Breakin' 2: Electric BoogalooReviewed By David Cornelius
Posted 04/03/05 23:22:13
“Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo.” Just say it a few times. Rolls off the tongue like sweet honey. “Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo.” It has a rhythm all its own. “Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo.” Somebody actually thought that this would be a good title.Hot damn, this is Bad Movie magic at its absolute best. Or worst, whatever.
“Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo.” Hee hee! Seriously, I’m trying to write a review here, but I can’t stop laughing at the title.
A good place to begin, I suppose, would be to mention that “Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo” was released less than seven months after the original “Breakin’,” which is a good way of keeping your sequels timely but not a good way of keeping them, you know, good. I’m guessing that physics were bent to the point that the Golan-Globus team was able to make the picture in less time than it takes to actually watch it.
Anyway. Going on the ancient storytelling notion of “continuity, schmontinuity,” “Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo” opens either a few weeks or a few years after the end of the last movie, you decide for yourself. After the stage success of “Street Jazz” (the dance show featured at the end of the first film, for those brave enough to keep track), Kelly (Lucinda Dickey) now finds herself in between dancing gigs and is living at home with her very rich, very white parents, who never understood her affection for those “street people,” apparently to the point that they didn’t even bother to show up for the first movie.
Itching for some inner city action, Kelly heads downtown to find her old dancing buddies Ozone (Adolfo “Shabba-Doo” Quinones) and Turbo (Michael “Boogaloo Shrimp” Chambers). At this point, Kelly and Ozone may still be dating, or maybe they weren’t but now they are, or whatever. Mucking up this point is the arrival of who I think is Ozone’s ex-girlfriend, a stalker type who thinks they’re still dating. Oh, and it turns out Kelly was once engaged to a nerdish lawyer named Derek, but whether all of these exes came around in between movies or before the first one is never explained. It all probably happened in between the time Kelly’s friend/major cast member Adam disappeared from the planet and the time her agent suddenly became a different actor.
“Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo.” Whee!
It turns out Ozone and Turbo - himself now infatuated with a lady dancer in a deliciously awful subplot - are currently volunteering down at the local community center, a place where seven guys are learning how to box and a hundred and forty are learning how to dance. I love this neighborhood. The plot rolls into high gear when slimy real estate tycoon Mr. Randall (Ken Olfson, doing his best Chuck Heston) decides he wants to tear down the community center and build a shopping mall in its place. “That building those kids are in... that has got to go!” he slimes. Boo! Bad slimy real estate tycoon! Boo and hiss! For shame!
While the main plot’s busy trying to find ways how to raise money to save the center - enter montage of Cute Kids washing cars and selling lemonade - we also see the dreaded return of the dreaded rivals Electrorock. It seems after being so thoroughly served in the last movie, they’ve graduated from dance troupe to dance gang. I repeat: a dance gang. And so they roam the street like the Bloods, only these gangbangers don’t carry guns. They carry the hottest dance moves yet.
“Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo.” Sweet mother of mercy.
Yes, boys and girls, “Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo” features gang warfare redone as a dance-off. Not the kind of unique ballet found in “West Side Story,” no sir. This is hardcore stuff straight from the streets, one-on-one dance-off serveness, “New Jack City” in leotards, beeyatch. Well, it’s only PG, so go light on the beeyatch. Ice-T’s still here, though.
Can I interest you in even more plot? Seems that Kelly’s been offered the lead in a dance showcase, but it’s in Paris, and wouldn’t ya know it, the only plane ever leaving from the United States to France leaves right before the big showdown against Mr. Randall at City Hall. Oh, and Turbo, somewhere in between pursuing his love interest and harassing The Man, manages to fall down a flight of stair and wind up in traction, complete with hospital issue gym socks.
“Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo.” Somebody actually made this movie.
The greatest thing about “Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo” - yes, I said the greatest thing - is the decision to turn this into an all-out musical. The original “Breakin’” was a movie with lots of music in it, with dance-offs and such providing excuses for prolonged music sequences. But “Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo” ditches whatever last dose of reality the franchise had left and goes straight for the large-crowds-dancing-and-singing-in-the-streets thing. In other words, we get all of the dance-off silliness of Breakin’, only all over, and a whole lot dumber. If you do not laugh while watching the gang-dance scene, check your pulse, because brutha, you’re probably dead.
There are so many more things in “Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo” that defy logic, reason, even dignity, from obvious idiocies like Turbo’s Fred Astaire-stolen breakdance on the ceiling to subtle dumbness like Kelly’s handcuff belt, a marvel of mid-80s fashion. I will let you discover the rest on your own. Just understand that what we have in “Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo” is a blueprint for badness on an epic scale. Breakdancing kids, jerky corporate villains, mimes, Golan-Globus, the Cannon Film Group, the director of “American Ninja,” Ice-T in what appears to be bondage gear. It makes sense that screenwriters Jan Ventura and Julie Reichert have this as the only movie they’ve ever written. Because, really, how could you possibly ever top this?
Still not convinced? Then pop in the DVD and check out the movie’s trailer, in which Ice-T repeatedly calls the movie “Breakdance 2,” even though the screen clearly reads “Breakin’ 2.” This is because Ice-T was reading the overseas title, and Golan-Globus could not apparently bother to record two separate voice tracks. So not even the trailer could get anything right. And when the trailer for your film is telling you the wrong title - on purpose! - you know you can only have one thing on your hands:“Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo.” Best. Bad Movie. Ever.
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