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Overall Rating
3.08

Awesome: 17.65%
Worth A Look: 23.53%
Just Average: 20.26%
Pretty Crappy26.14%
Sucks: 12.42%

7 reviews, 111 user ratings


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House on Haunted Hill (1999)
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by Hawkboy

"Don't read this until you see the flick - we're talking spoilers."
2 stars

Because this part gets read by everyone who views the site (well, until the next new flick gets released - but still, it's the first thing you read when you click the page), I'm warning you now - BIG-ASS spoilers. We ready? Let's go.

This movie creeped the shit outta me. Some deeply scary stuff, cool-ass camerawork, and cute performances. Then came the ending. Folks, if you want to truly enjoy this movie, leave at the 1 hour, 20 minute mark, and sit around with your friends and come up with your own ending. Smoke pot if you must, drink a couple beers, come up with something decent. You hear me? As soon as Famke Janssen gets sent through the wall and you hear the screams, LEAVE. Leave, or be subjected to the balls-out STUPIDEST ending to a movie I've ever seen. Why, you ask? Specifics:

*The evil that is possessing the house becomes this sort of tree-root system that has tentacles and absorbs people. Bad idea. Do we really need to have the evil condensed into one form that chases people around? Yeah, we knew the house was evil - we knew Linda Blair was possessed in "The Exorcist", we didn't need Satan and Max Von Sydow arm-wrestling. We coulda guessed.

*This is one huge-ass house, yet they're able to run up to the attic from the ground floor in about a minute? And Geoffrey Rush is able to call down to them, from that attic WAY up there, so they know to go up to where the windows are open? I guess they were really good stairclimbers.

*The reason why the evil house invited those particular people there is explained in about a minute, in dialogue that most of us ignored, because it was so badly written, right? So we're pretty sure we know why they're there, right? So then, Taye Diggs is about to be sucked into the evil tree-branch thingy, and he yells "I'm adopted!" So the house just lets him go. Oh, no, wait, the ghost of Chris Kattan appears and saves him. Didn't the evil force KNOW that Taye was adopted, and if so, why did he get invited? Was the evil force intent on swallowing up Taye, believing him to be the natural son of the guy who worked there, but Chris got sucked in, looked at the evil force's swallowing schedule, and said "Hey, evil force - he was adopted. Let him go."? Is that it? Because, I gotta tell ya, bringing out Chris to raise the iron gate was a little too "Casper the Friendly Ghost" for my tastes. "Look, all the other swallowed people are just popping out and saying 'join us' and stuff, but Chris here is giving our heroes a hand! Good for him!"

*So, anyway, Taye and whipped-cream girl are sitting out on the ledge, and somehow, the million-dollar checks are just sitting there. The house let them have the money? Did the house really give a shit about Geoffrey Rush's wager? I figure that Geoffrey got swallowed, saw that Taye and whipped-cream girl made it out, and said "Um...evil swallowing thing? It's only fair that you give them the money now - they won the bet". And I guess the evil thing said, "Sure, why not. He's adopted, anyway." If it were a COOL evil swallowing thing, it would have been all "Geoffrey, shut up." Actually, that would have been a better ending. They could have gotten Mel Gibson to play the voice of the swallowing thing, but go unbilled in the credits, in a bit of casting that would excite us all to no end.

*This doesn't really have anything to do with the movie itself, but the dick running the projection at the movie tonight cut it off right before the credits - just shut it down. Which led to a lot of snarky remarks by audience members (myself included) that the evil had possessed the projection booth.

This movie had a lot going for it, and it would have been able to fool me into giving it a pretty good review (4 stars, I think), but the ending made me think about how terribly it was written, how non-existent the acting was, and how "The Haunting" may not have been that bad. For the first 1:20, it had me right where it wanted me. I was its bitch. But in the last fifteen, it lost me, watched helplessly as I started dating its best friend, kept following me around, calling me at all hours of the night, until I eventually had to get a restraining order. THAT is how much I hated the ending of this movie. HATED.

I knew from the start who was going to live, and for the most part, I was OK with their decision. But after that ending, dammit, I was rooting for the house to open up and suck them back in. And spend all that money on some good insulation.

link directly to this review at http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=1781&reviewer=27
originally posted: 10/30/99 04:19:00
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User Comments

11/01/11 kenny chill out it's pretty fun 3 stars
1/24/10 Chad Dillon Cooper Bloated needless remake for teenieboppers. 1 stars
9/18/09 Pavel It's a great underrated horror movie! A lot better than the original. 5 stars
8/27/08 Shaun Wallner Great Horror film!! 5 stars
6/13/08 Karrie M scary and full of gore, it was alright, started out good anyways 3 stars
2/18/07 Nick Maday I don't remember much about this, but I do remember not liking it very much. 2 stars
1/26/07 action movie fan not scary, lame remake of lame film-don,t bother 2 stars
12/21/06 David Pollastrini not great, not terrible 3 stars
12/13/06 Browncoat What are you people, a bunch of fucking back-births?This movie sucks! 1 stars
10/27/06 matt a very underrated film, good imagery and scares throughout 4 stars
6/04/06 William Goss Surprisingly well-acted, creepily atmospheric, and just lots of fun. Somewhat underrated. 4 stars
5/25/06 Michele cool coaster at the beginning, nice to see james marsters 3 stars
1/02/06 cody a ok gory and spooky horror flick, ok actors , two problems were thin plot and silly scares 2 stars
11/06/05 Lauren A great, splashy, spooky, horror flick! A lot of fun. 5 stars
8/12/05 ES Way better than 'the Haunting', Rush is the man 4 stars
7/01/05 Indrid Cold Surprisingly nasty, semi-humorous tone makes it worth a look. Somewhat underrated. 3 stars
6/10/05 Anthony G Not bad, could of been better though 3 stars
5/09/05 Roger Roller coaster & Geoffrey Rush - both great. A fun movie. 4 stars
3/25/05 Denise loved the rollercoaster 4 stars
3/24/05 indrid cold Bad, but surprisingly over the top, which makes it watchable. 2 stars
3/16/05 Alice Colwell not bad 3 stars
3/13/05 Tamara Burks This movie is a blast and Geoffrey Rush does a great impression olf Vincent Price. 5 stars
3/04/05 Chris Stephens It was OK 3 stars
2/27/05 Diane Stedner Great. 5 stars
2/25/05 James Kiang Despite an over-the-top Rush, this was a pleasant surprise genre film. 3 stars
2/21/05 Debora Browning Thiis was a decent horror flick 4 stars
2/20/05 fiona it was well made, but...just a non event for me. I expected more. 2 stars
2/19/05 Carolyn Rathburn Gory, senseless violence, didn't care for it. 2 stars
2/18/05 Diane Stahlman DIFFERENT & INTERESTING AS FAR AS HORROR GOES. 4 stars
2/18/05 Denise good 4 stars
2/18/05 Brenda Riley Couldn't compare with the original! 3 stars
10/15/04 Don Eckert The 14% that thought this was Awesome must be a kindergarten class. 1 stars
8/19/04 justin i liked it it was awsome i wana no what that song at the end was bye 5 stars
4/23/04 star seen it 5 times, the spinning room is a trip, blood fun, all else sucks 3 stars
2/14/04 Naturezrevenge Abysmal reviews, jacob's ladder meets hellraiser imagery,not as abysmal as one would think. 4 stars
2/07/04 john bale Rush is not Vincent Price and this remake is no better than the first 3 stars
1/04/04 Janey Let down by a bad ending - should have kept plot more realistic. 3 stars
11/01/03 American Slasher Goddess Rush and Janssen turn in good hammy perfomances, but otherwise it's pretty unspectacular. 2 stars
10/01/03 Mopsa I admit it: I loved this movie! Scary and funny and misunderstood 5 stars
9/06/03 Andrew This is actually a rather good film. The soundtrack is great! 4 stars
7/13/03 Samuel Justus Most likely one of the best ever! 13 ghosts and Ghost Ship were good but this was better! 5 stars
6/19/03 Mystique revolting, cool, frightening and RUSH ROCKS ! 3 stars
11/23/02 Charles Tatum Lousy ending, but scary all the way through 4 stars
10/02/02 snowconehead Chris Kattan gets killed, which justifies the rating 4 stars
2/01/02 Ashley Corpening look up WASTED in dictionary -oughta find casting of Bridgette Wilson & Ali Larter in this! 2 stars
1/11/02 Audra I loved the movie. Not really scary. Only Famke and Chris were good in the movie. 5 stars
1/04/02 Andrew Carden Good Premise To The Original, but Very Weak and Not Scary At All. 2 stars
12/03/01 auroradae the best horror movie i have seen, and i've seen many, i was actually scared once 5 stars
11/30/01 Joe The begining is awesome.. the middle part is all right.. then the last bites ass 3 stars
10/19/01 Tam TOTAL BOLLOCKS! Boring, tedious, over-acted! BIGGEST STINKER IN HISTORY! 1 stars
10/16/01 Hum some good ideas but this film is sooooo dumb! 2 stars
10/03/01 mark conway this movie was no more than average, with little thrills or scares. 3 stars
8/28/01 Sarah I wasn't scared at ALL!It was suppose to be a horror movie at what moment? 1 stars
8/09/01 Audra I couldn't finish the movie; it was way too gory. But there were scary scenes. 2 stars
8/08/01 E-Funk Some genuinely creepy moments, but the end is worse than blue balls. 4 stars
7/20/01 Robert closest to a scary movie i have seen in a long time 5 stars
7/10/01 ALEXIS Hey I thought it was pretty scary, but the ending was kinda crappy 4 stars
6/18/01 King Jackass Your crazy... this is an awesome movie! 5 stars
6/17/01 Monster W. Kung Could've been decent if they kept ripping off Tool videos, but as it was it sucked, badly. 1 stars
5/13/01 Amorill Great horror movie. Although I must admit that the ending was way too nice and predictabl. 5 stars
4/18/01 Tam Tedious crap, with plenty of gore but no scares. Wooden acting & a bad script didnt help. 1 stars
3/22/01 Terrie Smith Not much with this one; Geoffrey Rush receiving a easy pay cheque for doing nothing. 2 stars
3/10/01 Yamara Better than X-Files At Sea. No, wait, *I* made that movie. No, it sucks. Chris Kattan rocks 3 stars
3/03/01 ThunderCloud Matrix I loved the movie mostly because of the orginal wicked-asylum plot, but the acting sucked. 4 stars
2/28/01 John Trent Yeah,one of the best horror films ever!Loved the ending,buy the dvd and see the alt ending! 5 stars
2/16/01 Steven Armet I still can't sleep at night almost as scarry as deliverance 5 stars
2/10/01 KyLe*BrOfLoVsKi I was too busy committing suicide to finish watching it... 2 stars
1/31/01 Vivien Leung i just wanna know how they could get down at last? ( bloody but not scary) urghhhh!!! 1 stars
1/16/01 Aurora This was the fisrt horror movie to actually scare me for almost a decade! It was horrific! 5 stars
11/04/00 Boy In The Designer Bubble A bad movie made worse by bad writing. 1 stars
10/28/00 Timothy L. Herzog Lame... 2 stars
10/22/00 John medium scares, good plot, really bad ending 3 stars
7/23/00 Woerkilt Better than most "Hollow"wood feces-on-film. Blood, severed heads and acid-trip ghoulies. 4 stars
6/07/00 Lizzard Queen The movie started out great and had some great visuals, but the ending was a disappointment 4 stars
6/05/00 Bender The first 20 minutes are good, but the movie becomes less and less interesting 3 stars
5/12/00 melissa honke is the house true as in is it R 4 stars
4/17/00 Ken Krysa I liked it better than The Haunting. Creepy and great visuals. 5 stars
4/09/00 EMagGaRony nothing special, , what's with "scary" movies that don't even scare you?? 3 stars
3/18/00 Joel Harwood . 4 stars
3/03/00 Matthew Bartley A lot better than I thought it would be, Dodgy ending though 4 stars
3/03/00 Patrick Annis-Brown Very creepy, but a sucky ending 4 stars
2/20/00 jj it is cool 4 stars
2/16/00 Add Started interesting then the budget took over, damn it, this really sucked!! 1 stars
2/11/00 arnold blew haunting away,kattan is great,ending sucked,and there was some pretty cool horror bits 4 stars
11/21/99 Phreezer Good (Stay for til' the very end of the credits or miss out on some creepy shit) 4 stars
11/19/99 Amy Spencer awesome! 5 stars
11/12/99 merrip absolutely beautiful set design and awesome visual/audio stuff. ending sucks all ass. 3 stars
11/10/99 Buttman suck-tastic 2 stars
11/10/99 Queen of the Amazon Vamps I want to hop on Famke Janssen twice! 1 stars
11/09/99 Ryan Philippe gets hit by a car and it rules I hate you Kenny 5 stars
11/07/99 focus not as bad as The Haunting, but still a craptacular movie 2 stars
11/07/99 Ben Ryan Is it possible for a movie to ever live up to the previews? no! 2 stars
11/07/99 JonnyAngel I was gonna write a review, but Hawk did it for me 3 stars
11/07/99 goryturd@hotmail.com great....exept for the end... 4 stars
11/06/99 Obi Wan Was pretty good up until about 25mins to go, felt like movie was rushed to ending!! ROBBED! 2 stars
11/05/99 "bob" i saw this movie while i was high,it scared THE SHIT out of me! 5 stars
11/04/99 Jonathan Pinkerton Somewhat scary must mostly a gorefest 3 stars
11/02/99 Delta Yankee I liked the original a hell of a lot better. 2 stars
11/02/99 PhilmPhreak Well, it was better than The Hauntimg. 3 stars
11/01/99 Mac The chick should have killed Taye, pulled the checks from her blouse, house then kills her 2 stars
11/01/99 Stephanie The ending sucked! What a letdown! 1 stars
11/01/99 Arshad Nice sets, effects, TERRIBLE dialog, plot 3 stars
10/31/99 Phil. God damnit, the ending sucked. God damnit! It was probably rushed for halloween. Or not? 1 stars
10/31/99 Lucas Coffey It should've cut everyone up and went with the after credit ending. 4 stars
10/31/99 Vampyre9mm Good gore, but that's about it. Stupid plot, bad characters, TERRIBLE ending. 2 stars
10/31/99 mason the original is one of my favorites and this is suprisingly bad-ass , except for the ending 5 stars
10/31/99 pixie one of the scariest movie's i have seen... UNTIL the end. inconsistent ,& suck dead ass. 4 stars
10/31/99 Dylan Great movie but worst ending ever. Seems like it was thrown together at last minute 4 stars
10/30/99 Lame-Oh Not as good as The Haunting, but still a sorry-ass movie 2 stars
10/30/99 Odd Pieman 80% of this movie is scarey as sweet jesus but becomes a horrible piece of crap at the end. 4 stars
10/30/99 Steve Price Inconsistent with horrible dialogue, but some creepy moments & a cool Chris Kattan 4 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  29-Oct-1999 (R)

UK
  N/A

Australia
  10-Feb-2000




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