"It gave Batman & Robin a run as worst of '97. B&R won. Or lost."
This movie rocks!Just kidding. Jesus, no need to riot.
I was so tempted to give this movie a gleaming review, just to fuck with you, so that you might think "well, this guy liked it, so maybe it's not so bad," and then you'd go rent it, see how much it sucks ass, and be all livid and want to hunt me down and string me up by my intestines.
So, thusly, I decided against it.
Besides, I can't possibly lie about a movie this terrible. And if anyone deserved to be strung up by an internal organ, it'd be every person associated with this film. Jan De Bont and Sandra Bullock would have it done to themselves twice.
Everything about it is lame. Acting (we know the bad guy's bad because Willem Dafoe makes his eyes go wide all the time, a sure sign of inherent evilness), plot (what's that?), direction (if you can call it that), effects. What's more, I still don't get the attraction some people have to Bullock, and while Jason Patric is normally a fine actor, being in this steaming pile of dung makes me question his common sense.
There's also the matter of there being a complete lack of speed (something there was a surplus of in the original). It's a boat. A big boat. A huge fucking boat. It's not speed, it's, like, Leisure. I've been on a cruise before. At no time did I ever think, "wow, this would be really cool if it were moving faster than a glacier." Because it wouldn't.It doesn't really rock. But it does give the strong sensation of seasickness.