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Overall Rating
1.77

Awesome: 4.6%
Worth A Look: 3.45%
Just Average: 8.05%
Pretty Crappy: 32.18%
Sucks51.72%

9 reviews, 33 user ratings


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Stealth
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by Jason Whyte

"Featuring the best visual effects since Superman 3!"
1 stars

The new movie “Stealth” has a spectacular sound mix. If you are somehow unlucky to choose this particular movie over much better movies playing in cinemas right now (and there are a surprising number of good ones), at the very least, get a ticket for the largest screen with the loudest sound system possible. This movie will make audiophiles and DTS DVD freaks scream with joy, and pretty much destroy everyone else. What else would you expect from Mr. Rob Cohen, who has previously directed “The Fast and The Furious” and “xXx”?

The film’s threadbare plot involves three cocky Navy pilots…Gannon (Josh Lucas) who is smug and in love with himself, Wade (Jessica Biel) who has been spending a little TOO much time in the gym, and Purcell (Academy Award Winner Jamie Foxx who obviously did this film before Ray) who seems to be less of a pilot and more of a joke-cracker and womanizer. We are introduced to them by way of explosions and warfare, in a sequence where they are hitting practice terrorist targets in the desert.

Their commander, Cummings (Sam Shepard who can phone in a performance just as well as Sean Penn these days) has picked these three pilots to head up an anti-terrorist program where their “incredible” piloting skills can help the war on terror. Cummings has another trick up his sleeve with the arrival of a jet that is piloted by artificial intelligence named EDI (pronounced like “Eddie”, and introduced to the audience by way of a cloudy reveal that reminded me of Burton’s Batman). Suddenly, the human pilots start to worry that this form of AI will replace them all.

Naturally, things don’t work out. EDI is struck by lightning after completing a successful mission (one that involves bombing a building in Rangoon that, offensively, resembles a tragedy that happened in 2001), EDI goes nuts and uses its instincts to go bomb other terrorist targets, even if that means barrelling head-first into North Korea or having some fun in Russia’s no-fly zone. It’s up to the three human pilots to stop this wacky piece of new hardware from doing some irreversible damage.

One particular sequence is downright laughable, where EDI flies to a air refuelling station, is denied fuel, and proceeds to shoot it with its machine guns to get the fuel to disperse. Funny how it is never noticed by anyone running that station on the ground, and this shooting idea is a good way for enemy aircraft to refuel as well. Later, Gannon refuels his craft here, is hassled by EDI and starts a fire with the airborne fuel, causing a ring explosion that nobody seems to notice (a pull-back shot to reveal the shock effect is also about 15 times larger than the actual explosion).

But why nitpick? Lots of things go boom, and to Cohen and co. I guess that’s all that matters. He has also elected to edit the film in such a furious manner that it makes Michael Bay’s recent The Island look tame by comparison. Cohen and his editors try to make everything look exciting but it comes across as a wall of noise. The camera whooshes in, around, out and through the warring jets (and the occasional POV shot of engines revving up), all to the tune of the intensely loud digital soundtrack; hell, after EDI goes nuts, he somehow channels every online music download into his computer and only plays the songs that are available on the Stealth Original Motion Picture Soundtrack. It also doesn’t help that the film has some of the worst visual effects in recent memory; I was never convinced for a second that the actors were really flying aircraft, nor did I believe that said aircraft was actually co-existing with the air. An animated version of this film would be more convincing.

Really, why does this film exist? Top Gun is in English, 2001 has already been made and War Games came out in the 80’s. This wasn’t originally a South Koren film by Ji-Woon Kim, so why is it here? If there’s a story here or a point that Cohen and his writers want to make (besides maybe that machines are evil so, like, don’t use them in national defense and stuff) about the state of machines over man, James Cameron already did it with The Terminator and Spielberg did it with A.I. There really isn’t an audience here except for dumb teenage boys who couldn’t get in to Wedding Crashers.

For everyone else, this movie will obliterate your senses, knock you out and leave you breathless…but don’t quote me on the DVD cover, because I’m being a tad on the negative side. “Stealth” makes dumb movies look dumber, and this weekends $13 million dollar box office take is promising in that maybe we’ll never see the likes of this film again. Maybe we’ll see Rob Cohen move onto a dream project, where he finally does a documentary on his favourite hobby or what inspired him to be a filmmaker…okay, I’ve got nothing.

link directly to this review at http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=12659&reviewer=350
originally posted: 08/01/05 03:20:55
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User Comments

8/12/08 Shaun Wallner This movie has some great scenes in it. 5 stars
6/15/07 al smith leave your brain at the door and you will have a good time 4 stars
4/18/07 Stevo UK As pleasurable as a meteor strike to the balls. 1 stars
2/22/07 David Pollastrini Jessica Biel is hot! 2 stars
9/29/06 Stanley Thai Filled with great action scenes and a good plot. Come on people, where's the love? 3 stars
7/27/06 drydock54321 do you really think he could have found her from the air and all the landscape. 2 stars
7/27/06 Alonso Bonilla bleak, boring, and just plain stupid, people, do not watch this movie! 1 stars
2/05/06 cody a pretty good action flick, with edge seat action scenes! fun time 4 stars
12/28/05 tony Not even close. This movie is without a doubt one of the worst movies in hollywood! 1 stars
12/21/05 tina mateer boring!!! If it did not cost so much to go see, would of left right away 1 stars
12/17/05 J.D. Pittman III Come on people! You know that movie was tight! 5 stars
12/05/05 Carolyn good explosions and sfx, nice eye candy worth a rental 3 stars
11/28/05 JH Oh Dear God. Make It Stop. Killer Tomatos was better. 1 stars
11/27/05 ELI Planes fall down go BOOM! That's a pretty complex plot! Eh, the planes looked nice 2 stars
11/27/05 Evil Wolfie The action was nice looking..... at least. 3 stars
11/24/05 shaun wallner i thought this movie was pretty good but i didnt like the music 2 stars
11/23/05 Narcs Cool planes.. but too fake and video game oriented. 3 stars
11/13/05 Lanie Richardson Not the best movie... but I liked it. 4 stars
10/11/05 Josh Swanson Not the greatest movie, but Jessica Biel ain't bad on the eyes. 2 stars
10/05/05 Ava Rice Jessica Biel thinks her shit don't stink; otherwise film coulda been 90% more watchable. 3 stars
10/03/05 poo it's so bad it's funny. good for a larf. 2 stars
9/16/05 Green Gremlin Makes "Top Gun" look like "Saving Private Ryan" !!! 2 stars
9/14/05 Pinkline Jones Cohens couldn't direct a turd down a Toto toilet 1 stars
9/13/05 Jonathon Holmes Foxx should be ashamed of himself 1 stars
9/12/05 Summer 2 hours too long! 2 stars
8/07/05 E Well, this is quite underrated 5 stars
8/07/05 ^ZuLu^ stereotypes - sfx - sfx - forseeable - stupid ending - yawn 1 stars
8/04/05 Jake Shocker A Thriller. 5 stars
7/31/05 KingNeutron Good FX, ridiculous dialogue, ridiculous plotline. 2 stars
7/31/05 ClaranceTheCobra If Jessica Biel Had balls, I'd probably lick 'em 2 stars
7/30/05 Naka Nope! 1 stars
7/26/05 Ice-T too heavy on the effects and blur 3 stars
7/26/05 WilliamPrice standard zoom and boom 3 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  29-Jul-2005 (PG-13)
  DVD: 15-Nov-2005

UK
  N/A

Australia
  08-Sep-2005


Directed by
  Rob Cohen

Written by
  W.D. Richter

Cast
  Josh Lucas
  Jessica Biel
  Jamie Foxx
  Sam Shepard
  Joe Morton
  Richard Roxburgh



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