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Overall Rating

Awesome: 0%
Worth A Look: 33.33%
Just Average: 11.11%
Pretty Crappy: 11.11%

2 reviews, 6 user ratings

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by Slyder

"A pathetic film that goes nowhere"
1 stars

I watched this abominable piece of shit a few nights ago, and I still felt VERY VERY ripped off. A wannabe “important” film that goes nowhere, and leaves its feminist pretensions out in the open completely unsolved, and in the process, makes for some serious mediocre filmmaking that leaves more questions than answers and more irritations than rewards.

Ok, so here’s this bitch called Joline, whom you can describe as a “Forrest Gump” version of a control freak. She marries this fuck called Carl (the ever goofy-looking Luke Wilson), and then, all of a sudden, Carl goes away, simply because he supposedly “needs some space (man, such an original plot device).” Joline falls into what you can call, a mid-life crisis, and in the end, she comes to a solution for it: She won’t take no shit from Carl, since she’s a control freak, she will always be committed to her marriage, so she’s going to track her hubby down, and stalk the living shit out of him so she can finally be at the right moment when Carl decides to have her back. Along the way, she meets Carl’s new girlfriend (!) Carmen (Patricia Velasquez), and his sleazy neighbor Neil (Goran Visnjic), and some old Mexican Medicine Man (Mexican director Alfonso Arau), and also Joline’s dopey brother Jay (played by the ever dopey Casey Affleck) to help her out.

This film is overtly pretentious and pathetically one-sided. Director Lisa Krueger tries to depict Joline as a heroine and model for modern GenX feminists everywhere, yet the character ends up being a stupid, selfish, self-centered control freak. Krueger also forgets about credibility, coming up with several ridiculously unclear and pathetic plot twists, notably at the beginning of the film when Carl leaves her because “he wants more space,” and then ends up WITH ANOTHER GIRL? And proving Joline’s utter stupidity, she still wants to stand by her husband even though he doesn’t want her anymore, and has another girlfriend already. Please. And then it starts beating on your head and preaching you about the importance of love and truth. Give me a FUCKING BREAK! How the hell can there be true love in a relationship when one half isn’t just, or should I say, SIMPLY REFUSING to live up to the task? For Christ sake man, come on, that’s fucking bullshit, even you feminists out there should know fucking better and are smart enough to catch this shit a mile away.

The film’s credibility deteriorates by the nanosecond the very moment she decides to track his ex-hubby down since she refuses to be left alone, and starts stalking him pretty much just everywhere (is stalking somebody proof of true love?), and the comedic antics and clashes between her and Carmen are utter shit, since they are really tiring and uninspired. Joline’s character through all this time is simply uninteresting. Hell, Carl is such an idiot that it takes him a LONG time to actually call the police and take the fucking bitch stalker away. And along this whole process, we get introduced to several characters; half of them will be quickly forgotten by film’s end, and it seems that they were just brought up to add some weirdness on the film and also a couple of more excruciating minutes of running time. Could someone please explain to me what the hell was Casey Affleck’s Jay’s role in this film? And what the fuck was the point of Neil? Oh, and there’s also a Mexican medicine man whose teachings and theories simply come off as ludicrous shit, but his teachings become pivotal since Joline finally brings up a new level of commitment far more than she expected. What THIS REALLY IS, is never explained, and in the end, there seems to be no need to, since it comes down to the obvious “I’ll have it my way” type of shit, and finally a climax to her self-discovery. Man, after all the pathetic antics that she committed, it all comes down to something she would’ve easily figured out like 45 FUCKING MINUTES AGO? Seriously, if this is how everybody in real-life deals with his or her mid-life crisis to reach self-discovery, I rather commit suicide. And then Neil and Carl show up at some party with Joline at the final act of the film which makes for one of the most pathetic endings ever, with Carl being made as one of the BIGGEST DUMBASSES in the history of film, and Joline passing off as the supposed heroine of the movie. Such feministic preachiness is crammed up your throat for like every fucking time it narrows the vision of the film and makes you wanna puke. ENOUGH, DAMMIT ENOUGH!!! WHY THE FUCK DOES EVERY SINGLE FEMINISM-TINGED FILM HAS TO DEPICT MEN AS COMPLETE RETARDED ASSHOLES AND WOMEN AS UNTOUCHABLE CHRIST-LIKE MARTYRS OR VICTIMS? WHY RECURR TO SUCH A PATHETIC, ONE-SIDED, OVERUSED PLOT DEVICE? Jesus Harold Christ in a fucking sidecar, I’m sick of watching this type of shit-ass filmmaking that is so biased it just pisses me off.

And don’t get me started on the acting, okay? Heather Graham can’t act worth a damn, and with the character she’s given, she's just… um, can you say: IRRITATING? Luke Wilson looks all the time like he has his mouth full of marbles and he’s also IRRITATING in this film. Hell, I won’t beat around the bush, EVERYONE WAS FUCKING IRRITATING. Lisa Krueger's direction is completely flat, as she lets everything go through the motions and little or no creativity is present anywhere in this film, though I must say that there was some decent photography, but not enough to actually make you watch this flick.

In the end, the film comes off as stupid, pretentious, propagandistic bullshit, since it preaches about feminism and self-discovery yet it doesn’t have a clue of what exactly make these values important and it also lacks the credibility or the intelligence to back it up. It’s such an irritating and altogether stupid piece of shit that I wouldn’t recommend to anyone, much less to girls that got dumped and are suffering mid-life crisis. Go see a fucking therapist instead, it’ll be much safer than watching this shit. Oh, and Heather, go stick that middle finger up your ass, since you have nothing to back it up. Avoid. (0-5)

link directly to this review at http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=1671&reviewer=235
originally posted: 11/25/03 20:31:01
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User Comments

11/26/03 Jack Sommersby Strives too hard to be quirky w/out any reason for being. Graham's bust only asset. 2 stars
6/30/01 Peter Brook Starts well, loses it around the middle, Heather's cool though. 2 stars
11/19/00 Nick Heather Graham Nice ass BAD actress. I wish this skanky hoe would retire 1 stars
10/18/00 Rue the Whirl Not really funny at all. Casey acts just like his big brother. 3 stars
10/16/00 Gabe Quite possibly the dumbest movie ever made!!!!Plot Drags and drags..oh wait what plot? 1 stars
5/01/00 MrShowbiz A romantic comedy that dares to fiddle with the genre's commandments. 3 stars
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  28-Apr-2000 (R)



Directed by
  Lisa Krueger

Written by
  Lisa Krueger

  Heather Graham
  Casey Affleck
  Luke Wilson
  Jon Stewart
  Alfonso Arau
  Goran Visnjic

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