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Overall Rating
2.17

Awesome: 7.32%
Worth A Look: 8.54%
Just Average: 24.39%
Pretty Crappy: 13.41%
Sucks46.34%

5 reviews, 52 user ratings


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Spawn
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by Ryan Arthur

"Can someone please shut Leguizamo up? Please?"
1 stars

You're Jimmy Stewart...and I'm Clarence...and this movie sucks like Divine Brown in a BMW.

Dammit, dammit, dammit. Hollywood will never get it right.

Comic book-inspired films are hard to translate. But Spawn was supposed to be different. It had the blessing and assistance of creator Todd McFarlane, who even had a part as an extra. It should've worked, right?

Nope.

Plot? Gone. It's weak as hell. Martin Sheen plays the role of Jason Wynn fine (he's the head CIA guy) and Melinda Clarke is a hottie as Jessica Priest, the chick who helps off Al Simmons (Michael Jai White), the man who will become Spawn. But John Leguizamo is annoying. When I say annoying, I mean ANNOYING. He's all jokes and one-liners, and none of them are funny.

What's worse, it's an effects driven film (thus explaining a shoddy plot), and for all the hype surrounding those effects (the movie was made by the guys responsible for the dinosaurs of Jurassic Park), they stink. I was particularly fond of the shots of the souls in hell standing on the rock outcropping. What was even cooler was the shots of the souls in hell that didn't seem to be standing on anything at all. The Violator (part CGI, part animatronic) lumbers and lurches when a puppet, and stands out like a sore thumb when shot using CGI. Dumb and shoddy.

Oh well, it made around $55 million and was deemed a success (despite costing $40 million), so look for Spawn 2 in the year 2000 or so.

There may never be a good comic movie. Don't hold your breath.

link directly to this review at http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=385&reviewer=7
originally posted: 10/09/98 10:41:48
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User Comments

9/13/17 morris campbell nice visuals nothing more 2 stars
6/14/12 RLan Every actor makes at least one awful movie. Martin Sheen this one is your contribution. 1 stars
11/25/10 PAUL SHORTT DREARY AND UNIMAGINATIVE 1 stars
4/09/09 Dane Youssef One of the more fun comic book adaptations. Fun, but comes up short by modern standards. 4 stars
9/26/08 Shaun Wallner Awesome Comic!! Awesome Movie!! 5 stars
8/24/08 Man out 6 bucks Action and eye candy passable. Supporting cast are cardboard. Too uncomplicated 3 stars
3/19/07 dude underrated 4 stars
2/04/07 Shobert No, we don't get it...and we don't want it. 1 stars
1/24/07 cube fx very good ....needs a 2nd movie to explain the rest 4 stars
1/08/07 TITANIUM TEEN IT'S GREAT BUT NEEDS MORE ACTION LIKE RESIDENT EVIL 4 stars
11/23/06 Dark Enchantress It was funny people...u just dont get it do you? 5 stars
9/24/06 Booksworm At least it stays true to the original comic + great FX,which is all that really matters. 5 stars
9/19/06 Pritchett Yeah, pretty awful. 1 stars
7/15/06 Dan The Wrestling Man Good film,though if the sequel gets made it has to be a hard R 4 stars
7/13/06 David Cohen Spawn is the whinniest, most self-pitying superhero ever 1 stars
4/19/06 Indrid Cold Even the CGI sucks. Couldn't ILM make Malebolgia's mouth move when he talks? 2 stars
4/19/06 matt SHITE! 1 stars
10/30/05 Wisamane This movie is pure action, If your a Spawn fanatic youll love this one! 5 stars
9/12/05 Total Crap Eh... I like Spawn and all, but the acting is shit, and SFX is the only thing that saves it 3 stars
9/10/05 Osama Suxxxxxxxxxxx...!But I must agree, the cape is cool. 1 stars
8/21/05 frgfg Jerkoff! 1 stars
8/11/05 ES A boring comic, a boring cartoon and now somehow a boring movie= surprise it sucks 1 stars
8/07/05 Usagi Yojimbo Do yourself a favor - get the animated HBO DVDs...and by all means SKIP THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 1 stars
7/09/05 Moctezuma Nothing special, but worth a look 3 stars
7/28/04 American Slasher Goddess Another horrible comic book adapation. 1 stars
7/19/04 He Who Shall Not Be Named! I love this movie I own both Cartoon & Movie versions of the film,I'm a huge SPAWN fan . 5 stars
2/13/04 Jingo P. Now hopelessly outclassed by recent , much better comic book adaptations. SNORE. 2 stars
1/14/04 Samuel It might not be faithful to the comics, but its still an entertaining movie 3 stars
4/15/03 Jack Bourbon But the hero is BLACK!!! And he's FROM HELL!!! Leguizamo was great, though. 1 stars
2/19/03 Dave Much better than Blade, but I still prefer the animated movie. 3 stars
5/17/02 Jenny Tullwartz One of the most annoying misfires among slime films ever. 1 stars
11/22/01 Andrew Carden No Plot, No Premise, No Good Axting, No Scripts, No Nothing. 1 stars
11/16/01 Shane Robert Myers!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Spawn is okay the first time you see it but, you know whats going to happen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 4 stars
9/04/01 Butterbean Damn shame how the HBO cartoon versions were a shitload better than this. 2 stars
8/04/01 Eidalac I realy liked it - but I've never read the comics, so... 5 stars
8/03/01 angus moorehead tour de force by Leguizamo 4 stars
8/02/01 the scarecrow I thought it was alright, not raving, oscar winning stuff, but alright in its own ways. 3 stars
6/27/01 Geebo Why? 1 stars
3/11/01 Michael Grimm wasn't that bad 3 stars
2/22/01 Tyrone The best part of the film was the opening credits. 3 stars
10/28/99 Karahde Khan It this is the future of entertainment movies, I'll better quit watching movies. 1 stars
10/13/99 Lame-Oh worse than most PC-based and comic book movies 1 stars
8/02/99 Physh "I like Spawn, but this is SHIT. Stay away unless you are a BIG fan." 1 stars
12/07/98 Shadow Raider Those bastards fooled me and my friends. Shit revamp of a popular comic. Blech. 1 stars
11/24/98 Mr.Pink The director should be anally raped for making such a horseshit-movie 1 stars
11/22/98 Ben bad hell scenes 1 stars
11/12/98 Bad Kosh Movie sucks like those MC Mario party mixes in a Lexus... 1 stars
9/06/98 Young Einstein Trailer looked so good. They fooled me. Cunts. 1 stars
8/24/98 The Capital City Goofball Drove me to suicide. Leguizamo is a male Fran Drescher. 1 stars
8/20/98 The Man With The Helmet Wow. The trailer looked SOOOOO good. Yet it was so crap. 2 stars
8/17/98 Johny A few effects must have been drawn on the film with crayons. Utter crap otherwise too 1 stars
8/16/98 J-Guy (The MFC) bad rendition of a good comic. total shit. effect driven, completely. 1 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  01-Aug-1997 (PG-13)

UK
  N/A

Australia
  11-Dec-1997 (MA)




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