"MallRats" is possibly the most horrifically bad movie I have ever seen--it goes beyond bad, past awful, into the land of unwatchable.Don't tell me I need to watch it twice. Please. 'Cause I've already seen it at least eight times. One of my buddies back in Mundelein watched this movie constantly--every time I went over to his house, he was spinning this in his VCR. The first time I saw it, it gave me a few chuckles. I didn't like it, I didn't hate it--I had no real opinion of the movie.
But after nearly ten viewings, every time some ignorant would be critic doofus boy starts talking about what a great film "MallRats" is, I'm ready to smack the sonofabitch and make him watch "Clerks" again.
Realize this--I'm no "Clerks" purist. I barely even like the movie. The dialogue is occasionally entertaining, and Jason Mewes is funny as all hell, but Kevin Smith can't direct worth a shit, and the acting is most often god-awful.
"MallRats" is a somewhat more polished effort, but it lacks the engaging charm of "Clerks." The film follows Jason Lee and Jeremy London as they roam the mall, commiserating about the loss of their respective girlfriends. I have no problem with this--that alone sounds like a pretty good movie.
But, alas, Smith has to strap his movie up with some of the most contrived plot mechanics I have ever seen. If ever I see a subplot so stupid as the game show angle, I will put a gun to my head. Because a duplication of something that moronic would truly be the fourth sign of the Apocalypse.
Add to the extremely frustrating plot the worst acting I have ever seen in a film (Jeremy London, go away--you ruin everything that you touch. You even made "Party of Five" unwatchable), plus Smith's need to indulge in excessively childish vuglarity, and you've got the most excruciating movie I have ever seen.
For some reason, most of my friends think this is the end-all be-all of slacker comedies. They won't believe me when I say that it sucks beyond all comprehension, which causes me great distress. How can they not see how bad this movie truly is?How terrible is this movie? Shit, I would rather watch "The Haunting" again.