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Overall Rating
1.58

Awesome: 4.17%
Worth A Look: 0%
Just Average: 4.17%
Pretty Crappy: 33.33%
Sucks58.33%

4 reviews, 24 user ratings


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Darkness
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by EricDSnider

"Some evils were never meant to be uncovered. 'Darkness,' for example."
2 stars

You have to hand it to Dimension Films. When they abandon a movie, they abandon it with gusto. Here is "Darkness," a film shot in 2001 and originally scheduled for a summer 2002 release. Dimension pushed it back on the schedule numerous times before finally deciding to cut its losses and dump the thing into theaters on Christmas Day 2004. What better way to celebrate the birth of Jesus than to watch a film about satanic sacrifices and the unleashing of evil? This movie will disappear faster than wrapping paper at Rite-Aid on Christmas Eve. (Sorry, that's the best one-liner I could come up with. Cut me some slack, I just sat through "Darkness.")

It's a lamentable film, a true waste of talented actresses Lena Olin and Anna Paquin, and a goofy retread of stock horror-flick devices. We have weird, atmospheric things occurring in a house that has a dark past; we have lights that go on and off randomly, and music boxes that start playing without human intervention; we have ominous trenchcoated men standing in the rain because they have important information for the protagonists; we have ghastly specters that appear and disappear in darkened corridors; and we have people who, despite coming to realize that their house came equipped with hot and cold running evil, continue to live in said house.

Also included in "Darkness": a frazzled father who slowly goes insane in a creepy house and menaces his wife and son as they cower in a bathroom. Prior to this, white title cards on black backgrounds tell us what day of the week it is. If you have seen "The Shining" recently, all of this should seem familiar.

Set in Spain, but the part of Spain where everyone speaks English and no one has a Spanish accent, "Darkness" centers around a house wherein evil deeds occurred decades ago. No one has lived in the house for some time, but now a family has moved in. The father, Mark (Iain Glen), is allegedly from Spain originally; his American wife Maria (Lena Olin) is a nurse who works at the same hospital as Mark's father (Giancarlo Giannini). They have a daughter called Reggie (Anna Paquin) and a son whom the movie mostly forgets about and so I have, too.

Weird things happen almost immediately, and we learn that 40 years ago, six children were killed by cultists in that very house. A seventh child escaped, and you get three guesses who he is now. Meanwhile, Mark occasionally has episodes of delirium and mania, causing Reggie to tell her mom, in a voice dripping with foreboding, "It's starting again." Alas, nothing really "starts" in this movie for a good long while. Things keep going bump in the night, but since the source of the bumping is too vague, we stop being scared after a while and start being impatient.

The plot boils down to cultists having to spill a particular person's blood in order to "close the circle." This device is old hat to those of us who saw every episode of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer," but I suppose it's still a reasonably good one, if it's well-executed. That is not the case here, though. Writer/director Jaume Balagueró, having seen good horror movies, knows what elements to include but no idea how to incorporate them into a coherent story.

Word on the street is that the film was originally gorier (it is fairly tame now) and was trimmed to achieve a more profitable PG-13 rating. So it's possible the story line was mangled in all the surgery, which means we ought to be blaming Dimension Films for the incomprehensibility. But we are not here to play the blame game. We are here to tell you that "Darkness" is a dull, unfrightening movie, and a terrible way to spend any night, let alone Christmas.

link directly to this review at http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=11001&reviewer=247
originally posted: 01/05/05 23:12:38
[printer] printer-friendly format  
OFFICIAL SELECTION: 2004 ScreamFest L.A. Horror Festival. For more in the 2004 ScreamFest L.A. series, click here.

User Comments

9/21/17 morris campbell dull unscary crap 1 stars
1/17/10 art MS.PAQUIN is SUCH A HAM!,it should be called "HAMMINESS' INSTEAD! 1 stars
11/15/09 art ANNA PAQUIN LOK"S NO MORE SILLIER THAN SHE DID IN FLY AWAY HOME! 1 stars
6/09/09 CTT Unwatchable mess 1 stars
10/08/06 Jim Like a bad Season 7 episode of "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" 2 stars
6/04/06 mary a total waste of time 1 stars
6/04/06 William Goss The atmosphere is there, but no other comprehensible element is. As blegh as horror gets. 1 stars
10/11/05 Tom Burns Not very scary, and not very good. 2 stars
9/10/05 Karen Illogical, meandering, confused, just incredibly bad. 1 stars
8/17/05 ES wasted film- another kid sees bad things and no one believes him piece o crap 1 stars
8/14/05 .:*paris*:. the worst ending i hav eva seen!,boring and no decent story 1 stars
6/19/05 greensweater I laughed, I cried, it became a part of me 1 stars
5/31/05 Ras From bad to worse to waste...use the two hours of your life for ANYTHING else 1 stars
5/18/05 ad not much to this one 2 stars
5/06/05 Amy Riggsby Scary movie to me, but a horrible ending. 3 stars
5/06/05 edsandiego2 It's not really that scarry. It would be nice to hear more about the missing children. 3 stars
2/21/05 Tiffany Faye Hawthorne What COULD EricD's 2nd star be for? If ever Anna Paquin needed to feast on beans.....! 1 stars
2/21/05 Natalie Stonecipher Not worst movie ever made but quite possibly stupidest. Sad waste of Anna Paquin. 1 stars
2/04/05 LilyM I liked the last scene. That's it....the last scene. 2 stars
1/17/05 Roy Smith Again An oppurtunity to wipe your ass with a handful of bills without the risk of a paper cut. 1 stars
1/13/05 Al Guy Maybe the uncut version won't stink. 1 stars
1/12/05 Theresa Bildstein HORRIBLE!! 1 stars
1/09/05 Me A great film 5 stars
1/06/05 PAKURDU NORMAL 5 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  25-Dec-2004 (PG-13)
  DVD: 19-Apr-2011

UK
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