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Overall Rating
1.69

Awesome: 6.25%
Worth A Look: 4.17%
Just Average: 6.25%
Pretty Crappy: 18.75%
Sucks64.58%

3 reviews, 30 user ratings


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Tomcats
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by EricDSnider

"If you pay money to see this movie, I will come to your house and hit you."
1 stars

In "Tomcats," a man has a cancerous testicle removed and wants to keep it as a souvenir. He sends his buddy into the hospital lab to retrieve it, but the thing is slippery, and after a series of mishaps it winds up in an open box of chocolates, at which point someone eats it.

If you still want to see this movie, let me point something out: No, you don't. This is a dreadfully unfunny sex comedy without a legitimate laugh in it. The plot is incoherent. The characters are unlikable. The acting is atrocious.

I can say without reservation that it is the worst movie of the year so far.

Still with me? As I heave a mighty sigh, I continue. The film begins "seven years ago," with a group of bachelors weeping over the marriage of one of their fellows. They resolve never to get married -- in fact, they start a betting pool, and the last guy left single gets all the dough.

Now, in the present, there are two remaining "tomcats": cartoonist Michael (Jerry O'Connell) and wealthy something-or-other Kyle (Jake Busey). Thanks to wise investing, the pool is up to $500,000, with both men still having sex with as many women as they possibly can, and no marriage in sight for either one. Then Michael racks up a $51,000 gambling debt (Bill Maher plays the casino owner) and has no way to come up with the loot. His solution? Win the bet by getting Kyle married off.

(Why doesn't Michael just go to his friends, explain his predicament, and ask to borrow $51,000 from the half-million pot? Or why not just borrow it straight from Kyle, who is somehow very rich? Do not ask the movie questions, as you will only provoke it.)

Fortunately, Kyle mentions having almost fallen for a gal he met at a wedding years earlier. Michael finds this woman, Natalie (Shannon Elizabeth), who is now a cop. She's eager to help Michael get the money -- with her getting half, of course -- because she wants revenge on Kyle for the way he played her.

Mixed in with all the vulgar sex jokes is a basic romantic-comedy plot, as Michael begins to fall in love with Natalie even while helping her trick Kyle into marrying her. Then that plot is literally abandoned for a 20-minute diversion that includes Michael romancing a dominatrix librarian, the aforementioned testicular cancer, and a visit to a sperm bank. None of these tangents has ANYTHING to do with the rest of the movie. They could literally be edited out altogether without affecting the story.

Not that tangents are inherently bad, of course; Monty Python movies are full of mini-sketches that add little to the plot but are still enjoyable. But that's the thing: They're enjoyable. None of the digressions in "Tomcats" is enjoyable. Neither is the main story, for that matter. Whatever potential humor there is gets ruined by overplaying it. Most of the jokes, though, rely on the audience being as dumb as the movie is.

If we were as dumb as the movie is, you couldn't be reading this.

link directly to this review at http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=4940&reviewer=247
originally posted: 03/29/01 21:33:22
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User Comments

12/21/10 Moose Rapper Not great 3 stars
7/19/03 Ghetto Smurf Not mind-blowingly excellent, but it's still pretty good. 3 stars
6/21/03 Chiend Like eating rancid candy--you've gotta eat too much excrement to taste the sugar. 1 stars
3/07/03 Jack Sommersby Pretty rank, but a few laughs arise. 2 stars
1/14/03 Jon "Thumb the Toad" lyrik I like gross humor, but this is attempted gross humor that just turns out gross and unfunny 1 stars
1/01/03 The Talking Elbow THIS is what's wrong with humanity, fortunately not all of us men are this fucking awful 1 stars
10/26/02 MarktheShark6 To anyone who didn't like this movie, I say: "hey guys, blow me." 4 stars
9/09/02 Danielle Ophelia Down with the gross-out comedy... 1 stars
4/08/02 officer 412/l ONE OF THE WORST EVER. I HOPEJ O'CONNELL GETS TESTICULAR CANCER FOR THIS. 1 stars
3/26/02 Chris żĄ Could be next to freddy got fingered on the "Worst Movies Ever" List. Wish I could vote 0. 1 stars
2/20/02 Xaver Absolutely mindless. Skip it. 1 stars
1/15/02 Andrew Carden Even Shannon Elizabeth Couldn't Save This Piece Of Junk. 1 stars
1/14/02 Chris Delehanty Funny 5 stars
1/08/02 Spyguy2 I was baked and only laughed once...at the grandma with her strap on 1 stars
9/29/01 HM3 Actually not too bad. Some big laughs. Better than the crappy Saving Silverman. 3 stars
7/03/01 Fish Eye Really shitty. I mean, this movie had one guy eating another guy's NUT!! FUCK THAT 1 stars
7/03/01 Zack totally kicked ass 5 stars
4/23/01 Thrillhouse I agree with you EricDSnider! Sucked shit! 1 stars
4/21/01 *~Danielle*Ophelia~* (formerly KyLe*BrOfLoVsKi) These "Let's get some ass" movies are starting to piss me off. TIME FOR A NEW TREND!!! 1 stars
4/16/01 JustJeff Note to Mr. O'Connell - you missed your calling in porn. Do nudie pics or get a new agent! 1 stars
4/15/01 Rampage Sheer torture. Couldn't watch it to the end. 2 stars
4/08/01 Amanda C'mon, it was funny at times. Annoyingly inane at others, but...Jerry O'Connell is great 4 stars
4/08/01 bobbuttons this shit is so fucking stupid i cant believe it 1 stars
4/04/01 Rudi Shanks My grandmother's funeral was less painful to sit through 1 stars
4/02/01 Rudi Shanks Funny if you' 1 stars
4/02/01 Danny Del Rossi Jake Busey shakin his 'thang' is NOT a pretty sight! 2 stars
4/01/01 Heather Avoid this misogynistic trash! 1 stars
3/31/01 James The definition of sucks all ass 1 stars
3/30/01 John Owen Two hours of my life I can never, ever have back 1 stars
3/30/01 Fucking Awesome this movie made my piss me pants it was so funny 5 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  30-Mar-2001

UK
  N/A

Australia
  19-Apr-2001 (M)




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