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Overall Rating
1.9

Awesome: 1.39%
Worth A Look: 8.33%
Just Average: 11.11%
Pretty Crappy: 37.5%
Sucks41.67%

6 reviews, 36 user ratings


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Nightmare on Elm Street, A (2010)
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by Rob Gonsalves

"Trying to stay awake? Don't watch this film."
1 stars

Is it just me, or are movie teenagers a lot more boring than the ones in ‘80s movies?

John Hughes would be at sea today: there’s no equivalent to Molly Ringwald, Anthony Michael Hall, or Judd Nelson. Even in the slasher flicks of two decades ago, you had actors like Kevin Bacon, Johnny Depp, Holly Hunter and Tom Hanks making early pre-stardom appearances. Who do we have now? Rooney Mara? Kyle Gallner? Kellan Lutz? If any of these young actors — who blandly populate the new Nightmare on Elm Street — go on to do great work and win Oscars, I promise to apologize. Somehow, though...

This is the latest attempt by Michael Bay’s schlock-horror shingle Platinum Dunes to rewrite iconic slashers for a new generation, following terrible remakes/”reboots” of Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Hitcher, Friday the 13th and The Amityville Horror. Of all the ‘80s boogeymen, the putty-faced Freddy Krueger, who kills teenagers in their dreams, would seem the most blasphemous to recast. Robert Englund made Freddy his own, lending him a jocular menace that became endearing (and, through repetition, unthreatening). The new Freddy is Jackie Earle Haley, who certainly nails the viciousness and also the warped humanity of Freddy’s pre-demonic self. But there’s only so much he can do.

A Nightmare on Elm Street photocopies much of Wes Craven’s original 1984 classic, but makes senseless changes that destroy the story’s night-terror integrity. In Craven’s film, Freddy is motivated by rage at the teenagers’ parents, who burned him to death after discovering he was killing children down in the boiler room of the school. Here, the teenagers themselves are involved in a too-neat way that adds nothing. A flashback to Freddy fleeing the mob of furious parents leads us to suspect that he was actually innocent, falsely accused. But, in what strongly stinks of hasty rewrites, that intriguing angle is thrown away.

So what we’re left with is a zombie-like walk through the familiar scenes, with entirely too much time spent with dull teenagers trying to stay awake (I could relate). And the key valid reason to remake Nightmare — the CGI effects that could lead to great surreal dreamscapes and mind-melting transformations and deaths — has, for no reason I can explain, been completely ignored here. Wes Craven, on a budget of $1.8 million, peppered his film with weird, freaky effects — Freddy stretching his arms across an alley; Freddy sticking his tongue through a telephone; Freddy pursuing a victim in the deep background of a shot and then turning up right in front of her. Wanna know how much of that appears in the remake? None. And nothing fresh or fun takes their place.

There's one shot of a fog-shrouded Elm Street that captured my attention and gave some indication of the moody, mysterious horror film this could've been. It looks like a painting you can enter and get lost in and get killed in — beautiful and frightening. That's it — one shot. The rest is disposable, even Jackie Earle Haley, who — aside from the flashbacks, where he acts his ass off — could be anyone behind that reptilian make-up. Freddy has been given more realistic burn trauma, and his backstory has been made uglier, and for what? Like all the other Platinum Dunes rehashes, this Nightmare is more unpleasant than scary, more squalid than entertaining.

What else, at this point, will these crapmeisters remake? If new versions of, say, "Humungous" or "He Knows You’re Alone" are announced for 2011, we’ll know they’re scraping bottom.

link directly to this review at http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=19472&reviewer=416
originally posted: 05/02/10 17:48:56
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User Comments

2/13/17 morris campbell STILL CRAP AVOID IT IM A OLDSCHOOLER 2 1 stars
10/29/16 morris campbell pointless trashy remake art u knock night of the living dead but praise this trash nothing 1 stars
5/21/15 David Hollingsworth Bay ruins yet again, the essence of another classic 1 stars
1/15/15 the truth An exercise in futile redundancy... minus a nose U_U 1 stars
11/21/11 cr a ok remake with some scares, gOod characters, cool effects, not for fans of org series. 2 stars
8/07/11 Chris F Very average could never have beaten the original 3 stars
8/06/11 art I TAKE IT BACK FOLK"S!,ROBERT ENGLUND is the only one you can play FRED KRUEGER! 3 stars
6/01/11 Chris White One of the worst remakes ever put out period. Complete trash. 1 stars
5/29/11 art I"M AN old SCHOOLER saw the 1984 original,BUT THIS NEW one is SUPER! 4 stars
5/22/11 Ming Wonderful remake..Scarely and fun to watch 4 stars
5/22/11 Braddock Pointless remake to a classic 1 stars
4/16/11 art WONDERFUL REBOOT!,FRED KRUGER would BEAT the TAR out of jason and micheal myers! 5 stars
1/29/11 Charles Tatum Haley's good, but the film is grimy and suspenseless 2 stars
1/26/11 Danny Just OK - average 3 stars
11/17/10 Jerome Cook Anyone who saw this as a kid is OLD! This movie is for your kids! now go die! 4 stars
11/09/10 mr.mike It was OK to watch on Netflix, but hardly earth shattering. 3 stars
10/26/10 gc Freddy is a child molester now?Another pointless re-make.Rent the original instead 2 stars
10/11/10 Robert Smith Very excited, but heck, even my fourteen year old fell asleep, surround sound and all! 2 stars
7/05/10 Realer Killer For the record, the "Stretch Armstrong Freddy" scene of the original is pathetic. Nice try. 3 stars
6/07/10 David Hollingsworth Stick to the original. 2 stars
5/15/10 M coulda been so much betta!! 3 stars
5/15/10 SPiritSLASHer HOLY CRAP, no really, this movie was crap, 1984 Freddy still the best! 1 stars
5/14/10 Alex Thorne Poor. Lacking all sense of tension, horror, and shame. JEH is the sole saving grace 2 stars
5/13/10 DK Nobody wanted it, and it offers nothing new. Unfortunate debut for the talented Sam Bayer 2 stars
5/12/10 damalc a good blend of originality and faithfulness to the original 3 stars
5/09/10 skrew32 Horrible portraying fred as a perv and not a killer if you liked this you cant be over 12 1 stars
5/09/10 Brettski This movie was garbage! What was up with the new Nancy? She was ugly and had a lisp? 1 stars
5/08/10 Pokejedservo Uneven but I did like the acting, I can stand this and I normally don't like Slasher films 3 stars
5/08/10 Tim Lyon This movie is boring as hell, what the hell where they thinking? 1 stars
5/08/10 JC Pierce It gets to be too many 2 stars
5/08/10 "Big Brother" nice interpretation of Freddie's backstory & motivation but lacks dread, Englund scarier 2 stars
5/04/10 Tori Jackie was an awesome Freddy! I also liked how serious it was unlike the original films 4 stars
5/02/10 David A. Good horror film, but Freddy's not the stylish, gleeful, supercool fiend we loved in 1984. 4 stars
5/02/10 bah2501 Um maybe the guy who reviewed this was super brave.. I thought it was the scariest movie!!! 4 stars
5/02/10 Kevin Crane FUCK YOU PLATNUM DUNES the worst of this shitty companies remakes!!!! 1 stars
5/01/10 PAUL SHORTT FAR MORE DISGUSTING THAN ENTERTAINING 1 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  30-Apr-2010 (R)
  DVD: 05-Oct-2010

UK
  N/A

Australia
  30-Apr-2010
  DVD: 05-Oct-2010




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