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Overall Rating
2.25

Awesome: 7.35%
Worth A Look: 17.65%
Just Average: 20.59%
Pretty Crappy: 1.47%
Sucks52.94%

3 reviews, 50 user ratings



Twilight Saga, The: New Moon
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by Rob Gonsalves

"Continuing the saga of being the only adult male who actually likes these."
4 stars

Something about the "Twilight" films (I havenít read the books) gets around my defenses somehow. Not being a teenage girl, Iím at a loss to explain my response.

But hereís a guess. I have a soft spot for gloom and angst in music ó Morrissey songs, any Polish composer you could name ó and the first Twilight film and the new one, New Moon, somehow communicate some of that tone and flavor. These films are a callback to a time when love, or what teenagers think is love, is all-encompassing and anything that stands in its way is the most horrible thing ever, and the only possible reaction to heartbreak is sitting in oneís room numbly watching the seasons pass. And listening to depressing music.

Thereís a scene like that in New Moon, wherein our fumbly heroine Bella (Kristen Stewart) has just been dumped by her sparkly vampire boyfriend Edward (Robert Pattinson). Heís leaving, of course, for her own sake ó he fears sheíll get hurt if he stays. She doesnít see it that way, and for months on end she simply shuts down. Then she figures out that if she endangers herself, Edward will appear to her as a forbidding apparition (ďDonít ride that motorcycle,Ē ďDonít eat Pop Rocks and drink Coke,Ē etc.). So Bella spends half the movie being reckless, even though Edward made her promise not to. She also strikes up a tentative thing with local Native American boy Jacob (Taylor Lautner), who is also afraid sheíll get hurt if she gets involved with him, because heís a werewolf.

Stephenie Meyer, who wrote the Twilight books, is sort of a Laurell K. Hamilton for teenagers. Hamilton writes the Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter series, which began well enough but eventually tipped into porno wish-fulfillment as Anita found herself madly desired by pretty vampires and hunky werewolves. Meyer does the opposite: the mad desire is there, but the fulfillment isnít. Edward and Jacob, put plainly, canít have sex with Bella or they might break her. The self-repressed Meyer stumbled onto a key secret of pulp-romance success: Always leave them wanting more, and keep the lovebirds from getting what they want for as long as possible.

New Moon features vampires ó even nasty ones ó and roaring werewolves, but is not a horror movie; itís barely even a supernatural movie. Itís a starcrossed romance with creatures of the night. Its emphasis is far from gothic ó it takes its cue from the drizzly grays of the Pacific Northwest. It is essentially a fable that a lonely, bored, imaginative girl living with her stoic dad in Washington state might tell herself. The whole Twilight saga is a special-snowflake daydream of being pursued by exotic monsters while still keeping oneís virtue. As before, Kristen Stewart underplays, which allows the teenage female audience to project onto her blankness, and Robert Pattinsonís Edward is insipidly noble and non-threatening (he gets his growl on far less here than he did in Twilight). Taylor Lautnerís hot-blooded Jacob is a change of pace, if a bit of a drip. I was happy to welcome a playfully overacting Michael Sheen (as a sort of executive vampire) and a red-eyed, dead-affect Dakota Fanning (as another fancy vamp) into the film; for a few scenes, we almost seem to be watching a real movie.

Which it isnít, really. New Moon doesnít have much of a plot; the bulk of it is Bella moping around. But director Chris Weitz knows a thing or two about love, as anyone who saw About a Boy can attest, and he almost makes something moving out of Bellaís heartsick stasis. Bella does a lot of stupid things in the movie, and we donít really question them, because nobodyís in a particularly logical state of mind when their first love has gone off somewhere forever. The longing is palpable, and when Bella and Edward finally reunite the rare smile on Edwardís face says it all.

But weíve still got two movies to go, and more agonizing over whether Bella will become a vampire and whether Edward will allow that and what Jacob might have to say about that, and Iím a little embarrassed to admit that Iíll be watching.

link directly to this review at http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=18348&reviewer=416
originally posted: 11/22/09 19:22:02
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User Comments

2/14/15 jason gracio terrible film like nolan batman 1 stars
7/26/12 Venita New Moon blew me away, it was better than I thought it would be. Have the DVD. :) 5 stars
7/28/11 Chris. Synopsis: I'm a teen and I have AAAAAAAANGST 1 stars
5/25/11 cbiebs ah-mazing! even tho edward wasn't in it (WHICH HE SHUD HAVE BEEN) it wuz still good 4 stars
12/13/10 sandra dee a good sequel even if i don"t see lot of edward. 4 stars
11/28/10 hunt a decent follow up with cool effects especially the werewolves, but slow at times. 3 stars
11/28/10 car a good follow up , more action than romance and werewolf effects were cool. 4 stars
4/05/10 Wearedoomed If this movie had been at least been five minutes longer, I would've had myself commited. 1 stars
3/24/10 othree deadpan dialog, half baked acting, wolves were cool though! 3 stars
1/30/10 Kimmy Makes Twilight look like a masterpiece 2 stars
1/20/10 Stanley Thai Although not better than the first, this sequel improves on the technical side. 3 stars
1/19/10 art IT STUNK JUST LIKE THE FIRST TWILIGHT! 1 stars
1/16/10 Timmayy Some good differences from the first one. Intro to the volutri was the best part. 3 stars
12/23/09 Chloe Just like the book- mindnumbingly dull with one dimensional depressing characters. Blahhhhh 1 stars
12/23/09 Ashley G Tedious. Mindless chatter. Awful acting. Dreary and definitely not worth the wait. Bleh. 1 stars
12/21/09 Summer One of the worst movies EVER - and I loved the books -so disappointed 1 stars
12/20/09 amy Went with me sister. She liked the movie. I just thought it was "okay". 3 stars
12/20/09 SirGent This more like "New Cure For Insomnia", pointless. 1 stars
12/19/09 CR A VERY SOILD SEQUEL WITH ACTION, LOVE TRIANGLE,AND GREAT EFFECTS. BUT DIRECTION WAS SLOPPY. 3 stars
12/11/09 EILEEN Nice:D 5 stars
12/10/09 Leeann a fair enough film, but way too long. 90 mins would have been enough. 3 stars
12/08/09 Tamara Woleston 1 stars
12/08/09 Dan This film didn't need an editor... it's so emo it cut itself. 1 stars
12/07/09 Jonathan Holmes Hollwood has done the impossible: they've released a movie that's worse than Transformers 2 1 stars
12/07/09 Anna How teenage girls can look up to this tripe as the pinnacle of romance is beyond me. 1 stars
12/05/09 Jess Absolute garbage. So bad it was funny! You'd have to be a complete moron to enjoy this. 1 stars
12/05/09 Mike Proof why misogyny and virgins exist. Transformers 2 is Godfather compared to this. 1 stars
12/05/09 Scott I lost brain cells watching this trash.... 1 stars
12/04/09 Stacey This was a fair and sensitive review. Its a romantic movie and well-done at that. 4 stars
12/03/09 Ashley I love the Twilight Saga and this movie was amazing! 5 stars
12/01/09 Will If you want to see a worthwhile vampire film, see "Let the Right One In" or "Thirst." 1 stars
12/01/09 nic cage one of the worst films ever made 1 stars
12/01/09 Paul Baker "Terrible, terrible" does it for me. 1 stars
12/01/09 Dude People who hate it simply don't know how to open their eyes, and I'm an Asian. 4 stars
11/29/09 Cody Terrible film and actually worse then Transformers 2. This film is laughably bad and boring 1 stars
11/29/09 Madame Masque I actually walked out halfway through. God bless the little 14 year old girls who find this 1 stars
11/29/09 Storm So bad it was funny. The worst movie of the year based off of the worst book series 1 stars
11/29/09 D entry level fantasy, for those incapable of reading at even a 2nd grade level 1 stars
11/29/09 potterhead was heaving and sighing midway through the movie because of boredom, thinking "ENOUGH!" 1 stars
11/28/09 MovieFan I loved New Moon. Your review was mean-spirited and totally off the mark. 5 stars
11/28/09 Jon S If it's just like Transoformers 2, then do we at least get to see Devestator's balls? 1 stars
11/28/09 Marie Astonishingly, hand-wringingly, eye-rollingly, teeth-clenchingly bad. 1 stars
11/25/09 Ming This is the borest movie of the year..total disappointment for me...not much interesting 1 stars
11/24/09 Cougar Twihard It made "Twilight" look like an Ingmar Bergman film. 1 stars
11/23/09 Sharon N. I loved It and I am not a teen! Closely followed the book. 5 stars
11/22/09 BoyInTheDesignerBubble Took my teen cousin to see this, she thought it was dreadful. 1 stars
11/21/09 PAUL SHORTT TEDIOUS, LONG-WINDED AND NOT SO MUCH UNDEAD AS ALMOST ENTIRELY DEVOID OF LIFE 1 stars
11/21/09 Darkstar I had to watch this godawful pile of crap. Proof that todays teens are fucking braindead. 1 stars
11/20/09 JAR JAR The director was terrable, people just liked it because of the plot. Was NOT as good as #1. 3 stars
11/19/09 kaz good but not great 4 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  20-Nov-2009 (PG-13)
  DVD: 20-Mar-2010

UK
  N/A

Australia
  20-Nov-2009
  DVD: 20-Mar-2010




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