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Overall Rating
2.98

Awesome: 21.88%
Worth A Look: 13.28%
Just Average: 14.84%
Pretty Crappy41.41%
Sucks: 8.59%

12 reviews, 56 user ratings


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Longest Yard, The (2005)
[AllPosters.com] Buy posters from this movie
by Mark Rodger-Snelson

"A remake that leaves you wondering why they bothered"
2 stars

The Longest Yard is a remake of a 1970’s movie of the same name. It was also rehashed in the British flick Mean Machine a couple of years back with soccer being the game rather than American football.

Paul Crewe (Adam Sandler) is a disgraced ex NFL star player who has lost any form of self respect he might have once had and after he hits the booze one night, finds himself in a multi-car police chase with the end result leading to some time in the slammer. He is sent to a Texan prison run by a heartless the Warden Hazen (James Cromwell) and his sadistic redneck guards. The warden, however, happens to be a huge fan of football and decides that he would like to see a guard versus prisoner match with Crew being the coach of the inmate team. Crewe is reluctant but soon realises that his time will be easier on him if he follows orders. He befriends the Caretaker (Chris Rock) who has a knack for obtaining just about anything from the outside world and together they assemble a team of the biggest, meanest players they can find. Most of them are reluctant but with the promise of violent revenge on the guards, it is too hard to resist for those who have been on the receiving end of a guard’s baton. Nate Scarborough (Burt Reynolds), a long serving senior ex-pro also jumps in as coach and the scene is set for an ultra-violent showdown with the guards.

One would think the pairing of Sandler and Rock would be a non stop jokefest but there is not a lot of laugh out loud humour going on here. Instead it is full of prison clichés and predictable innuendos. The studio should have let Sandler and Rock write their own parts and they would have had a much funnier movie rather than it being full of heavily scripted schoolyard humour. Another annoyance is the amount of McDonald’s product placement going on. Combine that with the fact that it is under MTV banner and it does not get much more commercial (literally) that that. On the plus side the sports action scenes are well choreographed and the sound editing allows for every bone crunching clash to be heard in perfect clarity.

I can understand remakes if film makers can improve on the original but there is nothing new on offer here. There may not be many prison films about football but there are certainly far better individual movies about prison life or underdog sports movies.

link directly to this review at http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=12361&reviewer=388
originally posted: 06/15/05 16:23:48
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User Comments

8/26/13 Zack I love this movie 5 stars
11/12/09 Homer J. Fong Who is this "Pete" Crewe you keep mentioning? The character's name is *Paul*. 1 stars
5/24/09 Brandon Allin It's a mildly entertaining comedy. 3 stars
11/27/08 Shaun Wallner Hilarious Movie! 4 stars
9/26/08 k. this movie was awesome 5 stars
4/25/07 eddie great very funny just brill 5 stars
4/17/07 David Pollastrini not as good as the original 2 stars
1/21/07 David A. Poor remake of a weak original. This time, the ref gets hit in the nuts with the ball. 1 stars
11/22/06 Austin Wertman HILARIOUS 4 stars
11/16/06 Steve Newman Mean Machine in 1974 the best - British version on soccer was rubbish - this is truly awful 1 stars
9/07/06 drydock54321 do you really believe they would take football that seriously 2 stars
7/24/06 Joyce Verhoeven Cool 5 stars
7/07/06 NS Not much, but funny... and with Courteny Cox. 3 stars
7/07/06 Gerry Irons Funny in parts- overall not a typical sandler movie- bette than the original- like amore ad 3 stars
5/10/06 eric banner sandler did an exelent job in the movie, it was the best movie i've ever seen 5 stars
5/01/06 Anthony Feor Sandler should consider retirement 1 stars
4/24/06 jeffery goodson it was so great 5 stars
4/04/06 Quigley is dum this movie isnt foul Quigley what r u a mom 5 stars
4/02/06 JRE really funny. not as good as the first one though 4 stars
1/10/06 Michael Go Team and all that 4 stars
11/01/05 Dots Funny 5 stars
10/25/05 latrice this movie was the best and nelly was so fine 5 stars
10/25/05 jake awesome 5 stars
10/15/05 Quigley a totally foul and offensive movie. I really miss when movies were GOOD! skip this crap. 1 stars
9/13/05 bbbr sounds good 5 stars
9/09/05 Tori I thought this was a wonderful movie, hilarious 5 stars
8/27/05 Tom Burns A very entertaining movie. 5 stars
7/21/05 susie this movie rocks,i love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 5 stars
7/03/05 Vic Great movie...adam is hilarious was good even though i saw it twice in 1 day.agaisnt my wil 4 stars
7/01/05 Eddie Not the best remake 3 stars
6/28/05 Obi Wan Adam Sandler is NOT FUNNY! 1 stars
6/23/05 MICHELE FLORES THIS WAS A GREAT MOVIE, IT WAS FUNNY, SAD, DIVERSE, AND WORTH THE MONEY. 5 stars
6/20/05 Amanda Roberts Definetly not as good as I expected 3 stars
6/15/05 Julia I totally love this movie and i am an 11 year old girl!! 5 stars
6/14/05 Quigley totally disgusting offensive humor that a stupid two year old would laugh at. atrocious!!!! 1 stars
6/14/05 Parsley I don't know what you think but I thought it was cool how it stuck to the origanal. 5 stars
6/14/05 anne Turner its better than all you idiots say it is 4 stars
6/11/05 Tanya Simpson I thought it was hysterically funny 4 stars
6/11/05 Valerie Won't increase your intellect or political awareness, but great for laughs 4 stars
6/08/05 chris kohn even though dis movie was a remake of a classic it still was a hit wit da new generation"X" 5 stars
6/07/05 Drew Peltier I really enjoyed this movie 4 stars
6/07/05 Dave McCulley This movie was hilarious. This reviewer doesn't know good movies. Adam Sandler at his best 5 stars
6/06/05 John Bale Sandler miscast badly in this poor remake that lacks many laughs, but not action. 3 stars
6/06/05 KingNeutron What can I say, I liked it. 4 stars
6/04/05 Brian how many SNL has-bens does it take to make a bad movie? 1 stars
6/04/05 Josh Brogan This was a very funny movie, sandler is a comical genious, see it for yourself 5 stars
6/03/05 Christy Schultz The original was way better... 2 stars
6/02/05 deadwiz Fun for a few laughs, nothing more. 3 stars
6/02/05 Quigley i wish the ratings could go lower, because this crap-fest deserves every stinkin' bit!!!!! 1 stars
6/02/05 drgonzo7 normally i hate Adam Sandler, but this movie wasn't that bad. 4 stars
6/02/05 Hater Sandler is not funny! Can't hold a movie, better suited for skits on SNL! 1 stars
6/02/05 sandler sucks sandler sucks 2 stars
5/31/05 Josh It was awesome! It was so funny. It rocked. I would see it again and again and again. 5 stars
5/28/05 Frank Newhouse Fooooonies! =-) 5 stars
5/28/05 KCobain Sandler officially sucks now. What garbage. 1 stars
5/27/05 tomlove thanhcong 2 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  27-May-2005 (PG-13)
  DVD: 20-Sep-2005

UK
  N/A

Australia
  02-Jun-2005


Directed by
  Peter Segal

Written by
  Sheldon Turner

Cast
  Adam Sandler
  Chris Rock
  Burt Reynolds
  James Cromwell
  Nelly
  William Fichtner



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