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Overall Rating
2.24

Awesome: 4%
Worth A Look: 12%
Just Average: 22%
Pretty Crappy: 28%
Sucks34%

3 reviews, 32 user ratings


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Phantoms
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by Alexander

"I can't say this movie was good, but I enjoyed it none the less"
2 stars

Okay, so let's get this straight right away. This movie wasn't very good. But let's look at the grand spectrum of not-very-good movies, and this was has to be sitting among the top contenders. I was bored, I had money, I wanted to see a weird movie. I rented Phantoms. What else am I going to do on a lazy afternoon? Homework? I think not.

So, Dean Kootz rocks the world. His books kick. And in the grand tradition of book-to-movie flicks, there's no way in hell a film can live up to a book.

It's just, Americans are lazy as shit, folks. We want the story delivered to us, rather than doing the work ourselves. And so, some Hollywood Shmoe Joe decides to try and deliver. To a certain degree, they failed.

But to another, they succeeded.

Okay, so the story is scary as shit. Imagine, a whole town wiped out. That's just cool, okay. The sisterly duo of doctor and rebelious teen return to the cozy town to find everyone dead. And way to few bodies, which probably not a good thing.

Enter Ben Affleck, local Sheriff with a history that got him kicked out of the FBI. Not a great role by any means, or a believable history. It sorta gets in the way. But I like Ben and always have. So I stuck with him.

The scares are cheap, most of them, but most of the acting was decent. The killer dog was about the coolest thing. But the moth? Please. Altough he did do a number on Stu's face.

Bringing me to my biggest complaint in the movie. Stu the
stu-pid cop. Why is he so fucking insane??? It makes no sense! And why him? Why does he come back. He's a perverted joke with about as much common sense as a pile of monkey poop. But, yet, he acts the way he acts. It makes no sense.

So, the movie ain't great. But it is sort of fun on video. If you give it a look, don't take it seriously. Just sit back and enjoy the ride. You'll be scared a little. But just a little.

link directly to this review at http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=107&reviewer=124
originally posted: 10/10/99 14:18:58
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User Comments

2/20/17 morris campbell decent read the book instead 2 stars
8/15/12 action movie fan good horror film-agreeable mix of terror and gore 4 stars
10/22/10 Ace-of-Stars What a ship-load of CRAP! A total waste of top Hollywood talent! 1 stars
3/16/10 PAUL SHORTT UNIMAGINATIVE HORROR, SLACKLY MADE 2 stars
10/20/07 fools♫gold Wasn't this screenplay itself by Dean Koontz? 3 stars
4/24/05 John Bale Alas poor Peter - how you have fallen to this ! 2 stars
3/24/04 Wendy Mead If Joanna Going married Winnie The Pooh, she'd be Joanna Going Pooh! 4 stars
3/22/04 tatum Good first hour negated by unbelievable sci-fi hokiness 3 stars
1/11/04 Emperor's New Clothes? Nope. Just a Fat, Ugly, Naked, Guy. I didn't read the book but I could make a better adaptation than this. Even if I was asleep 1 stars
3/31/03 Jack Sommersby A mediocre adaptation of a brilliant novel. 2 stars
10/22/02 palaboy101 The movie was good, but its not as great as the novel 4 stars
8/01/02 Vitality1 The book is 1,000 times better. But at least Ben is hot! 3 stars
2/23/02 Jenny Tullwartz Vastly underrated Joanna Going almost saves this otherwise lame stuff. 4 stars
1/26/02 Andrew Carden I Thought That The Muppets Christmas Carol was Scarier Then This. 1 stars
6/15/01 ric Found it scary and suspenseful. 5 stars
12/02/00 The Evil Penguin a little scary but that's all 3 stars
2/05/00 Kyle Broflovski Dean Koontz deserves more attention. I'm dying for a film version of "Twilight Eyes." 4 stars
11/21/99 Phreezer I was there to STARE at Ms. McGowan and they delivered that (jk about the rating) 5 stars
11/04/99 Mickey "Father Death" MacJohnstmyster Very disappointing , If you see it once you will never ever want to see it again . 3 stars
10/11/99 Shutterbug at least it was entertaining 4 stars
8/26/99 Azimat The monster is a gay satan wannabe. So it os not scary!!! 2 stars
8/02/99 Duck Best Sound Effects, but apart form that, dull. 2 stars
5/09/99 Beachlovr9 Sorry but it sucked 1 stars
5/01/99 Tristynn Who Cares.. Ben was in it..Even he needs to pay the rent... 2 stars
4/28/99 Garbage The film makers should have sold blow jobs rather than make this flick! 1 stars
3/07/99 CanadianChica i cannot believe i sat through the whole thing....enough said 1 stars
2/28/99 Reyna Not even Ben's godly face could save this flick. Absolute crap!!! Butterfly thing...scary.. 1 stars
1/03/99 Fartass Putrid piece of crap. Dimension Movies should be ashamed. 1 stars
11/12/98 Bad Kosh Sorry, but this movie just ate my balls. By the way, it sucked. 1 stars
11/06/98 Lord Of The Dunce Sorry Mr Affleck, but this stank up the joint. 1 stars
8/28/98 Mister Whoopee Not Scary. Well, it is, but not the way it should have been. 1 stars
8/14/98 {{{OZ}}} Imagine. Without GoodWill Hunting, this is where Ben would have stayed 2 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  21-Jan-1998 (R)
  DVD: 19-Apr-2011

UK
  N/A

Australia
  N/A


Directed by
  Joe Chapelle

Written by
  Dean R. Koontz

Cast
  Peter O'Toole
  Rose McGowan
  Joanna Going
  Ben Affleck
  Liev Schreiber
  Clifton Powell



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