I don’t know, most of the time, I always root for actors who have had bad luck during most of the time, and most of the time I end up disappointed when they fuck up again. I was feeling the same way for Chris O’Donnell. Well, as far as I know, Chris O’Donnell hasn’t done a good film since 1992’s Scent Of A Woman, and I seriously doubt he will ever, if he keeps choosing crappy roles like this one, in this latest drek. Vertical Limit is about mountain climbing, and for you mountain climbers, I guess this is the perfect movie…. For you to piss on, since it’s bad, it’s laughable, and it’s stupid. Oh, did I tell you it fucking stinks?The story is about brother’s Peter Garrett (O’Donnell) and Annie Garrett (Robin Tunney), both mountain climbers like their dad, but in an unfortunate accident, their dad dies saving their life. They’re both shattered, Peter vows never to climb again and decides to take a job on the National Geographic, while Annie forges on in mountain climbing, and even ends up in the cover of ESPN Magazine (I wonder why?). But then on an on a simple twist of fate, both Garrett’s find themselves in the Himalayas, and she tells him that she’s going to climb K2, the second-highest mountain in the world, with hotshot billionaire Elliot Vaughn (Bill Paxton), and professional mountain climber Tom McLaren (X-Files’ Nicholas Lea). But then the weather goes awry, greed imposes itself and thanks to that, all three end up buried in a cave somewhere at 26,000 feet. So now, its up to big brother Pete to go and save her, taking as a guide an old but experienced climber, the legendary Montgomery Wick (an aged Scott Glenn).
"Makes Cliffhanger Look Like A Classic"
There’s nothing much to talk about here. For the look of the movie, you can tell that I was intended for mindless summer fun, or at least it tried to. Once again, the script is predictable due to the endless shitload of clichés that lay all over the movie like mousetraps. The start of the movie bummed me very good, since, gosh, it took me by surprise the death of Peter and Annie’s father, and it hit me hard. Also, I didn’t like the way they portrayed the man smacking the floor dead, I thought that was disgusting and stupid.
Then the film tries to add you some comedic relief with the appearance of two fucks who are brothers, and they introduce them to us sitting in an open sauna butt-naked. I don’t think that’s a good move to throw that shit in the first hour, hell, I almost felt sick seeing that, and furthermore I felt annoyed by these two idiots since the jokes that they threw out were mostly unfunny and with a sense of “SO FUCKING WHAT?”
Then when we get set for the mountains and watch the climbers do their best, and their worst. Gosh, I was laughing the entire time, since I’ve never seen mountain climbers be so stupid. We see a climber slip, then another one slips, like they didn’t have any claw boots or whatever the hell is it that they use to stay grounded. Then some of my favorite clichés come when after these two climbers are sliding towards the edge, and they manage to survive and climb the top again, only to be thrown off by a fucking avalanche. Then two others die stupidly due to an explosion of nitroglycerin, a scene that was stupid enough to cause laughs and sighs of “was that necessary?” or “How dumb that damn scene was.” And then there’s Pakistani army, who has a base nearby. The army has the responsibility of carefully safekeeping its own explosives. Not in this movie, here they portray the Pakistanis as stupid ignorant retards who just leave the nitroglycerine bottles there to leak and rot in a storage room WITH WINDOWS. Of course, with all that shit leaking, plus the sun rising up to the window and heating the fluid up, it blows the motherfucking place to hell. C’mon, for heavens sakes, is the military that dumb to safeguard their own explosives? That was total bullshit, also due to the fact that the scene was also stupid and unnecessary. The stupidity of all these scenes is just a half-assed attempt to load the movie with whatever action or suspense you can possibly inject, and with these poorly staged and poorly plotted scenes, I just can’t see how will it be exciting or even suspenseful, since it’s stupid, laughable and dumb, all thanks to the lousy direction by Martin Campbell, and the awful script by Robert King and Terry Hayes. Most of the time you’ll find yourself laughing at the wrong moments, and annoyed by the many clichés that appear in the film. I can bet that real-life mountain climbers will find themselves pissed at this movie for its inaccuracies in the sport of mountain climbing, and you can tell, since many of the climbing scenes are just… I don’t know, STUPID. On the other hand, the FX was cool in many parts of the film. The shot of the avalanche coming towards you was very spectacular.
The performances were wooden. Chris O’Donnell gives some good acting nods but is mostly disappointing. Scott Glenn disappoints even more since I was expecting more from such great actor. Bill Paxton is on autopilot, and Robin Tunney is a waste of human existence. The rest of the cast was average, but those two fucks were annoying as hell. But what the hell is it with Nicholas Lea? How can they waste such a stunt talent? Hell, I was expecting him to do some great stunts in this movie, but only one simple stupid fall is all they gave him. FuckersIn the end, here’s what I think: Cliffhanger was a flawed movie but it still was pretty much mindless entertainment. This movie is an even more flawed movie with mindless entertainment minus the entertainment. It’s stupid in all categories, and just plain awful to watch. Sure, it had some good FX, and shit, but that doesn’t even make up for your wasted time here. (1.5-5)
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originally posted: 03/01/02 20:50:08