Worth A Look: 32.92%
Just Average: 14.29%
Pretty Crappy: 11.8%
8 reviews, 113 user ratings
I'll bet you this script was written in 3 hours, and at least 2 of those hours were trying to figure out fun ways for the characters to die. The death scenes are the only parts of the movie that contain any ounce of creativity. And once you figure out how the death scenes work (and yeah - they're pretty predictable after a bit), all you're left with is blood and boredom.Hey, kids! Wanna write "Final Destination 2"? It's easy, and you can get your mom and dad to help out too! Get out your crayons, boys and girls, here we go!
"Attack of the living cliches!"
Step 1: Have a scary opening scene. A plane crash is perfect. Be sure to include lots of shots of babies and handicapped people to show the audience that plane crashes are sad. Then, after establishing the tragedy inherent in the crash, shoot lots of gory footage of people being sucked out, and be sure to get lots of footage of the handicapped guy. He's going to die in the plane crash. Isn't that sad, kids? Other ideal settings for this opening scene could be:
-Columbine High School
Step 2: Set up your lead characters. 5-7 characters is a good number to have. They got out of the big mass death at the start, but by cheating death, they now have to die in really interesting ways. Don't worry about developing your characters; just give them all what us screenwriters call a "quirk". A "quirk" is something that allows us to tell the difference between characters in the few minutes of screen time they have before they die. Examples of such "quirks" are:
Step 3: Come up with ways to kill your characters. Now, remember, what made the first "Final Destination" different from the 80 million other horror movies is that it's death scenes were seemingly really COMPLICATED, but then it turned out to be quite a simple method of death. Want a death scene to start you off? Here's one I thought of off the top of my head:
Jimmy (your character) steps out the door on a lovely Monday morning. At that EXACT MOMENT, a skydiver jumps out of a plane, conveniently forgetting that his car keys are STILL IN HIS POCKET! The car keys fall out of his pocket and start plummeting to earth at a terrific speed. Of course, Jimmy is three states away from where the skydiver jumped out of the plane. There's no way the keys could hit him and be embedded into his skull. OR COULD THERE BE? Just then, as the skydiver's keys are falling someplace safe, like into a lake, they land on the wings of ANOTHER PLANE. A key sinks into the plane's wing due to the terrific speed at which the keys were falling. The plane is headed right for Jimmy's town! As it flies over Jimmy's town, the key snaps off the wing and the set of keys resume their course towards Jimmy. Jimmy is standing right in the middle of the sidewalk! The keys will hit him straight on! He'll be killed! But at the last moment, Jimmy steps to the left. The keys hit the ground and sink three feet into the sidewalk. Jimmy sees what has happened, laughs, says "Ha ha! I guess it's not my turn to die, yet. It's somebody else's turn!" He is then eaten by a lion.
As you can see, the trick is to make the audience think that your character is going to die one way, but then have them escape that death, only to be killed a completely different way a few seconds later in a completely arbitrary fashion. Of course, before he/she dies, he/she will make a sweeping statement about how they'll never die, and somebody else will. Examples of this type of dialogue include:
-"I'll never die!"
-"You'll probably die next. Not me, that's for sure."
-"I am Zeus, the immortal God of Mount Olympus!"
Step 4: Write dialogue. This is the least important part of the job. It should only take about ten minutes to do. Since your death scenes are going to be so dizzyingly complex, each one will take about 15 minutes to be executed (pardon the pun) and so you won't really have time for the characters to "have conversations with each other". Their dialogue, when you absolutely have to have some, (while we're waiting for the killer piranhas to jump out of the toilet) should cover the following points:
-death is mad at them for "changing the design".
-they're all going to die at some point.
-death is bad.
Then, all you need is some grumpy FBI agents to suspect the exact opposite of what's really happening, a creepy guy to explain what's happening, the cast of "Dawson's Creek", and you've got a movie!
Writing films is EASY, kids! Well, BAD films, anyway. Next week, we're going to show you how to write an independant comedy. Hint: Bring a thesaurus.I'll give it two stars, just because the death scenes are good for a cheap thrill, and it seems like a LOT of work went into them. But the rest is just same-ol', same-ol'.
link directly to this review at http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=3848&reviewer=27
originally posted: 03/25/00 00:34:40
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