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Overall Rating
2.7

Awesome: 7.35%
Worth A Look: 9.56%
Just Average40.44%
Pretty Crappy: 30.88%
Sucks: 11.76%

11 reviews, 70 user ratings


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Blade: Trinity
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by Mel Valentin

"Please, Heavenly Creator, let this be the last 'Blade' movie."
2 stars

Wire stunts, gunplay, swordplay, exploding vampires, car chases (and crashes), a generic metal score, and comic book violence. Sounds like a formula for success, right? Well, it was, at least five years ago. It's the formula set up in "Blade," a comic book adaptation of a Marvel property that was first released in 1998 (the cleverly titled sequel, "Blade II" followed in 2002). Before his big-screen debut, Blade was best known as a supporting character in the 1970s-era "Tomb of Dracula" comic book created by Marv Wolfman and Gene Colan. Blade eventually got his own (short-lived) spin-off series, but it was enough to pique the interest of the Powers-That-Be in Hollywood looking for another profitable superhero franchise.

Once, not long ago (e.g., 1998), Blade had everything comic book fans (especially those in the all-important male teen demographic) could want: gratuitous violence, occasional flashes of skin, and a cooler-than-cool hero in "Blade" (Wesley Snipes), a half-man, half-vampire avenger armed with a samurai sword (among other, death-dealing weapons). Two films later, though, and it's become clear that writer-turned-director, David S. Goyer, has anywhere new or original to take the character. Blade: Trinity is, sadly, D.O.A. Blade: Trinity might be called a "trilogy" in the marketing materials, but it's not. It's just the last of three, loosely connected films sharing a central character and a premise in common.

Blade: Trinity brings back the Eurotrash vamps that hung around the set of the first film, bringing another colorless one-dimensional, Danica Talos (Parker Posey) into the mix. Danica isn't much of a villain, though, given her size (Parker Posey is about 5 feet tall), so another, presumably more fearsome villain had to brought in to face Blade. Dredging the bottom of the creative barrel for ideas, Goyer settled on that overused plot device, the first vampire. It's none other than Dracula (Dominic Purcell), here inexplicably called Drake. Drake has been taking a centuries-long nap underneath the floor of a temple located in the Syrian Desert. Danica soon learn that Dracula isn't a morning person: he yanks off the head of one of Danica's foot soldiers. Doesn't really matter, since the foot soldier had only one line of dialogue before being turned into a gory meal for Dracula (I mean Drake).

Danica has awakened Drake to put some kind of world-domination plan into motion (why else?). Her plan involves Drake's pure vampire blood. As the first vampire, Drake is the most powerful, capable, like Blade, of walking in daylight. Blade, of course, will do anything to stop Danica's nefarious plan, but this time, it means Blade will need a little help. Digging into the comic books for inspiration, Goyer came up with the Nightstalkers, young, inexperienced vampire hunters. Hannibal King (Ryan Reynolds) acts as the de facto leader of the Nightstalkers (all five of them). Hannibal's right-hand man, actually woman, is Abigail Whistler (Jessica Biel), the estranged daughter of Abraham Whistler (Kris Kristofferson), Blade's mentor and sidekick. The Nightstalkers have a high-tech facility, complete with blind computer hacker/geneticist, Sommerfield (Natasha Lyonne), and a weapons tech, Hedges (Patton Oswalt) that gives Blade the obligatory rundown of all the new, cool toys he'll use later against the vampires. Blade, though, is a loner, but he eventually relents and accepts the Nightstalkers' help (he really doesn't have a choice, what with the FBI hot on his trail for killing a familiar, a human who works with the vampires, early in the film).

With all the characters introduced and the conflicts set up, all that's left is a series of bone-crunching fights, vampires combusting into ash, a few setbacks for our intrepid heroes, and the final battle pitting the "trinity" of the title (Blade, Hannibal, and Abigail) against Danica, Drake, and Danica's disposable minions, including the hypertrophied Jarko Grimwood (Paul Levesque/Triple H) with a dog fixation. Did I mention the vampire dogs? Blade: Trinity has three of them, but they're barely on screen and when they are, they're used as the punchline for a joke that references the Reapers from Blade II. What's left, then? Actually not much (or much more), at least not anything positive about Blade: Trinity. Let the trashing (or is thrashing?) continue.

How about a toothless, anemic (sorry, couldn't resist) Dracula? Sure, Goyer's Dracula doesn't wear a black cape or have gray streaks in his hair (a plus in my book), but that's not saying much (actually much, much worse). Here, Dracula's just another muscle-bound, narcissistic vampire, prone to prancing around in tight leather pants and an open white shirt (the better to show off his exercise regimen and his hairless chest). Ok, so this Lord of Vampires is a shape changer, but Goyer does little with the idea, except for a poorly motivated punchline.

What about the new characters, Hannibal King and Abigail Whistler? Hannibal's in the film purely for comic relief, which isn't objectionable on its own, but he should be funny, at least once in a while. Goyer alas is no Joss Whedon. His attempts at verbal comedy wear thin after the second joke (but it goes on and on and on). Abigail is good with a bow and a neat weapon that creates a UV arc (the better to dispatch vampires), but she has little to do or add. Frankly, Blade the taciturn loner out to save the world has grown tiresome and without a fresh, original storyline or a decent villain, the same can be said for the series.

Those of us who have lost interest in revisiting the "Blade" universe have more awfulness to look forward to: Spike TV has commissioned thirteen episodes of an all-new Blade television series, with David S. Goyer serving in a creative capacity (presumably writer/producer). That's one horror/fantasy/action show this particular reviewer will make every effort to miss. Unless, of course, boredom just happens to set in on the particular night the series premieres on television.

link directly to this review at http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=11192&reviewer=402
originally posted: 03/27/06 11:49:36
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User Comments

2/20/17 morris campbell pretty good nothing more 3 stars
7/22/08 JM Synth Lame; Biel and especially Reynolds don't help matters 2 stars
6/21/08 David V This trilogy went from badass to just bad. 1 stars
4/14/08 Andrew I was very dissappointed in the ending of this shit. Blade didn't make it! He died. 1 stars
3/02/08 John Millheim very cool, the best Blade out there 5 stars
7/13/07 MaDmAN All big bad "Drake" could do was threaten babies and little girls weak movie all around 3 stars
6/07/07 pete pretty good, enjoyed the comedy and action, but could have been alot better 3 stars
4/11/07 rimrhino Liked Reynolds, hated Purcell, Snipes still kicks ass, but it's time kill the series. 4 stars
1/30/07 William Boyle Boring and witless. A video game pretending to be a film. 1 stars
1/20/07 del The absolute bottom-of-the-barrel worst of the three...and that's saying something. 1 stars
9/27/06 Los Angeles Free Home Insurance plan Home L0ans 4 stars
9/02/06 Dragon The Artist Ditch the "scientfic" aspects,political correctness, & that campy depiction of Dracula.CRAP 1 stars
8/01/06 dan a disapointing end to what could have been a great trilogy 1 stars
7/02/06 Jim National Lampoon's Van Wilder: Vampire Hunter. Better than X3 anyway. 4 stars
4/06/06 Troy M. Grzych This movie lacks all of the fine craftmanship of "Blade 2" 3 stars
3/31/06 Michele these movies are always fun 4 stars
3/30/06 Soha Molina great movie 5 stars
3/29/06 Josh Standlee I am a true believer that Wesley Snipes is a god! Dracula was scary as fuck! 5 stars
3/27/06 Danny Johanson This movie has some great one liners, the plot may suck, but hell, its a good mindless fun 3 stars
2/26/06 Steven Lewis Worst of all three films but "decent" action. 2 stars
2/20/06 Steve Newman Blade 1 and 2 were excellent - this was crap 2 stars
2/02/06 van zwaar entertaining budget film wasnt expectin much so wasnt dissapointed(cockjugglin.....) LOL 4 stars
11/07/05 rob amazin flm wish more were being made 5 stars
10/20/05 jamie i love this movie so stop trashing it :P 5 stars
9/12/05 drippy 'Saw this last night...easily the worst of the series...and that's saying something!!!!!!!! 1 stars
8/31/05 ES It was alright, fun and violent & now we have the premise of Blade as the bad guy in #4 4 stars
8/29/05 Brisbane "2" was the only one worth watching...long live DEL TORO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 1 stars
8/17/05 Maalstrom The series just gets worse, retire the franchise already 2 stars
8/08/05 Maalstrom Was lacking in both story and action. Unispired. 3 stars
7/09/05 Moctezuma Seriously disappointing 2 stars
6/28/05 The Talking Elbow WHY DID YOU DO THE MATRIX HAND-TAUNT!!!!!!!!!! 1 stars
6/24/05 Mr Fluffy Man. AvP is just looking better and better 1 stars
6/21/05 the dude "epic" peice of fucken crap, it sucks like vamp balls. let's down 1&2 1 stars
6/09/05 Naka Snipes is on his way out. And thank god. 1 stars
5/27/05 Indrid Cold Just as good as the first two: lame plot, good action, Snipes is badass. 3 stars
5/26/05 angela hicks i think that the Blade: Trinity movie was even more awesome than the other Blade movies. 5 stars
5/23/05 tatum Snipes doesn't even give the flick a chance; what a jerk 2 stars
4/29/05 Heather Tarlecky This movie was the greatest 4 stars
4/20/05 Krisan just an example of how sequals just arent as good as the originals 3 stars
4/16/05 Sharon Davis Nothing special 3 stars
4/15/05 shatonjia They should have stopped after the first Blade. 2 stars
4/12/05 Junior LaRoche Heard it sucks, but was really surprised with it. Not as good as the other ones tho. 3 stars
3/31/05 Blade: great, Blade 2: Fantastic, Blade Trinity: Decent, but not great Joseph 3 stars
3/25/05 Denise good 3 stars
2/04/05 Mikolai Should be titled "Dracula: The Gay Blade" 2 stars
1/17/05 Roy Smith Again Does what sunlight, garlic, and holy water could not do... 2 stars
1/07/05 Al Guy They even ruined Blade. Sad. Fighting with an MP3 on. Stupid. 2 stars
12/27/04 Archanist_101 Not as GOOD as the first two films... The fight scenes + Jessica Beil were worth it!!!!!!!! 3 stars
12/25/04 Maurice EVO decent movie, nice special effect, and a nice babe 4 stars
12/22/04 mike schaeffer Snipes wants to sue New York. Movie-goers ought to sue him. 1 stars
12/21/04 Kay forget Blade, I want to see a Hannibel King movie 4 stars
12/17/04 ENTS The second one's better. Am really disppointed.with this one. 2 stars
12/13/04 KayCe Whitacre Don't like Comic Book movies? DON'T GO! Best BLADE ever! IT ROX! 5 stars
12/12/04 BrianWilly Watch it for the humor and senseless violence, not for...well, logic. 3 stars
12/12/04 Koitus The rating is "generous." Great fight scenes, but nothing really new; similar ending 2 #1 3 stars
12/12/04 Andy its awesome i dont believe anyone could give it a smaller rating than awesome 5 stars
12/11/04 Aren Decent Film, weakest of the 3. Still v/ entertaining though 4 stars
12/11/04 KingNeutron Nice debut for Paul Levesque; the dog was truly a nice touch for his char. 4 stars
12/11/04 Jerry Easily the worst film of the trilogy. Silly dialouge, poor characters, and very unoriginal 2 stars
12/11/04 Me the best one 5 stars
12/10/04 othree kinda weak Blade stilla solid some of casts' acting was eh lite storyline, good begining 3 stars
12/10/04 Captain Highcrime Holy Cow!! Two members of The New Main Street Singers are vampires?! Didn't see that coming 3 stars
12/09/04 luke good movie best of the three 5 stars
12/09/04 Hyoun Lim it was an average movie 3 stars
12/09/04 Gray fun 4 stars
12/09/04 Juan SUCKED!!!!!! 1 stars
12/08/04 walter save your money! , it seemed like a low budget film id see on sunday afternoon noncable tv 1 stars
12/08/04 Kristina Williams It could have been worse. Imagine Stifler instead of Van Wilder in this. Ugh. 3 stars
12/08/04 Whoop Whoop Enjoyable fun. 4 stars
12/07/04 Ray Just bad 1 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  08-Dec-2004 (R)
  DVD: 26-Apr-2005

UK
  N/A

Australia
  26-Dec-2004




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