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Overall Rating
3.26

Awesome28.3%
Worth A Look: 25.79%
Just Average: 10.69%
Pretty Crappy: 14.47%
Sucks: 20.75%

14 reviews, 75 user ratings


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Snakes on a Plane
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by brianorndorf

"If anyone tells you this film is fun, laugh in their face and run"
2 stars

There’s a very good reason New Line Cinema wouldn’t let anyone see “Snakes on a Plane” before it opened. Unless you live your life basking in the glow of this lame internet phenomenon, I wouldn’t touch this terrible film with a ten-foot pole.

When a frightened witness (bland Nathan Philips, “Wolf Creek”) to a gangland murder needs to be transported from Hawaii to Los Angeles to testify at the trial, FBI Agent Nelville Flynn (a tired Samuel L. Jackson) is brought in to escort him on the lengthy flight. On the plane, a crate that has been stuffed with hundreds of poisonous snakes ready to kill everyone onboard has been loaded. Once the snakes are set free, unholy panic ensues on the airplane, leaving survival for the passengers and crew (including Julianna Margulies, David Koechner, and Kenan Thompson) in the hands of Flynn and his hatred of snakes and complications.

So here it is: the Internet sensation that has coasted on a bizarre stream of hipster cool for a full year now. After months of New Line Cinema suspiciously hiding footage from scrutiny, telling those demon film critics they can’t view it early, and lathering up the masses with vague descriptions of actual content (preferring to let ironic fandom do all the work), “Snakes on a Plane” is finally ready for mass consumption. It’s time to peel away the thick layers of earsplitting hype and focus on actual quality.

The sad truth is, does anybody really care if it’s good or not? It’s “Snakes on a Plane!” And for some, that’s all they need.

The very idea of “Snakes on a Plane” as a camp classic that willingly leans into its own awfulness is miles more interesting than the actual film. “Snakes” is split into two tones: the first half, where the original, hacky, semi-dramatic script is closely followed; and the second half, where New Line’s spring reshoots turned this PG-13 thriller into a R-rated cartoon, padded up with gratuitous nudity, random cursing, and shock value snake attacks on all the human pink parts.

Director (and I use that description loosely) David R. Ellis (the mediocre “Final Destination 2,” and the disappointing “Cellular”) is torn between making a horror/thriller and a comedy, but he’s never able to choose his favorite side. “Snakes” attempts to be scary, but undercuts the terror with stabs at broad, clunky laughs. And when the film wants to be hilarious, it traffics in irony for gags, which has about a 10-second shelf life. It feels like two scripts are doing battle here, leaving the picture a mess of jolts and punch lines, like an SNL skit that was rightfully cut just before airtime.

And if you happen to be attending the film for the snakes, stay home. Ellis and his production team boldly trot out some of the worst CG effects of the year to render the slithering horde of terror. A barrel of rubber snakes on wires would’ve been worlds more effective than the community college animation that’s on display here.

“Snakes” thirsts to be a campy, B-movie classic, yet I’m of the opinion that you just can’t buy that in a cinema store; you have to earn it through years of ridicule. “Snakes” spends the whole running time winking at itself, which, I’m told, is part of the joke. Personally, I love it when a bad movie hasn’t a clue that it’s bad. New Line should’ve gone the whole way and cast 50 Cent supported by the best drag queens in San Francisco if they truly wanted a runaway smash. Sam Jackson cursing because geek message boards demanded it and Julianna Margulies in a strange wig just doesn’t ring as overridingly hilarious to me. Then again, I saw the film stone cold sober.

I guess this officially makes me a curmudgeon, but “Snakes on a Plane” is actually quite a poorly made film, and offers little entertainment value to those who aren’t in on the hype.

The greatest trick New Line Cinema ever pulled was convincing the world that it had something of great amusement behind their decision to hold “Snakes” from view up to the last minute. Now that the slither is out of the bag, let the yawns begin.

link directly to this review at http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=15043&reviewer=404
originally posted: 08/18/06 04:30:47
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User Comments

6/21/15 David Hollingsworth I wouldn't even recommend this for dogs. 1 stars
7/09/11 Dr.Lao FIlm makers showing their honest contempt for their audience 1 stars
7/09/11 Jennifer Barr alright, although it just seemed so predictible thru out 3 stars
12/25/10 Blue Shark Dude ... The people who don't get it are Republicans anyway ... so no loss. 5 stars
5/31/10 User Name Snakes On A Plane aims low, and hits lower. 2 stars
10/25/09 Miss Snake The best fun a movie could offer. The fake looking CGI snakes are hysterically funny. 4 stars
7/24/09 Jeff Wilder Works better if you view it as a comedy rather than as a thriller. 3 stars
11/19/08 PAUL SHORTT EVEN IF VIEWED ENTIRELY ON ITS OWN TERMS, THIS FILM, LIKE ANY SNAKE, TAPERS AT ITS END 2 stars
3/07/08 SamanthaPayntr it definitely delivered, there were snakes and they were on a plane, pretty good stuff 3 stars
7/26/07 TreeTiger A piece of cinematic shit - I recommend... Anything BUT this... 1 stars
7/10/07 Tiffany Losco I thought it was ok, but I didn't like the blonde bimbo in the bathroom 2 stars
4/01/07 CAB I was expecting Leslie Nielsen to show up at any minute… 2 stars
3/28/07 Your mom Assholes, this movie is the worst shit ever.STUPID. ASS. HOLES. 1 stars
2/26/07 Asian God 94 The BEST B-grade horror movie of all time! Compulsary Viewing 5 stars
2/18/07 JM Synth No where near as fun, or silly, as it should have been 3 stars
2/13/07 Prada it was sooo.. bad it was actually good 3 stars
2/04/07 MickT Samuel L. Jackson is the biggest sell-out EVER!! what a piece of shit this film is!!! 1 stars
2/02/07 Indrid Cold Upside: it's as exciting as a snakes/planes movie could possibly be. Downside: ditto. 3 stars
2/01/07 Anthony Feor People expect us to take this movie seriously? 0.5/5 1 stars
1/21/07 Matt It should be clasified as COMEDY 5 stars
1/18/07 Jeff Brown pitiful 1 stars
1/14/07 Sugarfoot It felt like an Airport sequel. Overall not as fun as I thought it would be. 2 stars
1/09/07 Matt Get a life, have a laugh - this is FUN,FUN,FUN! 4 stars
12/10/06 JoKimiKo the movie is AwsOme but ur REviEw! is craP 1 stars
11/17/06 Lerker You are the worst reveiwer. Ever. 1 stars
11/16/06 Nick So, you gave Borat 1 Star, but SOAP 5 Stars? I do not comprehend your thought process. 3 stars
11/10/06 Serge Piece of crap IMO. Snakes on crack...har har. 2 stars
10/27/06 DIANA a movie to watch on tv if nothing else to watch 2 stars
10/24/06 Drew G So bad it was good... 3 stars
10/12/06 Erin Get out of the mud u sticks, it was great fun!!! 4 stars
10/08/06 Mike Nothing great to me. Something to watch if really bored. 2 stars
9/29/06 NiCk Great movie! Was Pulp Fiction good because of its plot? 5 stars
9/20/06 malcolm awful, but a lot of damn fun 3 stars
9/12/06 Edward Connell A purposefull movie that will lead you on an adventure in excitement and possibility. 4 stars
9/12/06 Louise Good fun and a pretty tense ride!!! 4 stars
9/11/06 Michael Coovert Samuel Jackson's stock just plumeted in my book!! Total schtick and effects fodder!!! 1 stars
9/11/06 Kevin Ramsay "Snakes On A Plane" is pure fun. Don't take it too seriously, though. 5 stars
9/10/06 Aaron This move was a blast! 4 stars
9/02/06 Christopher Stucky The hype WAS the story. The movie was an afterthought. 1 stars
9/01/06 Stubby If you all were any stupider, you'd have to be told when to breathe. Kill yourselves. 1 stars
8/30/06 Christine it was soooooo awesome I want to see it over and over again 5 stars
8/28/06 Serina Boccello COME ON!! who honestly wants to see THIS movie!! SNAKES AGGHHH!!! 2 stars
8/27/06 Grant Funny, well acted, stupid jokes, scenes and endless funny deaths. 5 stars
8/26/06 Alan Snakes on a Plane happens 5 stars
8/26/06 Mike D Only movie I've seen in this year that got a standing ovation from the entire theater! 5 stars
8/25/06 michael average and wait for the DVD 4 stars
8/25/06 Stanley Thai Still an average thriller without the famous title. Nothing special. 3 stars
8/25/06 Alex Thorne does exactly what it says on the tin. gruesomly marvellous 4 stars
8/25/06 Robert Blanton Mr. Souter nailed this snake right on the head! 2 stars
8/24/06 Zaw Snakes bites.. lol 5 stars
8/23/06 philip Corcos corcos 5 stars
8/22/06 Centipedes "Snakes? On MY plane?" It's more likely than you think. 5 stars
8/22/06 Quigley much more violent than I thought; sex scene pointless; but Sam Jackson and the snakes rock 4 stars
8/22/06 A. Shah The best time I've had in a movie since I was a kid. I'm now 33. 5 stars
8/22/06 Pn. 1000 fanboys collaborated on the script. That it's schwag should surpise no one. 2 stars
8/21/06 danthewrestlingman Snakes On A Motherfuckin Plane Beeoch Nuff Said 5 stars
8/21/06 Ole Man Bourbon Not enough snakes. JIMMIE BELLE TURN OFF YOUR GODDAMN CAPS LOCK. 3 stars
8/21/06 JIMMIE BELLE REALISM. CAN THIS SCENE REALLY TAKE PLACE? WILL EVERYONE ON THE PLANE BEHAVE LIKE THIS? 5 stars
8/21/06 Sammy J. This movie is the most balla shit eva! 5 stars
8/21/06 Harold You are all tools. 1 stars
8/20/06 Captain Highcrime Not since the glory days of "Married...with Children" have audiences been so boisterous. 5 stars
8/20/06 Jeff Martin Awesome movie, great fun and entertainment, brianorndorf is full of crap in his review 5 stars
8/19/06 ajay go in a packed theatre of nerds who "get it". Otherwise, it's horrible. 4 stars
8/19/06 ray best time i've had at the movies in years. great cinema? maybe not. still fun. 5 stars
8/19/06 Alex S AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME 5 stars
8/19/06 Nads Snakes on a muthafuckin' PLANE! 5 stars
8/18/06 KingNeutron Decent; some really scary parts. Take S.O. to see it. 4 stars
8/18/06 Jesus WAAAY better than expected... ridiculous, stupid, and amazing! 1 stars
8/18/06 Keith This movie was boring. What is up with Snakes on a plane who cares. A total waste of money. 1 stars
8/18/06 Kent Battersby Best. Movie. Ever...SNAKE VISION!!! 5 stars
8/18/06 Adrian It's fun. It's that simple. No thinking, no shit liek that, just fun. 5 stars
8/18/06 Joe Baldwin The audience makes all the difference. Laughter and applause filled the room for 2 hours. 5 stars
8/18/06 Andrew The most fun I've had in a theatre... EVER. 5 stars
8/18/06 Doug Higley Absolute BEST B Horror Ever. Total Fun at breakneck pacing. 5 stars
8/18/06 Squibner Welch Fantastic fun 5 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  18-Aug-2006 (R)
  DVD: 02-Jan-2007

UK
  18-Aug-2006

Australia
  24-Aug-2006




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