by Ryan Arthur
What can you say about this movie, really, without de-evolving into some blithering idiot, babbling on and on about just how bad this pile of shit really is? What does it take to convince you that as vanity projects go, this one is at the top (or perhaps) the bottom of the heap? Isn't an appearance by the Digital Underground, in a desperate attempt to make Dany Aykroyd look hip, a big enough clue?Nothing But Trouble limped onto movie screens a few months ahead of big screen turkey Hudson Hawk and a few years after Ishtar. In the grand scheme of movies, both good and bad, it was pretty much forgotten. But Nothing But Trouble is, if nothing else, a look at stardom run amok, an absolute dog of a film, loaded with bad dialogue, horrible costuming and makeup, and a plot flimsier than a Playmate's negligee. It's a movie that was made simply because of the clout (at least, at that time, when they had clout) of those involved.
"Dan Aykroyd's directorial debut. As exciting as it sounds."
You know, like Battlefield Earth, minus Travolta and his Teleprompter.
Of course, the later was based on a novel. This film, however, has the distinguished pedigree of being Dan Aykroyd's first time behind the camera (he wrote this shit, too). The look is at times kind of cool; a fair amount of the film takes place in Valkenvania, an appropriately seedy pissant hellhole where yuppies Chris and Diane (Chevy Chase and Demi Moore, looking coked up and tan, and bored and Wonder-Bra-ified, respectively) are held prisoner by a wrinkled old coot (Aykroyd, under heavy makeup - like we wouldn't recognize him) with a nose that looks supsiciously like a penis. The final three-fourths of the flick involves the attempted escape from said hellhole. Kinda makes ten-foot aliens in dreadlocks seem almost enjoyable, no?
That's really all there is in the way of story. Nothing But Trouble spends the remainder of the excruciatingly long 94 minutes going for gross-out humor (a few years before the gross-out comedy boom, it looks like), or trying desperately to look cool, including a forced appearance by and lip-synched performance from semi-popular 90's rap group Digital Underground (look, it's Tupac! He's not dead after all!). Aykroyd, even under mounds o' makeup, tries dancing and playing along, ever the aging hipster. Elwood, he ain't. It looks more ridiculous than usual.
The late John Candy's also in this movie, and it's somewhat surprising that this wasn't the one that killed him. He plays a dual role, one as a security guy/police officer for the town and the other as Aykroyd's daughter. Chew on that - Candy, in drag, playing a mute. Had he not been dead, you know Aykroyd would've given that role to John Belushi. You gotta believe that his corpse was spinning from this even before Blues Brothers 2000, and there's no way it's slowing down now.
I wish I could say there's something worthwhile about the film, but really, there isn't. I guess if you just had to see every film that Taylor Negron had appeared in, and this was one you hadn't seen, then I'd probably smack you around and tell you to remove your head from your rectal cavity, but I still wouldn't recommend this film.There are bad movies, and there are movies that can't really be classified as "bad" simply because they bring the other bad movies to a much lower level than even they might deserve. Nothing But Trouble is definitely one of the latter.
link directly to this review at http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=2357&reviewer=7
originally posted: 05/16/00 17:23:47