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5 reviews, 140 user ratings

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Jurassic Park
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by Mrs. Norman Maine

"One of the great popcorn films..."
5 stars

Steven Spielberg's 'Jurassic Park' took a cheesy novel of 'what if?' and turned it into a taut, roller coaster of an entertainment featuring deadly dinosaurs and the humans who serve as their hors d'oeuvres. Even on repeated viewings, it holds up as a super entertainment.


Mr. Brad, my private interior designer, has been encamped at Chateau Maine for several days. Heís helping me give the house a fabulous makeover that is sure to make the Architectural Digest centerfold. The dining room is now a lovely shade of teal with upholstered poufs to sit upon and a table constructed of laminated surfboards, rather than all that dreary Heppelwhite. He was also kind enough to take Patrick Flanagan, my ever so elegant pet cat, and dye him to match. At the moment, Mr. Brad is helping me co-ordinate Norman's sheets and pajamas in contrasting shades of plum silk brocade. The first choice we tried, a nice paisley in Indian red, was jettisoned when Norman woke up and screeched about the bugs crawling all over him. Mr. Brad has done some experimenting and feels that a nice fern patterned jacquard would be the most restful for dear Norman. Recovering from partial lobotomies can be quite agonizing.

Mr. Brad then attacked my private dance studio and rehearsal hall. Heís decided upon a raw African feel to give all the visitors to VickiCam a truly unique experience. Rolls of zebra skin, ostrich plumes and fetish masks surrounded him for days. The result, however, is absolutely stunning, inspired in equal parts by savannah and by a Las Vegas <I>Timbuktu</I> revue. Iím just thrilled and, in celebration, I am putting on a special solo performance of my tap dance version of The Lion King this coming Saturday. It will be webcast on VickiCam at 10 EST. I called dear Julie Taymor and she has promised to construct some wonderful new quick-change masks for me in which I can thrill all my fans.

After a few days of inhaling turpentine and tile cleaner (one of Normanís favorite combinations as well), Mr. Brad was ready for a movie so I slipped the new DVD of Jurassic Park into the home theater system. The sound system was obviously working as Norman, who was attempting to sleep on the couch, would keep mumbling 'Quit galumphing down the stairs' every time one of the dinosaurs walked across the screen.

For those few of you too young to remember, Jurassic Park was the summer movie of 1993; a Steven Spielberg popcorn romp based on Michael Crichton's best selling novel. It concerns evil capitalists cloning dinosaurs as amusement park attractions. Chief villain, John Hammond (Richard Attenborough who softened the character considerably for the film), rounds up a bunch of dino experts including paleontologist Alan Grant (Sam Neill), his paleobotanist girlfriend (Laura Dern), and a chaos theory mathematician, Ian Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum) to prove that his little pet reptiles are safe for public consumption. It doesnít take long until the little dears are rampaging after humans in Hammondís futuristic Costa Rican theme park when human foul ups, industrial espionage, and the weather come together to ensure that everything that can go wrong, does.

The true star of the movie isnít any of the actors, but rather Steven Spielberg, who put together a beautifully directed roller coaster of chase sequences, narrow escapes and dinosaur snacking that races by. It's full of his little visual touches that would not have been thought of by a lesser director and which keep the movie fresh, even on repeat viewing. The human actors play types rather than characters and are basically around to provide potential Tyrannosaur meals and ratchet up the tension as they get picked off one by one. The one exception is Richard Attenborough. He provides a wry twinkle to his demented old elf of a character thatís entirely his own.

Several sequences are standouts. The scene in which a Tyrannosaurus rex escapes from its pen to terrorize people trapped in a rainstorm is a masterpiece; small little sounds and visual images build up to major moments of terror. Another scene where Velociraptors stalk frightened children through a commercial kitchen is another gem. Unfortunately, there are also a lot of rancid 'human interest moments' between the set pieces that tend to be sunk by inane dialogue and indifferent acting.

The DVD has decent picture quality and great surround sound. I kept jumping at noises creeping up behind the couch. There are not a lot of extras other than a 'Making of' documentary that is fascinating in its exploration of the technology and in how they used small models to film many of the scenes in miniature to determine the look and feel of cinematic moments prior to the actual shoot.

Originally Written 2/8/01
Revised 12/5/01

Cow eating. Severed limbs. Evil computer nerd. Sick Triceratops. Dino droppings. Gratuitous B. D. Wong. Egg hatching. Electric fence climbing. Gratuitous dinosaur snot. Collapsing Tyrannosaur skeleton.

link directly to this review at http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=209&reviewer=283
originally posted: 12/05/01 21:19:33
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Trilogy Starters: For more in the Trilogy Starters series, click here.
OFFICIAL SELECTION: 2018 Chicago Critics Film Festival For more in the 2018 Chicago Critics Film Festival series, click here.

User Comments

10/29/16 morris campbell good not great the dinosaurs are awesome 4 stars
12/10/12 Jamie Boring, the book was better. 1 stars
2/15/12 stanley welles jurassic puke 1 stars
8/06/11 tomA I still enjoy watching this movie over and over 5 stars
6/30/08 Outhouse Crapper Instant classic indeed!!!!! 5 stars
5/22/08 Husna I just fell in love with T-rex 5 stars
5/17/08 Abrar Ahmed not only a MOVIE, but high INSPIRATION 4me 2get into d ANIMATION field. Thanx Mr.Spielberg. 5 stars
1/29/08 Matt Way cool! Still love it after all these years- 65 million of them. 5 stars
4/22/07 David Risser Carnosaur looks worse than Barney compared to this masterpice. The dinosaurs look real! 5 stars
4/01/07 Stanley Thai A great spectacle with a great story. 4 stars
3/06/07 man terrific FX. Who cares about the humans? 5 stars
2/16/07 Vip Ebriega There is no other movie like this in years, or ever. 5 stars
1/28/07 action movie fan one of the greatest films ever!!!! outstanding in every way 5 stars
1/23/07 Christopher Obviously a very well done film. Always exciting ,amazing a fairy tale thriller that awes. 5 stars
12/05/06 Dude Amazing 5 stars
11/09/06 Austin Wertman ONE OF MY 10 FAVE MOVIES OF ALL-TIME!!!! THE CGI DINOS WERE FANTASTIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 5 stars
8/09/06 Dragon The Artist Another childhood classic of mine, great FX, I love it!! 5 stars
7/17/06 David Cohen Nice special effects almost make up for the garbled script, almost 2 stars
7/14/06 MP Bartley Cold, but efficient, rollercoaster ride. 4 stars
6/27/06 joe koski love it 5 stars
4/21/06 Jack This is an instant classic 5 stars
3/11/06 Sam Quite possibly, the best film ever made 5 stars
3/09/06 Dk My favourite ever movie. Great effects, Great story , Great everything!!!! 5 stars
2/10/06 Anthony The best perhistoric flick the world will ever see 5 stars
1/29/06 the laughing man Rather Spectacular in Every Way in Every Scene 5 stars
1/16/06 cody a very good adventure flick with dinosaurs! what else more fun! 4 stars
10/10/05 Wisamane How come the animation Looks better than movies that we see now days???JP IS THE SHIT!!! 5 stars
9/07/05 Quigley this is one of the best movies ever made. so, so classic. velociraptors forever! 5 stars
9/03/05 Steven Brady A Must-See Movie 5 stars
9/02/05 Zack this film alone changed they way props are used in movies 4 stars
8/22/05 Eden The t-rex breakout and the kitchen scenes are some of the best pieces of film ever 5 stars
8/19/05 Derek Morse Solid movie that has great action and also asks some deep questions... 4 stars
7/27/05 Wc Never seen any dinosaurs movie like this before 5 stars
7/25/05 Luke BlackAdder Dinosaurs Rule! 5 stars
5/26/05 tony Unbelivaly spectacular film! One of the best sci/fi ever made! 5 stars
5/24/05 The shizz Wow, one of the best, if not THE BEST movie ever. 5 stars
5/19/05 Mark Radburn Jurassic Park is the greatest movie of all time. 5 stars
4/29/05 haha Unbelievable story , great cast and non stop action, a keeper 5 stars
4/23/05 Quigley one of the greatest films ever made! not joking! those dinos will freak you out, man! 5 stars
3/27/05 Emma A decent film, fun to watch on a rainly night. 3 stars
3/26/05 indrid cold Ultimate example of style over substance. It really is a b-movie with revolutionary fx. 3 stars
3/22/05 clinger26 really good movie 5 stars
2/14/05 Pinkline Jones Plastic kindergarten shambles - for tots 1 stars
1/30/05 Bonnie James Non stop action 5 stars
1/02/05 t-1000 this is really scary s%$# 5 stars
12/16/04 sbpat21 a very fun popcorn film 4 stars
12/08/04 Kristina Williams One of the best movies I've ever seen 5 stars
11/20/04 Mark Jurassic Park is the greatest movie ever 5 stars
11/04/04 Naka An absolute classic, one of the best movies of the 90s. 5 stars
10/23/04 ODH Good ideas, boring movie that lacked an ending 2 stars
9/03/04 Aaron Smith Best of the three, great FX, one of the best SciFi ever. 5 stars
8/01/04 Anthony G Fuck, this movie owns so much ass! 5 stars
7/18/04 Benjamin Petrofsky My absolute favorite movie! 5 stars
6/29/04 Sean Scanlan Great and nice special effects 4 stars
5/05/04 J.Peckerfoot what great movie..get it on your speakers!goldblum rules! 5 stars
4/22/04 Ray Dinosaurs are honored by this movie 5 stars
4/21/04 M Spielberg does it again! 5 stars
4/09/04 American Slasher Goddess Wonderful popcorn fun. 5 stars
3/18/04 Umbrella Corporation. PLZ! Remake this into an Anime.... Uh, or something... T-REX RULES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 5 stars
1/26/04 new yorker king kong is great but so is this 5 stars
11/27/03 John very very good 5 stars
11/25/03 Gi Gi haha, Newman from Seinfield is now dino-crap! 5 stars
9/05/03 Dimitri Aubert A remake of pirhanas, the movie, with better special effects and actors...nothing great. 3 stars
6/10/03 Vicious Still a favorite of mine, still cool. 5 stars
4/25/03 Mr. Do This movie relies too much on those monsters'n'FX 3 stars
4/07/03 Mystique AWESOME 5 stars
2/19/03 Matthew Jones Saw this 9 times in the theatres and still have all the action figures. LOVED IT!!! 5 stars
2/02/03 Turtle I saw this the day it opened, and it has lost NONE of its awesomeness. Spielberg's best! 5 stars
12/28/02 rotten s. milk The best dinosaur movie ever made. 5 stars
12/18/02 C.reeves A great movie and awesome rollarcoaster ride 4 stars
10/28/02 Josť I went to the cinema in 1993: stunning 5 stars
10/14/02 Charles Tatum Overrated Spielberg "magic" 3 stars
9/28/02 CVJ Excellent !!!! Just simply Excellent 5 stars
9/23/02 dan awsome 5 stars
9/08/02 Ramblin Wreck one of my all time personal favorites!!! 5 stars
8/19/02 jurassiraptor A record-breaker, a crowd pleaser, and a modern classic, all well deserved titles. 5 stars
8/15/02 Shaun I dont know how many times I saw this movie in theaters as a kid, but I loved it every time 5 stars
7/21/02 Croweater Very good! However i hated Laura Dern who overacts terribly (everyone else is great) Enjoy! 5 stars
5/14/02 Stud Everybody should love this movie. 5 stars
3/02/02 Unagiboy A groundbreaking movie. Not as good as the sequel. I really wanted the boy to die. 4 stars
2/20/02 Xaver Some fun and novelty. The book is better. 4 stars
1/22/02 Some Guy Best Movie I've ever seen. Well it was at the time I saw it. The graphics were great!! A+++ 5 stars
1/12/02 Andrew Carden Attenbourgh Gives An Overwhelming Performance, but He Didn't Save It. 3 stars
1/02/02 Turtle Wonderful story, great acting, brilliant special effects! TWO THUMBS WAY UP! ^_^ 5 stars
12/07/01 Waylon Roundtree This film isn't supposed to be a well-acted character study; it's first-class entetainment! 5 stars
11/20/01 Chris K. Unimpressive from Speilberg! Should have called Ray Harryhausen to create the dinosaurs! 2 stars
11/10/01 I love movies this was star wars for 90's! a crowdpleasing milestone! 5 stars
9/25/01 Shane Robert Myers!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Welcome... To Jurassic Park!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 5 stars
9/08/01 Gary Brilliantly made, thrilling fantasy/action movie, but poor acting & weak characters. 3 stars
8/21/01 Monster W. Kung Well, it's ok. I always loved dinosaurs as a kid, so... no stunning story, though. 4 stars
8/06/01 Mr. Hat (formerly Joe Zappa) Good stuff. 4 stars
8/05/01 E-Funk It was a milestone in special effects and moviemaking, I loved it. 5 stars
8/01/01 KC Au Read the book instead! I hate Jeff Goldblum. 2 stars
7/28/01 Steve Never read book. Thought movie was very overrated and slow. But lawyer+outhouse+Trex = fun 3 stars
7/27/01 Turtle A splendid adaption of the book. Actually, it's almost better than the book. 5 stars
7/27/01 Henry Ginsberg Great effects and storyline .Not as good as the book . 5 stars
6/27/01 Geebo The book was better, but still an excellent movie to say the least. 5 stars
4/23/01 JP Animal Control Great Movie! 5 stars
2/16/01 James What's all the hype about? 3 stars
2/15/01 Michael Nicholls Proof that special effects-reliant movies can work wonders... 5 stars
2/14/01 KyLe*BrOfLoVsKi See this or I'll body slam you and do the wicky-wacky all over your broken body. 5 stars
1/31/01 jordan i read the book and went to the theater expecting greatness. very disappointing. 2 stars
1/14/01 Invader The special effects are amazing,the dino action just grabs you with teeth. 5 stars
12/27/00 Turtle They say dinosaurs are dead. But in this movie, they look pretty dang real. 5 stars
12/14/00 David Marriott The bomb! Not as good as the book true, but still pretty good. 4 stars
11/27/00 Cristopher Revilla Fuck the sequels, just watch this masterpiece!!! 5 stars
11/23/00 Connoisseur if you've never seen this movie, you have never seen REAL dinosaurs! 5 stars
11/12/00 The EVIL Penguin Spielberg's worst EVA 1 stars
9/20/00 Jed Overrated & average at best. 3 stars
7/11/00 J. Andrew Hefner This is the most exciting cinema experience I've ever had, to date. 5 stars
6/01/00 Bruce An extremely entertaining edge-of-your-seat aventure 4 stars
5/29/00 danilo the best movie i've ever seen, period 5 stars
5/17/00 Keith This movie stank like Danny DeVito's feet. 1 stars
5/12/00 erica great must see! 5 stars
5/12/00 Steve Layne It's pretty good with thrills and excitement, but still isn't as "great" as some people say 4 stars
3/18/00 Richard Wright A good dinosaur film, effects are amazing and the script is surprisingly thought-provoking. 3 stars
3/08/00 David Rogers I hate it when people call Godzilla JP3. 'Zilla was way better. But this is good. 4 stars
2/28/00 Jedi An entertaining movie, much better than "The Lsot World" 4 stars
2/15/00 Kyle Broflovski Decent cast & great FX made up for uninspired dialogue & such... 4 stars
9/19/99 Aaron White It's Doctor Who with a budget. Ariana Richards is luscious...(god I need help...) 3 stars
8/18/99 Matthew Bartley Not great but picks up at the end 4 stars
6/15/99 Dylan This film is so fucking overrated its untrue. SFX and thats it. 2 stars
5/25/99 iyu You always notice the little things.. Like was the fucking Rex on stilts? Wheres the cliff? 3 stars
5/14/99 lucas jackson I like this movie,because the dinosaurs look so real 4 stars
4/03/99 Albert T-Rex attack alone is worth mega praise. 5 stars
2/01/99 Vick Di Brecci They should've remade the 20 minute dino section of Fantasia into a wordless 2 hour CG spec 2 stars
11/16/98 Jules Crichton sucks but Spielberg saves the day. I wish the kids died tho... 4 stars
10/28/98 Silent Rob Sorry! It works for me. (If only they coulda included the Pteradactyl sequence) 5 stars
10/18/98 Babylon Bounce Yowza! Waaay ovrerated. An amusement park would do. 3 stars
9/28/98 katherine boring crap 1 stars
9/27/98 Johny mucho overrated 3 stars
9/24/98 Jeff Hayward This is one of the few movies I've ever walked out of. It's worthless. I'd give it 0 stars. 1 stars
9/17/98 MR HOLLYWOOD ! SPIELBERG IS MY GOD !!! (Directing is S U P E R B ) 5 stars
9/06/98 Admiral Mung Bean Soda (+/- 12db) Animatronic lizards devour Michael Crichton novel. Film at 11. 2 stars
9/01/98 J-Guy me likey movie. me say "see it!!" 4 stars
8/29/98 Miss Stress hey i got an idea, let's big an amusement park with dinosaurs, it's safe i swear! 3 stars
8/20/98 The Man With The Helmet Anyone who sees it and doesn't just expect big monsters and effects is stupid. 4 stars
8/15/98 {{{OZ}}} As a huge special effects film it was great, but it was no brainstrain 4 stars
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  11-Jun-1993 (PG-13)
  DVD: 29-Nov-2005



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