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Overall Rating
2.84

Awesome: 24.16%
Worth A Look: 20.22%
Just Average: 6.74%
Pretty Crappy: 12.92%
Sucks35.96%

5 reviews, 148 user ratings


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Halloween (2007)
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by Peter Sobczynski

"If Only Zombie Were A Carpenter"
1 stars

When it was announced that Rob Zombie, the musician-turned-auteur responsible for “House of 1000 Corpses” and “The Devil’s Rejects” announced that his next project would be a remake of John Carpenter’s 1978 horror classic “Halloween,” many people were aghast at the thought of anyone tampering with the memory of one of the most popular and influential titles in the history of the genre. In response, his defenders–such creatures do exist–pointed out that such films as “The Thing From Another World,” “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” and “The Fly” not only managed to survive being remade but that the new versions in many ways were even better than the originals. True, but those films all had great directors (Carpenter, Phil Kaufman and David Cronenberg) who were working at the peak of their creative powers and who managed to find fresh new takes on the material to justify their existence. By comparison, what Zombie has done to “Halloween” is roughly akin to what its central character does to virtually every other member of the cast–he hacks away until all we are left with is a bloody and virtually unrecognizable mess that lingers around painfully for a while before mercifully expiring.

The basic storyline is pretty much the same boogeyman tale that Carpenter and co-writer Debra Hill cooked up thirty years ago. After spending fifteen years in silent confinement at a mental institution for a shocking murder that he committed when he was only a child, Michael Myers (Tyler Mane) busts out of the Smiths Grove sanitarium and makes his way back to his former hometown of Haddonfield, Illinois just in time for Halloween, the anniversary of his original crime. Not realizing this, a trio of high-school cuties–smart Laurie (Scout Taylor-Compton), slutty Linda (Kristina Klebe) and sassy Annie (Danielle Harris)–prepare for an eventful evening involving boys, beer and, in Laurie’s case, babysitting and fail to notice the signs that Michael is among them. Once night falls, he emerges from the shadows and begins to pick them, and anyone else who happens along, off one by one in the most brutal fashion possible. The only person who understands exactly what Michael is capable of is his former psychiatrist, Dr. Sam Loomis (Malcolm McDowell), who knows where Michael is heading and frantically pursues him while trying to convince the police of what exactly they are dealing with.

One of the great things about the first “Halloween” is that the motivations behind Michael’s rampage were never explained–he was, for lack of a better name, Evil Incarnate, and that was all the backstory that was required. (One of the reasons that the subsequent sequels backfired was their insistence on trying to explain him via an ever-expanding array of increasingly perplexing subplots.) This time around, Zombie has chosen to give us a long and detailed look at the unhappy childhood that helped drive Michael over the edge. Of course, he isn’t doing this as a way of exploring the psychology of a mass murderer in any real or thoughtful way–he is merely using it as an excuse to work in the grotesque white-trash caricatures with which he has populated his earlier films. Instead of the seemingly normal middle-class family that we saw in the original, the Myers clan this time around consists of a mom who is a stripper (Sherri Moon Zombie), a drunken and abusive stepfather (William Forsythe) and a decidedly slutty older sister (Hannah Hall). It is bad enough that none of this stuff adds anything to the film or our understanding of the character of Michael Myers but what makes it especially excruciating is that Zombie spends nearly half of the film’s running time on it–so much, in fact, that when the film finally jumps to the present day, he virtually has to tell the rest of the story in fast-forward in order to get everything in before the end credits roll.

If you saw the original “Halloween”–and if you haven’t, I cannot understand why you are still reading this–you know that unlike the countless slasher epics that sprung up in the wake of its success, it was a horror film that didn’t rely solely on blood and guts in order to make an impact on viewers. (In fact, a typical episode of “CSI” contains more gore and a higher body count than the entire film.) Instead, it relied on John Carpenter’s consummate filmmaking skill to create and sustain tension and a trio of smart, funny and utterly realistic teenage heroines that were so likable that we rooted for them to survive and genuinely felt something when they were cruelly dispatched. Based on the evidence seen here, it would appear that Zombie fell into the same trap as the directors of most of the various sequels, knock-offs and rip-offs that emerged in the years since “Halloween” premiered–he discovered that he lacked the ability to create tension or likable characters and figured that no one would notice as long as he threw enough blood, guts and breasts across the screen.

This time around, Michael kills loads of people and while they feature plenty of gruesome and sadistic imagery (Zombie really seems to get off on the image of a mortally wounded and half-naked female crawling along the ground in agony while being hacked away at from behind), there is never a single moment in which we care about the passing of any of them. One of the reasons that we don’t care is because they are barely introduced before getting rubbed out and another is because the few that we do get to know even slightly–such as the three heroines–are so thoroughly annoying and unlikable that we actually want to see them get croaked just so that we don’t have to put up with them for another minute. (The lone exception is Malcolm McDowell turn in the role made famous by the late Donald Pleasance–it isn’t one of his great performances but he has the kind of voice that was born to deliver the kind of fruity lines that he has been given here.)

I’ll be honest–based on my feelings towards John Carpenter’s original film (which I still regard as one of the most sensationally effective horror films ever made) and the oeuvre of Rob Zombie (of which I have absolutely no use for, though I will admit to a certain admiration for the energy displayed in “The Devil’s Rejects”), I went into “Halloween” expecting it to be pretty bad but I never in my wildest nightmares imagined that it would be as awful as this. This is a vile, sick, stupid and deeply unpleasant exercise in pointless sadism that may well be the worst remake of a generally acknowledged classic to come along in a long time. Granted, it was probably asking too much to hope that Zombie would come up with a film that would live up to the high standards of the original “Halloween” but what he has given us is so completely worthless that it pales in comparison to “Halloween: Resurrection.”

link directly to this review at http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=15531&reviewer=389
originally posted: 08/31/07 00:56:20
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Horror Remakes: For more in the Horror Remakes series, click here.

User Comments

2/13/17 morris campbell TRASHY awful a insult 2 the great original 1 stars
8/07/14 David Hollingsworth total misfire and sleaze fest 1 stars
4/05/12 SEAN DUTRA excellent. keeps the sory but does it differently. shocking, not scary. 5 stars
12/13/11 Dr.Lao Takes away all the mystery that made the original so effective 2 stars
5/29/11 art THIS IS THE BESt HALLOWEEN,BAR-NONE! 5 stars
9/10/10 art HALLOWEEN SCHMALLOWEEN!,all those "HOLIDAY THEMED" "SLASHER flick's ARE ALL the SAME! 1 stars
9/02/10 Charles Tatum Not terrible, I liked Zombie's directorial style 4 stars
8/28/10 art THIS ROB ZOMBIE VERISON make's you FORGET the 1978 ORIGINAL! 5 stars
8/23/10 Joseph This film is nowhere near the original, but that doesn't mean that it"s bad 3 stars
7/03/10 art THE SAME to YOU sarah!, THIS IS ROB ZOMBIE's MASTERPIECE! 4 stars
6/21/10 Sarah Fuck off Art you cunt. 5 stars
1/05/10 art WHY BOTHER TO REMAKE the most OVERRATED THRILLER movie of all time! 1 stars
12/03/09 Jerome original sucked zombies is better. hey old people carpenter sucks ass this movie rocksbitch 5 stars
11/05/09 Josie Cotton is a goddess Has a lot of good ideas and a lot of bad ones. 3 stars
11/03/09 art MARCUS NISPEL know's how to make an adequate remake{FRIDAY THE 13TH}! 1 stars
10/12/09 Brenda Disgraseful attempt at the original from somebody who claimed to love "Halloween" original 1 stars
10/07/09 art OVERRATED!,JUST LIKE THE ORIGINAL HALLOWEEN! 1 stars
9/05/09 Black Leather Rain Beautiful and soulful reimagining with a more realistic feel and more decisive brutality 5 stars
9/04/09 art AWFUL REMAKE, FULL OF HAM"S! 1 stars
4/16/09 Raul Valdez Jr great movie only hated by fanboys and wannabe critics or gore shy crybabys 5 stars
2/15/09 Raul Valdez Jr if you dont like this movie you have no taste for horror 5 stars
2/09/09 Todddi disgrace to the original 1 stars
1/12/09 Raul Valdez Jr people need to stfua bout this movie it rocks 5 stars
12/26/08 Raul Valdez Jr i loved it and none of you haters could have done better 5 stars
11/28/08 noolin I wish there were a rating lower than 1 star. 1 stars
11/15/08 Beau why doesnt anyone like this one? i think its better than the others X10 4 stars
10/20/08 Monster A Go-Go Valiant attempt, but completely missed the mark-bad homelife turns boy into GIANT killer 1 stars
10/17/08 AshleyRockO Rob Zombie's well made remake is better than any horror film out there. 5 stars
9/25/08 PAUL SHORTT ALL ABOUT GRAPHIC BRUTALITY AND ABSOLUTELY NOTHING MORE 1 stars
8/29/08 Shaun Wallner Rob Zombie is awesome!! 5 stars
8/21/08 haters hate great movie 5 stars
7/27/08 mr.mike Another unneccesary remake , albeit with some great cameos and McDowell 3 stars
7/21/08 the dork knight Rob is a bad director. I know, right? News flash!! 1 stars
7/21/08 Jon The original was Laurie strode's film. the remake is Myers' film. 3 stars
7/01/08 art "FANTASTIC" 1 stars
6/05/08 Jenn An insult to the original. I walked out of the theater. 1 stars
4/28/08 steve Great, sombre, gritty, mikes back 5 stars
3/24/08 blarginbadigalnohif Rob turned a classic suspence film into a blood bath gore fest 2 stars
3/10/08 Jayme Isaacs I Liked The Halloween Remake 5 stars
2/29/08 Tammy Kennedy Rob Zombie leads you think about why the kiler did the things he did 4 stars
2/11/08 Robert White trash version of Halloween, horribly acted, way over the top, an unneccessary flop 1 stars
2/07/08 art this remake is an IMPROVEMENT over the first one 4 stars
2/03/08 Deezy Rob Zombie is a sick genius. I love the delve into the psyche of Myers. ILL! 5 stars
1/22/08 gcc Liked how Michael was more defined as a character,A good tribute to the original 4 stars
1/09/08 Santos Great movie. This movie is fantastic. Scary, smart, and entertaining! 5 stars
1/03/08 David Pollastrini Rob's best yet! 5 stars
12/28/07 venassa OWNED!!! did u see laurie beat the shit out of myers but no more sequal Original=Better 3 stars
12/25/07 cody a disappionting movie to a classic, l expected more, good things was danielle harris acting 2 stars
11/14/07 Alice I don't like rod zombie movies but loved this one, and I am a Halloween fan! 4 stars
10/27/07 Ashisogi_Jizou Riddle me this Mr. Zombie, what was wrong with the original? 2 stars
10/23/07 William Goss A thuddingly obvious and thoroughly pointless take on the tale of Michael Myers. 1 stars
10/12/07 Ronald Newbold There will be a few that have taken the right combo of pharmacuticals that will like this 1 stars
10/09/07 mike horrible movie. i was so bored with it that i actually wanted the credits to roll 1 stars
10/03/07 Flesh-GTA After Zombie's pervious films I was dissapointed why did they decide to do a pg-13 version? 3 stars
9/26/07 HardmiXx I never was a huge fan of these types of films, but I was suprizingly way into this one. 4 stars
9/24/07 Roo shows the original for the masterpiece it is 2 stars
9/23/07 O G Halloween Very disturbed by this trash...this $#it should be burned...an insult to the original.... 1 stars
9/21/07 steve this movie sucked so BAD I wished I had a remote to fast forward to the stupid ending 1 stars
9/18/07 Ben Larson An exciting experience 4 stars
9/15/07 Guido Only an idiot would call this remake crappy 5 stars
9/14/07 Chris Whoa, projectile vomited while watching this it sucked so bad, never did that before. 1 stars
9/13/07 cathy Didn't want to have a reason to feel sorry for Michael. Liked it when he was just pure evil 1 stars
9/12/07 Jason Warner A painfully disjointed, un-scary and ultimately uninteresting remake. 1 stars
9/10/07 Joseph (sephit) not a bad take on this horror icon, but could have been a lil more suspenseful 3 stars
9/10/07 CLL Every crappy horror movie cliche is in effect here. What a giant waste of time. Awful movie 1 stars
9/10/07 Shannon RZ intends to butcher another classic, Nightmare on ELm St. 1 stars
9/09/07 JOHN KANSON I think it's time Mike vs. Freddy vs. Jason, No more solo acts M vs. F vs.J. on F.13TH 3 stars
9/09/07 Dark Enchantress great movie, zombie did a great job! 5 stars
9/09/07 Josh When you yawn and check your phone to see what time it is during the movie that isn't good 1 stars
9/09/07 John Great movie. I've already forgotten the original. 5 stars
9/09/07 KLM WOW, 100 percent! I loved it as good or better than the classic! A MUST SEEEEEE! 5 stars
9/08/07 Rich HORRIBLE. Anyone that actually enjoyed this needs to have their head examined. 1 stars
9/08/07 Bob Sucked, I dont understand the positive reviews for this garbage, they must also like JasonX 1 stars
9/08/07 Dave First half was so good, second half was so bad. 2 stars
9/08/07 K. Sear Way better than expected and what others make it out to be. 4 stars
9/08/07 BN Great movie! Cannot believe that some people think that this is better than the original 4 stars
9/07/07 none great 5 stars
9/07/07 T.C LOVED IT!! 5 stars
9/07/07 Beery Those who like this movie don't know what a real horror movie is. 1 stars
9/07/07 John How do you make one of the worst movies ever remaking one of the best ever, Congrats RobZ 1 stars
9/06/07 Mongo I hear Zombie is going to remake the Wizard of Oz next.. and Dorothy is a crack Whore... 1 stars
9/05/07 Carlos R. Guzman Anwar is maybe 15 & knows nuttin' of tru horror.Some cool stuff, but Zombie missed the mark 2 stars
9/05/07 Anwar this movie is so much better than the original, anyone who says different is a douche 4 stars
9/05/07 Mike Awful, Zombie is a bad director, if you want to see halloween go rent the original. 1 stars
9/05/07 Matt Rob, find a new profession...PLEASE!!! 1 stars
9/05/07 RKM But Who the hell needed a farking backstory?? 1 stars
9/05/07 Ole Man Bourbon The backstory was really good, but the meat of the movie was a bit weak 4 stars
9/05/07 brad the bad not the O.G. but it was better than everyone in between... 4 stars
9/05/07 deuce I absolutely hated the ending. 4 stars
9/04/07 Tiffany Losco Scary, but Im a wimp. 4 stars
9/04/07 Brian Mckay Meh. Better than last 2 RZ or Halloween flicks, for whatever that's worth. 2 stars
9/04/07 whosurdaddy Thanks Mr. Zombie for finally giving M.Meyers his motive to kill! Awesome flick! 5 stars
9/04/07 Leary gurl It was very good and scary at some points 4 stars
9/04/07 jessica haven I am a BIG halloween FAN.that ass wipe zombie screwed my movie,get over the hillbilly shit! 1 stars
9/04/07 Josh I Hope Rob Zombie makes this one a Hit just like Carpenter did with the Original Halloween 5 stars
9/03/07 Richie For Those who said Zombie sux you are sadly mistaken. This movie PWNED GO SEE IT NOW!!!!!!! 5 stars
9/03/07 redruM Wow, Zombie finds new lines to cross. Kid killing kid, kid begging for life! 5 stars
9/03/07 kevin Muraca I enjoyed this. i cringed evertime some1 got beat, and enjoyed the backstory 4 stars
9/03/07 David You can't top perfection any more than you can change the laws of physics! 3 stars
9/03/07 Rockford I'd rather see Zombie do a remake of Sleepless in Seattle. Now that would be scary! 1 stars
9/03/07 Robjohn. Rob Zombie doesn't make movies for the pretentious stuffy film snobs and that angers people 4 stars
9/03/07 Trey I have to admit, I was skepitcal but dude pulled it off! Didn't think he could! Kudos 4 stars
9/02/07 DW A blind, retarded, masturbating monkey could make a better film 1 stars
9/02/07 CiDeuce This movie stands alone in the Halloween saga. One of the best horrors I have ever seen! 5 stars
9/02/07 kevin thought it was great how he showed how michael grew up and hwta sent him into a tale spin o 4 stars
9/02/07 Chris This is the most disturbing movie I've ever seen. The Original still has the title. 2 stars
9/02/07 jazz Poop on a stick...this crappy remake and its fan. 1 stars
9/02/07 Zakk Better than the original!! Stop living in the past! 5 stars
9/02/07 brian it was good. keep comparing to the original. its not the original!!! closed minded pricks 4 stars
9/02/07 gemini The young Micheal gave a grusome foundation for the "Shape" to climax, stalk, and slaughter 4 stars
9/02/07 Susan Great movie!!! I am a big fan of the original, but loved Zombie's version!! 5 stars
9/02/07 Chris Emotional, brutal, relentless. A whole new way to enjoy the Myers saga! 5 stars
9/02/07 slackwoo lousy script. empty characters. pretend its just a bad dream. 1 stars
9/02/07 PJ Brilliant depiction of how many of society's serial killers are formed. 5 stars
9/02/07 randy zombie did michael myers a favor by killing him off there wont be any more bad sequels 4 stars
9/02/07 Cheadle hypnotizing, as usual. who knew Taraji Henson had that body? pretty hard to match the classic original, but pretty good 4 stars
9/02/07 Curtis ZOMG!!!! Great Movie, anyone giving this lower than 3 stars needs to be slapped! 5 stars
9/02/07 me Zombie's a cockbag, and his clusterfuck of a movie is shit. 1 stars
9/02/07 Darkknight Humanising a psycho Meyers then making him indestructible was ridiculous, Zombie blew it. 1 stars
9/01/07 Jake Im diggin it....I liked how zombie keep'd the endings similar but put his own twist on it 5 stars
9/01/07 Thomas The actresses were so annoying I couldnt wait for the part where they were killed! 2 stars
9/01/07 Dylan This movie was too long and too brutal! Zombie sucks! 1 stars
9/01/07 Leslie Doesn't compare to Carpenter's, but I did love the 3 part split. 4 stars
9/01/07 mike tait amazing scout taylor compton(played laurie strode) did such a great job 5 stars
9/01/07 Shannon It was not worth the price I paid for the ticket. Would have liked better if I had rented. 3 stars
9/01/07 Nick great movie going to see it again in a couple of days definatly worth the wait! 5 stars
9/01/07 Gary If this was the first taste I had of Halloween I would think GREAT, but it wasn't. 4 stars
9/01/07 Pit Bull On Crack Zombie's version of Halloween was GREAT!!! 5 stars
9/01/07 Nikki HORRIBLE<HORRIBLE<HORRIBLE!! Total insult to Carpenter and not better than the original 1 stars
9/01/07 Reyna Loved it- didnt sleep at all last night! 5 stars
9/01/07 Bflickchick Thankfully I had free tickets 1 stars
9/01/07 Steven As much as I love the old one, I think too many people are comparing them 4 stars
9/01/07 leo i loved it. not as scary as the first but great 5 stars
9/01/07 Tim This movie sucks 100% worse remake of all time 1 stars
9/01/07 Dave Donald Pleasence is rolling in his grave! Terrible! 1 stars
9/01/07 Darla I loved it! (and I love the original too). Great remake 4 stars
9/01/07 Erick Hollywood fucked up a great horror film 1 stars
9/01/07 Sully WORST. FUCKING. MOVIE. EVER. can't say it any better.... 1 stars
9/01/07 matt campbell great movie truley zombie brought myers back to life followed the original good not great 5 stars
8/31/07 Nick WORST. FUCKING. MOVIE. EVER. Zombie should be murdered for what he has done. 1 stars
8/31/07 will average at best, little suspense, no mystery here 3 stars
8/31/07 Rube Most of it was actually good, but the ending dragged on a little bit 4 stars
8/31/07 Caiphn Not even gory, this was just flat. 2 stars
8/31/07 Rick very disjointed and suprisingly unscary. 3 stars
8/31/07 Tom Surprise! wow that was way better than I anticipated 5 stars
8/31/07 RKM Why? Why? I'll stick with the original. It's the best horror film ever! 1 stars
8/31/07 jonesy hopefully no more remakes after this disaster!!! 1 stars
8/30/07 Tami Incredible! I actually like this version better than the original 5 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  31-Aug-2007 (R)
  DVD: 18-Dec-2007

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