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Overall Rating
2.06

Awesome: 1.25%
Worth A Look: 12.5%
Just Average: 16.25%
Pretty Crappy: 31.25%
Sucks38.75%

9 reviews, 26 user ratings


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Firewall
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by Jason Whyte

"Has Harrison Ford 'retired'?"
1 stars

“Firewall” is a film that will suck the life out of your lungs and ruin your day, and the only time I like a downer film is a documentary like “The Corporation” or a fictional film like “Omagh”, because the films are so well made and deserve our sadness. Rather, “Firewall” made me sulk out of the theatre knowing that 105 minutes of my time were wasted and could have been spent on a walk (the weather was good!), or a swim at the nearby recreation centre. My mind was running wild…“Man, I could be working out right now…I have to pick up some takeout on my way home…why don’t I have popcorn to keep me awake….shouldn’t Tom Cruise be playing the Harrison Ford part…why is that guy down the aisle talking on his cell phone?”

Anyway. Here is a movie without a single original character or idea in its head, except for asking us to believe that Harrison Ford, now at a wheezing, cranky 63 years old, could possibly play somebody married to Virginia Madsen and has two children that he most likely out in his mid-to-later 50’s. The rest is all boring fiddlesticks about Indy Jones’ family being held for ransom by some inept crooks led by the poor man’s Jude Law.

You see, Bill Cox (Paul Bettany) wants to rob a rich global bank in downtown Seattle (which is really Vancouver) and figures out that if he went directly to the man who designed the security software, Jack Stanfield (Harrison Ford), he could force him to get some secure funds handed over. Cox gets Stanfield to (and I’m not making this up) to steal $10,000 from 10,000 of his richest clients and place them in an offshore account. Cox and a group of dark-haired, black-dressed cronies take his family hostage at their luxury home to make sure Jack complies.

Questions abound: if the security for the bank has been moved to Arizona, how come neither Cox nor any one of his cronies knows about it? If it takes a portable hard drive to transfer account information, surely one of the cronies would have one on their person instead of resorting to using his daughter’s Ipod (and not even a smaller 4-gigabyte Nano, at that). If Cox and the bad guys are so skilled as they claim, why not just knock off a suburban bank instead of a downtown global bank? And why do the screenwriters insist on using obvious foreshadowing (the son has a peanut allergy, so the bad guys will use that against him later on; the radio controlled toy car messes up television signals, so watch Stanfield use that later on)?

Three years without doing a movie, and THIS is what Harrison Ford chose? (Didn’t he read my review of “Hollywood Homicide”?) Not only is he drastically wrong for this part, his heart doesn’t really seem in the role. Not only is dreary and boring (check out any of his recent interviews to promote this movie and you’ll see what I mean) but he has no chemistry with either Virginia Madsen, who gives a thankless performance as his wife, or his children, who are played by Carly Schroeder (who was really good in “Mean Creek”) and Jimmy Bennett. They’re so bland that any actor could have played any of these roles and it wouldn’t have mattered.

The only performance worthy of some positive note is Paul Bettany, who is always good in every film and does what he can as the leader of a rag-tag team of crooks. This is his second time working with director Richard Loncraine; the first was the likeable 2004 film “Wimbledon” and is more known for playing the nice guy.

By the time the film gets to its last reel, it’s all one big chase, with Mr. Ford tracking the GPS collar on his dog’s collar (no, I’m not making that up) to find the bad guys, who inexplicably drive all the way out into the middle of Washington State to a house on a lake for the big fight. If the filmmakers set the story in Vancouver, where they actually filmed it, we could have had Cox try to get away by driving onto the BC Ferries (a major tourist trap), and have a climatic fight with he and Stanfield where they break glass and knock over tables in the gift shop. That scene alone would have made me applaud.

link directly to this review at http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=13934&reviewer=350
originally posted: 02/12/06 02:09:00
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User Comments

9/23/10 PAUL SHORTT OCCASIONALLY EXCITING BUT MUDDLED 2 stars
7/14/09 R.W. Welch Formulaic hostage flick has little spark. A skipper. 2 stars
8/11/08 Shaun Wallner Loved it Harrison Ford is great! 5 stars
6/02/08 mike somewhat interesting. I felt like I've seen too many movies like this though 3 stars
5/03/08 Jack Sommersby Ridiculous, lame, and boring to boot, this so-called thriller is a D.O.A. 2 stars
4/29/08 mr.mike Far-fetched , but scores with tense atmosphere and action 4 stars
10/06/07 Meggo This was complete crap. Horrible. Doesn't deserve 1 star. 1 stars
8/21/07 Matt An old story dressed up in 21st century technology, but it's worth half a look. 3 stars
6/08/07 Steve Newman It was OK - Ford looks a very old man now, retire the poor bastard 3 stars
12/05/06 gRant KadE the movie was nice...more on prvacy event, their lots of new gadgets like GPS .. 3 stars
10/02/06 Chris Simpson Dire. A very bad rental. Clapped out Harrison does the haggard, care-worn good guy routine. 1 stars
9/18/06 Aldo Its not orginal but i found it Highly entertaining 4 stars
9/16/06 hector its worth a look not so bad as everybody rated it , its good 4 stars
7/30/06 CarolJude Haven't I seen this one before about 10 times? 2 stars
7/30/06 JeromeBosch WOW! Harrison Ford playing Harrison Ford! Unreal!!! 1 stars
6/08/06 Shukara Griffin I feel like they were trying to push a bit much.This is the same style of film . 3 stars
6/04/06 Jeff Anderson Weak & extremely witless(even for the commanding Ford). A sad waste of Madsen's talents! 1 stars
6/02/06 Rowsdower I yawned thirty seven times during this garbage. 1 stars
4/01/06 tc Not about firewalls, not a computer thriller, just a cliched kidnap movie 3 stars
3/11/06 Josh Standlee Fuck this!!! Bill Cox is the worst villain EVER! Fuck!!! 1 stars
3/01/06 Adam Even though I knew that this is going to be a boring shit, I stil went to see Mr. Ford. 1 stars
2/14/06 Mike V I'm pretty sure Harrison Fors has made this movie 3 or four times. 2 stars
2/14/06 Corinne I actually enjoyed this movie. It wasn't oscar-worthy, but it wasn't crap either. :) 3 stars
2/13/06 Ole Man Bourbon Another tedious, tiresome hostage movie. Ford needs something better to do. 2 stars
2/12/06 Fran Totally agree with Scott 2 stars
2/11/06 Perry Mason Much better than I thought it would be. Harrison still kicks ass. 4 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  10-Feb-2006 (PG-13)
  DVD: 06-Jun-2006

UK
  31-Mar-2006

Australia
  02-Mar-2006




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