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Overall Rating

Worth A Look: 14.77%
Just Average: 9.09%
Pretty Crappy: 19.32%

6 reviews, 52 user ratings

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Idle Hands
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by Slyder

"An idle movie devoid of anything and everything"
1 stars

The problem with Idle Hands is that it doesnít know what the hell it wants to be whether a sex comedy, a romantic comedy, a porn flick or a horror flick. And the worst thing of all is that itís neither. Itís just pointless, and thatís just fucking lame.

Stoner loserís hand is possessed by the devil and kills his parents, then his two stoner friends, and then two idiotic cops, and then he cuts his hand off. Big mistake, fucker, because the hand is now loose and now goes after his girlfriend at the Halloween party, while some other witch bitch contains the only thing that can stop the evil hand from opening the doors of Satan, or whatever shit.

Itís clear that this film is nothing but a blatant rip-off of Evil Dead 2. No, not even the movie itself, just the 5-minute scene in which Ashís hand becomes possessed and tries to cut it off, which pretty much means that the filmmakers that did this film are a bunch of untalented hacks. And not only theyíre a bunch of untalented hacks, theyíre a bunch of stoned assholes that sucked a little bit too much rock up to the point that neither of them knew that the hell were they doing. And surely they encountered some drunken or equally stoned movie producer and while coasting in his little trip into the twilight zone he gave the other stoned assholes out of the blue a pile of cash to make a movie just for fun, for kicks, or simply to prove how moronic they could end up being.

Cue in a bunch of work-hungry nobodies (Devon Sawa, Elden Henson and Jack Noseworthy) and then-nobodies (Seth Green and Jessica Alba), a bankable star in a cameo role only for marketing purposes (Vivica A Fox), and a relatively unknown TV director and BAM! This is the result: an utter stink hole of a film devoid of any entertainment, artistic quality or any comedic or horrific value. Instead, itís full of lame dialogue, pathetic characters, and a plot as flat as a tortilla. Sure there are a handful of gross-out moments but they donít serve for shit in the movie, only to gross the audience out. Then out of nowhere it comes up with comedic schlock that simply falls flat on its face, and then it comes up with a barrel of sexual innuendo that disappears just as soon itís introduced without ever showing any flesh or sex. Fuck me; what the fuck is the fucking point of this fucking movie? What the fuck were these people thinking when they made this movie? And just what in the blue fuck was Vivica A Fox doing in this drivel? Yep, it's clear that the writers and the director were so stoned, they didn't know what the fuck they wanted the film to be about.

Itís beyond belief that a major studio would release this pointless piece of shit when itís clear that this crap is nothing but ďstraight to videoĒ material, since itís nothing but a waste of celluloid, and of peoples time and money. Itís hard to believe that crap like this is still being on print and being sold while several classic films like The Killer, Hard Boiled, The Unbearable Lightness of Being, My Left Foot; films that have actually something to say or to give as well as several others are simply taken out of print. I guess that just shows the ever-growing ignorance of human beings in our age going for cheap shocks instead of something with value. Instead itís a waste of money, and Jessica Albaís beauty. Wow, Jessica Alba, man, sheís hot, or was before her Dark Angel shit.

In the end, this film delivers NOTHING! It has NOTHING! Itís a void and a black hole full of NOTHING! God damn it, fuck, what a waste of my motherfucking time. Hell, I rather sit outside in the grass and stare at nothing for 92 minutes than pay for it. No fucking way. 0-5

link directly to this review at http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=1482&reviewer=235
originally posted: 07/22/04 14:42:30
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User Comments

9/14/17 morris campbell minor but fun 3 stars
8/16/11 Machine Gun Tom My hands weren't "IDLE" when jessica Alba's hot body appeared on screen. 5 stars
11/25/08 Shaun Wallner Seth Green is Hilarious! 5 stars
4/07/07 fools♫gold Plays with .".ignorance.". 2 stars
3/20/07 matthew totally idiotic but entertainingly gory, tit-filled, stoner comedy 5 stars
1/27/07 Jeff Anderson As dumb teen horror-comedies go, its actually funny. Green & Henson have the best moments!! 4 stars
8/14/06 Anastasia Beaverhausen Doesn't make much sense, but still entertains...like your mom 3 stars
9/14/05 Gray dumb fun 5 stars
2/05/05 clinger26 couldn't stop laughing 5 stars
12/22/04 Jason Kaul You don't even get to see fine assed Jessica Alba's tits. Really really bad flick. 2 stars
10/03/04 Josh Standlee Devon Sawa is one hell of an actor, and Jessica Alba is very hot! Buy it now! 5 stars
8/06/04 Anthony G If I ever see jessica albe, im gonna give her P.C.P. then fuck her in the eye 1 stars
7/27/04 Mike Devans BORING 1 stars
7/24/04 Phoenix II I wanna ram my huge cock in and out of Jessica Alba's ass. 3 stars
12/12/03 latch pen really funny it kicks ass 5 stars
9/17/03 Samuel Justus Pretty funny! 3 stars
9/14/03 Collin Stupid, Mindless, Ascinine, Pointless, Mindless, Poorly Concieved Garbage with no style 1 stars
1/09/03 dopplegangers it is great and sexy 5 stars
12/14/02 me i would fuck her so hard.... 4 stars
4/30/02 Phoenix Mediocore at best, but man I want to put my cock up Jessica Alba's ass. 3 stars
4/16/02 daniel ending rubbish 5 stars
3/19/02 Jay I couldn't help but jerk off looking at jessica,God I wish I could fuck and suck her tits 3 stars
3/01/02 Alan Smithee I enjoyed it. Seth Green was hilarious, and Jessica Alba was very sexy. 4 stars
1/24/02 Shane Robert Myers!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Funny, sick, eroitic & twisted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 5 stars
1/12/02 rb one of my favorites 5 stars
9/25/01 Eric Jordan I want to put my cock up her ass 3 stars
9/06/01 Jim Amusing nonsense 4 stars
6/16/01 The Man Dude, Jessica Alba's ass MADE the movie, that one scene made it a great movie. 5 stars
4/09/01 Gary This is a very funny movie. It's a dark comedy. Great Sawa flick. 4 stars
3/02/01 Seth Green Has no semblance of coherent filmmaking, but damn I wanna fuck Jessica Alba's tight lil ass 5 stars
2/18/01 Flora A post-modern horror laugh-fest, just don't take it too seriously... 4 stars
1/27/01 Harvey If for nothing else, see this film for deliciously dark angel alba, in short shorts no less 4 stars
1/27/01 Soggy Bottom Boy Pleasantly suprised; listen to DVD commentary, a lot of good behind-the-scenes stuff there. 4 stars
6/07/00 Bender Pretty good, and amusing Horror-Comedy 4 stars
3/20/00 Steve Layne Campy, funny and very bloody! 4 stars
2/09/00 MarshyMan Violence for violence sake. Crap story, crap acting. 2 stars
2/05/00 Kyle Broflovski "So if you don't rate, just overcompensate...the world needs wanna-bes..." etc 1 stars
1/10/00 Suzanne Briscoe A waste of time. 1 stars
12/12/99 Tyson Stewart some good parts, but all around the film is stupid! 2 stars
12/10/99 Jack Donovan I went in for Seth Green and was suprised as all hell that I actually got my money's worth. 5 stars
10/18/99 Alexander damn funny and pretty scare. I love Alba... alot 5 stars
9/18/99 Buford "Mad Dog" Tannen Hilarious; great sets; Green, Sawa, and Hensen rule, & an unbelievably fine Jessica Alba 5 stars
6/28/99 Stephen Bashakus Devon, Seth, and Elden show talent, but the movie is an exercise in creative diarreha. 2 stars
6/25/99 David It's really funny, reminds me of "The Frighteners" in many positive ways 4 stars
5/10/99 Diptherio This movie needs bruce campbell to make it work 1 stars
5/09/99 Ah Dooey Great... and I hate horror movies! 5 stars
5/02/99 Eddie okay funny,but a kid kills people? Bad message! 3 stars
5/01/99 CYaniDERuSH most of the gags where derived from evil dead2, but it was still a piss 5 stars
4/28/99 The Graduate Dumb premise, nice execution. Some genuinely funny moments. 4 stars
4/02/99 the DUDE I was so funny-And gross at the same time 5 stars
1/24/99 Dark Horizons Idle Hands isn't a great film, but it's very fun to say the least. 4 stars
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  30-Apr-1999 (R)


  09-Dec-1999 (MA)

Directed by
  Rodman Flender

Written by
  Terri Hughes
  Ron Milbauer

  Devon Sawa
  Seth Green
  Elden Henson
  Fred Willard
  Connie Ray

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