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Awesome: 25.74%
Worth A Look: 17.33%
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9 reviews, 148 user ratings

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Scary Movie 2
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by Jack Sommersby

"So Bad It's 'Scary'"
1 stars

The jokes are stale and of the bottom-basement variety of scriblings on a filthy restroom stall.

Being that I was far from a fan of Scary Movie (which easily made my Worst of 2000 list) readers may be curious as to why I subjected myself to its sequel. Two words: James Woods. When one of America's top five actors appears in a film, no matter its dubious credentials, I come a'runnin -- substantials like him are becoming too rare a commodity to pass up, even if it's in a glorified cameo, as is the case here. Woods was a last-minute replacement for none other than Marlon Brando, who, due to health reasons, had to drop out of the project and forgo his reported two-million paycheck. Lucky for us. In Scary Movie 2's pre-title sequence, which serves as a send-up of The Exorcist, Woods plays the crusading priest who, instead of being brave and noble, is of the molesting, nutty kind.

Before Woods enters, though, the Wayans brothers (with Shawn and Marlon starring and Keenan Ivory directing) have already 'marked their territory' in cinematic filth by having the possessed child, Regan, urinate a couple of gallons' worth on the living room floor. Yeah. Well, don't fret, for Woods soon enters and temporarily gives the proceedings some much-needed comic charge. When the mother complains that Regan is so bad she won't even let her read to her, Woods eases his way into the punchline, "Candy sometimes helps"; when he enters Regan's room to the sight of her head twisting around, he responds with "Fuck this" and runs for the door; when Regan starts mouthing suggestive profanities, he willingly obliges her; and, in the best gag, when Regan says something derogatory about his mother, he responds not with a holy cross, but a cold-cocked automatic. Glorious stuff, this, and Woods' comic timing is razor-sharp.

Unfortunately, Scary Movie 2 (like its predecessor) sputters and quickly dies out, as if the Wayanses brainstormed and poured every ounce of creativity into their opening but were at a total loss on what to do for the next seventy or so minutes. The film is intended to function as a send-up of the horror genre, but there are two big problems with this: first, the Wayanses have no real affection or interest in the films they're sending up; second, a majority of the send-ups are from non-horror films. With 1988's I'm Gonna Get You Sucka, which poked fun at all those blaxpoitation films of the '70s, the Wayans' touch was clunky but knowing -- you sensed they adored what they were sharply knocking. With Scary Movie 2, though, there's nothing on display that couldn't have been trotted out by any moron with about six to ten horror film viewings under his or her belt; after a gag plays itself out, you can easily imagine it being absently checked off a master list. And if the Wayans are so revved-up about spoofing horror films, why is it that the majority of the films being spoofed here are of the unscary variety like Charlie's Angels, Dude, Where's My Car?, and Save the Last Dance? (It brings to mind the 1983 horror-film compilation Terror in the Aisles and its filmmakers' dim-witted decision to include clips from action-oriented fare like Nighthawks and Vice Squad.)

It's a testament to the Wayans' bone-headed thinking that they've employed Jan De Bont's badly received and certifiably awful remake of The Haunting to serve as their main inspiration here, with the cast of characters staying the night in a creepy house. (What's Scary Movie 3 going to take off of -- the dreadful Jeepers Creepers?) Big mistake, this. Another was in bringing back the gruesome Anna Faris as the heroine, who, unsurprisingly, hasn't had an acting gig since the original. Pallid and about as alluring to look at as a hubcap, Faris is so devoid of comic talent that during a scene where she pantomines walking on the moon (a stupid idea, anyway) you feel all too compelled to just avert your eyes upon her every appearance. She is such an abysmal actress (did she study under Sarah Michelle Gellar?) that she makes an already unbearable film all the more so. The supporting characters, alas, are no better, with Marlon Wayans proving (once again) that his attempts at comedy are akin to a drunk fumbling about for his car keys.

The emphasis on The Haunting and the casting of Faris are liabilities, no doubt, but the Wayans' really fowled things up by failing to serve up more comical going-ons within a given scene. With seven screenwriters credited, it's shocking to see how many empty scenes appear to be included for the sole sake of transition, of getting us from one send-up to another. Keenan Ivory Wayans tries to dress up these filler scenes with inspired staging, but since his timing stalls out more often than not, and being that the film is a mere eighty-minutes long, there are very slim pickings to be had. In the Naked Gun series the jokes are rapid-fire and strictly hit-and-miss, but there are so many delivered with such colorful energy that the discriminating viewer has a bountiful amount to sift through. With Scary Movie 2, it's strictly 'take what you can get', which has the audience either settling for or outright rejecting the pitifully unfunny bits offered up.

For instance, when a ball mysteriously bounces down a dark staircase to a person below (a reference to The Changeling), a moronic basketball montage ensues. When a character is introduced as "Jasonia Voorhees" (itself a none-too-subtle name play on Friday the 13th's legendary killer), we're assumed to be already snickering. Echoes of Poltergeist are uncouthly elicited with Shawn Wayans being terrorized by a toy clown and a monstrous tree. When comedian Chris Elliott's daffy house servant is revealed to have a gnarled hand, the Wayans' assume this to be something of grand inspiration and serve up a barrage of futile gags around it -- which brings us to the film's nadir. With all of the characters seated around a table for a full three-course meal, Elliott continually sticks that damn unfunny hand of his into every serving of food, grossing out the diners and, even more, testing the patience of the viewers, who have certainly gotten past the point of finding someone else's hands in someone else's food even remotely amusing.

In fact, the jokes are so insultingly over-obvious that when a canny one arises like Woods' "Candy sometimes helps." line (which, of course, refers to molestation), it's likely to pass over most audiences' heads because it requires about a nanosecond's worth of thought. And, hey, when the Wayans' can't get anything going the respectable route, they know perfectly well that (thanks to the majority of filmgoers' depleted sensibilities) they can score with their 'money shots' -- you know: semen and excrement (and not necessarily in that order). A geyser of the milky-white substance spurts all over the inside of a walk-in freezer. Human excrement in a cat's litter box and high-projectile excrement from a parrot's hindquarters are perceived to be laugh riots, even when they're sadly indicative of both the Wayans' talent and mentality, which you're implored to flush down the nearest, filthiest toilet imaginable.

Scary Movie 2 is too creatively bankrupt and comically banal to offend, so grounds that the people who hate it are just being prudes isn't going to wash. Most of the audience I saw this with appeared as bored and laugh-deprived as I, with the only ones consistently laughing the very same morons who could possibly find the use of the word "stinkhole" inspired. The film's fatal flaw isn't that the jokes are dumb, but that they're dumbly conceived and executed, so when they thud (due, mostly, to the lack of viable background action going on around to lend support) they're left to stand on their own -- which, given the rock-bottom examples cited above, is somewhat akin to sticking a tone-deaf opera singer onstage to perform a show-stopping aria.

Aside from James Woods' rip-roaringly manic cameo, this is the pits.

link directly to this review at http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=4726&reviewer=327
originally posted: 12/24/02 10:18:56
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User Comments

2/18/18 Jeff Wilder Atrocious. What's scary is that the following sequels are EVEN WORSE. 1 stars
2/13/17 morris campbell trash one of the worst sequels ever 1 stars
5/28/09 jm Really funny despite it being pointless. 4 stars
4/12/09 Dane Youssef "The Exoricst" is priceless. The rest is almost worthless. What a waste! What a bore! 2 stars
8/29/08 Shaun Wallner Never laughed so hard in my Life!! 5 stars
10/21/07 Beau This was a crack-up! hilariously funny! anna faris was born 2 play this role in all sequels 4 stars
4/18/07 Stevo UK The only thing this movie has more of is more of a reason to leave. 1 stars
12/30/06 michigan4rosebowl this movie is great, and kathleen robertson is so fuckin hot...esp. showin huge cleavage 5 stars
10/03/06 Jeremy Davies stupid, far inferior to Scary Movie 1 2 stars
9/11/06 Wes Barrett?wsbrr@aol.com Where can you get a door knocker as in the movie? 4 stars
8/16/06 Jesus Its called a parody you fucking idiot, and this movie is awful. 1 stars
6/14/06 drydock54321 just love these movies that make fun of other movies 5 stars
5/12/06 Matt Sheehan fucking hilarious 5 stars
4/25/06 Anthony Feor Even if it tried, it would not match the first one 1 stars
4/22/06 Kojo It was so funny I shit my self 5 stars
4/01/06 mike Best of the series! The scrotum door knocker was too funny! 5 stars
3/27/06 Brian Meyer Swing~ and a miss! STIRKE 2!!! 2 stars
3/25/06 chris f way better than scary movie 1 5 stars
12/19/05 tatum It took seven writers to make a movie this unfunny 1 stars
11/28/05 Angus ok 3 stars
11/10/05 J.D. Pittman III Well I'm just the biggest idiot in the world cause it's the best of 3 5 stars
8/18/05 ES The worst sequel of the movie with no sequel. Looking forward to that Prequel too 3 stars
8/04/05 ^podo funny:) but not as good as the first 4 stars
7/19/05 bill its halarios 4 stars
7/15/05 tony WHAT A SLAP IN THE FACE! 1 stars
3/16/05 Alice Colwell allright 3 stars
2/24/05 ELI worst of the 3 scary movies. but I think I laughed a few times. That's good enough! 3 stars
12/25/04 Freddy best of the 3 scary movies 5 stars
11/14/04 Samuel Not as good as the origional, but still pretty entertaining. 4 stars
11/08/04 Da Brother that is 1 boring film and the director should be ashamed 1 stars
9/14/04 Monster W. Kung It doesn't get much worse than this. If you think this is good, you're an idiot. 1 stars
8/22/04 Archanist 101 Not as good as "Scary Movie" 5 stars
8/07/04 jmsynth WorthDVD rental for 1stscene+outtakes= funnier then much of the movie. Blame Miramax 3 stars
8/02/04 Anthony G I thought I told yall niggas before, yall niggas cant fuck with me! 1 stars
5/02/04 Me a great film 5 stars
4/27/04 whitey this is about as good as daniel bennisons mum in bed 1 stars
3/23/04 Ken Stryker SNore 1 stars
1/26/04 Chloe Brody This film sucks arse 1 stars
12/29/03 j tg 5 stars
12/09/03 re A GREAT FILM 5 stars
11/26/03 he i liked this film better then the first one 5 stars
10/25/03 Christina its was soooo funny 5 stars
10/17/03 Dirk Diggler Flogging a dead horse 1 stars
10/15/03 Mona Little Used to like it but fuck the series now that they've ruined #3 with usurper Latifah! 1 stars
9/30/03 Redpajammas funny 5 stars
9/28/03 jimmy d i think fuck is a good fucking word! fucking fuck! 4 stars
9/17/03 Samuel Justus Part 3 is gonna be better than either of the first two!! 3 stars
9/11/03 Neil Forster Oh my God, this is the worst film I've ever seen! Avoid at all costs! 1 stars
8/15/03 Red funny 5 stars
8/04/03 punjab a pile of steaming dog shit! 1 stars
8/01/03 Stefan Halka The only funny part was when they made fun of the slow motion "Charlie Angels" martial arts 2 stars
7/07/03 Alice This "movie" sucked big time 1 stars
6/03/03 mee better then the first one 5 stars
5/19/03 Joseph Barale This is the best movie ever made 5 stars
3/12/03 me A GREAT FILM 5 stars
3/11/03 kier lawrence a bit over the top but funny 4 stars
3/10/03 me GREAT 5 stars
12/24/02 Matt Thiel The first film was dumb fun, but the second was shit 1 stars
12/17/02 chris if you like this shit please just kill yourself 1 stars
12/06/02 BAM GREAT 5 stars
11/20/02 chris i didn't think it was possible, but worse than the firts 1 stars
10/06/02 Butterbean The first one was better, but the "I can do it myself" cripple had me rolling! 3 stars
9/13/02 Davie Del top notch pure and utter exellence 5 stars
9/03/02 Stev Terrible 1 stars
8/15/02 JesseL This movie is TOO funny. Anna Faris and Shawn Wayans make it happen. Exorcist spoof great! 5 stars
8/05/02 I Can't Swim In hell, people have to watch this for all eternity, or eat shit. So they chow down.. 1 stars
8/04/02 artemishia soooo unfunny. i didnt even smile through the movie, and i liked the 1st one 1 stars
5/31/02 stud OKAY 5 stars
5/26/02 I'm in (L) with a Jedi mindless entertainment, but i liked it, not as bad as most of the critics said it was 4 stars
5/24/02 Dark Barøn Ugh. 1 stars
5/15/02 Del Sucked my left nut and made the right one jealous! What a piece of shit! 1 stars
5/14/02 Blake This move was just as good as the first one 5 stars
5/10/02 Jade I thought this movie was hilarious except for the cat fight scene. 5 stars
4/28/02 Malcolm Masiero Shit man, gimmie a break, its the same old jokes, a waste of my money 2 stars
4/19/02 Maxx This movie is horrible. I'm not old. I'm 19 years old. 1 stars
4/02/02 Butterbean Better than the first only because of Chris Elliot 4 stars
3/23/02 Elliot .S ScaryMovie 2 is the shit man if u haven't seen it go rent it cause it funny ass heee. 5 stars
3/22/02 JesseL If this isn't funny, you're too old. 5 stars
3/20/02 Michael Platts Excellent 5 stars
3/14/02 hanson needs some more tits and ass 3 stars
3/13/02 Amanda Stucky this movie was very cool 5 stars
3/01/02 Alan Smithee A complete disaster from all angles. 1 stars
2/27/02 hanson the caretaker this is the funniest shit i have ever laid eyes on 5 stars
2/25/02 Hewrd Frost The 1st is better, more cum sprouted. 3 stars
2/23/02 hyper child better then the first 5 stars
2/22/02 tana scary movie 2 was stupid i like 1 5 stars
2/22/02 Copper man Kathleen Robertson should show us her boobs!!!!!! YEAHHH DOUBLE FUNN BAGS 1 stars
2/04/02 david why didn't lester'beetlejuice appeared more 4 stars
1/20/02 manuel "steaks" bartolomeo this movie suck cccoooocccckkkk 1 stars
1/16/02 Chris Funny but not as funny as the 1st one 4 stars
1/15/02 David A. Not as good as the first one. 3 stars
1/11/02 joel fuuny ass hell 5 stars
1/09/02 Spyguy2 As bad and unfunny as the first movie was hilarious 1 stars
1/01/02 Shane Robert Myers!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Funny as the 1st one but still with the crude jokes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 5 stars
12/30/01 The Bomb 69 rushed and very average, lots of miss and a little hit 3 stars
11/05/01 ^Elendil^ Why did I waste my money?? 1 stars
10/28/01 RodmansGirl First 30 min. awesome 4 stars
10/19/01 Tam Standard toilet humour. Fine as long as you don't take it too seriously. 4 stars
9/17/01 Mr. Hat Even funnier than the first one. 4 stars
8/23/01 A.G. This movie was hilarious 5 stars
8/22/01 Gaya no better that the first 3 stars
8/21/01 JunkMan I would like to have the subtitles for this movie or in English or Portuguese or Spanish 5 stars
8/19/01 justin boswell first ones better i downloaded it of the internet email me at justinwbother@hotmail.com 2 stars
8/17/01 Obi Wan Was pretty good up until the last 20 minutes. What happned?? 3 stars
8/16/01 Dan A Tori Spelling 2 stars
8/15/01 guy that wants to bone the hot chick in it I thought it was pretty good 4 stars
8/14/01 najib c,hg 5 stars
8/12/01 Cait This is a pretty funny movie! 4 stars
8/12/01 Harpey Scary Movie 2 is an excellent film i deffinately recomend it its great! 5 stars
8/08/01 Genetrik I HATE THIS FUCKING MOVIE - the writers should be in jail forerver for this crap 1 stars
8/07/01 Lord Raymos Rarely funny, mostly stupid. Amazingly bad plot and filming. Tori Spelling. 2 stars
8/06/01 Kyala Was Ok when I was sober, really funny when drunk =) 4 stars
8/06/01 Joe Zappa A lot funnier than the first one. Chris Elliott is too funny!! 4 stars
8/06/01 as kuj what a fucking film u made!!!!!!!!!!! i love it !!!!! 5 stars
8/05/01 badfish Worst piece of dog shit i've ever seen! 1 stars
8/05/01 michael cawthera ha ha mental man 5 stars
8/03/01 Sexey Davey Shortys the man 5 stars
8/02/01 travis inglehart hit this shit 5 stars
7/31/01 WT Funny !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and hilarious! still laughing! 5 stars
7/31/01 C funny as hell 5 stars
7/31/01 Vixor funny at times- but lots of it was not funny at all, Scary Movie 1 was much better 2 stars
7/30/01 LoSt BoY Nice movie 4 stars
7/29/01 John Lyons Good movie for the teens. 3 stars
7/29/01 AlCoholic Jedi Worth renting (maybe) 3 stars
7/28/01 dukefanatic30 i have never laughed so hard in my life 5 stars
7/26/01 King Jackass As good as the first, and as nasty too. 4 stars
7/25/01 Paul Was not worth paying $7.00 for but had 1 or 2 funny parts 2 stars
7/23/01 Mike M. sweet 5 stars
7/23/01 anthony its real funny 5 stars
7/20/01 fdfg Too bad and too fucking short 1 stars
7/18/01 Jim Kidd There were some funny parts to it, but unless you can get in free, i would waste your money 2 stars
7/18/01 Bohb I didn't think a movie could both suck AND blow at the same time. 1 stars
7/18/01 Tired Hard to believe the same people made this shitty sequel. 1 stars
7/18/01 malcolm funny in spots; pretty dumb overall 2 stars
7/14/01 Rampage first Scary Movie was funnier, but hey, at least it beat the crap out of Scream 3 3 stars
7/14/01 Chris Funny moments surrounded by boredom. 3 stars
7/12/01 Rude Half Breed I didnt realized one of Wayans brother was retarded as well as being a scriptwriter 1 stars
7/08/01 James Had only a few elements of a "movie" and none of a film. The first was better. 2 stars
7/07/01 John Lyons Got tired of the lame bathroom humor. been there, done that. 3 stars
7/07/01 vampyre9mm It took seven people to write this movie??? 3 stars
7/05/01 joh Quit Whining! it was really funny! 5 stars
7/05/01 Roy Smith Sperm, shit, vomit, and oiss - in the first 5 minutes - Leave your kids at home!!!!!!!!!!!! 4 stars
7/04/01 Jeff It was aiiiight 4 stars
5/08/01 Mackey I was watching "Scary Movie 2" with my sister,and she fell asleep! Need more...? 2 stars
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  04-Jul-2001 (R)



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