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Overall Rating
2.49

Awesome: 14.74%
Worth A Look: 10.53%
Just Average: 17.89%
Pretty Crappy: 23.16%
Sucks33.68%

8 reviews, 47 user ratings


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Miami Vice
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by Jack Sommersby

"Mann-Made Maelstrom"
1 stars

There's good reason why familiar crap like this plays way better on TV for viewers with 30-second attention spans.

With not a single character worth caring about, a plot so old-hat it's hairy, narrative drive that's practically nonexistent, and action sequences unimpressively staged, writer/director Michael Mann's unnecessary updating of his '80s smash TV series is as joyless and impersonal as a film can be. Yes, it boasts two attractive stars in Jamie Foxx and Colin Farrell; and, sure, the colorful cinematography is eye-catching; and, just maybe, the dialogue should be praised for being mostly absent of the kind of two-fisted machismo that we've long become tired of. Still, neither the cops nor the crooks are particularly vivid -- it's as if they know the well-worn course they're heading on is obvious from the word go and couldn't manage to work up even mediocre effort to go through the paces. There's absolutely nothing even remotely original to Miami Vice, which wouldn't be detrimental if only some fresh life could've been breathed into the cliches; as it happens, everyone involved appears to have taken the whole thing overly-seriously, which steadily depletes the audience's goodwill. You can write the story on the back of a matchbook: After a law-enforcement pal and his wife are killed due to a drug-sting gone bad, our heroes go undercover and infiltrate the major South American drug cartel responsible for the deaths. (Actually, we're told early on that a crooked cop is responsible for blowing the pal's cover, but we never find out just who he or she is.) So in typical fashion there are oodles of mistrust, double crosses, gorgeous babes, and in the end enough gunfire to make even Jason Statham throw up a white flag and take refuge behind the nearest wall; but none of it is in the least bit tantalizing or suspenseful. Mann, a hot-and-cold filmmaker (Manhunter, The Last of the Mohicans), is without a doubt one of the very most stylish in his profession yet whose fancy-pants color schemes too often call attention to themselves and thus to the film as such -- the "look" is continually overshadowing the contextual (whatever little there is, mind you). Also a big debit is the pair of sullen performances from Foxx and Ferrell, who haven't a whisper of chemistry together and aren't in the least bit charismatically appealing the way movie stars of their caliber should be. You could substitute a pair of dull-mannered actuaries in their place and I dare anyone to notice. Add to this pious villains, neither sexual tension nor the slightest bit of humor, and what Mann & Co. have ultimately come up with is a deadening two-hour-plus fiasco so stiff and somnolent it'd give even a zombie a good run in the non-vitality department.

I'll take Mann's godawful, studio-butchered "The Keep" over this major misfire.

link directly to this review at http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=14888&reviewer=327
originally posted: 06/13/09 13:00:59
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User Comments

6/30/09 pantera michael mann sucks 1 stars
6/14/09 Jeff Wilder Can't say I "enjoyed" it. But it's one film I'll never forget. 3 stars
6/13/09 JR If this were made first, there never would have been a tv series. Crap. 1 stars
9/29/08 Jukebox Heroe Mumbling fast a new language? Soundtrack pathetic. turn off ur brain 4 this. 1 stars
8/20/08 Shaun Wallner Ugg boring!! 1 stars
6/24/08 dan halberg Probably would have been better if it was set in the 80's. 2 stars
7/24/07 Amy Boring, stupid, poorly filmed gibberish 1 stars
7/24/07 hoppy rob gonsalves review of this film says it perfectly. Where's the personality? 2 stars
7/21/07 ben dover very underated slick and stylish 4 stars
6/05/07 David Pollastrini bad series, worse movie 1 stars
4/12/07 Johnnyfog If I wanted to watch "Heat", I'd just rent it again 1 stars
2/22/07 Matt Another TV show hits the big screen like a lump of dog turd. Absolute rubbish. 1 stars
1/21/07 Indrid Cold If there was any magic and chemistry in the show, this sure doesn't capture it. 3 stars
1/13/07 Xavier Can't understand a fucking word of dialogue. No chemistry. The worst from Mann, ever. 1 stars
1/03/07 mr jackson piece of shit, i turned it off, would look bad even as saturday afternoon entertainment 1 stars
1/01/07 Joe Dull, cliched plot. Minimal action. Zero in common w/show except Crockett & Tubbs. It sucks 2 stars
12/27/06 Brutus A complete failure from pretentious Mann 1 stars
10/30/06 Adam Best action movie since the 80's, Snobs will overanalyze. Better than "The Departed" 5 stars
10/15/06 William Goss Sparse action undermined by plodding plot. Sex and staring at sunsets not that compelling. 2 stars
10/12/06 spacecowboy it movie retains the spirit of the original. any fan of the original would recognize that. 5 stars
9/12/06 Agent Sands The Ben-Hur or Spartacus of cop films. 4 stars
8/29/06 Nick not even worth this comment! 1 stars
8/28/06 Frenzy Not as bad as I others say 3 stars
8/26/06 Captain Craig Only proves if you take a shower with someone nothing bad will happen to you. Ugh! 1 stars
8/23/06 jake a shoolboy could have come up with a better plot. CRAP characters no substance or story 1 stars
8/22/06 MP Bartley A terse, adult, slow burning thriller. 4 stars
8/13/06 Marty mann whipped up some action, but boy was this movie dull. foxx - wasted 2 stars
8/10/06 michael long live the 80's when they knew how to make good movies 4 stars
8/09/06 Me You're all clowns 5 stars
8/08/06 Elizabeth S A big disappointment from Mann; intended gritty night scenes are UGLY 2 stars
8/08/06 Mansi Dido Okay. But not a patch on the original Crockett and Tubbs - now they REALLY had style. 3 stars
8/07/06 JLo Should have cast Don Johnson and Phillip Michael Thomas 1 stars
8/06/06 Erik Van Sant Boring. Confusing. Forgettable. Haven't seen this many 'shower scenes' since 'Top Gun'. 1 stars
8/05/06 millersxing Michael Mann's Vice City: it's a sexy, glamorous, and dangerous underworld. 5 stars
8/03/06 Andrew The only thing great about it is how it looks, and for 135 million it sure as hell should 2 stars
8/02/06 JJ The movie guy said "Good luck with that." when I bought my ticket... 2 stars
8/01/06 Agent Sands Very enjoyable and grandiose. The Ben-Hur or Magnolia or Good, Bad and Ugly of cop films. 5 stars
7/31/06 The Man Mann Rankings: Last of Mohicans, Insider, Heat, Miami Vice, Collateral, all awesome 5 stars
7/31/06 MRM Not enough car/boat chase, HEAT had more violence, no awards here 2 stars
7/31/06 J wow i couldnt believe how bad this movie was...the audience started BOOING at the end 1 stars
7/31/06 jcjs fun, nice innuendos, great acting, visually sweet, bang bang nice, worked for me, pleased 5 stars
7/30/06 Peter Smith Lame, over-hyped 2 stars
7/30/06 Ole Man Bourbon Some really great Mann-esque touches, but also much stupid, silly, pointless crap 3 stars
7/29/06 great colin farrell was masterful in this potenial oscar worthy film 5 stars
7/29/06 Troy M. Grzych One of the worst films I've seen...ever. I had to struggle to make myself stay and finish 1 stars
7/28/06 ahnold Pure SHIT. No plot. No dialogue for actors. Just visuals. OVER-HYPED 1 stars
7/28/06 Colt Cool! GTA: VICE CITY - THE MOVIE!!!!! Oh, and MANHUNTER sucked donkey balls... 1 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  28-Jul-2006 (R)
  DVD: 05-Dec-2006

UK
  04-Aug-2006

Australia
  10-Aug-2006


Directed by
  Michael Mann

Written by
  Michael Mann

Cast
  Jamie Foxx
  Colin Farrell
  Gong Li
  Naomie Harris
  Ciarán Hinds
  Justin Theroux



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