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Overall Rating
1.18

Awesome: 0.81%
Worth A Look: 1.63%
Just Average: 2.44%
Pretty Crappy: 4.88%
Sucks90.24%

4 reviews, 99 user ratings


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Ringmaster
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by Chris Parry

"Cut it out America, you're scaring the crap out of me."
1 stars

It's appropriate that a Jerry Springer film adaptation starts and ends in a trailer park. What isn't appropriate is that this slight on the human species is shown anywhere outside trailer parks. Jerry Springer: Ringmaster is the single most self indulgent, masturbatory, distressingly awful load of bollocks any person could have dreamt putting on screen. It's not, as Springer himself tries to reason, a slice of American lifestyle. Rather it's a big green loogie spat right into the face of any person from the other side of the tracks.

This film has no reason to be, other than as a tawdry effort to allow the despicable Springer portray himself a well meaning, constantly harassed, nice-guy sex symbol. Give me a fucking break. This is something akin to braiding my grandma's hair, slapping her in a swimsuit and calling her Bo Derek.

There's a story in Ringmaster. A really stupid one. Truth be told, it's more of an excuse to get some cheap wood out of some not too bright filmgoers. A trailer park mom is married to an unemployed yutz. The yutz is sleeping with the daughter, who gives blowjobs at the local motel. She's engaged to be married to a dimwitted neighbour who ends up sleeping with her mom when mom finds out that hubby is duffing the daughter. Then there's some ghetto wenches whose only real reason for being included is so the odd "beeatch" can be thrown into the dialogue.

And in the middle of it all, Springer shrugs his shoulders, makes the bad Jewish jokes, tries to look like the only human being in the mix, shows his awful body (was that really necessary?) and… sings… in a country music bar.

Only journaistic integrity stopped me from smashing this tape into a thousand pieces before it was over. Of course, once it was over, and my job as reviewer was done, the smashing did commence with vigour.

If there's one redeeming feature of Ringmaster, it's that it gave Michael Dudikoff a chance to get back onto the silver screen after a decade of staright to video crap. The sad part is, of all the crap that he's appeared in previously that didn't make it to the big screen, this is the one that least deserved to.

This is the most shameless piece of self congratulatory, self promotion this reviewer has ever witnessed. That it made some $10m upon it's US release is a sad initement on the people of the United States, even if they would have all felt ripped off after seeing it.

For non-fans of the TV show, and even die-hard Springer fans, if you fork out one red cent to see, rent or buy this film, you are a dead set fucking idiot.

link directly to this review at http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=1348&reviewer=1
originally posted: 09/02/99 13:35:45
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User Comments

2/19/15 Chris Jarmick Bad semi-reality TV as big screen movie. Garbage for die-hard Springer fans only... 1 stars
2/13/15 potter fan awesome 5 stars
4/23/12 Tomasie Can't believe the budget was 20 million. How was 20 million spent? I've seen worse.. 2 stars
1/16/09 Shaun Wallner Very Boring! 1 stars
8/10/08 George Barksdale Thougt give benefit of doubt, should of saved my money 1 stars
11/01/07 Total Crap Wow, just ungodly bad movie. Just everything that can go wrong in a movie is here. Man. 1 stars
10/13/06 barry jamie pressley - oh yeah!! 4 stars
10/10/06 paula dance with the stars, don't make movies springer 1 stars
7/30/06 William Goss I can't tell if it's supposed to be a comedy, or even a real movie at that. 1 stars
6/12/06 Ryan_A This was spectacularly awful, although Pressly plays white trash better than anyone. 1 stars
3/27/06 Gworgie Manos for Rednecks. Makes you want to kil lsomeone 1 stars
2/28/06 Anthony Feor The Worst movie in the WORLD 1 stars
2/27/06 sean please dont watch this 1 stars
7/23/05 Duffyboy666 The kind of publicity stunt that deserves a firing squad. Sickening in the purest sense 1 stars
4/30/05 craig varney the porn industry could use this plot 2 stars
3/07/05 whatevr Do not watch this movie or you will lose 10 IQ points 1 stars
2/27/05 Gray and we wonder why other countries don't respect America 1 stars
2/13/05 never NEVER 1 stars
2/06/05 eworm I think it's a great parody of the show. You're not supposed to think this is Oscar stuff. 4 stars
1/04/05 alvin i didnt like it . not one bit. fuken shit !! DNT WASTE UR TIME ON DIS, -- ANYBODY!!!!!!!!!! 1 stars
1/01/05 Delirium Tremens Jerry Springer sucks gorilla cocks in hell. 1 stars
12/08/04 Kristina Williams I like Springer but even this is too much 1 stars
10/14/04 blue really insulting! 1 stars
9/09/04 Mr X do not operate heavy machinery while watching this movie 1 stars
8/02/04 magaafi IM WITH U RODRIGEZ / X!!! A MASSIV BONFIRE / GUNS TO BLOW ALL COPIES UP..SHIT MOVIE 1 stars
6/29/04 Dr. Lecter makes the tv show look intelligent 1 stars
6/13/04 Spiderfan50 Never seen it but since it's the worst ever, "It sucks" lol! 1 stars
6/08/04 8=====D no wonder that blockbuster has 6 copies there with dust and cobwebs on it 1 stars
5/28/04 whatevr When I first saw this I thought it was a torture device 1 stars
5/27/04 P.Rodriguez I;'m with X 1 stars
5/15/04 Blakers crap 1 stars
4/28/04 X I say get all the copies of this movie and make a bonfire. Who's with me? 1 stars
4/25/04 MetallicA I never seen it but I'd probably hate it. 1 stars
3/12/04 Carl This movie is crap. 1 stars
2/20/04 Monster W. Kung An intelligent, honest, heart-warming and entertaining masterpiece... NOT!!! 1 stars
2/08/04 Whatevr This movie took 2 hours off my life and I want them back! 1 stars
2/02/04 Hdog Jamie Pressly is fucking Hot!!!! But movie is TOTAL CRAP!!!! 1 stars
1/09/04 Connor McMannis Of course it's a shitty movie fuckbrains! It's Jerry fucking Springer! 1 stars
11/13/03 jimmy d fuck fuck fuck! fuck dude! fuck shit fucking damn shit dude! fuck! 1 stars
9/29/03 waterboy is not that bad 3 stars
9/29/03 jimmy d fuck yeah this movie deserves an oscar for.....pure shit!!!!!!!!!!1 1 stars
9/02/03 here crap 1 stars
4/29/03 Joe This crap is what the studios think they can pass off as funny, well it's not 1 stars
4/25/03 The Talking Elbow if this movie is transmitted into space and powerful aliens accidently watch it,we are DEAD 1 stars
4/17/03 snowconehead Springer for Senate! 2 stars
3/24/03 Sugarfoot It's strange that this movie sucks so bad, because Springer is usually very good, NOT! 1 stars
3/12/03 Cock-Guzzling Jesus Bad awful terrible horrible wish I was dead 1 stars
2/15/03 Monster W. Kung Utter trash with no redeeming features. One of the worst pieces of cinematic dung ever. 1 stars
1/28/03 The Aussie Film Reviewer If anyone actually liked this, they need to totally reassess their life. 1 stars
8/28/02 Hessian I hope the hope the exec that signed off on this shit got canned. 1 stars
8/25/02 K-ronik Trash, from start to finish. 1 stars
7/30/02 JaeTone Give this movie some credit for being a ignorant pathetic low budget movie. Ok, this sucked 1 stars
7/07/02 Girl 9 Jerry Springer is in this one...it should have been a clue for me. 2 stars
5/31/02 Chancey Thunderpants BAH!! I cannot imagine why Jerry Springer makes a living off disgusting shit like this. 2 stars
5/24/02 Jeremy Whitman Deplorable garbage 1 stars
4/12/02 NWO4LIFE amusing at times. Good for people who like movies where they rub your face in raunch 3 stars
4/12/02 James It sucks, but Jamie Pressly looks hot in it. Yummy! 1 stars
3/26/02 Chris ¿¡ It can be funny... 5% of the time. So this movie deserves a nothing. 1 stars
3/11/02 Janus the Anus And now for my final thought: This movie sucks goat cock. 1 stars
1/05/02 Magnum Craphole An awful waste of time, just like Springer's show. 1 stars
1/01/02 Cookie Cutter It was so bad that my doctor had me on cancer medication to try and arrest the pain. 1 stars
12/28/01 the wise wizard this movie is shit shit shit SHIT!!!!!!is there a rating lower than sucks al ass? 1 stars
12/14/01 Andrew Carden Good Premise, but Failure On Everything Else. Almost Unwatchable. 1 stars
12/02/01 Clarance Sucked Almighty Bunghole 1 stars
11/30/01 Cracked head I even rented the DVD to see if it explains why it's so awful. None was supplied. 1 stars
8/18/01 Dr. Thompson Springer sucks rancid bat guano, hard. 1 stars
8/05/01 badfish Whos ass did this piece of SHIT fall out of?? 1 stars
6/29/01 master.node OH ,, MY .. GHOD !! 1 stars
6/27/01 Dean If you watch this movie make sure you have a bucket to vomit in. 1 stars
6/18/01 Rampage More wretched than the TV show. A pile of radioactive slag. 1 stars
5/04/01 Chris bad 1 stars
4/29/01 Thrillhouse What the hell was that? Springer is a goddam, no-talent dingbat! 1 stars
4/25/01 Spetters This had nothing good whatsoever. Horse manure!!! 1 stars
3/19/01 Monster W. Kung Strip that "Springer" idiotic subject out. What do you get? Still a really bad movie! 1 stars
3/19/01 TNT-6 Wasn't that idiot on TV enough? Jerry Springer you SUCK! 1 stars
2/20/01 palmreader Its not like his image was going to get any better. $$$ 1 stars
1/14/01 chris sucks 1 stars
10/08/00 Ground Zero Stupid idiots! So stupid it's a freakin waste of money and entertainment 1 stars
10/01/00 Madoc69 talk about bad 1 stars
7/29/00 Digitalus absolute stupidity and torture 1 stars
5/03/00 PJ I can't believe I saw the whole thing, and now I got this gun pointed to my head, why why.. 1 stars
4/26/00 Pansy Damn you Springer, you stupid llama. Also whoever made this piss-ant movie. Loser! 1 stars
4/16/00 Meepos Good god, it gets no worse than this. It can't. 1 stars
2/28/00 Mr. Kramitall I'd rather see Maury slur his way thru the Maury show. This movie blew mutant slag 1 stars
10/14/99 the Grinch Angry Jew, you are a GENIUS! Jerry Springer: Cockring Master 1 stars
10/13/99 Lame-Oh For those of you who hate the Springer show (Me including)... this movie serves you wrong 1 stars
7/03/99 J-Dogg I was dragged into the theatre to see this horrible, TRASHY bullshit. Worse than the show. 1 stars
5/09/99 Ah Dooey Crud. Springer blew it with this one. 1 stars
3/13/99 Viral Messiah Drinking beer is more fun 1 stars
1/16/99 Redial I like the show........ but this was just.... blah. 2 stars
1/08/99 Monique Smiley Watching milk curdle is more interesting 1 stars
12/24/98 Willy Duncan Shows how low Americans have delved into their social sewer. BOLLOCKS it's just primitive. 1 stars
12/19/98 f*r*o*s*t*y Yawn, yawn, yawn. Ringmaster of boredom is more like it. 1 stars
12/17/98 PirateGirl I had a good time but that was just my white trash roots talking 1 stars
12/16/98 Austin This movie was alright, it had a few laughs, but Springer almost seems non-existant 3 stars
12/10/98 Marion Davies One of the alltime worst, pointless pieces of shit ever made! Almost as bad as the TV show! 1 stars
12/06/98 Mr Showbiz A low-down, Self-involved, profane and gloriously vain effort. 1 stars
12/05/98 Scion of Sailor Jupiter The title alone should tell you how shitty this is. 1 stars
11/28/98 Colin Williamson The 'Austin Powers 2' preview that ran before the film was funnier. What a piece of shit. 1 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  25-Nov-1998 (R)
  DVD: 30-Mar-1999

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