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Overall Rating
2.08

Awesome: 12%
Worth A Look: 6%
Just Average: 10%
Pretty Crappy: 22%
Sucks50%

4 reviews, 26 user ratings


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Pacifier, The
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by Lybarger

"It's like 'The School of Rock,' only it's not funny."
2 stars

'The Pacifier' is Vin Diesel's attempt to prove that he's more than an action star. After seeing the final product, it's safe to conclude that he shouldn't have turned down the sequels to "The Fast and Furious" or "XXX."

With his shaved head, watermelon-sized biceps and gravelly voice, Diesel does have a distinctive screen presence, but his acting seems a bit limited. His comic timing is off. Worse, when he's asked to show his sensitive side playing off of child actors, the tots upstage him.

At least "The Pacifier" begins with Diesel on terra firma. No, wait. He actually plays Navy S.E.A.L. Lt. Shane Wolfe leading the daring rescue of a kidnapped scientist. So far, so good, but director Adam Shankman (the fellow who gave us such chestnuts as "A Walk to Remember" and "Bringing Down the House") has no feel for action scenes. The stunt doubles look nothing like the star, and Shankman's tepid handling makes the opening seem like a lame parody of Diesel's usual shtick.

The mission goes badly despite Lt. Wolfe's heroics. When he goes back into action, his superiors send him to watch the now late scientist's family. His wife (Faith Ford) is leaving the country, so Wolfe ends up having to watch his kids alone.

Lt. Wolfe has no experience with youngsters, and has to teach himself how to change the baby's diaper. The family also has a teenage daughter (Brittany Snow), who wants to party and hang out with her worthless boyfriend, a teenage son (Max Theiriot) whose sullen behavior hides a potentially dark secret, a Firefly Girl (Morgan York) who would be a girl scout in a more realistic movie and a toddler (Keegan Hoover and Logan Hoover) who insists on being sung to at night.

Screenwriters Thomas Lennon and Ben Garant ("Reno 911!") don't really seem to be exerting themselves with this setup. Even if Diesel had the range of a Dustin Hoffman, "The Pacifier" would still underwhelm. Just as sure as the kids argue with Lt. Wolfe and play gags on him involving sewage in the early reels, in the later scenes they make up. Because they are aiming for a younger audience, they make sure to have plenty of gags involving recently used diapers.

John Debny's music underlines every emotion. It's as if the music were trying to make up for Diesel's seemingly impassive face.

Lennon and Garant don't give the adults in the film or watching the film much to work with. If the cast seems unmotivated, it's probably because they could probably see the plot twists coming before they turned the pages of their scripts.

If viewers are really that eager to see Vin Diesel in a kid's flick, they should rent Brad Bird's ("The Incredibles") animated gem "The Iron Giant," in which the star demonstrates some vocal sensitivity that's nowhere to be found in his latest offering.

When this film goes to video, bored grownups can start drinking games to "The Pacifier." Unfortunately, the film is so predictable that they may be come inebriated too quickly.

link directly to this review at http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=11781&reviewer=382
originally posted: 03/04/05 01:08:08
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User Comments

4/08/09 Chris F A typical appalling attempt to act by vin diesel 1 stars
1/14/09 Rosemary Reid Enjoyed it 5 stars
6/14/08 PAUL SHORTT AN UNNECESSARILY MORBID PREMISE THAT SITS UNEASILY WITH THE SLAPSTICK COMEDY THAT FOLLOWS 1 stars
3/10/08 Nicole u all suck 5 stars
5/19/07 William Goss Enjoy quality? Well, that's just too bad... 1 stars
6/26/06 Kimberly My seven year old son loved this movie and has watched it many times!! 4 stars
5/15/06 bmac more vin diseal trash 1 stars
11/23/05 Ash wicked totally wicked 5 stars
11/22/05 kate funny,nice moive 5 stars
10/25/05 Frank Rountree Well, you could watch it with your family, other than that, not very good. 3 stars
9/20/05 Halee This was the stupidest movie I have ever seen... Don't watch it... it isn't worth it. 1 stars
8/12/05 Bad Critic Sorta lame, but had it's laughs for PG . Vin stupid to take part, ruins his image after XXX 2 stars
7/04/05 Tiffany Faye Hawthorne Not TOO bad for another GIRLS DON'T FART movie! VD better than usual! 3 stars
6/29/05 LaCole Mercer it was the most amazing movie ever and funny as well 5 stars
6/14/05 Quigley vin diesel, why have you lowered yourself to such crap?! don't see it. at all. 1 stars
5/12/05 M Diesel in shower scene worth my ticket!!!!!!!!! 5 stars
4/05/05 P it is not too bad. Very funny and relaxing 4 stars
3/24/05 malcontent First Ice Cube goes kiddie, now Diesel? 2 stars
3/15/05 Andrea better than everyone said it would be 3 stars
3/13/05 KingNeutron Hey, it took guts to do that panda dance. And Lauren Graham is reason enough, too. 4 stars
3/07/05 James Kiang Nothing very original, but still a passable family film. 3 stars
3/07/05 whatevr Vin Diesel and Disney: a recipe for disaster 2 stars
3/05/05 Craig Gunnels Waste of time! 2 stars
3/05/05 Susan Sunderland Kids loved it,picks up more in the middle, could be worse, watchable 3 stars
3/04/05 Kristina Williams And I thought Be Cool was bad 2 stars
3/04/05 Will It's all been done before, and done better 1 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  04-Mar-2005 (PG)
  DVD: 28-Jun-2005

UK
  N/A

Australia
  24-Mar-2005




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