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Overall Rating

Awesome: 9.09%
Worth A Look: 12.99%
Just Average: 3.9%
Pretty Crappy: 10.39%

5 reviews, 47 user ratings

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Jackal, The
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by Slyder

"Should be called 'The JACKASS.' Just go watch the original!!!"
1 stars

Holy fucking shit!!! Why the fuck did I even bother to buy this crap? I must be so dumb, I never learn, I guess, and I bought it a long time ago. I was just expecting a decent flick, because you can't expect so much from a remake or even a rip-off. But when I saw this film, I felt truly ripped off by it anyway. I just can't believe that Bruce Willis, Richard Gere, and surprisingly, Sidney Poitier agreed to do this damn flick. Gosh, I would do anything to just exchange this waste of celluloid for the original, which is so much better, since this movie is nothing but a piece of shit, and I'll tell you why.

Russian Terrorist Terek Murad is pissed because the FBI and the Russian police killed his brother, so he hires the Jackal (Willis), the greatest assassin in history, to kill a top U.S. Government official (Guess who is the target?). The FBI deputy director Preston (Poitier), and his Russian aide or "bitch", Major Koslova, and his staff finds out about this, and seeks help of an Irish Terrorist Declan Mulqueen (Gere), to help him find the Jackal, since he's the only man that can stop him (How original). And the game of cat and mouse goes on from there.

First of all, that Russian fuck’s name, Murad, does that name sound like Russian to you? Even a fucking elementary schoolboy would tell you that that name sounds more Arabic than Russian.

Bruce Willis tries to impersonate the Jackal as if he were some motherfucking playboy having the time of his life, and even make him look like some badass hotshot, that you just want to get into the screen and punch him in his damn jaw since he’s so full of shit that he believes it. The disguises where so absolutely stupid that even a blind man could recognize who the fuckhead is behind the hair, the mustache, and the die. I was laughing so hard. Hell, I would have the makeup artist fired for lack of creativity. At least the other Jackal had better disguises.

Why Declan Mulqueen? Why the fuck would the FBI go to an IRA terrorist to find an assassin since those guys are like the best investigation guys in the world? Dumb. And create him after all, you could fucking use another investigator within the bureau, someone with brains, but in anyways, showing that the FBI is as incompetent as a two dollar snitch just makes you want to burst out laughing. Hell, the original didn't need of any fucking terrorist to find out who he was.

Most of the action scenes are lame and idiotic. The shooting scene at the rooftop was a total laugh. They used a fake rooftop and crappy special effects to make the scene instead of real, make it more fake. Why the fuck waste so much money on this shit when you can go to any motherfucking rooftop in the whole damn city with you’re fucking camera and shoot the stupid scene?

And then there’s the subway scene, man that was also a funny one. As the jackal runs through the subway tunnel and hides in an opening beside the tracks, here comes Declan running toward him, in the open. So if the jackal is the hotshot he says he is he'll waste no time to just aim for Declan and put a bullet on him, and he would be dead. Or if he missed the shot, which I find totally impossible since the lighting is fair enough to see whom you're shooting at, Declan would wisely run for cover, right? Wrong. Jackal or "Jackass", aims and fires at Declan like two shots and misses, and Declan just stays there just shooting at him, Jackal again shoots him like four shots and misses again!!! How could you miss six shots at that range?? And he's the greatest assassin in history?? Yeah, I wonder how many other assassination plots did Mr. Jackass did before this one. And Declan just stays there like if he were some iron man instead of running for cover. Give me a fucking break. Now an even funnier part comes. During the shooting a subway passes by, it takes like thirty seconds for another subway to pass by –while the other subway is still passing- so Declan runs for a light post and hangs on for his like as if he were Superman. Another thirty seconds, and then the second subway finishes passing by while the first one is STILL going for another 5 fucking seconds. WOW!!! That must be the longest subway that I've ever seen since the last time I measured how long my dick was.

In the end, avoid this fucking movie. Learn from me, and don’t make the same fucking mistake that I did, or you'll regret it. Just do yourself a favor and watch the original because that one is so much better than this piece of shit. I just want to shoot the motherfuckers that thought up this script and the asshole that approved it. JACKASSES, all of you!!!

link directly to this review at http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=464&reviewer=235
originally posted: 04/21/01 13:27:03
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User Comments

11/21/12 Ed Totleben Jr Interesting but not intense 3 stars
11/15/09 Glenn Irwin A dollop of excrescence from beginning to end ..... and that Bejaysus Oirish accent!! Gimme 1 stars
7/25/09 the dork knight Of course, today we would simply cast a REAL Irishman. A truly weird thriller. 4 stars
9/02/08 Shaun Wallner Intense Action!!! 5 stars
8/13/08 Brenda boring. not a single likable character. 1 stars
12/14/07 Pamela White Willis shows how to evade by changing appearance 4 stars
6/03/07 John G It was this , or watching the Jerry Springer show 2 stars
1/27/07 action movie fan tough gusty action film the best movie of 1997 way better than titanic 5 stars
1/22/07 Sepi53 good one! 4 stars
5/22/06 tatum Certainly capable until awful finale; doesn't hold candle to original, though 4 stars
5/11/06 tommyjarvis Reviewers all have no sense of humour. This movie's great 4 stars
10/26/05 chris a great film worth watching i advise to all 5 stars
8/19/05 ES This movie actually would have been better if the lead roles had been reversed 2 stars
5/27/05 Naw Pay Zawgyi Poor Jack! Quaint Gere! 1st LAdy suspiciously hillary-like. 1 stars
11/08/04 Queen of cool The best fucking movie ever made 5 stars
8/18/04 courtney a decent movie with a sum what slow start and mid section but a great chase in the end 4 stars
7/29/04 Alan Another semi-classic turned into mindless drivel. 1 stars
7/26/04 DM What are Bruce Willis and Sidney Poitier doing in this mess? 1 stars
6/20/04 Samuel he way Jack Black died.the movie wasn't good, but it was great the way Jack Black died. 2 stars
11/28/03 john insulting and stupid and lousy action - there is a great original folks! 1 stars
1/15/03 Charles Calthrop Junk. Even Fred Z's version wasn't a perfect adaptation, but this pitiful flick... waste. 1 stars
12/28/02 Jack Sommersby Colorfully entertaining. Superbly acted -- Gere is wonderful! 4 stars
2/16/02 ACBCorp Totally unconvincing rip-off. Watch 'Day of the Jackal' and save money & frustration... 1 stars
10/09/01 jawsboy the ending is the most fun. bruce could have been better, as well as the story sfx. 3 stars
8/25/01 R.W. Welch Barely passable cloak and dagger stuff, not at all convincing. 2 stars
11/27/00 Cristopher Revilla I prefer watching the original than this piece of shit! I want my money back!!!!! 1 stars
11/24/00 The Evil Penguin the plot has more holes than SWISS CHEESE 2 stars
5/28/00 Cooke Bruce Willis is awesome. 5 stars
5/07/00 RSW Great Movie! One of Bruce Willis's best preformances. 5 stars
4/11/00 the Grinch Bruce Willis is no Edward Fox. Do yourself a favor, rent Day of the Jackal..avoid this crap 2 stars
3/23/00 Richard Wright The film is horribly acted, its not suspenseful at all and the finale is laughable. Shit. 1 stars
10/12/99 Ataraxia All round, a decent movie 4 stars
7/23/99 Hagbard Celine SHELLEY, you must be joking or retarded. This is a complete dog. 1 stars
4/26/99 Lucas jackson This movie was great until the ending,the Jackal should have got away 4 stars
4/09/99 Shelley a great movie. if you had your eyes open you might see that i'm right 5 stars
12/11/98 Scion of Graveheart This movie blows and so does Mercury Rising. Doomed to failure. End of story. 1 stars
11/24/98 Fred The greatest assassin in the world ... who gets killed by Richard Gere. 1 stars
11/24/98 Mr.Pink Braindead entertainment, which is at least better than Armageddon 3 stars
11/04/98 Lord Of The Dunce Oh LORD was this AWFUL!!!!!!! Not even for Willis fans. 1 stars
11/01/98 MR HOLLYWOOD !! hahahahahahahahahahaha....LOAD OF CRAP.....hahahahahahahahahahahaah 1 stars
10/18/98 Kwyjibo I'd go so far as to say this was WORSE than Speed 2 and Batman & Robin. 1 stars
9/02/98 pooky the bald The worst disguise in history 1 stars
8/29/98 Matt Willis tries to play a strong, silent type, and ruins it every time he opens his mouth 2 stars
8/24/98 The Capital City Goofball Just lame. Not exciting, not funny, not necessary. 1 stars
8/22/98 Mister Whoopee Somebody stop this Bruce Willis thing. 1 stars
8/20/98 Pete I felt violated. And if I ever meet the costume designer -- an arse kicking for them 2 stars
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  14-Nov-1997 (R)


  08-Jan-1998 (M)

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