The first Underworld was, at best, forgettably entertaining. It didn’t scream out for a sequel but nonetheless, here one is. However, the good ol’ law of diminishing returns and what we are given is a series of (admittedly impressive) fight scenes connected by not very much at all.Flashing back in time, we learn that the original Lychan (does ‘Werewolf’ have copyright issues?) and one of the oldest Vampires were, in fact, brothers. After a bloody battle the Were-brother is caught and imprisoned in a hole in a castle somewhere in a suitably abandoned castle. Fast forward and Kate Beckinsale (looking pretty much as gorgeous as it’s possible to look in skin tight PVC (which, lets face it, it very attractive indeed) is in exile with Scott Speedman (a lychan/werewolf hybrid (which basically means he can punch really hard)) trying to find out the secrets behind the treachery of the first film. If you can remember what that treachery was then you can probably guess the rest of the film from the opening sequence but if, like for most of us, the original is still a bitter memory then let’s just say the big vamp tries to free his hairy brother and Kate is the only one who can stop them.
The story takes about as long to explain as that paragraph took to type, so to pad things out we are presented with what is quite possibly ‘The Most Gratuitous Sex Scene in Cinematic History’. Seriously, porn films have bigger plot devices to lead to sex scenes than is seen here. However, once the PVC is on the gloves are most certainly off. The fight scenes are commendable with some satisfactorily meaty exchanges of blows. The final showdown, whilst lacking in essential chemistry between the combatants does at less have two excellent resolutions for the losers. King Kong would be jealous…had he not died in the 20’s, obviously.
The story plods along at a satisfactory rate, neither dragging nor leaving us behind. So long as you can swallow the (sort of fair) logic that being immortal means that you'll be rich and realise that every single thing in every movie ever that can be twisted to release spikes is always a key to something then nothing in the movie should grate too much (there's not enough depth for anything to grate!). The requisite number of twists are thrown in for good measure and none of them really surprise. You'll often need to tell yourself that what happened was actually meant to be a twist just try and keep yourself awake. I often find that pretending that every plot event is a twist can make boring films far more interesting. Try it during any movie starring Hugh Grant.All in all there are worse ways to spend two hours (Bad Bays 2 for a start). U;E is painfully shallow and linear, but once the fists start flying it means little. For mindless fantasy violence it does the job but certainly don’t expect anything more. If you need to have your brain engaged before violence becomes entertainment then steer well clear. Download the nude scene when the DVD comes out…you know you want to.