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Overall Rating
3.35

Awesome: 20.88%
Worth A Look: 27.47%
Just Average28.57%
Pretty Crappy: 12.09%
Sucks: 10.99%

4 reviews, 67 user ratings


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Con Air
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by Chef ADogg

"Buscemi is COOOOOL."
1 stars

But the movie still sucks. Once Simon West and his merry cohorts got such a talented cast, it might have been a good idea to do some rewrites, maybe even get a whole new script altogether. They shouldn't even have done an action movie--I have never, in all my life, seen John Cusack so heinously wasted.

This is the picture that really made me realize what a whore Nicolas Cage has become. "Leaving Las Vegas" and "The Rock" both showed deterioration, but it was "Con Air" that cemented the idea in my mind. I just can't understand what he's doing with his career; action movies are the great toilet of cinema and he keeps on pulling the lever.

But Nicolas Cage is not the point. John Cusack outrunning fireballs is the point. He's not too old for this shit--he just wasn't made for it. I mean, he's skinny and funnylooking and he speaks in clear, heartfelt tones. I can't count the number of times I wanted to jump through the screen and pull him out by his greasy fucking hair.

Now is the time for plot. Cage kills two guys who give him and his ladyfriend trouble; he goes to prison, lifts weights, and grows a thick, down-to-his-asshole mane of hair; he hops a plane full of convicts to get home when he's finally released. Somewhere in the mess Steve Buscemi shows up and says funny things.

There are a lot of things I would have changed. First of all, slap in some nudie scenes, please. I'm getting tired of all these action movies aimed at thirteen year old boys, all full of explosions and firepower and profanity but containing absolutely zero boobies. I don't care if it was all men in the plane--you FIND A WAY to deliver the funbags.

Also, I would have cut the length. Every single scene is way too long, making for a film overstuffed with crap. The dialogue needs major work; I know that corny one liners are a touchstone of modern action cinema, and I don't care. When John Malkovich opens his mouth, I wanna hear something intelligent.

Simon West should never direct again. If anybody had listened to this advice after the film was initially released, "The General's Daughter" never would have happened. And I wouldn't have huge, permanent scars crisscrossing over my brain.

It's crap. If you actually enjoyed this movie, email me with your home address. I'll come out and bludgeon you to death with Nic Cage's wig.

link directly to this review at http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=367&reviewer=123
originally posted: 12/05/99 12:16:37
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User Comments

2/26/13 Julie Link brainless but fun and I love it 4 stars
11/19/09 Jeff Wilder Fun popcorn movie. Better than most Michael Bay shit. 4 stars
6/06/09 frankie fret wow nick cage sucks in this movie, his "accent" makes me cringe, although the action was ok 2 stars
1/09/09 Anonymous. sends a mean spirited message? this film has a good message. not that it needs to. 4 stars
7/19/08 Shaun Wallner The Action was Amazing! 5 stars
6/07/08 PAUL SHORTT SENDS A MEAN-SPIRITED MESSEAGE THAT CRIMINALS ARE LIKE ANIMALS AND SHOULD BE TREATED SO 1 stars
1/15/07 David Pollastrini great action 4 stars
12/20/06 Sepi53 super great action film with fine cast 5 stars
8/31/06 Michele love it 5 stars
7/17/06 Stefan Halka Good, entertaining popcorn flick. 4 stars
9/14/05 Tom Burns A great action movie. Loved it! 5 stars
5/09/05 Indrid Cold Juicy, intense action. But pretty dumb. 4 stars
2/11/05 J Con Air is off the chain! 5 stars
1/09/05 bana spectacular action scenes rock this shit 5 stars
7/27/04 Stuart Malkovich as usual superb acting..cage's character was irritating especialy the fake accent 3 stars
5/05/04 J.Peckerfoot cant stand cages accent but its a solid wham bam thankyou jerry film! 4 stars
1/25/04 LIAM JACKSON great film. buscemi was on top form as a rather twisted fuck. 5 stars
12/31/03 beautie maikovich was great,cage sucks,movie is great 5 stars
12/04/03 john insulting movie - completly unbelivable and ridiculously far fetched 1 stars
10/11/03 laura paterson Malkovich, cage and cusack! what more do you want? 5 stars
4/12/03 Bloody Vixen Too much American muck...Nicholas sucks in this, but Malkovich was superb! 4 stars
11/14/02 Stevo Stupid but really fucking great. 5 stars
10/26/02 MarktheShark6 Cage's accent was not needed, but Malkovich made it funny and Cusack added character. 5 stars
10/23/02 Charles Tatum Yay criminals! 3 stars
10/14/02 Interrog8 Big time action. Malkovich kicked ass! Where's the plot? 4 stars
10/14/02 Jim Unusually good cast for this kind of movie. 4 stars
5/17/02 R.W. Welch Flamboyant action extravaganza, mostly for explosion fans. 3 stars
2/20/02 Xaver Entertaining...simple minded, but entertaining. 3 stars
12/11/01 Mad Max Entertaining? Screw you, KMG 3 stars
11/28/01 KMG Pretty entertaining for a movie about a hairstyling products company! 4 stars
9/19/01 tobias i wonder if lerner airfield does excist 5 stars
9/11/01 Rebecca Telfer It was great it keep you wait about was the virous was going to do next 5 stars
9/05/01 Butterbean One of the few mindless action flicks I enjoy 4 stars
8/31/01 Henry Ginsberg This film has no plot. 2 stars
8/30/01 Gary Great actors give average performances in this dumb, overblown but still entertaining film. 2 stars
8/08/01 E-Funk This feels like a Michael Bay movie...which means i fucking hated it. 1 stars
7/14/01 officer 412/l big,dumb and fun. switch off your brain and you will have a whale of a time. 4 stars
6/14/01 Law Firm of Dewey, Cheatam & Howe Does not take itself seriously, the best way to do a movie like this 4 stars
5/11/01 Finity i liked it a lot 4 stars
2/12/01 Richard Wright Its not high art, but it sure did entertain me, and to me that's all that matters. 4 stars
1/24/01 dog a total kick ass movie of course its staring Nick 5 stars
1/14/01 Avenger Girl Enjoyed it even though its usual hollywood hype, good cast especially Cage. 4 stars
12/27/00 Turtle An awesome action movie that is just plain great! 5 stars
11/12/00 The EVIL Penguin a good movie 4 stars
8/10/00 Terrie Smith Countless explosions don't make a film; Malkovich & Buscemi worth watching. 3 stars
4/16/00 Bruce A real piece of crap, an insult to action movies. 1 stars
3/09/00 Richard Wright Preposturous all the way through,but with enough good lines and action to keep you watching 3 stars
2/16/00 Bozo Horrible but fun; at least it knows its stupid & has fun w/that; altho I hate Nic 4 stars
4/10/99 Tristynn Loved it Steve was fab.(as usual),Nick can act in anything..someone give the man an award 5 stars
3/27/99 TJwills Bad ass actioner. Cusack and Cage together is a fabulous combo. Add Buscemi and Ving Rhames 5 stars
2/18/99 nun uf yur businness JHON MALKOVICH ROCKES!!! oh en Cage is cool too! 5 stars
1/11/99 demon_shredder Aside from Malcovich and Buscemi this movie was pretty lame. 4 stars
12/29/98 Schizofrenic Advice for Meaney: GET THE HELL BACK TO DEEP SPACE NINE! 3 stars
12/11/98 Scion of Graveheart What the hell is Chief O'Brien from Star Trek: DS9 doing on a airplane flick? Cage sucks! 3 stars
12/09/98 baby-a nicholas cage suxs ass 4 stars
11/20/98 Slupet Cool action flick. 4 stars
10/24/98 Lord Of The Dunce Cage's hair was awful, the movie pretty dumb but fair. 3 stars
10/07/98 Maegs All the people I like-chappell, cage , malcovich etc . Loses 2 * for Nic's Hair. 3 stars
9/16/98 cheryl_ann john malcovich saved this movie from being worse than it was. 3 stars
9/16/98 Ben Affleck HIGHLY underrated!! Cage is great, action is plentiful, characters are very entertaining. 5 stars
9/13/98 Chip Taylor GOD DAMMIT IT KICKS MAJOR ASS. NIC IS THE BOMB. 4 stars
8/29/98 Johny Not enough fun to overlook holes 2 stars
8/25/98 Miss Stress it was THE ROCK on a plane. 3 stars
8/23/98 JenniferLorraine I liked this one, the action was good and the plot was different. 4 stars
8/22/98 Mister Whoopee Two words. Buscemi. Malkovich. 3 stars
8/20/98 Pete I felt nothing towards it.. much like how I feel about furniture and Sandra Bullock 2 stars
8/17/98 {{{OZ}}} It's mindless, but fun enough to watch. Just don't think at all. 4 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  06-Jun-1997 (R)
  DVD: 16-May-2006

UK
  N/A

Australia
  N/A


Directed by
  Simon West

Written by
  Scott Rosenberg

Cast
  Nicolas Cage
  John Cusack
  John Malkovich
  Steve Buscemi
  Ving Rhames
  Colm Meaney



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