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Awesome: 12.2%
Worth A Look: 17.07%
Just Average37.8%
Pretty Crappy: 15.85%
Sucks: 17.07%

2 reviews, 70 user ratings

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Halloween 5
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by EricDSnider

"Careful, or Donald Pleasence will get a big, melted head."
3 stars

Donald Pleasence gets his name above the title in “Halloween 5.” After turning in brilliant performances in such noteworthy films as “Halloween” and, um, “Halloween II,” he finally got his due with “Halloween 5.” Surely upon being told the news, he retired to his trailer and drank bourbon until he passed out.

(I don’t know if Donald Pleasence was really an alcoholic or not. But looking at him, I can’t imagine him being anything else. He face looks genetically predisposed to being pressed against a barroom floor.)

The posters for this movie called it “Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers,” but the onscreen title is simply “Halloween 5,” which is good, since Michael doesn’t really get revenge on anybody in it. Kills some folks, sure, but they’re mostly strangers, not people he had vendettas against. In fact, the two people he would have the most reason to kill -- Dr. Loomis and little Jamie -- are the two people he DOESN’T murder. “Halloween 5: The Failure of Michael Myers” would be more accurate, though admittedly not as appealing in a mass-marketing sense.

After an opening credit sequence featuring a pumpkin being carved -- an act the filmmakers seemed to think we would find scary -- and after a few minutes of clips from “Halloween 4,” we are brought to the present day: Halloween Eve 1989. Even though Part 4 ended with Jamie -- the young niece of Michael Myers -- becoming evil and apparently the New Michael, now, a year later, she’s just a disturbed child who can’t talk (hooray!) and who’s being kept in a home for creepy children. Why isn’t Jamie evil after all? I dunno. Apparenly, Part 4 was only kidding about that.

She does have a psychic connection with Uncle Mike, though, and can tell when people are in danger of him. Also, a lot of townspeople THINK she’s evil, and they throw rocks through her window with notes attached to them that say, “The evil child must die!” Just add that to the pile of terrible, terrible things that happen to this girl in the interest of traumatizing her beyond the point of humanity. I would not be surprised if both the character and the actress who played her later turned to a career in pornography. In fact, I would be disappointed if they didn’t. (The actress, Danielle Harris, did go on to appear in “Urban Legends,” which is sort of the same thing.)

Jamie’s foster parents are out of town this weekend, but she’s safe and warm at the creepy children’s hospital, under the disquieting care of half-melted Dr. Loomis (played by the aforementioned Mr. Pleasence). Loomis is pretty frustrated with the fact that Jamie can’t talk and help him find Michael; how he knows Michael is even still alive is beyond me, since Michael died at the end of Part 4.

Michael is still alive, of course; he swam down a river and then stumbled into a shack belonging to an old man, whom he killed (but not before taking a nap). It is unclear when this takes place. We see him escaping the mine shaft he fell into at the end of Part 4, and we see him swimming down a river. Then he enters the shack and passes out, exhausted from the chase. This all happened moments after the events of Part 4, right? Right, except that then it’s a year later and Jamie’s in the hospital having psychic connections with Michael ... who is still in the shack, where no time seems to have elapsed. The shack exists in a wormhole, apparently, the Shack That Time Forgot.

Anyhoo, somehow Dr. Loomis figures out Michael must still be alive -- probably all the freaking out Jamie does clues him in -- and wants to catch him, and the police cooperate but are really, really stupid and do more harm than good, adding more weight to the argument that we shouldn’t even HAVE police in this country.

Jamie’s foster sister Rachel, left over from the last movie, gets killed before long by Michael Myers, who doesn’t even bother hiding anymore. He pretty much just stands around where anyone could see him, often in broad daylight, and yet no one sees him. You’d think a town that had been victimized just a year earlier by a Halloween-themed serial killer would be more alert on the anniversary of it. You’d especially think Rachel would be on her toes and not in the shower all the time, considering she was one of Michael’s primary targets last year. But who am I to judge? No one’s ever tried to kill me with a knife. Maybe I’d pretend it never happened, too.

Anyway, Rachel gets killed, which is fine with me, but her replacement as heroine is her annoying ‘80s friend Tina, a bedenimed vixen with a loathsome boyfriend and an even loathsomer fashion sense. Because she is the most irritating person on the face of the earth, in the perverse sense of justice employed by these movies, she is destined to live until the movie is almost over.

Michael seems to have killing Jamie as his goal, but he is easily distracted from it. He comes upon a Halloween party attended by randy teens (”Friday the 13th” was on its Part 8 by now; the “Halloween” folks obviously had been watching and taking notes), where he decides he ought to kill all of them, all of them, I tell you! How he thinks this will help him kill Jamie, I don’t know. Maybe he’s just practicing. At any rate, a really blond couple, including a nearly bald teen-age boy, is having sex -- he with his pants on and not even unzipped, don’t ask me how -- when Michael skewers them with a pitchfork. You like to see that happen. I do, anyway.

Loomis has it in his head that if Michael kills Jamie, his “rage” will be quieted, and he’ll stop killing. So he uses the poor girl as bait, back at Michael’s childhood home, which has grown into a Victorian mansion. The question is whether she is just bait to lure Michael there so they can kill him, or whether the insane Loomis actually plans to deliver her up to her murderous uncle. There are hints of good filmmaking in all that.

Another hint of quality comes with a mysterious dark figure who lurks around the movie and in the end busts Michael out of jail. It is merely a hint, though, as it is not resolved in this film, and it is patently unfair to introduce such major plot points solely for the purpose of setting up a sequel.

When all is said and done, it turns out that maybe, all Michael needs is to be loved. Or to kill people. It’s very heartwarming, anyway. You’d be hard-pressed to call the movie “good,” but it’s less dull than Part 4.

link directly to this review at http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=1130&reviewer=247
originally posted: 05/30/02 17:46:50
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User Comments

12/10/12 Jamie Even worse than part 4. 1 stars
4/05/12 SEAN DUTRA loved myers and loomis, but every new character sucks ass. so annoying 3 stars
2/16/07 David Pollastrini one of the FT13 movies had a similar ending. the originator rips off the rip-off 4 stars
12/22/06 blarginbadigalnohif Very good sequel to Halloween 4 4 stars
8/08/06 Doreen Loved it....awesome movie! 5 stars
10/15/05 Darren O Well directed and stylish, but the plot lumbers towards a very unsatisfying climax. 2 stars
7/18/05 Brandy Harrington He fuckin' cried?!? This series has reached a new low. 1 stars
11/04/04 dave how many times can this dickhead come back 1 stars
8/04/04 Cynthia Hall he is the greatest actor meet him dick warlock if he wasn't married i would marry him 5 stars
7/31/04 jmsynth Actualy prefered it to 4, with a great black comedy scene, but enough already! 3 stars
7/24/04 Phoenix II Just Average. 3 stars
6/06/04 Ryan Clark Feels like a reprise of Halloween 4... because it is, only not as good. 2 stars
3/17/04 PAYNE_KillerZ What on Earth possed Dominique Othenin-Girad to direct THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 2 stars
2/06/04 c.r This movie of the halloween series was scary but was lackluster upside part 4 3 stars
12/26/03 Sara Good 4 stars
11/28/03 john pointless 2 stars
10/31/03 American Slasher Goddess Extremely dumb, it's saved somewhat by Pleasence, Harris and last 15 mins in the house. 2 stars
10/19/03 Josh Standlee Who the hell shows the little kids saving the day in an R rated slasher movie! 1 stars
10/09/03 Erik Van Sant Girard should be castrated for this installment. Danielle Harris is great. 1 stars
7/21/03 Double G This movies was okay, it had mainly the same plot as before except the girl is retarded. 3 stars
4/16/03 Jon "Thumb the Toad" Lyrik A dull, rushed, "been-here-done-that" attempt to milk this cash cow to death. 1 stars
3/30/03 Talena This film wasn't as bad as people drag on 5 stars
2/09/03 C.B I just wanna say that im a huge halloween fan, and this film was amazing, worth seeing. 5 stars
1/24/03 M.C. Not the best film in the series, could stuck to original or part 4 mask, great non the less 4 stars
10/27/02 Mickey D Movie is great..Horror...But I have to say..Halloween Resurection is the best ever! 4 stars
10/14/02 Charles Tatum One of the most forgettable films in years 2 stars
10/12/02 Donkey Fong Danielle Harris is a remarkably astute actress for a child. Not as bad as parts 3 or 6 3 stars
8/16/02 Scott Back to his old trricks, The Shape isn't horrible in this one. The movie is only decent tho 3 stars
8/16/02 Joe Calio Some bad acting...but Myers is scary as hell in this one... 3 stars
8/15/02 Shaun Michaels mask sucks, Tina sucks, but not the worst film in the world 3 stars
7/25/02 dustin the best one 5 stars
7/11/02 Tony This movie kicked ass! It reeks of the 80's people, Tina was cool! My fave halloween. 5 stars
7/09/02 authorNYSE Just as H & H2 were married in storyline H4 & H5 are married at the hip. 4 stars
7/08/02 RAJIV eheew 5 stars
7/07/02 Samantha D. It's pretty good but not the best. 3 stars
6/01/02 I'm in (L) with a Jedi well, spank my ass and call me Charlie, i actually liked this!!!! 5 stars
5/31/02 Charles Tatum After the promise of 4, took a nose dive 1 stars
4/03/02 cat Not the best of the series, but for God's sake, check out Jason in Manhattan people! 4 stars
3/30/02 Film Guy This Movie plain and simple fucking sucks 1 stars
2/28/02 Chowie The scene where the teens are screwing and the guy gets it with a pitch fork 4 stars
2/16/02 Jake Weak plot the cast bites but I kinda liked Donald and Danielle. 2 stars
2/02/02 Stuart Richards The only Halloween film with no real plot developments, but creepy and some good deaths!!! 3 stars
12/12/01 ben wasden In this case, revenge isn't sweet - it's downright boring 1 stars
11/23/01 Shane Robert Myers!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dr. Loomis VS Michael Myers in this, well thought movie? it was OK but, why the script?!!!! 4 stars
10/30/01 Henry Ginsberg I actualy fell asleep watching this film. 1 stars
8/06/01 Mr. Hat (formerly Joe Zappa) Too mushy. 3 stars
8/05/01 E-Funk I'd like to strangle the fucks who made this movie. But it's still Mikey Myers... 2 stars
8/01/01 Elgyn Totally by-the-numbers. Nothing new happens during the whole movie! 1 stars
7/12/01 SeStA! This was pretty good, sure it was slow, but the ending definitely delivers! 4 stars
4/13/01 LiL I thought this movie was pretty good, yes the beginning was slow but the ending was great! 4 stars
3/21/01 Sthenno A waste.Fine direction is all there is.Teens running around screaming.More slashing garbage 1 stars
3/12/01 Jake It gets worse the more I see it, weak plot. 2 stars
2/10/01 tinka coco pretty good, well not fantastic, I like Kyle's point of view, but i'll rate it a bit higher 3 stars
8/08/00 Snilfwad It was mint, excptionally funny, I laughed till I nearly died! 5 stars
7/29/00 Bender Decent, but a big step back from part 4. 3 stars
6/02/00 Josh Smith Why? Why? They should have finished with the great part 4. But it has some chilling moments 2 stars
4/21/00 John Carpenter I bow beforee this movie!Better than anything I've ever made!Hail me-King Hack! 5 stars
4/13/00 SwatchDog Chesy- but great. That Tina chick's performance cracks me up each time 4 stars
3/23/00 Aaron Schweighardt Lacks potential from the past movies, and is kind of lame. 3 stars
3/14/00 Chloe Sesta Jacobs Pretty good. 2nd best of the Halloween movies. Danielle was good. Violent! 4 stars
3/01/00 Kyle Broflovski Yo, "Uncle Boogeyman"--slash THIS!!!!! 2 stars
2/05/00 Steve Layne Next to the least in the series which is part 3 3 stars
11/12/99 Gary Durso Some scares....some stupidity. 3 stars
3/07/99 KK Dusenbury The ending sucked! Dani Harris gets blown away by some guy dressed in black.. wee 4 stars
12/20/98 mike it's getting a little old here....time for some new ideas 3 stars
10/17/98 Sailor Moon Ate My Balls Oh my God... Myers just ate my balls! You bastard! 3 stars
10/15/98 {{{OZ}}} Ending is fine, but not worth watching the rest of this crap for. 2 stars
10/14/98 Bluntman Piece of crap. Not a damn thing works in this movie. 1 stars
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  13-Oct-1989 (R)
  DVD: 25-Jul-2006

  N/A (18)

  02-Jul-1990 (R)

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