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Overall Rating
2.37

Awesome: 5.71%
Worth A Look: 2.86%
Just Average41.43%
Pretty Crappy: 22.86%
Sucks: 27.14%

8 reviews, 22 user ratings


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Cave, The
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by brianorndorf

"The luckiest straight-to-video production ever"
1 stars

A forgettable August dump, “The Cave” doesn’t bother to do much, even with the limited tools it has. Poorly shot, hilariously acted, and cheap-looking all around, somehow “The Cave” lucked into a theatrical release before returning to its rightful home, DVD, in a mere three months.

When an excavation site in Romania reveals a seemingly bottomless cave, a scientist (Marcel Iures) calls in a dive team to investigate the untouched abyss. These scruffy professionals (including Cole Hauser, Morris Chestnut, Piper Perabo, Eddie Cibrian, and Lena Headey) are eager to explore the miles-long underground caverns, but once they establish a camp in the cave, they find they are not as alone as they thought. With mutated parasites around every corner looking for blood, the team must fight their way back to the surface, combating sanity and confusion along the way.

The two kings of last August, Morris Chestnut (“Anaconda 2”) and Cole Hauser (“Paparazzi”), return to the screen for another late summer turkey, “The Cave.” A horror film mixed with National Geographic-style diving sequences, the film furthers the promise of poor quality that both actors seem determined to fulfill.

A former second unit director behind “The Matrix” trilogy, “The Cave” was directed by Bruce Hunt, a man who knows a thing or two about action sequences and special effects. Yet, with this film, he’s working with a colossally lower budget, thus the challenge to create something mysterious out of nothing is set forth. Hunt doesn’t have a clue how to rise to the occasion. “The Cave” is a predictably PG-13 affair, utilizing almost pitch-black cinematography to cover the seams of the production, cutting awkwardly around violence, and utilizing a group of actors hired more for their muscles than any emotions they could possibly project. The film has a shoddy straight-to-video quality to it that makes it the quintessential late August, studio dump release.

However, “The Cave” didn’t go to video; it came to theaters first, which amplifies the film’s pages-long list of faults. As a simple monster film, “The Cave” is crippled by the lack of a decent rating to understand just how dangerous the creatures are. Hunt always cuts away from their attacks, hiding behind that hoary Hollywood saying, “less is more.” However, the film doesn’t have any “more,” and when Hunt relies on “less” for the whole film, the result is a tedious, uninteresting horror experience. Of course, it’s tough to confirm that monsters are even in the picture, since a good glimpse of the beasties is never allowed. Hunt shakes his camera violently to convey the chaos the creatures bring when they step out of the shadows, leaving the action incomprehensible, and the audience queasy. I applaud the production for electing to use puppetry over CG for most of the monster screen time, but Hunt hasn’t a clue how to photograph the mayhem, leaving most of “The Cave” a blur.

Without a solid eye behind the camera, that leaves us with a clueless cast in front of one. Most of the actors here were brought in for their looks, yet Hunt demands that these limited performers act like their life depended on it, padding the film with endless argument scenes to make the treasured 90-minute running time. This, of course, brings scene after scene of acting hilarity. In the lead roles, Chestnut and Hauser exude absolutely no charisma, and since they have to compete with poorly lit locations and flying monsters, they don’t rise to the challenge, continuing to play the roles with monotone gut-determination while the movie continually laps them.

By the end of the film, Hunt has sent his cast through the fundamental horror motions, made things go boom, and sets up an ending that promises a sequel. Good heavens, I hope that idea never surfaces.

link directly to this review at http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=12863&reviewer=404
originally posted: 08/26/05 09:21:47
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User Comments

9/12/17 morris campbell dull crap 1 stars
7/23/08 Shaun Wallner This movie has some great scenes in it. 4 stars
3/19/07 Jim Vin Diesel called ... he want's Pitch Black back! 3 stars
12/01/06 harry it was good but them creatures wouldnt survive outside they not ment for it 3 stars
6/12/06 William Goss Meh. Predictable yet watchable. There must be an uncut version, which restores the quality. 3 stars
5/10/06 chienne I only went to see it for Marcel Iures, he's MUCH better that that. 3 stars
4/21/06 Aldo really bad ..i agree it was way too dark !!!!!! 1 stars
4/03/06 Mike loved it,defininately 5 stars,loved the suspense and twisted ending 5 stars
3/23/06 mike movie was too dark to see most of the time - not cool- fuckin sucked 1 stars
1/19/06 Evil Wolfie God i hate this movie... Just terrible 1 stars
1/05/06 othree Couple stand out cast members, potential groundwork turned into SciFi chan crap movie. 1 stars
1/02/06 Wiseman AWW COMON THIS WAS A RIP OFF!!! PITCH DARK AND ALIEN RIP OFF!! AND IT SUCKED!!! HORRIBLE!! 1 stars
11/23/05 danielle i htought it was good 4 stars
10/29/05 chris a not so good film tryed to compete with the descent but failed 2 stars
10/24/05 DEEDeeDEEe Was this a Cave Documentry? ¿ I could have watched The Discovery channel 1 stars
10/20/05 Ariadne Christina Renee Gladstone Promising premise founders on lousy shot angles, awkward timing & incomprehensible scenes. 2 stars
10/09/05 Anus AWW THE ASIAN GUY FROM 'LOST' IS IN THERE! 3 stars
9/24/05 Aaron Smith Monsters lose their effectiveness once we see them. Predictable characters. 2 stars
9/04/05 Randy This movie lacks story, characters, plot, but the caves were interesting to look at 2 stars
9/04/05 bff A great film 5 stars
8/29/05 Tom Burns A thrilling, action adventure. 5 stars
8/27/05 anna it was aswome 5 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  26-Aug-2005 (PG-13)
  DVD: 03-Jan-2006

UK
  N/A

Australia
  24-Nov-2005




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