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Overall Rating

Awesome: 11.11%
Worth A Look: 25.93%
Just Average29.63%
Pretty Crappy: 18.52%
Sucks: 14.81%

1 review, 21 user ratings

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Road House (1989)
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by Randy Muselman

"He thinks he's 'Mr. Cool.' But he can still kick your ass."
3 stars

You won't see anything here that hasn't been done in another film of this type. There's the usual ass kicking, self appointed asshole taking over a small community, and romance thrown in while bodies are thrown about. Oh, I forgot Sam Elliot as the older, wiser "friend always on a drunken binge." Come my son, let me teach thee the ways of the bouncer extraordinaire.

It all starts when a small town is taken over by the self appointed asshole in the community. Brad Wesley (Ben Gazzara) wants to own everything and everyone. He's got the money, the thugs and the stuffed animals in his den to do it too.

So when the owner of the Double Deuce wants to make the bar respectable, he calls in Dalton (Patrick Swayze). In the business, he's known as "The Cooler" or head bouncer. His job is to get rid of the rowdies so the respectable folk can come in and enjoy an evening.

Since old Brad can't seem to get his hands on the bar, he repeatedly sends his bands of thugs to the Double Deuce to wreak havoc, carnage, woe and mayhem upon the staff and customers. I have to tell you though, the thugs in this film just aren't too darn smart. I have to wonder about the staff at times too. Some of the bouncers employed by the Double Deuce don't seem to get it either.

Get a load of some of these lines.

Quotes courtesy of Internet Movie Database

Steve: Being called a cocksucker isn't personal?
Dalton: No. It's two nouns combined to elicit a prescribed response.
Steve: What if somebody callas my mama a whore?
Dalton: Is she?

Wade Garrett: This place has a sign hangin' over the urinal that says, "Don't eat the big white mint".

During the course of the film, our bouncer Dalton (Patrick Swayze) gets in on the receiving end of a knife or two. He finds himself at the local hospital emergency room all ready to be sewn up like like a stuffed Thanksgiving turkey. This guy is smart, he even carries all of his medical records around just in case. He's got more battle wounds than a whore on crack with a dirty needle. Needless to say, telling Dr. Elizabeth Clay (Kelly Lynch) how he received all these wounds just doesn't impress her.

Now to prove Dalton is really a tough guy, he refuses any kind of anesthetic while she knits and pearls away on his wound. OK, she uses a stapler, picky picky. FUCK THAT!! I got a 6 inch slice in the side of my body, I don't want to feel it. I just have this aversion to pain in general.

He finally convinces our good doctor to see him on the side. Ergo, our now romantic part of the film gets mixed in with the flying bodies. My better half always likes this part of the film, she just likes seeing Patrick Swayze's naked ass.

In the end, the teacher of our good and noble bouncer shows up (Sam Elliot), gets his ass kicked and all hell breaks loose. It's a bit more complicated than that, but, hey, this is a review and I don't want to spoil it for you (yeah right, what's to spoil?)

For the time this film was made, it's just pretty much your average fair, it could have been worse, but, it could have been so much better.

If you like rowdy rednecks, lots of flying bodies, and silly one liners, you'll probably like this film. I remember when it came out, I thought "Cool! Sam Elliot is in this film." Trouble is, it's only a bit part. Overall, this film is watchable, and you can have a good time with it if you don't sit through it and pick it apart in the process.

link directly to this review at http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=4586&reviewer=351
originally posted: 01/01/04 15:03:44
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User Comments

9/30/09 Sugarfoot I've had a change of heart on this film, it's of course terrible but very watchable 3 stars
9/28/08 ben dover great film wanna fuck kelly lynch in the ass 4 stars
7/03/07 Robert Terry Funk in WHITE cowboy boots is priceless!!! 2 stars
10/16/06 Isaac Baranoff Funny as hell, but a terrible movie! 1 stars
4/23/05 Robert Maloney Good Action B-Movie with little plot but is still entertaining 3 stars
11/22/04 Sugarfoot Awful. Just godawful. 1 stars
11/10/04 iloveswayze i gotta give it to dalton.... one of the greatest american made films of all time.... 5 stars
8/08/04 Dalton Swayze This movie is the greatest american movie ever made. 5 stars
2/24/04 Dr.Lecter You have to expect silly macho bullshit from a director named "Rowdy." 2 stars
2/05/04 c.r Great movie with bar butt-kicking action! 4 stars
1/01/04 y2mckay Dirty Kickboxing. Kelly Lynch looks hot though - even in that picnic tablecloth dress. 2 stars
9/27/03 Alan Punch - stupid story - kick - stupid story - punch - stupid story - kick - stupid story - 2 stars
5/16/03 Johnny terribly entertaining for such a cheesefest. Gazzara plays such a shit. 4 stars
12/30/02 Jack Sommersby Until the tone turns nasty, this is spectacular fun! 4 stars
11/15/02 joe john This movie is fuckin awesome if patrick heard any of you little fucks he would kick ur ass 5 stars
9/01/02 y2mckay Dirty Dancing with roundhouse kicks. Kelly Lynch looks fine, even wearing a tablecloth 2 stars
12/19/01 ahagafdg agag cool 4 stars
1/11/01 Bob Great movie 4 stars
11/14/00 Spetters I thought it was one of the best movies I´d ever seen. Hey, i was only 10 years old!! 1 stars
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  02-May-1989 (R)
  DVD: 18-Jul-2006



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