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Overall Rating
1.92

Awesome: 7.89%
Worth A Look: 10.53%
Just Average: 5.26%
Pretty Crappy: 18.42%
Sucks57.89%

1 review, 32 user ratings



Sphere
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by Ryan Arthur

"If I were a stockholder with Time-Warner, I'd be pissed."
1 stars

Here's how I imagine the meeting at Warner Brothers when this project got the go ahead.

Clueless Exec: OK, this Crichton fella's made us a bundle o' cash with that show with the guy who wrecked Batman on it. Not to mention that tornado movie he sorta wrote. Thank God we own both of 'em.

Flunky: Yes sir!

CE: What say we make another movie based on a book of his? I mean, after all, that movie with the dinosaurs did all right, didn't it?

Flunky: Yes sir!

CE: Quit yer asskissing, Flunky. So let's see...we could do Eaters of the D...no, that's taken. There's the Andromed...no, that's been done. How about Cong...no, they did that a few years ago, man that movie sucked...Disclos...nope, Demi Moore's breasts already did that film...Rising Su...shit. What the hell?

Flunky: Sir, what about Sphere? We could put Dustin Hoffman, Samuel L. Jackson and Sharon Stone in it, plus Barry Levinson could direct it.

CE: I see it as an action movie. Has Levinson done action before?

Flunky: No. He's more of a drama guy with the occasional comedy.

CE: Perfect. It'll be just like Tim Burton and action movies...

Flunky: Uh, sir...

CE: Shush. It can't be too action oriented. Let's make it sort of a thriller. That way, the kids might like it. They're into thrillers now.

Flunky: They only like thrillers if they're witty and self-aware.

CE: Screw 'em. As long as they pay $7, I don't care. Cast Queen Latifah and get the urban crowd in there. And make the scary stuff come out of nowhere.

Flunky: How do we explain it, sir?

CE: Explain it?

Flunky: In the story, sir. How do we explain it in the story?

CE: Oh, don't worry about that. By the time the audience realizes they've been duped, the movie'll be over.


I suppose if you're a diehard Crichton fan, you'll want to see it. You'll be disappointed. One of his better novels gets trashed in a jumbled mess. The performances are sketchy (Hoffman and Stone are out of place, particularly as former lovers) and the effects are weak. The story sucks, too (all this stuff is created by our mind!), with one of the worst endings in movie history. As Crichton-based films go, Jurassic Park, regardless of how you feel about that movie, had better effects, and Disclosure had a better story (not coincidentally, that film was also directed by Barry Levinson). Sphere is another Warner Brothers misfire that just isn't worth your time.

And where the hell did those sea snake/worm things come from?

link directly to this review at http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=114&reviewer=7
originally posted: 09/11/98 09:35:56
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User Comments

10/06/14 PAUL SHORTT IRRITATING, CONVOLUTED SCI-FI, DESPITE A GOOD CAST 1 stars
12/19/10 gc How can a movie with this many good actors be this horrible 1 stars
8/30/09 Pete One of my favourite sci-fi films of all time. 5 stars
2/12/09 the dork knight Hoffman was actually well cast. Terrible adapatation, though 3 stars
2/12/07 Anthony Feor It stinks 1 stars
3/09/06 Dk Underated spher deserves more appreciation 4 stars
1/08/06 Queen Latifah Sucks No talent gangsta wanna-be with money trying to force her on all of us. WALK OF FAME STAR?! 1 stars
8/06/05 Bob Tedesco Dummy-Stupid Movie-Story just doesn't develope 1 stars
8/31/04 Aaron Smith somewhat interesting premise, but on the whole pretty bad 2 stars
8/21/04 Desperado the book was incredible, so i saw the movie, bad idea.... Book A+, movie C- 2 stars
7/12/04 Philip Breeden How many cliches can you cram into a small underwater lab? Answer: In a Sphere, a lot! 1 stars
12/20/03 Vince Excellent novel. The adaptation is a disaster, unfortunately. 1 stars
3/21/03 Jack Sommersby Involving for a while, until it turns quite tedious. Cast has nothing to work with. 2 stars
11/12/02 NICK GRISSOM OK BUT NOT TOO GOOD 4 stars
10/17/02 Charles Tatum The whole cast looks clueless 1 stars
4/05/02 Veronica Tatterworth Nothing to fear but SPHERE itself. Oh, dear, steer clear of SPHERE! 1 stars
1/22/02 Andrew Carden Bad Adaption Of The Crichton Novel. 1 stars
8/09/01 E-Funk Started out well...then this Sphere filled up with shit. 2 stars
6/27/01 Geebo To the reviewer: Crichton wrote it! The story is not crap at all. But the movie was bad. 2 stars
3/04/01 Avenger Girl Pure shite alien ripp off, "Gerry you have to stop" shite,shite,shite shite,shite. 1 stars
11/30/00 KyLe*BrOfLoVsKi Try not to puke in your popcorn. I feel sorry for the actors...they deserve better. 1 stars
7/08/00 Andrew Freeman The best thing about this film was Queen Latifah 5 stars
3/18/00 David Rogers It was confusing but good. 3 stars
11/05/99 Nick h. The book was better, but the movie was awsome 5 stars
2/19/99 Piz So much potential here but couldn't be delivered. 2 stars
1/25/99 Yo Momma Worse than Virus. 1 stars
12/04/98 The Dude I have to say the BOOK was better then the film but the film was pretty coll to me 4 stars
10/13/98 philip good actors--shitty film 1 stars
10/04/98 Yup It's like the book. It's okay. 4 stars
9/06/98 BBReBozo The ending screams: The special effects budget ran out 30 minutes ago! 1 stars
8/29/98 Mister Whoopee Take it away from me, pleeeeeeeeeeeease! 1 stars
8/14/98 {{{OZ}}} Such a cast, such a book, such a crock of shite 2 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  13-Feb-1998 (PG-13)
  DVD: 08-Feb-2005

UK
  N/A

Australia
  02-Apr-1998 (M)




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