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Overall Rating
2.37

Awesome: 4%
Worth A Look: 20%
Just Average: 17.33%
Pretty Crappy: 26.67%
Sucks32%

6 reviews, 39 user ratings


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X-Men Origins: Wolverine
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by Rob Gonsalves

"Jimmy?"
2 stars

"X-Men Origins: Wolverine" is the sort of thing I would’ve loved when I was thirteen. Unfortunately, that was 25 years ago.

Back then, the claw-fisted mutant Wolverine was my favorite comic-book character. Now my favorite comic-book character is probably Harvey Pekar. Things change. Anyway, at thirteen I would’ve been so thrilled to see Wolverine in his own movie that I would’ve forgiven a lot. I might not, however, have responded well to the news that Wolverine’s actual name is ... Jimmy. Apologies to readers named Jimmy; it’s a fine name for anyone else, but Wolverine is not a Jimmy. He was always either Wolverine or Logan, the only other name he knew. If he was revealed as Jimmy in any comic published after 1992 or so, I didn’t want to know about it.

We also learn that Wolverine — excuse me, Jimmy — is at least 170 years old. What did he do all those years? Apparently fighting in every American war, even though he’s Canadian, and very little else. This enables director Gavin Hood to re-enact scenes from Glory, Atonement, Saving Private Ryan, and Full Metal Jacket, only fought by Jimmy and his equally powerful brother Victor (Liev Schrieber), who has fangs and fingernails sharp enough to shred a car hood. In Watchmen, the presence of the godlike Dr. Manhattan won the Vietnam War for us; presumably we would’ve won in the Marvel universe too, if not for Victor’s increasing instability (for a second or two, Hood gets to remake Casualties of War).

X-Men Origins: Jimmy has a simple plot that’s hell to synopsize for the uninitiated. The gist of it is that Jimmy and Victor used to work for a government-spook operation under the shady William Stryker (Danny Huston). Jimmy got sick of it and left. Victor stayed. Jimmy fell in love. That didn’t end well. Victor apparently goes rogue and starts killing all the other mutants in the operation. Stryker asks Jimmy to go kill him, and arranges for Jimmy to get an adamantium skeleton. Adamantium is an indestructible metal alloy. Captain America’s shield is also made out of it. The script isn’t. Jimmy gets loose and talks to various mutants and discovers various double-crosses. At one point, Jimmy’s newly modified claws carve through a defenseless bathroom sink. Sinks cost a lot of money to replace. This is what I was thinking about.

At some point after this movie — this is also what I was thinking about — Jimmy somehow gets a fabulous makeover that shapes his hair into points. This was how he appeared, more or less, in the three previous X-Men films, but here he has a floppier mop that isn’t even appropriate for the era (late ‘60s, early ‘70s), and — you know what? The 13-year-old me would not have been thinking about hair after coming home from a Wolverine movie. But this is not a Wolverine movie; this is a Jimmy movie. And not a particularly well-crafted one; at times, the special effects look like something out of a movie the 13-year-old me would’ve seen back then. Hugh Jackman tries to wring the last drop out of his only franchise — it’s not as if his other movies have set the world on fire, despite his charisma and talent — but the script gives him nothing to work with. Even his big emotional arc-changing moment is later withdrawn.

The filmmakers should’ve adapted the Chris Claremont/Frank Miller miniseries "Wolverine," from 1982. The 13-year-old me loved it, and the Wolverine we met there was far more complex and wounded than the Jimmy we meet here.

link directly to this review at http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=17549&reviewer=416
originally posted: 05/03/09 17:21:39
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User Comments

9/02/14 Jeff pure shit 1 stars
3/07/11 The GLC interesting story line with female co-star, great cinematography, lots of unexpected. 5 stars
6/27/10 Charles Tatum By-the-numbers; did anyone really need this to be made? 3 stars
2/27/10 daveyt you know what you're going to get, I enjoyed it... so there! 4 stars
10/13/09 Nick So shitty it was probably written by crayon. 1 stars
9/27/09 Drake Samson has nothing to do with wolvies actual story,horrid script,terrible raping of characters 1 stars
9/24/09 george webster simply put,Pure Disappointment! 2 stars
6/28/09 damalc perfect example of more being less. underwhelming. 2 stars
6/07/09 mr.mike Good but does not demand to be seen on the big screen. 4 stars
6/01/09 Pokejedservo Not the best X-Men movie but it surprisingly wasn't that bad to me at all. 4 stars
5/21/09 Rouge THE MOVIE WAS THE BEST NOT ONLY THAT BUT ALL OF THE X-MEN MOVIES WERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 5 stars
5/20/09 Vindicator No James & Heather Hudson. No Alpha Flight. Adapted not with a scalple, but a chainsaw. 1 stars
5/15/09 james obrien why did this come off so bad 2 stars
5/12/09 Ming I enjoy watching this film...lots of great actions 4 stars
5/08/09 duffy Terrible movie is there actually a person stupid enough to enjoy this film? 1 stars
5/08/09 shawn terrible script a complete let down for hardcore x-men fans. Sabertoota and Logan bros WTF? 1 stars
5/08/09 Bud Too many cameos cluttered it, but honestly was about what I expected for my money. 3 stars
5/07/09 David Terrible script, effects, and campy direction. Seriously almost no redeeming qualities. 1 stars
5/06/09 gc Lots if cool actions scenes with no depth to any character and no plot at all. 2 stars
5/06/09 Ray The reviewer expressed thoughts better then I could have 2 stars
5/06/09 RadAd This reviewer has it spot on. Jimmy? Come on. 2 stars
5/05/09 Kroenen THIS MOVIE WAS THE MOST AWESOME MOVIE EVER, EVERYONE MUST SEE IT!!!1!!1!!!! 5 stars
5/05/09 ES Entertaining 4 stars
5/05/09 matt i changed my mind. no amount of action could have saved this disaster. the script kills it 1 stars
5/05/09 Bambi Didn't care what happened to any of the characters one way or the other. 2 stars
5/04/09 GutterBall Good God. How can you have The Merc With The Mouth...without a mouth?? WTF? 1 stars
5/04/09 French adamantium bullets?? When I saw that I threw up my arms and said "I'm done, bitches!" 2 stars
5/04/09 Nick Miletta Not good at all 1 stars
5/03/09 M Enjoy it for what it is an ACTION movie. 4 stars
5/03/09 belike What were they thinking? 1 stars
5/03/09 action movie fan experment gone wrong-wolvering is unstoppable-best x-men yet fun to watch 4 stars
5/03/09 caiphn Meh. Laughable at times with some neat action sequences. 3 stars
5/02/09 Dan Generally good acting, good action, some good lines- but no real plot. 3 stars
5/02/09 matt Horribly paced, written, acted, and just awkward. good action scenes though 3 stars
5/01/09 Raul Valdez Jr yes use your anger movie watches then your path to the darkside will be complete 4 stars
5/01/09 Darkstar They fucked up Deadpool!!! Fuck you Hugh Jackman!!!! 1 stars
5/01/09 Toni For what it was I liked it (Look it's not War & Peace and never was going to be) 4 stars
5/01/09 Dk Slightly better than average, largely thanks to Liev Schreiber and Jackman 3 stars
5/01/09 PAUL SHORTT A DECENT MIX OF ACTION SEQUENCES & EXPLORATION OF THE EMOTIONAL BATTLES OF THE MUTANT HERO 3 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  01-May-2009 (PG-13)
  DVD: 15-Sep-2009

UK
  N/A

Australia
  01-May-2009
  DVD: 15-Sep-2009




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