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Overall Rating

Awesome: 16.67%
Worth A Look: 0%
Just Average50%
Pretty Crappy: 16.67%
Sucks: 16.67%

1 review, 6 user ratings

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Flesh Gordon 2
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by Hawkboy

3 stars

Surprising, that a movie about tits should feature decent special effects, a quasi-cute sense of humor, and a halfway interesting plot that I didn't fast forward in order to see more tits. Oh, and there's tits in it.

Bear in mind, I'm writing this review based on the fact that it was the first nudie movie I ever rented. Sure, I had seen "Porky's" late night on TV, and sure, I had found my dad's stash of "Hustler" issues, but dammit, this was the first movie I rented solely because it looked really, really dirty. So, in many ways, this movie is a form of nostalgia for me. After this, a door was opened. And on the other side of that door was Ron Jeremy.

Maybe the door should have stayed closed.

But when I was 15, this was the greatest movie of all time.

The plot: Flesh Gordon has a big cock and is very good at having sex. Apparently. We really don't get to see him in action. However, his girlfriend Dale is kidnapped by some evil guy in a hood and so Flesh and his friend, Dr. Flexi Jerkoff (oh, the cleverness) must blast off into space to save her. However, his rescue mission is derailed by several Cosmic Cheerleaders who need his big cock because everyone else on their planet is impotent. I think. I think I fastforwarded that part. So, Flesh and the Cheerleaders go off to figure out why everyone's impotent and they have lots of crazy adventures, some of which involve a large talking penis. Who is gay.

I never saw the original "Flesh Gordon", but apparently, it was made back in the 70's. That's about all I know about it.

What seperates this movie from the rest of the pack (including "Bikini Carwash" and "Bikini Summer" and "Bikini Planetarium" and "Bikini Schindler's List") is the fact that it really seems like effort went into making it. There are special effects, (some of which look almost decent, but most of which resemble a science fair project gone horribly awry), jokes that are actually funny (in a "not very funny" kind of way), probably the first mainstream appearance of semen (take THAT, Farrelly Brothers!), and a large, gay, talking penis.

There's really nothing more that can be said about the giant, gay, talking penis. It really must be experienced for one's self.

Suffice it to say, it is clear that the one thing that prevented "Pulp Fiction" from winning the Oscar in '94 was a giant, gay, talking penis. Played by Jack Klugman. He's due for a comeback, Quentin!

I watched this movie a little while ago, and it's really not very good. It's boring at times, the special effects are god-awful, and the acting is roughly equal to that of my grade 4 Christmas play (Santa Claus goes on a diet, if you're interested). But it's way better than your typical boobie movie, and it's worth seeing solely for the cheap-ass special effects...and the...um...you know.

Whatever you think about boob movies, this is probably the best of the bunch. Whatever that means.

By the way, make sure you rent the unrated version. Unfortunately, the dirtiest parts are also the parts with the special effects. Isn't it always the way? That's also why "Phantom Menace" wasn't very good - there was a scene with Jar Jar and a watermelon which KILLED at previews.

Damn MPAA.

And, of course, it's got a fat chick who likes to have sex. If that isn't funny, I don't know anything about anything.

link directly to this review at http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=3619&reviewer=27
originally posted: 03/07/01 22:10:29
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User Comments

8/05/06 Sugarfoot Can you even rate porn? It's like expecting quality from Dennys. 2 stars
3/22/05 Alan Netherwood The main cheerleader aside I found little here to engage me - badly timed in the 80s! 2 stars
12/09/04 bruce scott thank you for your wonderful review, looking forward to more of your insightful insight! 5 stars
5/15/03 TurdTurdTurdTurdTurdTurdTurdTurdTurdTurdTurdTurdTurdTurdTurdTurdTurd TurdTurdTurdTurdTurdTurdTurdTurdTurdTurdTurdTurdTurdTurdTurdTurdTurdTurdTurdTurdTurdTurd 1 stars
5/07/01 Leonard Maltin Pre-dates Farrelly Brothers & American Pie! Very Funny! 5 stars
7/20/00 Eran a must miss ! 1 stars
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  02-Sep-1989 (R)



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