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Overall Rating
2.52

Awesome: 0%
Worth A Look: 25.81%
Just Average: 22.58%
Pretty Crappy29.03%
Sucks: 22.58%

4 reviews, 7 user ratings


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Feast of Love
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by Erik Childress

"The Girls of Riddick Gone Wild"
2 stars

It’s brave to love. That’s the argument the adaptation of Charles Baxter’s novel wants to fight for. Riskier than defusing bombs or being a garbage disposal repairman, love is the perpetual introduction to grief the way getting a puppy is the equivalent of purchasing a small tragedy, to coin a Carlin-ism. The characters in Feast of Love belong to a very special universe, where the fault is never their own but the cosmic cruelty of Cupid recklessly shanking arrows at first sight.

The biggest victim we’ll come to know is Bradley Thomas (Greg Kinnear), a coffee-shop owner in Oregon who is identified by his friend, retired professor Harry Scott (Morgan Freeman), as someone who needs to be in love constantly. His wife, Kathryn (Selma Blair) is a competitive cold fish with a terrible fear of dogs, but a newfound love of pussy when she leaves Bradley for a very forward softball player (Stana Katic). Bradley’s young employee, Oscar (Toby Hemingway), meanwhile takes an instant liking to Chloe (Alexa Davelos), who applies for a job and is instantly hired for the implicit purpose of hooking the two up.

Bradley’s funk from his break-up provides him the outlet for one of those fresh starts where he buys a new house from attractive broker, Diana (Radha Mitchell), who happened to stumble into his shop one rainy day. This is one coffee outlet I need to look up. Bradley begins to date Diana, who continues to carry on a reckless affair with a married jerk played by Billy Burke. Oscar and Chloe financially struggle through their own love, occasionally complicated by his alcoholic, knife-wielding father (Fred Ward) and a psychic’s prediction that Oscar is going to die. Harry suffers with the guilt that he didn’t do more to keep his son away from drugs, but he reassured from his loving wife, Esther (Jane Alexander), that nothing was his fault.

Taking Love Story’s distant connection between the words “love” and “sorry”, this supposed feast of the former blasts the latter to smithereens and would rather replace it was some variation of luck. Yes, throwing everything to chance and never considering the future is a romantic notion right out of fairy tales, but this is neither fantasy nor reality. I take part of that back since Chloe clearly lives in some world where making a sex tape equals financial freedom and the extra grand they were cheated out of would have solved all their problems.

Maybe a portion of every ticket bought could go into the porn fund, since the most interesting parts of the film involve the girls of Riddick flaunting their fabulous breasts at every opportunity. Fans of this year’s glorious Irish film, Once, will have a whole new perspective on the beautiful "Falling Slowly" as its played over a montage of lovemaking that may have you singing along “Once…twice…three times a lady’s tits.” Granted, it’s classying up the usual same-tune/different-movie ride ‘em cowboy moments you see on the average Cinemax anthology series, but the last thing we’re thinking about is how much these couples love each other.

Exploring love as either the end-all to happiness or some ultimate cosmic joke is never a bad idea, but we shouldn’t be the ones who are laughing at it. Bradley’s misfortunes are so increasingly unfair that we’d rather laugh at his sad sackdom then hate his lack of foresight. When a psychic predicts the untimely fate of one character, counting the minutes before happiness turns on its climactic dime becomes sport on which of us can keep a straight face the longest. Various other serio-comic moments aren’t meant to be hypenated with “comic”, but most of those moments are just the hyphens in-between the numerous espresso shots of perfect breasts untainted by the hands of Vin Diesel. If I may leave Bradley with my own little brush of wisdom, maybe he’ll get through his thick head that it’s never brave to fall in love. It’s brave to stay in love. Feast on that.

link directly to this review at http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=16633&reviewer=198
originally posted: 09/28/07 00:00:00
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User Comments

7/04/10 PAUL SHORTT TEDIOUS ROMANTIC COMEDY 1 stars
10/03/08 Lenny Zane How Morgan Freeman has taken to slummin since DrivingMissDaisy & DeepImpact days! 2 stars
12/14/07 Allison Lafferty Could've been better without real estate agent & her off-again, on-again beau. 3 stars
12/13/07 William Goss Considerably more intimate, confident than most rom-com offerings; Toby-Alexa plot sucks. 4 stars
10/16/07 Elizabeth A terrific movie. 4 stars
10/06/07 Mrs Muffin seems like they shot the very rough 1st draft by mistake instead of a finished script. Poor 2 stars
9/29/07 Teresa DeLeon Never lifts off the ground. Too bad, Robert Benton is one of my favorite directors.... 2 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  28-Sep-2007 (R)
  DVD: 05-Feb-2008

UK
  N/A

Australia
  28-Feb-2008




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