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Overall Rating

Awesome: 33.33%
Worth A Look: 6.67%
Just Average: 0%
Pretty Crappy: 6.67%

1 review, 9 user ratings

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Jake's Booty Call
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by David Cornelius

"Because 'Dickweed: The Movie' isn't as marketable a title."
1 stars

I’m just not sure how to approach “Jake’s Booty Call,” an animated movie based on an internet party game. The characters are so very moronic, so very obnoxious, so very vile that there’s no possible way the filmmakers couldn’t have had some snarky satirical agenda here, right? Right?

Sadly, I don’t think so. For starters, there’s a big fat National Lampoon logo right at the beginning of this film, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that the modern era of National Lampoon - the era that gave us “Gold Diggers,” “Christmas Vacation 2,” and “Barely Legal,” among others - is not known for its subtle wit. Or any wit at all, actually.

More importantly, the jokes presented here are appallingly sophomoric; it’s highly doubtful that any sort of biting satire could come from the same people who thought “Fumunda Manutsac” and “General Gargle-Deez” are absolutely hilarious names. You could argue, of course, that the movie is going so far as to make fun of bad comedy, but that would mean the movie would have to work on so many different levels, and I simply don’t believe that’s possible.

Why? Because in all the celebration of the title character’s twisted misogyny, there’s not one clue informing us that the filmmakers think Jake is a loser. The filmmakers spend far too much screen time giggling in prepubescent glee at all the lame jokes and ogling all the cartoon boobies to make this anything more than a thumbs up to assholery.

(If this were indeed a satire, we’d see Jake failing, repeatedly. His groan-worthy pick-up lines are intended to be ridiculous, yes, but why then do they work so well? It’s like watching the Wild and Crazy Guys from “Saturday Night Live” actually be successful in all their bungling matchmaking attempts. Which ruins the humor - we should be laughing at Jake, not with him.)

But let’s backtrack a bit. Before “Jake’s Booty Call” was a movie, it was a Flash Animation internet game in which the viewer would follow the nightclub adventures of Jake, a whitebread jerk-off who seems to have watched “Pimps Up, Ho’s Down” one time too many; at crucial points in the story, the viewer would be given a choice of commands - should Jake play it cool, or should he try a new pick up line? With any luck, Jake would get syphilis and the viewer could watch! It’s a Choose Your Own Masturbation Adventure for frat boy date rapists.

The movie, like the game, comes to us from writer/directors Eric D. Eisner (son of former Disney mogul Michael and brother to “Sahara” director Breck) and Julian Max Metter (who also provides the irritating voice of Jake). Neither have made a movie before, and it shows. The film, which has been made using the same zero-budget Flash Animation techniques as the internet game, isn’t so much a story as it is a random assortment of idiotic party scenes and limp attempts at comedy. Whenever the filmmakers hit a creative wall, they just let Jake get laid again, probably so these two very lonely boys can animate naked breasts.

Eisner and Metter feel obligated to give us a plot, and so we get Jake meeting Siton Manaba, crown prince of the Mediterranean nation of Bangasloid (hold on, it gets worse). Siton is a virgin, and Jake - who’s looking forward to free rides around the world in the prince’s private party jet - takes it upon himself to teach him the way into a girl’s panties, promising to get him laid before he turns 21 and is named king. It’s “Pimpology 101.” Ugh.

Ah, but Siton has a younger brother, Lickapon (you’re kidding, right?), who wants to be king, and so he sends his henchmen to try to kill Siton and Jake. Little does Lickapon know that this movie is a frat boy fantasy, meaning Jake is not only an expert at nabbing some tail, but he and Siton are also adept at disposing of the ninjas that come his way. Meaning that when we’re not watching dopey cartoon sex, we’re watching pitiful cartoon fight scenes. One of them even includes a kick to the crotch, followed by a prolonged close-up of the victim groaning. Because that is what the filmmakers think is funny.

This intelligence sapping time-waster also throws at us a series of one-liners that can at best be described as “abominable.” A pot-induced fantasy sequence has Jake meeting a cartoon Yoda, who calls him “young Skyplayer.” “The world is a melting pot of pussy!” is an early comical rallying cry. And late in the film, Jake woos one lucky lass with “Girl, you and me fit together like two balls in a nutsack.”

When the script isn’t busy being ugly, the animation is. This is a movie that looks as utterly putrid as its main character’s soul, with badly drawn characters running around in front of poorly rendered backgrounds. The only time the animation becomes lively is whenever there’s nudity to see, which, I suppose, reveals the filmmaker’s priorities.

I suppose there is an audience out there for this film; it’s probably the same numbnuts who enjoyed the game. National Lampoon, aware that a regular theatrical run is out of the question for a picture this lousy, has been busy touring it around college campuses, in the hopes of attracting enough dumbasses, the same dumbasses who will later buy the inevitable DVD. It worries me that there is a segment of the population who will watch such scenes as the one where Jake asks if he can put his chewing gum in a girl’s belly button while he performs oral sex on her and actually cheer, “Yeah! That’s my boy, Jake! Give it to her good!”

Then again, maybe it’s all a joke, and I just didn’t get it. I sure hope so - the idea of someone actually thinking Jake to be a hero is scary stuff indeed.

link directly to this review at http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=14532&reviewer=392
originally posted: 05/10/06 15:13:43
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User Comments

8/01/11 Jake Someone needs to get laid 1 stars
12/29/09 G.Jolly Rancher this is what jakes booty call is about! bad pickup lines, flimsy story and terrific pimpin! 5 stars
6/30/09 candy i never seen the movie && i wnna see it lyke really...i lubb dha booty call series 4 stars
5/17/08 MC-SerZ You remind me of some nerds with Sovjet-socialistic moral teaching. This movie RULZ fo shiz 5 stars
3/03/08 Al C Dude! you just don't get the dilly-yo! Jake is jokes for piznimps. not you. BIYOTCH!!! 5 stars
6/08/07 kayla. i love the game. the movie looks horrible. 2 stars
5/19/07 angel i loved this movie 5 stars
5/09/07 Johnny G Are you kidding me, this movie is horrible. Idiots like jonathan ricci would like it. 1 stars
4/16/07 jonathan ricci listen david and all people who hate this move are gay your mad cause your not jake the pim 5 stars
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