Jamie Kennedy's favorite movie review site
Home Reviews  Articles  Release Dates Coming Soon  DVD  Top 20s Criticwatch  Search
Public Forums  Festival Coverage  Contests About 
Advertisement

Overall Rating
3.2

Awesome: 16.4%
Worth A Look31.22%
Just Average: 20.63%
Pretty Crappy: 19.58%
Sucks: 12.17%

14 reviews, 105 user ratings


Latest Reviews

I, Tonya by Rob Gonsalves

Wonder Wheel by Peter Sobczynski

Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri by Rob Gonsalves

Swindlers, The by Jay Seaver

Oro (Gold) by Jay Seaver

Disaster Artist, The by Peter Sobczynski

Explosion by Jay Seaver

Lucky (2017) by Rob Gonsalves

Breadwinner, The by Jay Seaver

Endless, The by Jay Seaver

subscribe to this feed


Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
[AllPosters.com] Buy posters from this movie
by Jason Whyte

"Yar! It's sequelitis, ho ho!"
2 stars

What am I missing here? Here I am, sitting in an enormous screening room for an early afternoon screening of “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest”. I am viewing the film in a downtown location which is a few miles away from a monstrous megaplex that is running the film on multiple screens with endless showtimes. I mention this because the 500+ seat cinema has only about 15 people present, and it is cool and comfortable. I’m in the right mindset to sit back and enjoy the sequel to the hit 2003 film that has now spawned a trilogy. We’re now two-thirds of the way there.

And yet, somewhere early on in the proceedings, my mind gave up trying to process the images and sound that came flying out of the projector. I didn’t care. The images are there, in focus and in widescreen. The Dolby Digital soundtrack is rocking in every direction, and yet it made no difference. I didn’t like this film. You know that feeling you get in a cinema when watching a bad movie, that weary feeling where you are trying to stay awake and your eyes keep drifting from the screen only to be rocked awake by a loud sound? It happened to me twice during the final battle.

Anyway. “Dead Man’s Chest” picks up a short while after “The Curse of the Black Pearl” where Elizabeth (Keira Knightley) and Will (A Blank Wall…whoops, Orlando Bloom) are about to marry. They are soon arrested for their crimes in aiding and abetting Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) from the first film, and barter a deal where they can give up Sparrow in charge for their freedom. When Jack gets to Sparrow, he is in search of a key for a hidden chest, as is Davy Jones (the wonderful Bill Nighy from “Love Actually”) who desperately wants its contents.

Perhaps the biggest drawback to “Dead Man’s Chest” was something that plagued the first film: it is far too long. Way, way too long. With credits, the film clocks in at 152 minutes and it is far too patience trying for a theme-park kind of film that is really nothing more than a glorified B-movie. There are several passages and sub-plots of the film that could have been excised entirely with no actual loss to the overall package; in fact it would be more of a gain, since this kind of “fun” picture should last only 90 to 105 minutes.

What’s more…if you’re going to have a big summer action blockbuster, how about actually injecting some action into it? I viewed “Mission: Impossible III” again recently, which came in just under the two hour mark and still provided an espionage story and some interesting characters in a movie that was pretty much wall to wall with action. The filmmakers in that movie got exactly what they were going for, and “Dead Man’s Chest” gets too weighed down in conflicting storylines that, as previously mentioned, I was fighting to stay awake. Even the recent “Superman Returns” managed to provide a story that would keep us interested, like any good film should.

Johnny Depp. Few will argue that his performance in the first film was incredible work. Nominated for an Oscar for his wildly original mannerisms and double-entendre dialogue, it was enough for me to recommend the first film (along with some great action sequences and a semblance of a storyline), and here he brings much of the same spirit as he did in the first. Problem is that he isn’t given much to bounce off of; I forgot Orlando Bloom the second he was off screen, and Keira Knightley once again looks fantastic, and I had more fun watching her tanned-face change levels from scene to scene.

I see so many films every year; 300+ a year in fact. I spend more time watching than writing about them, and I feel that I have a firm grasp on cinema culture. And yet I can’t see the real fanbase of this series; despite it making money, to me it feels like another attempt by Disney to cinema-size its theme park offerings. There is the occasional entertaining action scene (the big one that stands out to me involves a sword battle on an old, fleeing wheel) but the film should have been, to quote a filmmaker friend of mine, “Two hours and fun.”

150 excruciating minutes later, I’m trying to figure out what made this film so profitable in its first few weeks of release (the $135 million opening weekend baffles me). Perhaps it was a bottled promise of exactly what you want to see. But there’s no real love of film in the film. It just seems something Mr. Bruckheimer does on a daily basis to get the masses to buy a ticket.

link directly to this review at http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=14738&reviewer=350
originally posted: 07/31/06 13:54:46
[printer] printer-friendly format  

User Comments

2/23/09 Chris Whoever wrote the review at the top has no idea what they're talking about. 5 stars
1/20/09 Anonymous. the worst of the trilogy, disappointing. :/ 3 stars
1/14/09 Shaun Wallner Depp is a great actor. 5 stars
11/30/08 Roz Not as good as the first. Plot was an absolute mess. 3 stars
11/30/08 noops.... had grt expectations frm this but disappointed... 3 stars
10/13/08 PAUL SHORTT A PATCHY AND OVERLONG SEQUEL, BUT STILL FULL OF HUMOUR AND TOP NOTCH ACTION 3 stars
6/01/08 R.W. Welch Overdone, overbroad, and overlong. 2 stars
1/04/08 Pamela White vague plot but effects make it interesting 3 stars
8/12/07 Annonomiss 2nd film of trilogy was SO hokey and Disneyed up. Waste of film. 1 stars
6/16/07 Tiffany Losco awesome, loved it. Johnny depp great sexy 5 stars
5/31/07 Ionicera better than the reviews led me to believe 4 stars
5/24/07 Tracey Chambers good movie, but I was exhausted when it was over 3 stars
5/24/07 runes one way, way too many plotlines...even the dog got a plotline...wack!? 1 stars
5/16/07 carlie beautiful movie!!!! i love piratres of the caribbean !!!! and i have the book!!! super 5 stars
4/26/07 Sharlatan the 1st was wicked wtf happened the dog moment and cage swing ws only good bits nothtfunny 2 stars
4/18/07 Stevo UK Twice as long and half as good as the original. thank god that Mr Depp saves the day. 3 stars
1/18/07 movieman great movie 5 stars
1/10/07 NANCY YANG WAYYY...... MUCH BETTER THAN THE FIRSST ONE 5 stars
1/05/07 Watch This Movie! Very good, had just as much momentum as the first. Entertaining and fun. 5 stars
12/28/06 Samantha Fields I love pirates of the caribbean 1 & 2 , its funny and can be scary !!! 5 stars
12/26/06 Keelie liked it... ending couldve been better but i think it is much clearer now.... 4 stars
12/25/06 bullit16 Seriously? You're kidding, right? 2 stars
12/17/06 Thealizia The scene were they were were fighting on the wheel was over dramatic 2 stars
12/14/06 Charles Tatum On par with the original, Depp steals his scenes again 4 stars
12/07/06 Ron Better than the first 4 stars
12/05/06 Dude Hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 5 stars
11/22/06 Austin Wertman BETTER THAN THE FIRST 5 stars
11/14/06 reena wful, just awful. arbitrary events dont make a good movie... 1 stars
11/13/06 gracie this was th best movie ever. you suck! 5 stars
10/24/06 Drew G Good sequel to a great movie 4 stars
10/16/06 David Very disappointing 2 stars
10/13/06 Helen Cannot be missed! Savvy? 5 stars
9/28/06 ES A movie worse than the first one, now that's quite a feat 1 stars
9/25/06 Kayla I love this movie so much! The first one was better but even that one had its ups and downs 5 stars
9/21/06 JohnnyFaye I love reading peoples far fetched "I hate" reasons for this movie...haha It's a sweetmovie 5 stars
9/20/06 Pritchett The first one sucked and so does this one. 1 stars
9/16/06 ad lengthy 3 stars
9/13/06 Mara Frost Once again, Johnny Depp is great! Also fun stunts and creature makeup. 5 stars
9/12/06 Agent Sands A disappointment, with perhaps 2 entertaining scenes. 3 stars
9/06/06 bosh not really 2 stars
9/04/06 Ricardo very entertaining 5 stars
9/02/06 Christopher Stucky Didn't expect much, but really liked it... just like the first one. 4 stars
9/01/06 van zwaar ...yarr 2 stars
8/23/06 Chad Thomas Johnny Depp is great! 4 stars
8/21/06 G Sherfy Projector died at the end of the movie; I wasn't disappointed to miss the last 5 minutes. 3 stars
8/13/06 George This is movie is kinda lame 3 stars
8/06/06 Vincent Costa Entertaining 3 stars
8/06/06 Erik Van Sant 15 Minutes in and I was wishing I was watching 'Superman Returns' again. Flaccid follow-up. 2 stars
8/04/06 TiGrBaLm Fast paced, action packed, John Sparrow ROCKS 4 stars
8/03/06 sulman mahmood good 4 stars
8/03/06 Sarah W totally awesome johnny depp was great!!!!! 5 stars
8/02/06 Mike V Too long but a lot of fun....It's Depp...enough said. 4 stars
8/01/06 Mase IF you liked the first you will probably like this, if not tedious and boring. 2 stars
7/29/06 ls All the things that made part 1 good are missing. Part 3 is gonna get downloaded 2 stars
7/29/06 Troy M. Grzych Action sequences were too long and drawn out. Visuals were cool. Movie slow. 4 stars
7/29/06 ahnold All visual. No plot. Nothing compelling. What's happened in hollywood? 1 stars
7/27/06 dj way too long!!! And there is no ending!! 2 stars
7/25/06 Quigley an awesome sequel that has some problems, but I ain't complaining. Depp is the man; see it 5 stars
7/24/06 jess Totally awesome! 5 stars
7/24/06 pin transition film, loose and disappointing. Will still see III 3 stars
7/24/06 Joyce Verhoeven For everyone whom has not seen this movie, watch it, because this movie is super 5 stars
7/23/06 malcolm near perfect blend of action/comedy, but really just half a movie 4 stars
7/22/06 Koitus Keira looked great; hard to understand Voodoo woman; suspicious ending! 3 stars
7/22/06 Agent Sands The 2 action sequences on islands were the only good parts of the movie. 3 stars
7/20/06 michaelb1478 a little overlong but still a fun movie 4 stars
7/20/06 Elizabeth S Some clever humorous action, but needs a major edit. 3 stars
7/19/06 ahnold Just another movie w/2 much action and no compelling plot 2 stars
7/19/06 Butt No treasure in this chest 2 stars
7/19/06 Suzz too long; heavy on special effects; lite on with; not enough Depp 3 stars
7/19/06 Ashley It's totally awesome!!! Cannot wait for the 3rd. I love Johnny Depp! 5 stars
7/18/06 Ole Man Bourbon A lot better than I was expecting. Forgettable, but entertaining. 4 stars
7/16/06 Jim Almost as good as the original 4 stars
7/14/06 Evil Wolfie Slightly less good then the first. 4 stars
7/14/06 MP Bartley Overstuffed, disjointed and silly, but still a giddily fun time. 4 stars
7/14/06 robo it does suck quite badly 2 stars
7/13/06 Somebody people who give it less than 5 stars are just too picky! 5 stars
7/13/06 Stanley Thai Better than the first but it's just too long. 4 stars
7/13/06 Nightjorn PIRATES OF THE CRAP-A-BEAN: THE WRATH OF CTHULHU!!!!! 1 stars
7/13/06 inty utter crap 1 stars
7/13/06 EZ I can't wait for the third one!! 5 stars
7/12/06 Agent Sands Way too long, disorganized, too many dead animals. Only 2 good scenes in the whole movie. 3 stars
7/12/06 Dan great movie to see 5 stars
7/12/06 Captain Highcrime Found myself wanting to hear the "Benny Hill" theme during some of sillier set-pieces 3 stars
7/11/06 Vicious Fun over-all, but it seemed to lack focus. 4 stars
7/11/06 JM Synth Some outstanding set-pieces, but Verbinski is yet another director who lacks restraint 3 stars
7/11/06 Roy I loved the first half but then I got bored 3 stars
7/11/06 Kent S Did I see the same film? I'm sorry but I'm frustrated and angry at the "end" of this movie 2 stars
7/10/06 hooplah could have used about 20 minutes of trimming and it'd be about perfect 4 stars
7/10/06 Kaitlin Reynolds I thought it was very long, confusing and hard to keep up with. 3 stars
7/10/06 Mike Fairly boring, way too long. Blah 2 stars
7/10/06 Jean Smolen The sequel was butt numbingly boring! 1 stars
7/10/06 NoRefill Way too long. Needs about an hour cut. Watching the original again might make it funnier. 3 stars
7/09/06 Richard Green Frequently tiresome, not all that funny. 3 stars
7/09/06 Doug Eh. 3 stars
7/09/06 John Doesn't have legs to stand on it's own. 2 stars
7/09/06 Bob No plot, not funny, and about two hours too long 1 stars
7/09/06 Steve-O An over-cooked 2.5 hour setup for what will hopefully be a much more exciting third movie 3 stars
7/09/06 sully needs about1 hour of editing, Johnny Depp 4 stars 4 stars
7/08/06 Mo Better than the first one 5 stars
7/08/06 Jon Gets pretty repetitive an dull 1 stars
7/07/06 Roy Started off great but then I got bored 3 stars
7/07/06 KingNeutron Only movie this year I'll see more than once. STAY4CREDITS 4 stars
7/07/06 Jambi I still can't believe people actually liked the first pile of mediocrity. 2 stars
7/07/06 Gerry Irons Very Silly 2 stars
7/07/06 asina started out weak, but REALLY picked up by the end. 4 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
Note: Duplicate, 'planted,' or other obviously improper comments
will be deleted at our discretion. So don't bother posting 'em. Thanks!
Your Name:
Your Comments:
Your Location: (state/province/country)
Your Rating:


Discuss this movie in our forum

USA
  07-Jul-2006 (PG-13)
  DVD: 05-Dec-2006

UK
  06-Jul-2006 (12A)

Australia
  06-Jul-2006 (M)



[trailer] Trailer




Home Reviews  Articles  Release Dates Coming Soon  DVD  Top 20s Criticwatch  Search
Public Forums  Festival Coverage  Contests About 
Privacy Policy | | HBS Inc. |   
All data and site design copyright 1997-2017, HBS Entertainment, Inc.
Search for
reviews features movie title writer/director/cast