I hated this film back then when it was released without even seeing it, since I was a big fan of ID4 (though I hadn’t seen that one on theater yet) –though not for long–, and of course, when it came the time that I saw it, I wasn’t disappointed. A friend of mine had it and we watched it last night, and I felt ripped off anyways. Should’ve told him to watch Forrest Gump instead.The plot, if you can call that “plot,” is this: Bill Harding (Bill Paxton) wants to divorce wife, Dr. Jo Anne Thornton-Harding (Helen Hunt), so he can go on with his new girlfriend/fuck buddy Dr. Melissa Reeves (Jami Gertz), but hey, both are tornado buffs (Though Bill got pissed and wants to divorce Jo because of it, huh?), and since at the moment Jo is chasing tornados, Bill just nods and tags along for the ride and help Jo out. Hey, I thought these two hated each other. Well, for whatever reason, he also tags along because his long time rival Dr. Jonas Miller (Cary Ewles) is also there, competing with his wife on who gets their revolutionary tornado sensor (or some shit like that), into the heart of these tornados, so they can study them better and help predict future storms with tornadoes.
"Will Twist Your Insides Out"
And the story just goes and goes and goes, until it gets all ripped up and overblown by mediocrity and utter stupidity. After the opening scenes we start entering formula territory, starting with bad guy Jonas, who has to be the most ridiculously formulaic villain ever made, why? He’s funded by the Government, has a crassly accent, and he and his schlock drive around in black SUVs, while our “heroes” are nothing but a bunch of rag-tags, are under budgeted, their equipment is strictly 100% Do It Yourself, and drive old vehicles. Of course, the good guys have to be poor and the bad guys are rich, yep, an already overused metaphor of “overcoming the odds” doesn’t get so irritating. So we know who the bad guys are, though shouldn’t a film concentrate depicting the tornados as the real villains? Why the need of this wasteful character? Simple, just to kill time, so there is some distraction and a few slaps around each other so we don’t kill ourselves watching this overblown and inexcusably boring sack of shit. The story is barebones, and full with holes big enough for one of those fucking tornadoes to pass through. The chemistry between the three leads is like mixing cooking oil and water and putting them on the stove, waiting for the hot oil to splash everywhere. The supposed subplot between these three is so stupid, and tries to shove into your throat how our two estranged characters will be drawn back to love because the tornadoes and their love for them want to. Give me a fucking break!!! So whatever shit there was between them its all going to be forgiven just because the fucking tornadoes (or Mother Nature for that matter) want it that way? Ok, I must admit that a similar case came up in Reds (which happens to me a favorite of mine), but that one had a much different approach and a more believable outcome. This turd doesn’t, and when the predictable comes at the end, you just want to groan and start throwing things at the screen. And what the hell was Jami Gertz doing in the movie? She’s a fucking waste of human existence, since she’s just there to give the occasional screams and hysterics. And oddly enough, due to the stupid predictability between Bill and Jo, you’ll be glad when she walks out. (BTW, that’s no spoiler; you know she’s going to anyhow anyway).
I have to give a little bit of credit to the FX department, since many of the FX they use to create the Twisters was pretty awesome (can’t say the same about the script), but the rest was the stuff for laughs, many of the actions of the tornadoes are so inaccurate its just stupid, and I was laughing at times at the incoherence and the stupidity how our heroes could outrun a BIGASS tornado with their car and ON FOOT!!! But there are two outstanding things that pretty much fuck up this film altogether: 1) that tornado chase in which our heroes manage to avoid, EVERY flying thing out there. A gas trailer, wheels off a tractor, tractors, mowers, roofs, cows. And the truck doesn’t get a SINGLE scratch, only a cracked windshield due to a 45MPH flying tractor tire. See how stupid that was? 2) The big fucker, the ending, which was a fucking groaner. Read any account of people whom have had direct encounters with tornadoes, then, with that in mind think the incredible, the impossible, and the ultimate suspension of disbelief. That’s your ending.
With such fucking stupidity you’d think that this film deserved to have sunk without a trace. Well it should’ve had, but it didn’t. Why you say, well, because of 30 million thickheaded assholes that went to see this film since they believed in the hype. Ooh, tornadoes ripping shit up, that’s so awesome. You’re better off watching any tornado programs in the Discovery Channel, at least that’s more realistic. This piece of shit is not. And the worst of it, thanks to these 30 million thickheaded assholes, they made Jan De Bont think that he was the greatest, that he went on and made Speed 2, and later The Haunting WITH THE MONEY THAT YOU IMBECILES SPENT ON WATCHING THIS SHITPILE!!!!In the end, this film sucked and sucked big. I still remember 1996 as a great year since my favorite Formula 1 driver Damon Hill went on to win the World Championship, but also I remember 1996 as the year where shit films were given the big treatment and were blasted to become the biggest commercial blockbusters ever (or should I say the biggest money-grabbing scams ever made). This film along with the equally stupid ID4 should’ve vanished without a trace, but thanks to the thickheaded sheep-like masses, they bought EVERYTHING they told them, and went on to see it anyways. Shame on you for wasting your money and 2 hours of your life on this crap, and on ID4. And no, I’m not a fan of ID4 anymore. (0.5-5)
link directly to this review at http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=224&reviewer=235
originally posted: 08/25/02 21:23:24