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Overall Rating
2.37

Awesome: 16.52%
Worth A Look: 11.3%
Just Average: 5.22%
Pretty Crappy: 26.09%
Sucks40.87%

8 reviews, 67 user ratings


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Underworld: Evolution
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by Kevin Thomas

"Vampires and Werewolves; Still rubbish..."
2 stars

The first Underworld was, at best, forgettably entertaining. It didn’t scream out for a sequel but nonetheless, here one is. However, the good ol’ law of diminishing returns and what we are given is a series of (admittedly impressive) fight scenes connected by not very much at all.

Flashing back in time, we learn that the original Lychan (does ‘Werewolf’ have copyright issues?) and one of the oldest Vampires were, in fact, brothers. After a bloody battle the Were-brother is caught and imprisoned in a hole in a castle somewhere in a suitably abandoned castle. Fast forward and Kate Beckinsale (looking pretty much as gorgeous as it’s possible to look in skin tight PVC (which, lets face it, it very attractive indeed) is in exile with Scott Speedman (a lychan/werewolf hybrid (which basically means he can punch really hard)) trying to find out the secrets behind the treachery of the first film. If you can remember what that treachery was then you can probably guess the rest of the film from the opening sequence but if, like for most of us, the original is still a bitter memory then let’s just say the big vamp tries to free his hairy brother and Kate is the only one who can stop them.

The story takes about as long to explain as that paragraph took to type, so to pad things out we are presented with what is quite possibly ‘The Most Gratuitous Sex Scene in Cinematic History’. Seriously, porn films have bigger plot devices to lead to sex scenes than is seen here. However, once the PVC is on the gloves are most certainly off. The fight scenes are commendable with some satisfactorily meaty exchanges of blows. The final showdown, whilst lacking in essential chemistry between the combatants does at less have two excellent resolutions for the losers. King Kong would be jealous…had he not died in the 20’s, obviously.

The story plods along at a satisfactory rate, neither dragging nor leaving us behind. So long as you can swallow the (sort of fair) logic that being immortal means that you'll be rich and realise that every single thing in every movie ever that can be twisted to release spikes is always a key to something then nothing in the movie should grate too much (there's not enough depth for anything to grate!). The requisite number of twists are thrown in for good measure and none of them really surprise. You'll often need to tell yourself that what happened was actually meant to be a twist just try and keep yourself awake. I often find that pretending that every plot event is a twist can make boring films far more interesting. Try it during any movie starring Hugh Grant.

All in all there are worse ways to spend two hours (Bad Bays 2 for a start). U;E is painfully shallow and linear, but once the fists start flying it means little. For mindless fantasy violence it does the job but certainly don’t expect anything more. If you need to have your brain engaged before violence becomes entertainment then steer well clear. Download the nude scene when the DVD comes out…you know you want to.

link directly to this review at http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=13771&reviewer=368
originally posted: 01/25/06 16:01:28
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User Comments

4/01/12 Cr a soild sequel with lots of action, suspense, and good acting. kate is awesome! 4 stars
4/22/11 man yawn 1 stars
4/08/11 Annoymous Took About Bad Acting and neither Derek Jacobi can't save this film 1 stars
1/27/08 Alan Disappointing, a sequence of chases and gory battles, but wiht no tension and little sense. 2 stars
9/14/07 dude boring 1 stars
7/21/07 Rebecca It's really not as bad as the detractors make out. Complexity is a good thing. 5 stars
7/15/07 tweener Awesome... sex scene is a bit much for youngens, but kate looks great and plenty of action 5 stars
5/28/07 Rrahn I liked it very much!!! Some people should respect other opinions... 5 stars
5/07/07 Charles Tatum Another sequel that no one asked for 3 stars
2/06/07 AJ Muller Needlessly complex yet still stupid; decent action, though, and more fun than the first. 3 stars
1/27/07 khatukz the hell i care about what other people say,i liked the movie,no! I loved the movie!!! 5 stars
1/04/07 del I don't ever want to meet the fans of these movies. 1 stars
11/25/06 Tess i loved all Kates move!,,,but hated the blood-sheds. 2 stars
11/19/06 money911$$$$$$$ loved the movie kate beckinsale is hotter than hell and i loveed all the action 5 stars
10/05/06 Peachygirl Who cares about the movie? It had Tony Curran in it -- he made the movie worthwhile. 4 stars
9/19/06 Pritchett The first was lame, this was lamer. 1 stars
9/04/06 Ana Kile Amazing. Good effects. Good acting. Good story telling. Requirement: Some intelligence. 5 stars
8/08/06 Dragon The Artist The only things that need to evolve is the acting & the video gamey concept!! 1 stars
8/07/06 sterling joseph roberson i love so much 5 stars
7/23/06 Jim Better and more epic than the first, and about five times gorier. Michael, move your arm! 4 stars
6/12/06 Paul Schem 5 stars
4/10/06 mohan action , pretty good speical effects and hot,sexy kate 4 stars
3/29/06 fuzzl10 kate beckinsale manages to pull off the girl action heroine, a feat few women can do 5 stars
3/10/06 Sumixam It was entertaining for a fan of the 1st 5 stars
2/28/06 dfd good movie but the first was better 4 stars
2/24/06 PAG Pretty good flick. Better than the first. 4 stars
2/21/06 Leia Easily one of the dumbest movies I've ever seen. 1 stars
2/20/06 riddsy good film 4 stars
2/16/06 Soha Molina bad 1 stars
2/16/06 Galliwertz Even lamer than the first, if you can imagine that. 1 stars
2/15/06 ES Excellent, if you enjoyed the first you'll love the 2nd 5 stars
2/10/06 Mike How disappointing. Good first, totally confused second film. How often can Michael die? 2 stars
2/07/06 FritztheCat I thought this movie was such divine poop in a can...just like the first. 1 stars
2/03/06 CD crap 1 stars
1/31/06 Jonathon its crap.....but it's better than the other crap out there 3 stars
1/30/06 Gungywamp Even lamer than the original lame-fest... 1 stars
1/29/06 lee Boring 1 stars
1/28/06 CthulhuFhtagn Very poor sequel to a very poor film...why are we shocked? 1 stars
1/27/06 Stimpy of DOTs I really enjoyed this movie, 4 stars
1/27/06 Jeebuzz ...and here I was thinking that the FIRST one sucked ass...WHOAH!!!!!!!! 1 stars
1/26/06 Ole Man Bourbon Sure, it's crap. But it's not as bad as a lot of other crap. Whatever that means. 2 stars
1/26/06 Popem UNDERWORLD is a movie morons always seem to like...what gives??? 1 stars
1/25/06 Jeff Paulin it was a good action movie worth a look 4 stars
1/24/06 Anus I fell asleep while watching this. That's bad, right? TRIUMPH : UNDERWEAR REVOLUTION 1 stars
1/24/06 Runaway Hey! Some loser guy's old loser wife liked it! That MUST mean it's good!!! 1 stars
1/24/06 Lighten-up It's not that bad! It's enjoyable for what it is. My 40yr old wife loves it. 3 stars
1/23/06 K-2 You are all losers for liking this garbage...but we already knew that, didn't we? 1 stars
1/23/06 Paul Critics really have NO lives. RELAX! This movie was good! FUN! Kate you are perfect. 4 stars
1/23/06 Michael Loved it. don't listen to critics. Listen to regular people 4 stars
1/23/06 Chip It was alright. The first one had a better storyline though. 4 stars
1/22/06 LoveTrash This movie ROCKED (worthy of several viewings, unlike other blockbusters) 5 stars
1/22/06 Blutarsky Nowhere near as bad as made out here. Bah. 4 stars
1/22/06 The Talking Elbow Proof that film reviewers should be taken with a grain of salt: I had no problems with UE. 5 stars
1/22/06 JK This sequel was incredible! I loved it. Kate kicked more ass than she did in the original! 5 stars
1/22/06 Zordude I enjoyed it. 5 stars
1/22/06 bluseed This movie rocks!!! and so did Kate! 5 stars
1/22/06 Noodle The same dull people who liked the crappy first will like this second helping of shit, too! 1 stars
1/21/06 Ton I enjoyed this movie! Don't watch it if you don't like vampires. 5 stars
1/21/06 Jessi I think it was a great film and even better than the first! 5 stars
1/21/06 Evil Wolfie Loved the first - This one not so much 3 stars
1/21/06 NoRefill Just really boring. Liked this one even less than the first one. 2 stars
1/21/06 Flyboy Dare I say even more boring than the first...I didn't think that was possible. 1 stars
1/21/06 asme cool!!!!!! yah.... 3 stars
1/20/06 SoHo More trash for the January dumping ground! WAY worse than the original turd!!!! 1 stars
1/20/06 Chappy I hated the original, WHY did I think this one would be any better???? Aaaaargggggh!!!!!!! 1 stars
1/20/06 malcolm how could a film w/beckinsale naked, vampires, werewolves, graphic violence be so BORING? 2 stars
1/20/06 BrianWilly Surprisingly fun and entertaining. Better than the first. 5 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  20-Jan-2006 (R)
  DVD: 06-Jun-2006

UK
  20-Jan-2006

Australia
  19-Jan-2006


Directed by
  Len Wiseman

Written by
  Danny McBride

Cast
  Kate Beckinsale
  Scott Speedman
  Tony Curran
  Derek Jacobi
  Bill Nighy
  Michael Sheen



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