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Overall Rating
1.55

Awesome: 1.89%
Worth A Look: 5.66%
Just Average: 5.66%
Pretty Crappy: 18.87%
Sucks67.92%

5 reviews, 23 user ratings


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Whipped
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by Erik Childress

"Men...And Women...Shown As Idiots"
1 stars

When you have a stage play being translated into a movie, the filmmakers have a tendency to want to “open it up.” Thus being that the film begins to “feel” like a stage play, confining itself to one or maybe two sets. Whipped occasionally opens itself up to the outdoors but sticks with keeping the characters in either the coffee shop or Mia’s apartment. Problem is, Whipped was never a stage play. And that’s the least of its problems.

Whipped is the latest film in line that promises to blow the lid off the modern-day battle of the sexes. Our guides into this world are three best buddies (and their one married friend). There’s Brad (Brian Van Holt), the hotshot Wall Street stud; Zeke (Zorie Barber), the beatnik screenwriter who dabbles in karate; and Jonathon (Jonathon Abrahams), well; he’s a shy masturbator. The married friend (Judah Domke) enjoys his weekly Sunday trip to the diner to listen to the tales recounted by his three friends about the latest girl they “stuffed.” Each take a turn as if trying to one-up each other with lurid details and outrageous situations that only exist in “battle of the sexes” movies, while the audience sits there in disbelief that any of these guys, especially that jackass Zeke, get laid at all.

But things are about to change. That’s right. They’re about to become bigger jackasses when they meet sweet, little innocent Mia (Amanda Peet), all on the same week. Mia is everything each one of them wants in a woman, looks and brains, specifically tailored for each of their likes and needs. Smell something fishy? If I was Brad, Zeke or Jonathon, I would have a crude misogynist answer to that, but to become one of these guys is not something anyone in the real world would care to aspire to. These morons keep comparing themselves to people in other movies (Brad to Tom Cruise and Jonathon to Andrew McCarthy’s introspective writer from St. Elmo’s Fire) as if to completely avoid defining themselves as individuals by any means. Brad is your atypical pretty boy with a suit, a character much more believable (even as satire) in American Psycho. Zeke is coffee shop writer boy and sets some sort of record as the one character I wanted to punch more in the head during the running time of any movie I’ve ever seen. This guy yells, threatens and by not exactly being the poster guy for Alpha Male machismo or rugged handsomeness, how does this guy have one of the best sex lives in New York? Even the sensitive guy is nothing more than a stereotype, with about as much going on underneath the surface as the bottom of a urinal cake. His art of self-gratification by lining up his various lubricants and then giving them feminine names makes Patrick Bateman look like the before picture of a Vaseline ad. The married friend is even shown as a clueless buffoon, filled with enough facial ticks to rival Robert DeNiro in the closing scenes of Awakenings. And what kind of true friends are these in the first place, that wouldn’t back down to ensure the happiness of another. They obviously never saw American Pie, which had four teenage characters who, looked out for one another and amounted more maturity in a single scene than to be found in 85 minutes of Whipped.

I can deal with low-budget films that keep the settings limited. I can deal with vulgar sex comedies. To put them together, you better have a script with interesting, real characters and dialogue that could rival David Mamet, Quentin Tarantino and Kevin Smith. Remember the sex talks Kevin Smith’s characters had in the convenience shop in Clerks. Those dialogues had more originality and thought for a million copies of this garbage. If you want to see one of the best films ever made on the way guys relate to each other and the way their confusion and inadequacies make them talk to and about women, go rent Beautiful Girls. Nuff said.

Not to spoil any “surprise” ending that already hasn’t been alluded to in the film’s commercials, Whipped gives these three guys their comeuppance by throwing them into an episode of Sex and the City. I’d question the sincerity of any woman dating three men at the same time anyway, but Mia, while individually pleasing to each of them, is nothing but a man-eating wench who also hangs out with her friends and tells her whore stories to her own female posse. This may seem like irony to some, but it’s meant to be a statement of female empowerment that’s just as insulting as the bar dancing in Coyote Ugly. If Sex and the City and the climax of Whipped are how far the feminist movement has come, well then congratulations, you have obtained true equality.

Filmed obviously way back in 1998 (as posters of Saving Private Ryan and Black Dog align the billboards and marquees), Whipped has been sitting on the shelf fighting with the MPAA to regain its dignity from the NC-17 rating it keeps getting slapped with. The real dignity would have been to burn the master print. Whipped has about five or six lines that I laughed at, but not because they were well-written or witty, but because they are either variations on the same tired sex dialogue we’ve heard countless other times or I had heard them (and enjoyed them) before on a local radio show. Whipped is about characterizations, not characters. As grotesquely narcissistic and self-important men make themselves out to be, no man talks and acts like this on a regular basis and if you know somebody who does, then I pity you. Here, both sides of the battle of the sexes limp themselves, in disgrace, off the battlefield.

link directly to this review at http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=3854&reviewer=198
originally posted: 09/10/00 18:24:49
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User Comments

7/23/04 Samuel funny at times, also stupid though. 3 stars
4/28/04 Mike T. A guilty pleasure, like a terrible accident you cannot take your eyes off it. 2 stars
12/01/02 Uncle Salty Horrible, unbeleiveable film. Funny at times, and Peet looks homeless. 2 stars
8/12/02 seldom scene Great dialog! Peet is too skinny 4 stars
6/07/02 Janx Better than I expected. had some funny lines throughout. 3 stars
9/22/01 Stranded on the Island The traditional 'player' universe turned upside-down; This one was fun; Peet was great. 4 stars
8/28/01 5151 sweet 5 stars
7/02/01 taj This is bad film. Seriously. But it made me laugh. 2 stars
5/04/01 The Chosen One decent, average crap 3 stars
4/11/01 totally Ms. Peet is too talented to keep making crap movies like this. 1 stars
12/07/00 Cristopher Revilla Like EM said: they're not dirtymouthedhorndogjerks, they are PHONY dirtymouthedhorndogjerks 1 stars
11/25/00 Maria Lewis Someone should slap this movie with a lawsuit for false advertising, and for wasting time 1 stars
11/11/00 TruckGirl Some funny lines but still pretty crappy.... 2 stars
10/06/00 Stuntman 3 words: goddam freakin' shit... 1 stars
10/03/00 Ground Zero Shoulda been called "Spanked". Terrible in every aspect. 1 stars
10/01/00 Robin We walked out half way through!! 1 stars
10/01/00 pigri i have never seen a movie so insulting to ALL human beings. tries to be "edgy" but just sux 1 stars
9/16/00 JB I thought it would really suck, but actually its well acted and written. Just not great. 4 stars
9/11/00 Boy In The Designer Bubble My autistic cousin loved this movie!!! 1 stars
9/07/00 Merripen Was that a joke? How do these people get permission to make movies...? 1 stars
9/04/00 Gene tied with Battlefield Earth in my book 1 stars
9/01/00 David Trombley Terrible waste of time and money 1 stars
9/01/00 Heather Awful, infantile, movie, save your money! 1 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  01-Sep-2000 (R)

UK
  N/A

Australia
  24-May-2001 (MA)




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