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Overall Rating
1.85

Awesome: 6.13%
Worth A Look: 11.04%
Just Average: 5.52%
Pretty Crappy: 16.56%
Sucks60.74%

7 reviews, 121 user ratings


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Catwoman
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by EricDSnider

"And Halle Berry was such a talented, brilliant actress! Oh, wait...."
2 stars

If "Catwoman" isn't the worst superhero movie so far, it is certainly the stupidest. It uses every cliche in the genre, and even borrows some from other genres, like the Romantic Comedy Law of Girlfriends, which states that the female lead must have a portlier, wackier girlfriend whose primary interest is her (the lead's) love life; and the Crime Drama Law of Cop Conservation, which holds that even major cities have only one police detective, and he is on hand at every crime committed within his jurisdiction.

"Catwoman," based on the DC Comic character who originated in the Batman universe, is an absurd movie about a skittish woman named Patience Phillips (Halle Berry) who, after falling to her death in a river, is resurrected by a squad of mystic cats and subsequently has all the powers of a cat. For example, she is suddenly very good at basketball -- you know, the way cats are -- and she can climb up walls and stick to them -- you know, the way cats do.

Patience is an advertising artist for Hedare, a huge line of popular cosmetics run by the Hedares, a cold married couple named George (Lambert Wilson) and Laurel (Sharon Stone). It is the Hedares who are responsible for Patience's death; after she accidentally overhears that the company's eagerly awaited new product, Beau-line, is toxic, the only way to keep her quiet is to kill her, obviously.

Once revived, Patience is surprised to find herself more agile, more nimble and more fond of fish than she used to be. She also has flashes of confidence, aggression and sass, qualities the old Patience never exhibited. Plus, now she craps in a sandbox. (Not really. I kid the catwoman!)

Dressed in a leather dominatrix outfit that, yeah, OK, I guess sort of looks like a cat, she begins committing and/or stopping crimes in the dark of night, drawing the attention of Tom Lone (Benjamin Bratt), the aforementioned solitary police detective in whatever city this is, whom Patience already had dealings with prior to her catamorphosis. Catwoman becomes a hero of the underwold, justice is sought against the Hedare evil-doers, and Catwoman becomes a suspect when one of their associates turns up dead.

Somewhere in all this "I am Catwoman, hear me meow" business is a fascinating study of feminism and the dual roles women are expected to play -- naughty in the bedroom but demure in public, and so forth. But the movie has no idea how to deal with any of its more thoughtful topics, nor even how to handle its superficial ones: Is this movie supposed to be funny, dark, serious, or what?

There are a few lines of dialogue that are clearly MEANT to be campy-funny, but then there are others that were meant to be taken seriously that are campy-funny anyway. The director, a French film editor and special-effects supervisor named Pitof, hasn't a clue how to treat the material, and the tone is all over the place.

The overall effect is stupefaction: How did one movie become so disoriented and foolish? How did they think audiences would react to this? Why make a movie in which the heroine is only occasionally heroic and very often dull? Does a character in this movie really wear makeup that makes her impervious to pain? WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?!

The performances are generally over-the-top, especially Sharon Stone, who I like so much but who makes the worst decisions of any woman in Hollywood. Well, except maybe for Halle Berry, whose commitment to her ludicrous role in this movie is admirable but embarrassing.

I've never cared much for cats anyway, but "Catwoman" clinches it. Next time I see one, I'm going to kick it into the river.

link directly to this review at http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=10221&reviewer=247
originally posted: 07/23/04 02:05:09
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User Comments

10/08/17 ksandr289@yandex.ru Бесплатная доска объявлений Webdoska — это сайт, где 2 stars
5/08/17 sergtovar Интернет-магазин SergTovar по продажам автонаполняющ 2 stars
12/21/16 Ifvremya Cамые свежие новости о главных событиях власти,по 2 stars
5/16/16 domnazavist Самые лучшие курсы обмена денег 2 stars
3/18/16 Ifvremya Cамые свежие новости о главных событиях власти,по 2 stars
3/17/16 domnazavist Самые лучшие курсы обмена денег 2 stars
1/22/16 plvuyjrkg USA 4 stars
1/07/16 David Hollingsworth these claws are pretty dull 1 stars
8/22/15 Lbvfittf WfDEVy Medical marca vs security mg and card generic net contra cialis help contro master., 5 stars
7/23/15 kjvewghldea USA 4 stars
7/18/15 cialis toulouse USA 2 stars
11/15/14 Morris What's the last date I can post this to to arrive in time for Christmas? <a href=" h 2 stars
11/09/14 Connie Could you transfer $1000 from my current account to my deposit account? <a href=" htt 5 stars
10/24/14 Juan Could you transfer $1000 from my current account to my deposit account? <a href=" ">admini 4 stars
9/14/14 wes Attributing negative reviews of this film to racism might be the worst thing I've ever seen 1 stars
3/22/14 Robert I liked it. Not a great movie, but worth watching. 4 stars
1/17/14 Roger Tompkins Not a film wanna-be aficionado, just a guy who loves a film that keeps my attention. 5 stars
11/21/13 John Men rate it poorly because the "good guy" doesn't get the cat in the end. 4 stars
6/01/13 Magenta Fantasies It's not a faithful adaptation, but it's a very enjoyable movie in its own right. 4 stars
5/27/13 RIc F**K EVERYONE, I LOVE THE MOVIE!! 5 stars
9/21/12 Quigley Truly one of the worst films ever made. It's a great education on how NOT to make a movie. 1 stars
11/25/11 Kitty Boo Loved it! 5 stars
7/28/11 ROBERTO D OCHOA i LOVED IT. 4 stars
2/19/11 Ark Giant turd, the finale fight scene with her and Stone wasn't too bad! And wtf with the cat? 2 stars
2/03/11 man horrible 1 stars
4/09/10 PAUL SHORTT LAUGHABLE ACTION THRILLER 1 stars
3/16/10 P.N. Guin It's great! 5 stars
1/09/10 Charlotte O I really liked this movie. What's up with all the bad reviews?? 4 stars
11/24/09 chake comment2 <a href="katalogue.ru"> </a> 3 stars
8/20/09 cousen01 www xxbb com 5 stars
8/18/09 daria sgJ97l Gra7noI59Unral92Bb7wf 3 stars
7/20/09 boris comment3, 3 stars
6/04/09 art KITTY LITTER!,that's what this film is!,PURE KITTY LITTER! 1 stars
5/28/09 Devin THE ONLY REASON ANYONE HATES THIS MOVIE IS BECAUSE IT DIDN'T EXACTLY FOLLOW THE COMIC! 5 stars
5/10/09 chris leasmith IS THIS REVIEW A JOKE!!! ITS BAD, REALLY BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 1 stars
4/04/09 Alfonso Turnage I must admit I liked Elektra better than I eventually liked Catwoman, but I loved this . . 4 stars
8/20/08 Shaun Wallner This one was kinda boring. 1 stars
8/14/08 AnonAnonAnon Wow... good job turning this into a racial issue with the last sentence. 1 stars
7/27/08 JoJo i loved and i ve watched it 90 times!!!!!! 5 stars
6/20/08 David V I should've watched my neighbor's vacation videos instead. 1 stars
6/08/07 Danielle Ophelia "Halle Berry is not much more than eye candy with delusions of grandeur." Thank you, Scott 1 stars
4/22/07 David Risser The villainess looked so fake. 2 stars
3/19/07 dude terrible 1 stars
2/18/07 Dark Enchantress I hated this girl as catwoman! If i could give it a "zero" star, i would! Horrible plot! 1 stars
12/21/06 David Pollastrini HORRIBLE, ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE 2 stars
10/01/06 William Goss Doesn't the Geneva Convention prevent people from enduring things like this? 1 stars
4/06/06 Troy M. Grzych A comic book film that does not stay true to it's roots...will not have fans. 2 stars
4/01/06 Thomas Semesky The movies is silly, a total waste of talent. 1 stars
3/27/06 Brian Meyer Like Nostradamus, I fortold doom. And DAMN was I right!!! Halley Berry won an oscar? 1 stars
11/25/05 cr halle berry play sexy and cool catwoman but the story was boring and lame and cgi overdone 3 stars
11/20/05 Steve Michaud And who said this was a comic book movie? 1 stars
11/07/05 LP Quagmire The most underrated comic book movie ever. Halle, you go, girl! 5 stars
10/31/05 millersxing written by circus cats trained by Siegfried & Roy (explains the whip/leather fixation, no?) 1 stars
10/13/05 Georgie Best Being stapled to the floor whilst being eaten by your cat is more fun. 1 stars
9/20/05 Jonathon Holmes what a laughable piece of shit 1 stars
7/31/05 R ....................pffff, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! 1 stars
7/22/05 Duffyboy666 A step-by-step guide how to NEVER produce a comic flick. Shite. 1 stars
7/18/05 Brandy Harrington NOT 1 PERSON HAS RATED IT AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 1 stars
6/19/05 Manu Ginobli just look at some catwoman porn instead. (it exsists, check it out) 1 stars
6/13/05 i am god i would rather take a shit 1 stars
5/19/05 susan varney even halle said it sucked 1 stars
3/29/05 Vince Only good thing in this pile of shite is Hale in leather. 1 stars
3/25/05 Denise ok 3 stars
3/21/05 craig varney if not for halle berry totally unbearable 1 stars
2/24/05 ELI So god awfully stupid it's funny. If I saw it in theaters, I would've laughed more 1 stars
2/16/05 Cody a average movie with cool character, halle is pretty, but not best catwoman 3 stars
2/06/05 Kenneth Helmick Hey, Steel was awesome! 1 stars
2/05/05 Amy Bradshaw Not as bad as people make it sound, it was entertaining enough, but just that. 3 stars
2/01/05 Lynde Foy total embarrassment to filmmaking--Berry should be ashamed of herself 1 stars
1/31/05 Danita Berg Wow....I've had more fun washing my cat. 1 stars
1/31/05 Robert Pfeifer the worst movie I've seen since... Batman And Robin!! Why did they even bother? 1 stars
1/29/05 bongeezer Halle Berry with a whip... And I was still bored! That's a bad movie. 2 stars
1/29/05 Caroline I saw this movie 2x (inafluke), and I was so bored the 2nd time, I threw twizzlers. :) 2 stars
1/29/05 Fred Pellerito Should have save their money and made it a cartoon instead 1 stars
1/29/05 dana hammell I enjoyed this movie 4 stars
1/29/05 terri shaw Oh wekk what do I know I liked it and could watch it with my kids ! No nightmares here. 4 stars
1/24/05 tatum If only the director had managed to stage a coherent shot 1 stars
1/19/05 ALDO crap story..and way 2 much pop music 2 stars
1/19/05 American Slasher Goddess Painfully awful 1 stars
12/25/04 Louie What were they thinking when they made this mess? 1 stars
12/12/04 Vince The beginning was not that bad... then it went downhill, fast 2 stars
10/29/04 Scott Roen I enjoyed this, but mostly because I didn't build my expectations up 3 stars
10/14/04 blue ANOREXIC HALLE BERRY IN A STUPID LEATHER SUIT! BIG SHIT!!! 1 stars
10/14/04 Regina George didn\'t really survive the school bus accident Unlike the Michelle Pfeiffer version, at least it tells a coherent story. 3 stars
9/13/04 the bride excuse me while I go and slit my wrists for being STUPID enough to see this. This is fucked 1 stars
9/05/04 johnnyxxx oh my, I thot it was a TV commercial 1 stars
8/27/04 Mike Stanbridge The DVD will probably come in the Batman Begins action figure releases just to get rid of t 1 stars
8/24/04 K Man plop 1 stars
8/15/04 McGraw Cat Scratch Fever that feels like AIDS. 1 stars
8/12/04 lawhog44 Ultimate blackmail: "My way, or the Garfield/Catwoman double feature." Kill. Me. Now. 1 stars
8/11/04 Ganglia damn... just... damn. download it and laugh your ass off 1 stars
8/10/04 f up Halley Berry is overrated, and is full of herself, has a big camel-toe in this movie.sucks 1 stars
8/10/04 Who Cares? There's a special hell for freaks who liked this movie!! 1 stars
8/10/04 QT The Bruce Lee suit as in Kill Bill...why? 1 stars
8/09/04 McGraw HAH! AHAHAH!!! HAAAAAAAHAHA...seriously, folks. It sucks. 1 stars
8/03/04 Uncle Salty I'd rather pound my balls flat with a splinterred wooden mallet than see it again. 1 stars
8/02/04 Matt Thiel Lame 2 stars
8/01/04 Ann Total Crap. I have never left a movie before it is over, but this one did it to me. 1 stars
7/30/04 arctic What was the point besides getting to war the tight outfit? 2 stars
7/29/04 Nikolai A non pretentious popcorn flick ok soundtrack effects tasty eyecandy bring a chick 4 stars
7/28/04 NiraliKumar Close to the comic book, better read it instead of watching it. Nice effects tho. 2 stars
7/27/04 Mike Devans weak 2 stars
7/27/04 WES NILES I LOVED IT! ...I laughed a little, and I cried a little. what more can one ask? 1 stars
7/27/04 Brad What a waste of my time 1 stars
7/26/04 J.D. Semlow Yeah, what they said! 1 stars
7/26/04 paks Not fit to be used as kitty litter 1 stars
7/26/04 robert berkoff another gigli 1 stars
7/26/04 this bitch won an oscar? Ive heard they already started to film part 2! 1 stars
7/25/04 Spay this cat! This morning my cat coughed up a disgusting furball more entertaining than this SHIT movie. 1 stars
7/25/04 Katie this movie is terrible 1 stars
7/25/04 Realitik Ashley Judd was smart to turn down this absolutely terrible role... not even worth renting! 1 stars
7/24/04 Drew-P Halle is hot, but not hot enough to sit through that. 2 stars
7/24/04 AK47 "Oops, my bad". Fuck you Halle and everybody involved in this POS. 1 stars
7/24/04 Conor Great awful 1 stars
7/24/04 Atanu Halle berry was never an actress. That she got an oscar is a travesty. 1 stars
7/23/04 tank1229 save your money 1 stars
7/23/04 Christina neuter this pussy 1 stars
7/23/04 Brian is DC doomed to an eternity of crappy hero movies? 1 stars
7/23/04 Mix Master Mason Turd City! Millions of dollars down the tube, should have been direct to DVD. 1 stars
7/23/04 Anthonyk Check this one for Fleas - DO NOT WASTE YOUR MONEY! 1 stars
7/22/04 Scytherius Warner Bros burns $100 million on the corner. Horrid. 1 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  23-Jul-2004 (PG-13)
  DVD: 18-Jan-2005

UK
  N/A

Australia
  16-Sep-2004




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