves. -sniff-. wait, i dont care. 2 stars
8/12/98 Rotten Milk I figure it's like Armageddon only without Affleck 2 stars
8/11/98 Beetchslarp How long does Tea's 15 minutes go for exactly? 2 stars
6/04/98 FrankG I didn't see this movie 1 stars
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  08-May-1998 (PG-13)
  DVD: 05-Oct-2004


  18-Jun-1998 (M)

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