Jamie Kennedy's favorite movie review site
Home Reviews  Articles  Release Dates Coming Soon  DVD  Top 20s Criticwatch  Search
Public Forums  Festival Coverage  Contests About 
Advertisement

Overall Rating
2.12

Awesome: 4.52%
Worth A Look: 10.05%
Just Average: 20.6%
Pretty Crappy: 22.11%
Sucks42.71%

16 reviews, 103 user ratings


Latest Reviews

Darkest Hour by Jay Seaver

Shape of Water, The by Jay Seaver

I, Tonya by Rob Gonsalves

Wonder Wheel by Peter Sobczynski

Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri by Rob Gonsalves

Swindlers, The by Jay Seaver

Oro (Gold) by Jay Seaver

Disaster Artist, The by Peter Sobczynski

Explosion by Jay Seaver

Lucky (2017) by Rob Gonsalves

subscribe to this feed


Fantastic Four (2005)
[AllPosters.com] Buy posters from this movie
by Lybarger

"Shouldn't Jessica Alba be the Visible Woman?"
1 stars

Thirteen years ago, legendary exploitation filmmaker Roger Corman produced a micro-budgeted adaptation of Stan Lee and Jack Kirby’s The Fantastic Four that wound up being shelved because it featured a cast free of marquee actors, a sloppy script and cheesy mechanical special effects. Now the folks at Marvel Comics and Twentieth Century Fox have given us a big budgeted film that features a cast free of marquee actors, a rancid script and cheesy digital special effects. So much for progress.

In the comic books, the Fantastic Four have been able to defeat super villains like Dr. Doom and the Savage Sub-Mariner because their combination of powers outweighs both the bad guys and their own internal squabbles. “The Floptastic Four,” on the other hand, is a film where none of the elements come together.

For the multitude of flaws that run through Corman’s movie, you get a sense that the filmmakers loved both the characters and making movies so much that their enthusiasm made you almost forget that the finale features a computer generated Human Torch scene that looked as if was filmed off an Atari screen.

The new film reeks of filmmakers who are more interested in deals than in movies. It’s an all too common problem, but throughout “Fantastic Four,” there’s a sense of some producers grinning over how cleverly they’ve managed to fit in a product placement or an opportunity to set up a sequel.

Unfortunately, nobody bothered to think of any reason to sit through the current film.

What there is of a story centers around how a troubled scientist named Reed Richards (Welsh actor Ioan Gruffudd, “Horatio Hornblower”) recruits a small crew to join him on a jaunt into space to learn new things about DNA. He gets some financial support from the portentously named tycoon Victor Von Doom (Julian McMahon, “Nip/Tuck”).

For some reason he feels like taking along his geneticist girlfriend Sue Storm (OK, so if I’m going to pick an actress to play a geneticist, I’d cast Jessica Alba?) and her hot-headed brother Johnny (Chris Evans, “Cellular”). This is an awkward arrangement because both Reed and Victor have the hots for Sue and because Alba’s acting isn’t developed enough to make this work.

Rounding out the team is Ben Grimm (Michael Chiklis), whose happy life is centered around his loving girlfriend. Because he’s constantly staring at her picture and everyone else mentions her name dozens of times, you get the impression, he’s in for disaster.

Actually, the whole team is in for a rude awakening when they are exposed to some cosmic radiation. The effects are that:
*Reed can stretch like pretzel dough.
*Johnny bursts into flames and even fly at will.
*Sue becomes invisible and shoots force fields (if only her dialogue could disappear as well).
*Ben has rock skin and can push over semis.

Victor isn’t so lucky. He gets some kind of metallic or electrical superpower that isn’t terribly frightening or useful. When the five of them eventually face off, it results in a rumble that leads to unconvincing CGIs and gobs of product placement.

Nobody pays ten bucks or more to see a Nike commercial, and what could be less crucial to a story than watching Johnny’s sparks “strategically” light a billboard for a flame broiled Whopper?

This is about as witty as the film gets.

There’s also a nasty whiff of hypocrisy about this film because it mocks Johnny Storm for having dolls made of his fellow superheroes, but yet the screen is full of shameless plugs. And it’s a pretty safe bet that there are toys out there just like the one we see in the film.

For all of the money that was spent on this thing, “Fantastic Four” feels awfully slow and lifeless. The storyline goes from incoherent to tedious at a moment’s notice. Yes, we know that Johnny Storm loves extreme sports, but do we really need to see him go wild with a snowboard and a motorcycle jump.

Dr. Doom isn’t all that menacing. He’s got no henchmen and only seems to want to fight the Four. Taking over the world, like he wanted to do in the Corman film, would at least make more sense.

Considering that the quartet cause a multi-car wreck that director Tim Story would like us to believe is an act of heroism, in real life, Doom would probably find a surplus of people wanting to help him.

Story and screenwriters Michael France and Mark Frost seem to believe that bigger explosions mean greater strength of character. The Four are better than Dr. Doom because they cause more property damage. I’m willing to suspend disbelief, but not as far as Mr. Fantastic can stretch.

The only cast members who emerge from this mess with dignity intact are Evans and Chiklis. Both nail the attitudes of their characters down and really try to run with them despite what little material they have in the script.

My anger toward this film is especially strong because I loved the comic book as a kid. Clearly the folks behind this one lacked that affection. If you truly love Stan Lee and Jack Kirby’s creations, show you own heroism by avoiding this awful desecration.

link directly to this review at http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=12567&reviewer=382
originally posted: 07/09/05 03:07:07
[printer] printer-friendly format  
Marvel Characters: For more in the Marvel Characters series, click here.

User Comments

8/05/10 Dr.Lao Could have done with less angst and more action. Oh yeah, and Doom was a huge misfire. 3 stars
8/21/08 The Dork Knight I actually liked Dr Doom despite what everyone says 2 stars
8/06/08 Shaun Wallner This movie was funny!! 5 stars
6/21/08 David V Not good...not good at all. 2 stars
5/15/08 PAUL SHORTT NEVER GOES DEEPER THAN THE INK OF A COMIC BOOK 1 stars
9/25/07 dude yawn 1 stars
7/16/07 MaDmAN Nice looking movie, i liked the villain just too much whining and moaning 4 stars
6/19/07 mr.mike not bad at all (on video).... 4 stars
6/05/07 Blizz POOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 1 stars
5/24/07 Tracey Chambers boring, ugly, and stupid 1 stars
5/23/07 action movie fan disappointing adaption of very good marvel comic superheros 3 stars
5/15/07 967 What a horrible movie, they try to get get rid of their powers the whole film. WTF? 1 stars
3/19/07 dude crud 2 stars
2/21/07 johnnyfog I liked Dr Doom, but that's about it. Still better than Superman Returns 2 stars
2/20/07 Angie OMG!! How did this ever happened. Not saying it's the end of the world, but seriously. 1 stars
2/16/07 Vip Ebriega It's like reading a comic book. 3 stars
11/26/06 Austin Wertman A BIT OF A BORE. TERRIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 2 stars
11/02/06 David Pollastrini not great, not terrible 3 stars
10/16/06 Anthony Feor This movie and X-Men 3 should never have been made 1 stars
10/07/06 ed terrible on just about every level 1 stars
9/18/06 bullit16 So bad, on so many levels 1 stars
9/02/06 Tricia Not perfect, but not entirely horrible either, IMO.I 4 stars
6/23/06 George It was okay, but The story is undeveloped. 3 stars
5/03/06 Cuenzie Wunzie It's a Joke, right? 1 stars
4/05/06 Fred WOW ! very informative ...and i like those pics of ur nephew , so cute !! can see that u pu 5 stars
4/02/06 JM Synth Not as annoying as it looked from the trailers 3 stars
2/22/06 Indrid Cold Not very good, but neither was SpiderMan, and everyone liked that for some reason. 3 stars
1/28/06 Quigley This movie is so, so bad. it makes the hulk look like a movie worth watching. 1 stars
1/07/06 Jim Not as bad as I expected. Is that praise? 3 stars
1/03/06 AM It sucked! I'm so glad I'm not American. I was a little ambivalent about the comics, but 1 stars
12/30/05 tony BORING!! Why was this movie made? Marvel comics is going down the drain 1 stars
12/24/05 The Grinch Chiklis and McMahon are good, Ian's wasted, Alba can't act, enternaing enough I guess 3 stars
12/07/05 tatum Christ, Stan Lee, sell the rights to your grocery list, too 3 stars
12/04/05 WSH One of the worst movies ever made! 1 stars
11/29/05 Jeff Anderson The worst superhero film to date & I've SEEN Albert Pyun's boring as hell CAPTAIN AMERICA!! 1 stars
11/28/05 Ming Jessica Alba and the spectacular visual effects save this from being a disaster. 3 stars
11/23/05 Angela Renee Garrett I totaly agree with you Mel 1 stars
11/09/05 Erik Van Sant Took a Fantastic concept and shit all over it. Avoid like the plague. 1 stars
11/08/05 Stan L good efx, but not much of story, rent Xmen1or2, Batman, or Spiderman 1or2 instead 2 stars
11/06/05 Angela Garrett I totally agree with Mel Valetine ON Fantastic Four 2 stars
10/31/05 PAG OK, decent film. 3 stars
10/26/05 deadwiz Should and could have been so much better! 3 stars
10/26/05 chris a very poor film indeed a waste of my time and money at the cinema 1 stars
10/11/05 Quigley if it had made like batman begins it would havce rocked, but story didn't watch Incredibles 1 stars
9/19/05 alexander somarriba okay 4 stars
9/18/05 Jonathon Holmes Tim Story should watch "Batman Begins" and hang his head in shame 1 stars
8/18/05 green gremlin Rent the "Xmen" DVD instead !!! 1 stars
8/14/05 .:*paris*:. i was expecting something fantastic but quite dissapointed,but certainly entertaining and f 4 stars
8/10/05 Rob S. Why didn't they follow the original story? Victor Von Doom was not a rich businessman. 2 stars
8/10/05 ES Story should have watched the incredibles and then went back to the drawing board on this 3 stars
8/08/05 jada so bad my 10yr old asked to leave, which i gladly agreed 1 stars
8/06/05 Aaron McGraw Poor camera work, they spent more time fighting one another than the mediocre badguy. 3 stars
8/02/05 Brandy Harrington The only comic book movie that is worse than this crap, is Batman & Robin. 1 stars
8/02/05 Quigley Not engaging like spider-man, and mostly not funny. watch something else, please 3 stars
8/02/05 Clatz Absolute pants 1 stars
7/31/05 Helen Greatest Comic book brought onto the big screen. 5 stars
7/29/05 Anders Torp Maybe even a worse disaster than "The Hulk" (if that's possible). 1 stars
7/29/05 PK Chris Evans is on fire! If he'd keep his shirt off the whole movie, I'd give more stars. 3 stars
7/29/05 Moctezuma More of a monstrosity than an actual film 1 stars
7/25/05 M i just wasted 2 hrs of my life!!!! 1 stars
7/24/05 Snakeboy Lots of gaps in the story but still fun 4 stars
7/22/05 Duffyboy666 SHIT! 1 stars
7/21/05 Quigley good special effects cannot save this movie. it had potential and it failed 3 stars
7/20/05 William Vollmer not bad; not great between xmen & Hulk 3 stars
7/20/05 leta Marshall I loved it ! 5 stars
7/18/05 FFlovr u critic hacks! this movie is ure gold, this instantly became my favorite movie 5 stars
7/18/05 Brandy Harrington Damn, this was worse than HULK. 1 stars
7/18/05 fernando thisw movie is bull shit and fuking movie 1 stars
7/18/05 Dave It could've been better, but it had enough fun moments. 4 stars
7/17/05 Matt Thiel Much better than Catwoman. If you want to see F4, do NOT pay to see it!!! 2 stars
7/16/05 John Bell Sometimes we have to set our high sensiblities aside as ask ourselves: did I enjoy the film 4 stars
7/14/05 tony What a rip off. I should have rented Speed 2. At least i would have enjoyed that. 1 stars
7/14/05 B.E. Total garbage. 1 stars
7/13/05 Anus FANTASTIC BORE! Too much whiny drama, not enough action 2 stars
7/13/05 DK i don't pay to hear slogans from bad tv+comercials.got refund of ticket. 1 stars
7/13/05 Tim O! I actually liked the film. I like the friend/family story line. 4 stars
7/12/05 C.E. Can comic book movies get any worse? 1 stars
7/12/05 Peter Griffin There's no reason for a superhero movie to be this lousy. 1 stars
7/12/05 Ole Man Bourbon Pretty bad, but I've seen worse 3 stars
7/11/05 Jorge Lizarazo Good movie, brings the F4 to life. 4 stars
7/11/05 Robin Lent Fantastic Four is far better than the reviews by maintream media 4 stars
7/11/05 Uncle Salty How about... Duuuuuuuuuuuuuh! 1 stars
7/10/05 KELLEN MATHERS Not enough action, unless you count setting up a sequel 2 stars
7/10/05 8=====D shitty just like the comic 1 stars
7/10/05 Peteca It's great dude!~5 origins in one! You can't ask for more! Go see it!!!!!!!!!! 5 stars
7/10/05 Naka Sucked ass. 1 stars
7/10/05 Burt Ward It's okay, you should see Batman Begins instead though 3 stars
7/10/05 FFFan Holy Crap, not horrible, but not quite mediocre either 2 stars
7/09/05 Lord Jiggy It doesn't cure cancer...not bad for light fun.. Lame story, decent work on characters 4 stars
7/09/05 Dustin Low expectations though made for more enjoyment. Seriously, it wasn't that bad. 4 stars
7/09/05 Charlene Javier It's not as bad as it sounds. 3 stars
7/09/05 Brian chiklis shouldn't be wasting his time on this crap... 1 stars
7/09/05 Dan I don't know what movie you all watched. This was better than Spiderman. 5 stars
7/09/05 RoyAgain The End of the Marvel Era 2 stars
7/09/05 Derek I love my 1985 buick better than this movie!!!! 1 stars
7/09/05 Genericus I really liked it! All these reviews are anti-hype 5 stars
7/09/05 Moctezuma Fantastic Flop 2 stars
7/08/05 BrianWilly I actually really liked it. People need to stop being such snobs. 5 stars
7/08/05 Johnnybgoode Humorous. I found it a welcome relief from this year's consistently dark, tragic fare. 4 stars
7/08/05 Kristina Williams straight up doodoo 1 stars
7/08/05 malcolm better than i expected. alba's gorgeous but should really work on her acting skills. 3 stars
7/08/05 Ray Anyone could see this coming. 1 stars
7/08/05 Sugarfoot All of a sudden Roger Corman doesn't look to bad now. 1 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
Note: Duplicate, 'planted,' or other obviously improper comments
will be deleted at our discretion. So don't bother posting 'em. Thanks!
Your Name:
Your Comments:
Your Location: (state/province/country)
Your Rating:


Discuss this movie in our forum

USA
  08-Jul-2005 (PG-13)
  DVD: 05-Jun-2007

UK
  N/A

Australia
  07-Jul-2005




Home Reviews  Articles  Release Dates Coming Soon  DVD  Top 20s Criticwatch  Search
Public Forums  Festival Coverage  Contests About 
Privacy Policy | | HBS Inc. |   
All data and site design copyright 1997-2017, HBS Entertainment, Inc.
Search for
reviews features movie title writer/director/cast