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Overall Rating

Awesome: 12%
Worth A Look: 6%
Just Average: 10%
Pretty Crappy: 22%

4 reviews, 26 user ratings

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Pacifier, The
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by Jack Sommersby

"Vin Diesel vs. Dirty Diapers"
1 stars

No, one doesn't expect something by the likes of a masterpiece with a film like this, but at least something that doesn't make you feel your IQ's literally dropping while you're watching it.

In the excrement-obsessed The Pacifier, Vin Diesel stars as a Navy Seal who must contend with more dirty diapers than he probably ever has gunshots. Assigned to guard a five-child family while the recently-widowed mother is away on a top-secret, government-sponsored overseas trip, Diesel's Shane Wolfe finds himself up to his cement-block biceps in hijinks, domestic squabbles, and, most of all, dirty diapers. When the nanny bolts the scene for good out of frustration, it's Wolfe who's stuck taking the kids to school and running errands, and, yes, dealing with dirty diapers from the household's youngest member. You'd think a Navy Seal, in light of their the-world-over rigorous training, would be about as fazed by a diaper as a drunk would a boilermaker at nine in the morning; and you'd also think after an initial diaper gag, the film would cross this off its list of "must-haves" and move on. Instead, it seems Wolfe can't go ten minutes of screen time without encountering one, and during a high-speed car chase one's even thrown against a bad guy's windshield to temporarily blind him. And when these darling things aren't being employed, a smelly bathroom and Wolfe covered from head to toe in brown stuff from a dive into a sewer are thrown into this cinematic commode to egregiously entice. Oh, and of course there's the obligatory villain to be contended with during the finale; if you can't figure which of the characters it is after only five minutes of screen time, get a new hobby. Of course, one should expect very little from any film by the dubious likes of director Adam Shankman, whose prior outing, Bringing Down the House, left acumen-possessive critics and audiences gagging in the aisles. Most of the scenes are pathetically shaped, the timing off a good two to three seconds, the action sequences leaving quite a lot to be desired, and the only thing more annoying than the use of a pet duck as a supposed laugh riot is the contribution of ace cinematographer Peter James, who used to be Bruce Beresford's regular cameraman and whose immense talent is on unfortunate display in something as rock-bottom as this -- it easily outclasses the proceedings like a mere slice of Hormel bacon over ten cans of Spam. Not helping is the measily-mediocre Vin Diesel, who's fairly tolerable in supporting roles (notably Boiler Room) but mostly one-note as a leading man; unlike Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, he simply doesn't have the charisma and comic talent to sustain a feature-length film. He's not exactly painful to tolerate on the silver screen but is limited when it comes to actor "choices". Add to this a supporting cast of no-talents (excepting Carol Kane as the nanny and maybe Lauren Graham as a school principal) and crummy dialogue by Herbie Fully Loaded-alum to boot, and you have a so-called comedy that's swiftly enough paced but so hopeless only the Roto Rooter man would have a shot of, well, cleaning the proceedings up.

If this is your thing, you can always stake out a bathroom for 2 hours and get some of the same pleasure.

link directly to this review at http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=11781&reviewer=327
originally posted: 06/11/06 14:46:53
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User Comments

4/08/09 Chris F A typical appalling attempt to act by vin diesel 1 stars
1/14/09 Rosemary Reid Enjoyed it 5 stars
3/10/08 Nicole u all suck 5 stars
5/19/07 William Goss Enjoy quality? Well, that's just too bad... 1 stars
6/26/06 Kimberly My seven year old son loved this movie and has watched it many times!! 4 stars
5/15/06 bmac more vin diseal trash 1 stars
11/23/05 Ash wicked totally wicked 5 stars
11/22/05 kate funny,nice moive 5 stars
10/25/05 Frank Rountree Well, you could watch it with your family, other than that, not very good. 3 stars
9/20/05 Halee This was the stupidest movie I have ever seen... Don't watch it... it isn't worth it. 1 stars
8/12/05 Bad Critic Sorta lame, but had it's laughs for PG . Vin stupid to take part, ruins his image after XXX 2 stars
7/04/05 Tiffany Faye Hawthorne Not TOO bad for another GIRLS DON'T FART movie! VD better than usual! 3 stars
6/29/05 LaCole Mercer it was the most amazing movie ever and funny as well 5 stars
6/14/05 Quigley vin diesel, why have you lowered yourself to such crap?! don't see it. at all. 1 stars
5/12/05 M Diesel in shower scene worth my ticket!!!!!!!!! 5 stars
4/05/05 P it is not too bad. Very funny and relaxing 4 stars
3/24/05 malcontent First Ice Cube goes kiddie, now Diesel? 2 stars
3/15/05 Andrea better than everyone said it would be 3 stars
3/13/05 KingNeutron Hey, it took guts to do that panda dance. And Lauren Graham is reason enough, too. 4 stars
3/07/05 James Kiang Nothing very original, but still a passable family film. 3 stars
3/07/05 whatevr Vin Diesel and Disney: a recipe for disaster 2 stars
3/05/05 Craig Gunnels Waste of time! 2 stars
3/05/05 Susan Sunderland Kids loved it,picks up more in the middle, could be worse, watchable 3 stars
3/04/05 Kristina Williams And I thought Be Cool was bad 2 stars
3/04/05 Will It's all been done before, and done better 1 stars
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  04-Mar-2005 (PG)
  DVD: 28-Jun-2005



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