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Overall Rating
2.78

Awesome: 16.67%
Worth A Look: 18.18%
Just Average: 13.64%
Pretty Crappy29.55%
Sucks: 21.97%

5 reviews, 102 user ratings


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Swordfish
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by EricDSnider

"Tarantino, what foul demon have you thrust upon us in John Travolta?"
2 stars

John Travolta continues his slippery slide back down to the hell whence he sprang with “Swordfish,” a very loud yet curiously half-hearted attempt at cyber suspense.

Travolta plays Gabriel Shear, a man who has become wealthy through high-tech bank robbing, thanks to help from some of the world’s best computer hackers. He has plans to lift a ton of left-over federal money and sends his girlfriend, Ginger (Halle Berry), so named so they can make a “Gilligan’s Island” joke, to recruit Stanley Jobson (Hugh Jackman).

Stanley used to be the best hacker in the business, but is now barred from touching so much as an ATM as a condition of his parole. Ginger convinces Stanley to help by promising to get him custody of his little girl, Holly (Camryn Grimes), who is currently cared for by her porn-star mother and porn-director stepfather. (This is a better home for her than her reformed white-collar-criminal father?)

Stanley comes to realize the depths of Gabriel’s insanity and the foolishness of the plot, but cannot get out because of his devotion to Holly. Ginger, meanwhile, tells him she’s a government agent trying to get at Gabriel.

If Travolta, all hammy and unbelievable as he tries to regain his “Face/Off” glory, takes class away from the proceedings, Don Cheadle (“Traffic”) adds it as an FBI agent pursuing both Stanley and Gabriel. Cheadle needs more starring roles, and Travolta — now a parody of his former screen presence — needs fewer.

Directed by Dominic Sena (“Gone in 60 Seconds”), “Swordfish” uses ultra-modern trappings but fills them with time-worn clichés. Bullet-heavy car chase in which only the right people are killed? Check. Brilliant villain who expresses high-minded political philosophy as the reason for his deeds? Yep. Hero’s daughter held hostage while clutching a teddy bear? Oh, yeah.

There’s also a fair amount of stuff done just because it would look cool, like suspending a bus from a helicopter and including a 360-degree slow-motion pan shot in the middle of an explosion — both of which are more impressive than necessary.

Skip Woods’ mechanical script has characters who speak in oblique action-flick ambiguities, attempting ominousness but achieving absurdity. It also makes a fatal misstep: The film’s prologue cements Gabriel’s evilness, making the rest of the movie — which takes place four days earlier and leads up to the prologue — less exciting, as there’s no chance for a reversal, twist or switcheroo. No chance it will turn out the FBI agent is the bad guy, for example, and Gabriel is the hero, because we’ve already seen Gabriel make a woman explode in the middle of the street.

Which in fact is what the movie does. It explodes in the middle of the street. While mindless blow-up films are diverting, one wonders why audiences would pay money to see this one when they could just stay home and rent “Die Hard” or “Terminator 2” and see essentially the same tricks done better and with more wit.

It gets one star for each breast.

link directly to this review at http://www.hollywoodbitchslap.com/review.php?movie=5326&reviewer=247
originally posted: 06/08/01 13:18:17
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User Comments

12/14/14 PAUL SHORTT LOUD AND FAR-FETCHED 2 stars
5/02/14 NG Good god I hate this movie! 1 stars
12/23/09 Jeff Wilder Great effects. But the story makes no sesnse whatsoever. 3 stars
7/04/09 George (DUKE) Halle Booby...worth the wait...John plays mean WELL 3 stars
3/10/08 David Graham slick, good action but confusing in places 4 stars
2/11/07 johnnyfog Watch it with the sound off. It's much better 2 stars
3/30/06 Anthony Feor John Travolta delights us with another Insanly stupid film 2 stars
10/25/05 tony horrid! This movie blows!! 1 stars
8/27/05 Terry 10 star! 5 stars
8/16/05 ES Not even hugh and forty pounds of plastic could save this compost heap 2 stars
5/27/05 tony Great action scenes. especially the beginning. but very slow and boring 2 stars
12/08/04 Kristina Williams not even halle's cans can save this train wreck 1 stars
11/21/04 Werner Brock It's a ood old action movie, with a fast pace, nice girl (Halle). I loved it. 4 stars
9/13/04 whatevr Memo to self: gouge out eyes 1 stars
7/07/04 Denise Duspiva Hugh Jackman and Travolta were good 4 stars
5/28/04 matt pretty good 2 begin with but lost interest 3 stars
5/23/04 Butterbean Nice opening. A few good action sequence. But I lost interest later on. 2 stars
5/20/04 Joker Nice wine selections by Hugh Jackman... 2 stars
4/14/04 Charlene Javier Not as bad as expected. 3 stars
4/14/04 rojo Don't miss the beginning scene, Travolita is great. 5 stars
4/11/04 Wildcarde1 if it wasnt for halle's boobs this movie would fade forever from the world, just bad movie 1 stars
4/08/04 y2mckay Only memorable scenes - the first ten minutes, and yes, HALLE BERRY'S TITTIES! 2 stars
4/05/04 Mr X This movie gets -4 stars from me 1 stars
3/20/04 Jack-pyschO-Lantern WOO! Vinnie Jones!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 5 stars
2/08/04 Whatevr Took one year off my life 1 stars
12/13/03 R.W. Welch Low credibility stuff but at least it moves right along. 2 stars
5/28/03 Mr. Hat (I'm Back Mo'Fos!!!) OK, the bus thing was fake, but otherwise, good cast/writing/directing & other good action! 4 stars
5/01/03 Mr. Do average movie. 3 stars
4/17/03 Vimmy mardousch cool explosions man...joking. it sucks like a dyson 1 stars
2/20/03 Monster W. Kung Hollow, dim-witted and just plain boring. 2 stars
12/30/02 Jack Sommersby Incomprehensible, 2-fisted macho crap. 1 stars
9/02/02 AshFan Hugh Jackman is a good action star, and the flying bus kicks boo-tay! 4 stars
8/27/02 Bob MacBryce What a complete load of bollocks. Is there anything a little realistic in this movie ? 1 stars
7/30/02 alisa i liked it i thought that it was pretty rad. i really like the explosion in the begining. 5 stars
7/04/02 KMG RAVOLTA 2 stars
5/21/02 Karen Moore One more reason to wish I had a time machine to keep John Travolta'a parents from meeting. 1 stars
5/20/02 Jamie I loved it, nice action, good story/ hugh Jackman is gorgeous and a very good actor!!! 5 stars
4/26/02 kati tollely in love with it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 5 stars
4/16/02 Connoisseur I hate this movie it's ugly and it feels like every other fucking action movie ever made 1 stars
3/02/02 Chowie very average 3 stars
3/01/02 Andrew Carden Dated Action Film. Travolta Does The Movie Some Good, but Can't Save It's Goofy Plot. 2 stars
3/01/02 Alan Smithee While not completely a turd, only Halle Barry's cool and sexy performance is worth seeing. 2 stars
2/27/02 Brie I am actually using this film for an English asessment on image.....I enjoyed it! 5 stars
2/19/02 Frances I......haven't seen this movie 5 stars
1/13/02 Flick Chick a guy movie that i actually liked. 4 stars
1/12/02 0er0 Unaided Brute Forcing a Government Web interface in 60 seconds ? err yeah right 1 stars
1/03/02 KMG Did I add that I took a really long shit after seeing Ravolta? 1 stars
12/23/01 Shane Robert Myers!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is another favourite of mine it has everything from guns to women!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 5 stars
12/20/01 Mister Char I felt that the movie delivered an interesting message to terrorists. Lots of explosions! 5 stars
12/12/01 Jimmy James omg, what drivel 1 stars
12/09/01 The Bomb 69 enjoyable though predictable 4 stars
11/26/01 KMG Travolta is fucking pathetic 2 stars
11/03/01 Lucky This movie Kicks ASS!!!!!!!!!! U Betta Believe Dat 5 stars
11/01/01 Toby Andrews You losers, This film PROVES beyond a doubt, that Travolta is todays CARY GRANT. 5 stars
9/30/01 Phoenix The plot doesn't make a lot of sense but it delivers what it promises, mindless action. 5 stars
9/04/01 Butterbean A run-of-the-mill action flick with Travolta looking like shit. 3 stars
8/18/01 Roy Smith Was Travolta trying? And a telegraphed ending but good action. 3 stars
7/31/01 TLsmooth I got in free and it wasn't even worth it. Travolta, watch Pulp and remember the glory days 1 stars
7/30/01 Greg S Ok, a little bit predictable but enjoyable 3 stars
7/24/01 Mike Munro More lowest common denominator junk. Only a retard could enjoy this movie. 1 stars
7/22/01 Simeon Briggs Seeing as the rest 2001's blockbusters have sucked so far, this is refreshing 4 stars
7/16/01 christopher reid the critics should relax and not hone in on all the bad things, i enjoyed this movie 4 stars
7/14/01 Koitus Pleasantly surprised .. very good "summer movie" fare! 4 stars
7/05/01 Shawn OK, 4 stars
7/03/01 bront crap, over hyped film, that borrows too much from other films 2 stars
7/02/01 Michael Stunning! The explosions were good too 4 stars
7/01/01 AsTrOboY Great action film, with a nice twist. Travolta is still great. 5 stars
6/30/01 denise link it"s an action film,just sit back and enjoy. people are being to critical 5 stars
6/30/01 chels an excellent movie with hugh jackman looking spunky and john travolta acting good as always 5 stars
6/30/01 Sam Moss Blows, Licks, & Sucks 1 stars
6/30/01 Scott Sucks Big Time 1 stars
6/30/01 Nicole I liked this movie, but it didn't amke a lasting impression on me 4 stars
6/30/01 Filmmy Too much hype for such a disappointing story. Did enjoy Hugh Jackman and Don Cheadle. 2 stars
6/30/01 The Boy in the Plastic Bubble Possibly the worst movie I've seen in 5 years. Not even entertaining! 1 stars
6/28/01 Friss Travolta needs to take a LONG sabbatical and rethink if he should be in movies..... 2 stars
6/28/01 Gizzy Action-packed, tense, the best of its kind in quite a while. Great summer blockbuster. 4 stars
6/27/01 soontobefree bleckuhewh 1 stars
6/27/01 bulletstopper Saw it twice 5 stars
6/26/01 sexx ed I think the opening sequence alone almost makes up for the films shortcomings. 4 stars
6/26/01 David O. Conrad lotta things blown up, then hallie's tits, more things blown up - movie in a nutshell 2 stars
6/25/01 Vanessa HJ was NOT TYPING....otherwise ok 3 stars
6/22/01 betty boop typical guy movie - but i managed to stay awake thru the whole thing, so i gave it 4 stars 4 stars
6/20/01 M J Knowlton Travolta & Berry were wonderful and ditto for the movie. 5 stars
6/20/01 James hamilton didn't mind it 3 stars
6/19/01 Doggy Travolta's best since Battlefield Earth 1 stars
6/19/01 Lois Got dizzy watching opening scene, but if you close your eyes the dialogue is incredible 4 stars
6/18/01 Rampage The pinnacle of what has been wrong with Hollywood: lotsa money, no skill 2 stars
6/16/01 LdyArdRhi Technoignorance at its worst...but Halle's breasts were magnificent. Travolta was Terlish. 2 stars
6/14/01 Super Nintendo Chalmers typical action-packed movie, better than Under Siege 2: Dark Territory 4 stars
6/14/01 Korey Calmettes Loved It 5 stars
6/13/01 The Fugitive This movie was as bad as the trailer to Gone in 60 Secs. Not even remotely entertaining. 1 stars
6/13/01 Crash Davis Interesting twists on good and evil, dumb computer programming montages and Hail Halle 4 stars
6/12/01 Obi Wan To watch Halle in them panties and outta her bra is worth the price of admission. 4 stars
6/12/01 cinkcool Average action flick. Fun though. 4 stars
6/11/01 malcolm Halle's boobs are worth it. not 'Memento,' of course, but still a lot of fun 4 stars
6/11/01 Mike Great Film! 5 stars
6/10/01 Thor-Leo Lots of guns, explosions, and cock-teasing, summing up to nothing 2 stars
6/10/01 XjoshX Halle Berry has nice tits. 3 stars
6/10/01 234 234 5 stars
6/09/01 fishie not too bad overall, but the technology is all hollywood and lame. 4 stars
6/09/01 AgentDS Two words: Hugh Jackman 5 stars
6/07/01 Laura Petermann J.Travolta chews up the scenery 4 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  08-Jun-2001 (R)
  DVD: 01-Jun-2004

UK
  N/A

Australia
  28-Jun-2001


Directed by
  Dominic Sena

Written by
  Skip Woods

Cast
  John Travolta
  Hugh Jackman
  Halle Berry
  Don Cheadle
  Vinnie Jones
  Camryn Grimes



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